Join us on Family Talk as Rebecca St. James and Cubby Fink share their incredible journey of faith, music, and love. From their serendipitous meeting to writing their book ‘Lasting Ever,’ this episode delves into their lives as artists and partners. Discover how their faith and commitment to each other brought them through both joyful and challenging seasons, and learn how they use their creative gifts to spread hope and encouragement to others.
You’re listening to Family Talk, the radio broadcasting division of the James Dobson Family Institute. I am that James Dobson, and I’m so pleased that you’ve joined us today.
SPEAKER 04 :
Well, welcome to Family Talk, the broadcast ministry of the Dr. James Dobson Family Institute. I’m Roger Marsh, and today we are joined once again by Rebecca St. James and her husband, Cubby Fink, two Christian artists who have an amazing testimony about faith, music, and love. We’ll be right back. We’ll be right back. Rebecca’s husband, Cubby Fink, brings his own creative gifts to their partnership, having found success in both music and film. As a director and a producer, he has helped bring stories of faith to life on screen, including Rebecca’s own journey, the movie Unsung Hero. Together, they’ve written a brand new book called Lasting Ever, Faith, Music, Family, and Being Found by True Love. It’s a deeply personal look at their journey from first meeting to building a family together. And by the way, if you’d like to learn more about this new resource, go to drjamesdobson.org forward slash family talk. Well, Rebecca and Cubby, welcome back to Family Talk. It has been such a pleasure to have you on the broadcast with us. Yesterday on our last program, we ended by talking a little bit about how you two met. When I read the story in your book, it reminded me of what is known in the movie lingo as a meet cute. Cubby, you’re the film guru here. Is that how you would describe it?
SPEAKER 01 :
Oh, 100%. Yeah. The way it’s described in the book is very much reality and how it played out. It was such a fun first encounter, but the lead up to the first encounter came really from, it all kind of stemmed from this philosophy group. So there’s a guy that opened his home, would talk about philosophy in the hopes of laying a foundation for theology through philosophy. So I was part of this group and my roommates and I would attend, you know, on a weekly basis. And then there was a season about six to eight months where I stopped attending because I was busy on a TV show that I was working on and working crazy hours. And in that season, I start hearing this name being thrown around in my friend’s circle and within my roommate’s Rebecca this, Rebecca that. She’s so cool. She’s so authentic. She’s the real deal. And then come to find out that this Rebecca they’re talking about is Rebecca St. James, which I was familiar with the name. But the interesting thing is I was not familiar with her music. And I absolutely should have been. I grew up listening to a ton of Christian music. We had her records in our house. I remember vivid memories of thumbing through the CD collection and seeing her record, but for whatever reason, never pulling it out of the jacket and putting it into the player. And I think in retrospect, it definitely was… Protection. Kind of divine protection because it just allowed that first interaction and first encounter just to be boy meets girl and just a really authentic moment that I didn’t have her up on this pedestal or have any preconceived notions or… thoughts of proposing.
SPEAKER 04 :
Well, that would come later. And that’s a whole separate theatrical moment. We’ll get into that in just a moment. Rebecca, what was it like for you at the time? Did I read this correctly that one of your roommates was Lila Rose from Live Action?
SPEAKER 02 :
That’s right. Oh, my goodness. Have you had her on the show? She’s fantastic.
SPEAKER 04 :
She’s amazing. And I’m thinking, OK, this philosophy group would be all right by me if you guys are part of it. And what a cool experience. But talk about what it was like. Was Lila in on this, too?
SPEAKER 02 :
Yeah, I mean, she was really the one that connected me to, you know, the philosophy group. And she was so busy at that time. I was so busy at that time. I don’t think we were there very often together. But such a wonderful roommate, such a great friend, and really my connection to Cubby. So she invited me to this philosophy group. And then, you know, we ended up meeting at this other event. And it was literally like… I have this line in my song, In Wait For Me, that says, waiting for the look in your eyes when we meet for the first time. And there was literally this magic across the room where we met eyes. And it was. It was like a Hallmark movie or something. Just this meet cute moment. And I just am thankful for the sparkle of that. Because I left that event going, I like that guy. And there’s something special here. Very thankful to Lila for the rest of my life.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, that’s awesome. Well, we’ll give her a shout out, as they say. OK, the courtship begins. You guys are both involved in life and career and everything. And then it comes to the time where, did I read this correctly in the book? You guys didn’t even exchange I love you’s until well into the courtship. Is that accurate?
SPEAKER 02 :
Yeah. Well, actually, he proposed without having said I love you. I mean, we it was it was so amazing because that night, I mean, it was Christmas Eve. We’d watched, you know, a movie. He’d fallen asleep. He didn’t even know I was going to say yes.
SPEAKER 01 :
He planned this whole thing.
SPEAKER 02 :
This, I mean, amazing, like Christmas tree in the snow and gifts and these layers of gifts and this note to me about all the things that he loved about me. But we had never said I love you to each other. He didn’t know for sure that I was going to say yes. He’d asked my dad, my mentor, my brother, my best friend for their approval for us getting married and engaged and everything. All this stuff. And, you know, and we go up and in the snow and it’s just magical and there’s candles. And it was just surprise after surprise to me. I mean, I just thought, wow, he is going to town on this whole Christmas giving gift thing. Yeah. And then when he brings out the ring, I’m like, oh, yeah. This is the actual moment that I’ve been longing for my whole life. And I knew I loved him. I knew I wanted him to be my husband. So there was that peace in my heart. But it was literally the biggest surprise of my life. I mean, it was so magical.
SPEAKER 04 :
Was it that certain for you, Cubby? I mean, the guys are always the last, you know, we kind of hands in the pockets, kicking the ground. Yeah, I guess so. I mean, was there a moment where you wavered a little bit while you were dating or saying this is too good to be true? I don’t think I could handle this.
SPEAKER 01 :
I mean, there was probably some things that I needed to work through. I knew. Really, from that first encounter, I went home that night going, okay, this has serious potential. And I had had kind of just this standard in my head and heart of what, you know, a wife could look like and the wife that I would want to pursue and this standard that was there. very quickly was not only met, but just far surpassed. So I knew that I knew that she was the woman I wanted to marry. There were some things that I needed to work through personally, and probably some things that I was hanging on to in regards to a past relationship and just kind of life in general. But Yeah, it definitely got to a point in our dating relationship where there was almost an ultimatum. And it was like, okay, it’s time to commit or bow out. And just through some pretty intentional time of prayer and fasting on my behalf, just God was showing me the things that I was still holding on to that I needed to let go of so I could fully… give myself to this relationship and work through those things. And we had a pretty incredible encounter relaying those stories and what God was doing. And it was kind of from that moment forward that it’s like, all right.
SPEAKER 02 :
Green lights.
SPEAKER 01 :
Green light. I’m all in.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yeah.
SPEAKER 04 :
I love it. Well, Cubby and Rebecca did get married, of course. Now they have three wonderful kids. It worked out. It did work out. Beautiful wedding in San Diego, honeymoon in France and wherever else you guys went. And now you’re living happily ever after and you haven’t had any problems yet.
SPEAKER 02 :
No, none at all.
SPEAKER 04 :
During the 15 or so years you’ve been together. Right? Okay. If people are watching the video of this, they know we’re all smirking.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yes.
SPEAKER 04 :
Talk about, I mean, there’s obviously going to be some transition there. You know, you guys write about a winter season, you know, that you guys went through. Talk about how that helped your marriage. I mean, a lot of times the young couple goes through a tough time and they think, wait, I want that proposal night all over again. But you guys, you learned a lot during that season, didn’t you?
SPEAKER 02 :
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the first three years, I feel like, of marriage were just kind of easy sailing. And we were like, wow, everybody talks about the challenges of marriage. This thing is great. I mean, he was with his band and things were going well. We were kind of traveling the world. I was doing a bit of music, but my dreams had come true. We had our daughter. Things were going great. And then a year into our daughter’s life, Our winter season hit and Cubby lost a job that he didn’t see himself losing. It was unjust and there was betrayal there. And I started miscarrying and then miscarrying again. And it was just his mom was dying of an awful disease and healing was not happening. I mean, it was just thing after thing after thing. And so we, you know, I just remember feeling like we in this time have to rely on the goodness of God. We have to rely on what we know rather than what our feelings are saying, which is just this is the worst. And how can this be redeemed? Like, how can these kind of tragic things be redeemed? And I was quietly retired from music at that point, but had been asked to do an event in Alaska. And literally, while I’m on stage in worship, have this encounter with the Holy Spirit where I knew spring had come to my heart. And simultaneously, completely separately to me, Kavi was experiencing the same thing. God just moved in his life. And we knew everything had changed. It wasn’t like circumstantially everything had, but it had… And immediately after that, I fell pregnant with our second daughter. We now have a son as well, three children, three beautiful, healthy children. God’s restored so much vocationally. He’s directing and doing music and so much in my life on the vocational end as well. And so we’ve just seen God restore and we’ve seen him redeem. And I think that’s a lot of the message of this book is that, you know, when you’re in these kind of hard times in life and you wonder how can anything good come from it, trust the heart of God, press into him, cling to him, share everything with him and with your spouse. You know, even in that vulnerability, move towards each other rather than away. I think that’s what we do a lot in our culture today as we isolate and we self-protect. But some of our most beautiful moments in our marriage have been when we’re crying together and when we’re just in it together with God. And I feel like there’s this marriage equity that we have now because of the pain that we wouldn’t trade for anything.
SPEAKER 04 :
Hmm. Cubby, what’s that like to have that kind of currency? I mean, we talk, we read in scripture about, you know, the Bible talking about the knowledge that a husband and wife have of each other, you know, mind, body and soul. But when that pain kind of solidifies a little bit deeper, what’s it like from your perspective?
SPEAKER 01 :
Yeah, and I think that was something that through the process of writing this book and reflecting on the highs and the lows, but really especially the lows and kind of journeying through the reliving of those moments and compiling them all in one place. Being able to look at those valleys from a different perspective, I saw purpose in the pain that I hadn’t seen before. And I think that’s the hope that in sharing these stories that people would be able to find purpose in their pain as well. And having that currency in a marriage, being able to draw from the things that you learn in those challenging seasons, just paid unbelievable dividends. I mean, it’s in the challenge that we’re forced to grow. It’s in the hard times that… We learn things about ourselves that we never knew before. And it’s in the hard times that we experience the comfort of God that we can only experience in those most challenging of times. When life is easy, we don’t grow. We coast. We’re complacent. Sure. Because we don’t have to grow. But it’s in the hardship that we’re forced to kind of rely on the supernatural strength of the Holy Spirit to push through in the face of adversity. And the growth that you experience in those moments, and especially as a married couple… is just something I’m incredibly grateful for. I think it’s easy to see marriage as this blissful, wonderful thing. But I think marriage becomes really blissful when you’ve walked through something challenging together and you have just such a deeper understanding of each other and a connectedness and a trust that all of that… You can have the choice to run from the pain and… You know, not face it. But when you’re in a relationship where you’re unified and willing to face the hard things together, the growth is just phenomenal. Something I’m so grateful for.
SPEAKER 04 :
It’s great that you guys have a creative outlet. I mean, whether it’s making a movie like Unsung Hero, Rebecca’s new album that’s out, or, of course, this book, Lasting Ever, which we’ve got linked up at our website. There are so many different opportunities for you to not only, you know, improve your marriage, grow stronger as parents, but also to encourage other people to Rebecca. Talk about that. I mean, what are you hearing from what was the feedback like with Unsung Hero? You said for you, it was very cathartic, but I’m sure there are other people, too, who are touched by your story, especially I can’t shake the image of the fact that Cubby didn’t know you during all this time. And yet here he is part of the team that’s bringing the story to the big screen. That must be really gratifying for you to know that he knows you that well.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yeah, it was really, really sweet to just journey through that with him and be on set and bring the kids to it and just really experience the whole thing together. And I’ve just seen so much fruit, so much great ministry fruit from the film Unsung Hero. And even a lot of people just kind of asking about our story, you know, like, or maybe some people didn’t know, oh, did she get married? Like what ended up happening with Rebecca? And so to tell this part of the story of the goodness of God and how faithful he’s been has just been really beautiful. with that renewed interest, I think one of the things that we really want to say through this book is if you’re in a time where you’re discouraged or you’re deconstructing your faith or really discouraged in marriage or family life, like cling to Jesus, look to him, don’t give up. One of the lead roles that I did when I first moved to LA was this movie called Sarah’s Choice. And there was a mentor. that was just saying, don’t give up in marriage. A lot of people give up right before they get to the great stuff of marriage. They give up too early. Hold on, hang on in there. And I just think it’s the same thing for faith life. Sometimes we get discouraged in our faith and we’re like, this is not working for me. But if we just move through those challenges and cling to God and trust Him, and grow closer in our intimacy with Him, grow closer in our intimacy in marriage because of the hard times. There’s so much beauty. There’s so much great that is on the other side of those hard times. So we hope that people close this book and go, I’m encouraged to stick it out through all the seasons of life in faith and in family life.
SPEAKER 04 :
Hey, Cubby, what word do you have for guys who would read this book? I mean, because a lot of times, you know, Rebecca is so effusive in her commentary on this. And we appreciate it so much. I’m sure the ladies are resonating like crazy. But talk to the men who are saying, OK, my wife got this book and she really wants to work through it. What do you hope that they’ll get? I mean, it’s not a Bible study per se, but your whole life is kind of a living Bible study.
SPEAKER 02 :
Thank you.
SPEAKER 01 :
I think a couple of thoughts there. on that question. The overwhelming sense that I had in the completion of this book and being able to step back and see it as a complete work was God is so good. Seeing the story that he has written that I’ve been lucky enough just to be a part of, it’s almost like I can’t even take credit for the stories that are in the book because it’s just God all over every page. And And being able to see him so intricately involved in every detail of my life as I’ve reflected over it has just been incredibly encouraging. So my hope is that the reader would have that sense that God is so good, but also be encouraged to look at their own life and to reflect and pause. Because it’s very easy to miss the hand of God in the midst of our circumstances and situations, especially the tough ones. But you get through them and you’re able to get a bit of perspective and look back and you’re able to a lot of times just see the beautiful ways that God was orchestrating and just beautifully attentive to every last detail as he was knitting you through those moments and creating you to the man or woman he wants you to be. So to the guys, I would say there’s a lot there for you. And one of the stories that I’m probably most proud of in the book is my heartbreak. hardest of stories. It was the hardest story to tell. But I think in bringing it out of the dark, so it’s a story of some trauma that I dealt with as a child. And it’s a story that has been in the dark really until this moment. There’s only been a couple of people in my life that I’ve shared it with. So bringing that story out of the dark and into the light, I truly believe that’s taking that victory out of the enemy’s corner and putting it into God’s corner. And I would hope that it would be an encouragement or some form of an inspiration to people that also have trauma in the dark to bring it into the light and allow God to heal you because the healing and freedom that I’ve experienced in bringing it into the light and facing it has been unbelievable and something that I will never regret. And yeah, it was a vulnerable decision to say, okay, is this something that I want to include in a book that could be potentially read by a lot of people? And ultimately, I just felt confident that the Lord would use it. And so I just kind of placed it in his hands. For the guys, courage often doesn’t look like what the world says it is. It’s not being macho and hiding your pain. It’s facing the pain. It’s good. So there’s a lot of that in there.
SPEAKER 04 :
And the look that Rebecca is giving you right now, for those who aren’t watching the video. I’m so proud of her. She is. I could see how proud you are. You’re beaming right now.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yeah.
SPEAKER 04 :
The courage that this guy’s showing and men need that. I mean, I think if we’re going to be strong, we have to be vulnerable and to have our wives come alongside and say, I’m here. You know, there’s nothing you could bring to the table that I wouldn’t stand by with you. And it’s like that’s that’s so encouraging.
SPEAKER 01 :
Yeah.
SPEAKER 04 :
As we wrap things up, I know one of your heart’s desires, you know, you have this singing career, you’re internationally known, and you’re saying, yeah, but the whole time I wanted to be a wife and mom. My mom was such a big influence on my life. I wanted to be a wife and mom. What’s the best part for you once God finally answered that request and has given you a brood of children? What’s the best part about being a mom now?
SPEAKER 02 :
I mean, I feel like every time we brought home a child to our house, it was just like the ultimate in joy. I feel like I tear up just thinking about it now. And I think, honestly, some of my favorite moments right now are just… Being home as a family and watching our kids play with each other. And they’re not always playing happily. It’s the peaceful moments that I’m like, oh, this is so sweet. This is all my dreams come true. But, you know, or a family meal when everyone’s getting along and we’re talking about our day or it’s just these like simple moments. moments of just family togetherness. And I just feel extraordinarily grateful. Like, just thank you, Lord, for your kindness and your grace, because I don’t deserve it. But he’s just been really kind in allowing that. And I also just want to say a big thank you to Dr. Dobson, too, for his influence and legacy on my family. My parents were reading Dr. Dobson’s books. Yeah. When we were growing up and that was huge. And I was involved with Focus on the Family and his ministry, you know, in the early days of my ministry. So I just appreciate his support back then as well and the legacy it’s had in my family life and the dreams that I’m living out right now.
SPEAKER 04 :
Well, and I think one of the beautiful things about that, because if we had a dollar for every time somebody walked up to the doctor at an event or at a restaurant and just gave him a hug and said, thank you for helping me raise my children. It’s so neat to see you guys as next generation parents who were raised by doctor’s principles or the things that he shared with your folks. And now you’re imparting those to your kids. And that’s for the next generation. Well, they’re biblical, so they’re timeless, but it’s nice to see.
SPEAKER 01 :
Yes.
SPEAKER 04 :
That happening too. Well, Cubby, I will ask you if you picked up your dad’s penchant for nicknames. Do any of your kids have really cool nicknames just like yours?
SPEAKER 01 :
Probably don’t have the knack like my dad does. I mean, all of our kids have some form of a nickname, but not quite as interesting as Cubby.
SPEAKER 04 :
It’s a gift. I have a son-in-law. He was the same way. All his friends in school all had weird nicknames, but it worked. We’re just like, Kevin, how do you do that? He goes, I don’t know. I just do it. So your dad and Kevin, they’ve got the thing. He’s got the gift. Well, the book Lasting Ever by Rebecca St. James and Cubby Fink, Faith, Music, Family, and Being Found by True Love. And we’ve got that link up at drjamesdobson.org. Cubby, Rebecca, thank you so much for your authenticity in the book and just for being delightful to be with us here on the program. God’s richest blessings to you and yours in the days ahead.
SPEAKER 02 :
Thank you, Roger. Thanks for your time. Appreciate you having us.
SPEAKER 04 :
Well, the pleasure was certainly ours. It was an honor to have Rebecca St. James and Cubby Fink join us here on this special edition of Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk. Their story reminds us that even the most picture perfect relationships face their winter seasons. Amen. But it’s often through those difficult moments when we draw closer to God and each other that our marriages grow the strongest. As Rebecca and Cubby shared, it’s not about avoiding the hard times, but choosing to face them together, to be vulnerable with each other, and to trust in God’s larger purpose. Now, their journey shows how these challenging seasons can create a deep marriage equity, as they call it, that strengthens the relationship in ways that easy times never could. So glad that you’ve joined us today here on Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk to hear part two of this conversation. By the way, if you’d like to revisit that or hear part one in its entirety, go to drjamesdobson.org forward slash family talk. And once you’re there, you’ll also find information about Rebecca St. James and Cubby Fink’s new book. It’s called Lasting Ever, Faith, Music, Family, and Being Found by True Love. So make sure you check us out, Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube for sure. Here at the Dr. James Dobson Family Institute, we know that life’s journey isn’t always straightforward. Sometimes it’s kind of a crooked line getting from point A to point B, where God wants us to go versus the way that we actually choose to follow. But God’s truth does remain constant through every twist and turn in life. Through these daily broadcasts, it’s our hope that we will be sharing stories that will remind you that you’re never alone in your walk of faith. If today’s conversation has been an encouragement to you, why not consider helping reach more families with messages of biblical hope? Your tax-deductible donation of any amount makes a huge difference in touching lives all over the country. You can make a secure donation online when you go to drjamesdobson.org. That’s drjamesdobson.org. You can also give a gift over the phone when you call 877-732-6825. That’s 877- 732-6825. And if you prefer to send your donation through the mail, remember our ministry mailing address is Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk, Post Office Box 39000, Colorado Springs, Colorado, the zip code 80949. Well, for Dr. Dobson and all of us here at the JDFI, I’m Roger Marsh, thanking you so much for making us a part of your day. And be sure to join us again next time right here for another edition of Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk, the voice you trust for the family you love. This has been a presentation of the Dr. James Dobson Family Institute. With another Dr. Dobson Minute, here’s Dr. James Dobson.
SPEAKER 03 :
According to research by Dr. John Kuber, only one in ten marriages ever attains true intimacy in the relationship. By intimacy, we’re referring to that mystical bond of friendship, commitment, and understanding that just almost defies explanation. If you’re one who longs to attain intimacy with your spouse, set out deliberately to build it. Talk about your concerns and needs. What is it that’s kept you from growing closer as a couple? Commit to open communication and honesty. Look for ways to show your love daily. Start touching each other in a way that communicates love and concern and approval. And above all, treat each other with respect and dignity. With a little effort, you can beat the odds and enjoy a lifelong love. For more information, visit drdobsonminute.org.
