The Destiny of Our Youth

SPEAKER 03 : 0:00

Hello, everyone. You’re listening to Family Talk, a radio broadcasting ministry of the James Dobson Family Institute. I’m Dr. James Dobson, and thank you for joining us for this program.

SPEAKER 02 : 0:18

Mom’s did the best she could, struggling down here in the hood. I’m steady hating that deadbeat dad. Disappointment’s all I had. I gotta face the dreadful fact my daddy’s never coming back. Now I gotta be a man all on my own. Yet they don’t want me acting grown. If the truth is what you preach, won’t you help this brother reach his destiny?

SPEAKER 01 : 0:38

Well, welcome to Family Talk, the listener-supported broadcast division of the Dr. James Dobson Family Institute. I’m Roger Marsh, and today we’re diving into the challenges facing inner-city youth and one man’s inspiring mission to transform lives through faith and mentorship. Our special guest on the broadcast is Steve Fitzhugh, who understands these struggles personally. Steve grew up in a broken home, and he discovered God’s purpose for his life at a young age. This faith propelled him to become a top collegiate athlete, receiving a full scholarship to Miami University of Ohio, where he captained both the track and football teams. He later played for the Steve Fitzhugh’s journey led him to earn a Master of Divinity degree and to develop addiction recovery programs for Native American youth. In Washington, D.C., he transformed three former crack houses into what is now known as the House D.C., a safe haven where at-risk kids can discover their potential and purpose. Through his ministry called Power Moves, Steve Fitzhugh now travels nationwide, inspiring young people to reach their God-given potential. The reality Steve addresses is heartbreaking. Widespread fatherlessness has led many children to seek belonging in gangs and try to find escape through drugs. And yet Steve’s message offers profound hope to those in seemingly hopeless situations. So let’s listen now to this classic conversation featuring Steve Fitzhugh and our own Dr. James Dobson on today’s edition of Family Talk.

SPEAKER 03 : 2:12

Welcome, Steve. I’m really glad to have you here. I have heard many good things about you and the work that you’re doing. You have a compelling story to tell from your own life and your own childhood. Why don’t we start by your describing as best as possible? And you have to experience something to fully understand it. But describing what inner city kids deal with every day.

SPEAKER 02 : 2:42

Well, I think a good way to begin is just by making reference to something that I saw in one of the schools that I work with there in Washington, D.C. I was walking through the halls of Anacostia High School, and I saw so many symbols of affiliation on the walls, 17th and Q, where I’m from. And something dawned upon me that there are so many students who are crying out for some kind of identity. Yeah. wanting to belong. And sometimes a student in the inner city just feels like they’re just passing through for a short time. There was a story once about young ladies who were describing what they wanted their funeral to be like, what kind of dress they wanted to wear and the music they wanted to play. And they were only 10 years old and 11 years old and students who don’t believe that in many instances that they’re going to live past 25.

SPEAKER 03 : 3:32

Where you work may be one of the most difficult areas of Washington, D.C. In fact, the street that you work on is called Murder Row.

SPEAKER 02 : 3:42

Well, that was something that some of the police officers named the community.

SPEAKER 03 : 3:47

Because there have been so many killings.

SPEAKER 02 : 3:49

Well, in the heyday of the crack use and drug sales and illegal pharmaceuticals.

SPEAKER 03 : 3:55

I’m told, and I was down there just a month ago or so, but they said that you see these little teddy bears.

SPEAKER 02 : 4:03

Correct.

SPEAKER 03 : 4:04

In trees and on posts and in places around the area, and every one of those represents a place where somebody’s been shot.

SPEAKER 02 : 4:13

It’s not uncommon to not necessarily— where someone has been shot, but to see a place where a student has lost his or her life. And so people commemorate that by leaving teddy bears or stuffed animals at that site. And you can drive through the community and two blocks from our youth center, there’s two spots where students and other people have left teddy bears and they tie them to a pole or to a fence. And just to commemorate that that was a spot where they lost a loved one.

SPEAKER 03 : 4:42

Is that an atmosphere of hopelessness for many of these kids?

SPEAKER 02 : 4:48

Well, you know, I would say that the hopelessness results more from the lack of their exposure to a world beyond three or four square blocks. And so that’s all you’ve seen. That’s all you’ve experienced. A lot of times, why should I even hope for something greater than this? And I think one of the things we try to do is just broaden their horizons, give them a sense of, yes, there is possibility out there. But I’ve taken students through the city and I’ve had a student one time on my way out to Northern Virginia, had a student say, you know, I didn’t know all this was here. And he was talking about the Lincoln Memorial. I said, you never seen this before? He said, no. I said, where are you from, man? He said, I’m from here in D.C. Here he had grown up not too far from Capitol Hill. And he said he only saw the Lincoln Memorial when it was on television. Limited exposure. And at the same time, we want to begin to broaden their horizons, cultivate new relationships. Yeah, I call it almost a sense of soullessness. I see students who who don’t care. But by the same token, I see a number of students who. Who, if they had some of the tools that they needed to be more functional in community and society, they would certainly gravitate towards those things. So we’re seeing a dichotomy of some students who have been so enamored with the pain, the hurt, the disappointment, people coming in and out of their lives, lack of support. But students who, if they had an opportunity to be motivated, moved, and encouraged, they would make a different life for themselves.

SPEAKER 03 : 6:25

The central feature of the people who live in that area is the fractured family. I mean, that’s an overstatement, but for the most part, they’re very few.

SPEAKER 02 : 6:36

There are some very conscientious parents, but they are fewer than I would say than most of the circumstances in that particular community. which happens to be one of the more depressed in the area. But I guess I could sum it up by just pointing to an exercise I did with a number of students. I took them to a campsite. And once they got to the campsite, I do something called Miracle at Midnight. And I tell them at midnight, we’re going to look into the face of God. So we get them out in the middle of nowhere and we take them up near this mountain. And I have them lock arms, and the miracle at midnight is when they close their eyes, tilt their head back, and look up into the sky. And when they open their eyes, it takes them away. I say, we’re looking into the face of God. And then at that time, I try to take them a little step closer by asking them two questions. One, what was the lowest point of your life? And I had about 10 young men from the inner city who went around one by one. I began by saying what the lowest point of my life was. But as they began to reveal what the lowest point of their lives were, I was blown away by the severe case of inadequate fathering these young men have had.

SPEAKER 03 : 7:47

The primary problem that all kids have, but black kids especially deal with, is the absentee father. Seventy percent of black babies are born out of wedlock. And so that leaves 30 percent and half of those lose their fathers to divorce or abandonment. And of the 15% that’s left, how many of them are really dedicated, involved, caring fathers? I mean, dads are just absent. They’re just gone. And boys especially do not do well under those circumstances.

SPEAKER 02 : 8:23

No, they don’t. And I have several colleagues that have been to their homes and out in the suburbs. And I remarked to a dear friend of mine after having breakfast with he and his mother and father one day before a day of school assemblies. I said, I’m a little green today, Dan. And he said, why? I don’t ever remember having breakfast with my mother and father. And I don’t remember going on vacation with my parents. That never happened for me. And for so many students, vacation, that doesn’t happen. Or sitting down at a family meal with everyone, that doesn’t happen for a lot of students.

SPEAKER 03 : 8:59

You’ve been there. This is not theoretical for you, Steve. You experienced it. You were almost aborted, as I understand it.

SPEAKER 02 : 9:08

I praise God that, uh, God and his sovereignty, uh, revealed his divine intention for me. But my mom kind of forced a thought on me, uh, as she was on her deathbed. And I, I kind of tried to repress it and mom just relaxed and she was dying of cancer. And she said, well, I want you to know something, Stevie. And I said, what’s that? And she said, well, as you know, your dad and I weren’t getting along. And, um, It looked like we were going to raise, I was going to raise three kids by myself, but somewhere in the making up and breaking up, I got pregnant. And she then told me that she didn’t think she should go through with it, not bring another baby along and raise that all by herself. And she said she woke up in the middle of the night. Something told her by faith, keep this baby. She said, that’s why I always wanted you to name your first daughter Faith. And I never understood that. And I did name my daughter Faith. But she always said, I want you to name your daughter Faith because someone told me to keep this baby. And I tell students all the time, that’s why as a former fetus, I oppose abortion. Because although I was not my mom’s intention, may not have been my dad’s intention, I was God’s intention. So you were raised by a single mother. I was raised by a single mother. My parents divorced when I was approximately six or seven years old.

SPEAKER 03 : 10:29

Do you ever have a good relationship with your dad?

SPEAKER 02 : 10:31

He lived on the other side of town. He was there, but I didn’t have the father time. Do you feel rejected by him? No. I don’t feel rejected by him. Did you then? Not necessarily then. My mom always told me, your dad loves you in his own way. But this is what I understood was that a lot of people have problems. And the dysfunction comes when we don’t have the necessary tools to handle our problems. I’m not certain. And my dad really knew when I came along exactly the tools or the ways in which he could best be a father for me. And it was a difficult situation. He remarried right away. And even today, as a father and a husband, my wife is training me in how to be the best husband I can be. And I have a greater conscientiousness now about family time. And for a while, it was just good for me to be there and be home. But my wife was saying, well, I’d like to go for a walk. Well, I never saw that. You’d never seen that modeled, though. I never saw that modeled.

SPEAKER 03 : 11:34

You never knew how a family’s supposed to function. How far out did you get?

SPEAKER 02 : 11:39

Did you ever get on drugs? I never got on drugs. I would say one of the things that happened in my life that turned me around was that at the age of 12, my sister dated a guy, and he became a believer. And he went off to the seminary, in fact, and he’s a prominent pastor today in Chicago. But They broke up and she continued to go to church. And one day she asked her baby brother to go with her. And that was me. And I went to church and just fell in love with the fact that God had a plan for my life. And although she stopped going, I called the church office to come pick me up every Sunday. So you went by yourself. Every Sunday. No one took you. Sunday school and church, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17. What did you find there that you were looking for? Well, I found out that God had a plan for my life and that because he had a plan for my life, a strategy for my life, that my reality, a lot of the pain and a lot of the alcoholism and a lot of the forfeited opportunities that I saw did not have to become my destiny. And so when I got to church and found out that God had a plan for my life and there were people doing life the way it was supposed to be done, that excited me.

SPEAKER 03 : 12:52

Why don’t we give credit where credit’s due? Can you remember any of the names of those people who reached out to you in those days? Who drove that bus? Who was your pastor? I mean, our listeners aren’t going to know who they are, but they deserve a commendation, don’t they?

SPEAKER 02 : 13:07

Brother Adams picked me up in that bus every Sunday morning at 9 a.m., And I got a chance to go to Sunday school. And the pastor, Ron Fowler, introduced me to Jesus Christ at 12 years old. And he told me Jesus was 12 when he started his ministry. Mr. and Mrs. Snowden were the sixth grade Sunday school teachers. Oh, I love it. And put that little Sunday school book in front of me. And I read it for the first time. And then when I was in church by myself and they would say, well, sit with someone in your family because this is a family moment. I didn’t have anyone to go to. But there’s a lady named Barbara Slack, who is today Barbara Sanders. And she was a single woman there in the church. And I remember going to her and saying, can I sit with you? And I did. And she was my family for those moments. So I’ll never forget those times, those people.

SPEAKER 03 : 13:56

You know, my wife Shirley has been a little different route, but in many ways rather similar. And her mother knew that she was going to need help in raising two kids as a single mom. And she sent Shirley and her brother to a little evangelical church in the neighborhood. And she found the Lord as a very young child, about the same time that you did. And she still speaks of Mrs. Baldwin, her Sunday school teacher, and Reverend Penner. I don’t know these people, but I know the role they played in her life. And I would like to say to those who are listening to us right now, there are kids like this in your neighborhood. I mean, they’re out there. I don’t care whether you live in the inner city or in the suburbs. There are kids out there who don’t know who they are, and they certainly don’t know Jesus Christ. And they’re just waiting for somebody to show them a better way.

SPEAKER 02 : 14:50

And you caught it. Yeah. But I just realized that had not Ron Fowler loved on me and had not Geneva Curry pray with me at the altar, had not these folks not moved on my behalf, Where would I be? But by the grace of God, when I turn on the television and see that young man handcuffed and hiding from the cameras, if it were not for the grace of God, that could be Steve Fitzhugh. Are you discouraged?

SPEAKER 03 : 15:16

Is there enough progress in there to feel like you’re getting something done for the Lord?

SPEAKER 02 : 15:24

The progress is remarkably encouraging. However, we do have episodes and casualties, and that can be disheartening. Just last fall, we lost a student. And he was a guy who was a sharp kid. But to lose Mike was difficult because I really—he was one of those kids I said, God, you’re going to have to change this guy. And we were on a track. We were on a path to change Mike. And he was brutally murdered. And he had contributed to our process. He had contributed in song in one of our CDs. A rap song? A rap song. Can you quote it? Well, I can’t quote the song, but in response to that song, I have a song that I wrote that I think was pretty appropriate that gives people an idea of who he is. His song— Why don’t you give us a piece of it? Sure. I’ll share a little with you about Mike. He came into the studio, and he was a very angry guy, and he was filled with a lot of bitterness. And he began to say some things on the studio microphone that—I said, Mike, we can’t do that. Mike, we don’t roll like that in here. Mike— And so he came back with a song he had written that was the most incredible piece of work I’ve heard anyone do. And it didn’t have any cursing in it. It was clean, but it was the epitome of what it’s like to be a disenfranchised, disheartened student in Southeast D.C. And in response to that, God laid something on my heart called destiny. And I asked, what would Mike say if he stood in front of my church one Sunday? And Mike would probably say this. I can’t hardly see the light of day, cause misery stays in my way. Still I dream to be free like them boys on my TV, but every day is just the same. I’ve got nothing but pain on top of pain. I can’t escape this hopeless dream, open my mouth but cannot scream. So here I am, me and my crew, not knowing what we are to do. The streets are only road, no other life to us was told. Poverty ain’t nothing new, that’s all I knew since I was two. Mom’s did the best she could, struggling down here in the hood. I’m steady hating that deadbeat dad. Disappointment’s all I had. I gotta face the dreadful fact my daddy’s never coming back. Now I gotta be a man all on my own. Yet they don’t want me acting grown. Street soldiers popping that Glock. Youngins keep dying up on my block. I’m scared to close my eyes tonight because I’m feeling like something just ain’t right. Still, I’m trying to speak my heart. Too bad your fear keeps us apart. I can’t believe it till I hear it. I can’t hear it till you tell it. If the truth is what you preach, won’t you help this brother reach his destiny? And I reminisce about all these scars. It’s like I’m in prison and there are my bars. I’m locked away from the joys of life. Am I destined for streets and strife? Am I ever going to win a wife? Ever going to have a pain-free life? Ever going to travel around the world? Would I get another chance to raise my girl? Will I ever sleep without this hunger? Makes me wonder, makes me wonder why I live in so much pain. Will I lose my mind? Will I go insane? And when I hear the final bell, will it be heaven? Will it be hell? Will I die? Will I’m in my prime? Can I ever renew my mind? Is there a God that can forgive all the wickedness I did? I can’t forgive my thug itself. Got too much pride to cry for help. Facts too hard for me to admit. If it don’t fit, you must acquit. But if my record were true and right, I ought to be serving double life. They should have thrown away the jailhouse key for the sins locked up inside of me. No solution for my drama. I’m too old to run to mama. I want to change. How do I pray it? How many times do I got to say it? You’ve got sight. Why can’t you see it? Without you, will I ever achieve it? What? My destiny. Still, I choose to go on. Got to survive. I got to stay strong. How many times I said that’s it? How many times I wanted to quit? Like when Shorty broke my heart. I was true blue right from the start. Why me? I had to plead. Gave love a chance and still I bleed. Regret I wasted time. True that all the blame was mine. They tell me the day is another day. They tell me it’s not too late to change. They say I can still redeem my life. They say there’s a way to walk upright. But when I close my eyes real tight, I’m still seeing demons in the night. I’m ready to pay about any price. Just to get a little peace back in my life. Like the time when we was young, me and my homies just having fun. Sometimes I want to go way back when. Sometimes I want to upstart again. No more thug life under them streetlights. No more sadness. No more sin. Wish you could help me find my way. Because I’m living in fear of judgment day. Even the clock’s my enemy because everybody dying look just like me. It’s like my grip is about to slip. It’s like I’m down to my last clip. I’m dodging shadows, but they was mine. Don’t let me die before I find. My destiny. I got back from Seattle after I performed that for the first time and I checked my messages on my cell phone and my intern left a message and said, Steve, they found Mike’s body on Monday. What happened to him? It was three days short of his 19th birthday. He was hanging out with some guys in a stolen rental car. They ran into some other guys who were looking for him. Everybody ran. Mike fell. He caught one bullet, and they caught up to him, and they gave him several more. They pulled him back in the car, drove him over to the street that our youth center is on, drug him out, laid him up against a telephone pole, and we found him later that weekend.

SPEAKER 03 : 20:43

That broke your heart, didn’t it? And that broken heart is expressed in that rap music.

SPEAKER 02 : 20:50

Well, when I recite that, it’s almost as if I hear Mike screaming it. But not just Mike, all the Mikes that we drive by every day who… who bump into people who are full of the Holy Spirit, but somehow instead of being the salt of the earth, they’re silent. And I wonder if Mike prayed that prayer, because he didn’t pray it with me. Did he have time to say, did Jesus accept me? I don’t know if he did.

SPEAKER 03 : 21:24

Steve, we’ve got a couple of minutes left. How can we pray for you and the work that you’re doing?

SPEAKER 02 : 21:29

I think the only way we can be successful at what we do is if we have God’s guidance, if we’re led by the Spirit of God. And we really need team members who are led by the Spirit of God, who can join us, one in body and one in spirit and one in mind. And whatever they can bring, their resources, their direction, their assistance, and help us create a moment for life change so God can change any life in a moment. And as I travel around the country and look into the faces of all these young people in inner cities and suburbs, if you could just pray. That somehow the words that I say and the life that I’ve lived would make an impact in the lives of some of these students. And they in tune will go out and make a difference in their community and in their schools and their hallways.

SPEAKER 03 : 22:20

You speak all around the country to adults and kids.

SPEAKER 02 : 22:24

I speak to adults, kids. I have a very exciting workshop I do with the parents called I Spoke to Your Kids Today. This is what they told me. It’s a snapshot of that presentation. And I speak to kids, juvenile institutions and pro athletes and college athletes and parents.

SPEAKER 03 : 22:42

I just trust that the Lord will continue to bless the work that you’re doing. And I’d like to know more about it. And I really appreciate you coming to be with us today. Thank you. It’s a desperately needed work. And I just ask that the Lord would be with you. I know He already is. But I join the hearts of many people across the country who will be praying for you. Thank you. It’s a pleasure being here.

SPEAKER 01 : 23:10

Steve Fitzhugh’s story reminds us that every life has value, and one moment of compassion can literally save a person’s destiny. With each Mike we encounter, we have a chance to be the light that helps someone find hope beyond their current circumstances. We’ll be right back. Well, Easter is fast approaching. As a matter of fact, it’s coming up this Sunday. And we want to offer you a free resource to help you share the profound message of God’s love and forgiveness with the little ones in your life. This resource is called Sharing Jesus with Your Children. And as a grandpa, I can say this is also a great resource for your grandchildren as well. from teaching them to pray to helping them understand God’s grace. This resource is designed to equip parents with simple, meaningful ways to nurture their children’s spiritual growth. Now you can download this free PDF when you go to drjamesdobson.org. That’s drjamesdobson.org. Download this resource today and begin creating lasting spiritual memories with your family this Easter season. You know, your partnership here with Family Talk makes a tremendous difference in homes all across the country. In a culture where children are growing up in broken homes, your support enables us to continue to equip parents and to help their children grow in faith. Please partner with us today. Your gift, no matter the size, helps us reach families with messages of hope and practical wisdom for today’s challenges. You can make a secure donation online when you go to drjamesdobson.org. That’s drjamesdobson.org. You can also call us at 877-732-6825. That’s 877-732-6825. And if you prefer to send your tax-deductible donation through the U.S. Postal Service, our ministry mailing address is Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk, Post Office Box 39000 Colorado Springs, Colorado, the zip code 80949. Again, that’s P.O. Box 39000, Colorado Springs, Colorado, the zip code 80949. Well, I’m Roger Marsh, and on behalf of Dr. Dobson and all of us here at the JDFI, thanks so much for listening today. Be sure to join us again next time right here for another edition of Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk. This has been a presentation of the Dr. James Dobson Family Institute.