In today’s fast-paced world, rest is often misunderstood and undervalued. On this episode, Dr. Sondra Dalton-Smith sheds light on her research into the seven types of rest and the need for emotional, spiritual, and social balance. Through personal stories and profound insights, she highlights how being fully known and resting can lead to a richer life experience. Listen to learn how to realign your identity with God’s greater plan, and how rest can be productive, fulfilling, and crucial for sustaining a healthy life and ministry.
Well, hello everyone. I’m James Dobson and you’re listening to Family Talk, a listener-supported ministry. In fact, thank you so much for being part of that support for James Dobson Family Institute.
SPEAKER 04 :
Well, welcome to Family Talk, the broadcast division of the Dr. James Dobson Family Institute. Now, our guest on the program today is Dr. Sondra Dalton-Smith. She is a board-certified internal medicine physician, an international speaker, and the CEO of Restorasis, a workplace well-being consultancy agency. She’s written a book that was just released called Being Fully Known, The Joyful Satisfaction of Beholding, Becoming, and Belonging. And we’ll be discussing that on today’s broadcast as well as our next one. Dr. Sondra Dalton-Smith, welcome to Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk. Dr. and Mrs. Dobson send their warmest regards as well.
SPEAKER 01 :
Thank you so much for having me.
SPEAKER 04 :
How can we be fully known? I mean, that’s something that hearts cry from scripture. We see the psalmist write about this and we want the good parts to be fully known, but not all of it too. How can we even embrace that concept?
SPEAKER 01 :
Yeah, I think it really begins with understanding the reason behind the subtitle. The subtitle of the book is The Joyful Satisfaction of Beholding, Becoming, and Belonging. And Being Fully Known starts off really with looking at Christ, evaluating who God is, getting a clear picture of the aspects of His character that we have yet to really ingest for ourselves, and allow that to reveal to us parts of our own identity that we are not stepping into.
SPEAKER 04 :
You have written a book about rest, a book called Sacred Rest, which I found fascinating because I don’t do that very well. I don’t think a lot of us do. In researching for that book, what did you find about how people look at rest? I mean, as part of belonging and becoming who we are, that’s a key component, isn’t it?
SPEAKER 01 :
It absolutely is. And that’s where the journey began for me, because even after walking people through my framework and the research around the seven types of rest, I found that a lot of people still had a type of rest that they struggled to get into, to enter into. And it’s the rest related to identity. A lot of us, even when we like network or we meet people, we ask the question, what do you do? And we get so wrapped up in the doing the expectations of the doing that we start evaluating. What are some things that maybe I shouldn’t be doing now? What are some areas that God’s opening up new opportunities? And I find that especially if you consider yourself a workaholic, then you probably have a great work ethic, but zero rest ethic. You’re likely not having Sabbath. You’re likely not following any type of discipline of abiding or even having times where you come apart to evaluate is the track that I’m on the track that I should still be on. And I find that that is why a lot of people struggle with fatigue. It’s not because they don’t know how to necessarily rest. They either don’t know what type of rest they need of the seven or they’re battling the identity. And that’s what’s causing the restlessness.
SPEAKER 04 :
You know, it’s interesting. We’ve been experiencing a little of what you’re talking about in our home. Lisa and I both have been finishing up graduate degrees and, you know, because the Internet. Right. So you can do these studies online. And part of the problem we found is as we’ve hit milestones, we’re both going to be walking in May. Now we’re like, now what? Because we’ve been in that rhythm for such a long time. And we found a way to do it where it’s like, OK, you got something to work on. We’ll go out for two hours, do our thing and then come back. And sometimes it would take us late into the evening. But then once that was out of the rhythm, we began to realize how much out of real rhythm we actually were. And I can imagine that having a good work ethic has to have a good rest ethic if you’re going to balance the two.
SPEAKER 01 :
You do. And the thing is, when we think about rest, I think too often we think about rest as the reward for work. When I get all the work done, then I’ll rest. And it builds in this mindset that you have to earn rest. And rest really is not something that we earn. It’s actually something that was a principle from the very creation story. And we have to recognize that to be the most effective version of ourselves, it requires us to understand that rest is actually productive. It fills us up with what is needed to go out to do the work.
SPEAKER 04 :
Now say that again for the workaholics who need to hear it again. Rest is productive.
SPEAKER 01 :
Absolutely. Because that’s why, really, if we want to be sustainable in ministry and in whatever type of career that you happen to be in, It has to be sustainable. And the only way that you can have it sustainable is if you replenish the resources. So those resources include your physical, your creative, your ability to mentally process, your ability to have a spiritual connection. All of those are part of our resources within this human body that we have. And we don’t look at how do we replenish these things.
SPEAKER 04 :
As you talk about in your new book, Being Fully Known, the joyful satisfaction of beholding, becoming and belonging. I was thinking just looking at I’m using my watch as the timepiece. That’s how I do it. And I’m one of those people who’s obsessed with making sure my phone’s charged. You know, I’ll drive my car down to E and say I got a couple more gallons. But if my phone gets below 70 percent, I’m looking for my charger. I see this as kind of generational, though. I mean, I wonder how many younger people, and I’d love to get your take on this. You’ve got sons, college students. How many times do you try to reach them and they say, sorry, my phone was dead? Because it all went down to 1% and then whatever. And I think, well, we take good care of our electronics to make sure that they’re fully charged. Why do we not take care of ourselves?
SPEAKER 01 :
We definitely don’t give our bodies the same amount of respect that we do of our devices. And I think it’s because we can continue to push past our exhaustion. We have a lot of people who are what we call functional burnouts. They have met all the requirements from the World Health Organization as being clinically burned out. However, they’re still able to produce because they just produce out of their emptiness. Right. And so you find, especially if someone’s in customer service or somewhere where they have to have hospitality or compassion, that they may not, they can do the job, but they don’t have any of the things, the fruit, so to speak, that are needed to do the work.
SPEAKER 04 :
Exactly. I’m trying to imagine the fruit of the spirit growing on a vine that where there’s no capacity for it to grow. And yet we’re still getting something that looks like fruit, at least. And you can do that in the productive workplace. Right. But you can’t in the soul connection world. You can’t in the spirit. I think that’s your challenge to each of us. Absolutely. I’m fascinated with this concept of rest and also this being fully known. Dr. Sondra Dalton-Smith is our guest today here on Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk. The joyful satisfaction of beholding, becoming, and belonging. Is this new work kind of a continuation of the research from last time?
SPEAKER 01 :
It absolutely is. I’m a researcher, and so we have a study called restquiz.com where people can take an assessment, find out which of the seven types of rest they’re most efficient in. We have over half a million people who’ve done it so far, so we have lots of research. And what we’re finding is that there were three main areas people were struggling in, emotional rest, spiritual rest, and social rest. Mm-hmm. And so this new book goes deeper into that, the beholding, the spiritual types of rest, the becoming, the emotional rest, and then the belonging, the social rest, going deeper into how they relate to identity, because that’s a big part of actually healing those types of rest deficits.
SPEAKER 04 :
What happens to someone who goes to restquiz.com? They figure out what their rest deficit areas are. Maybe they’re getting it right. And then they’re looking at this new resource and saying, OK, I want to be fully known. What kind of feedback are you getting from people who are using the two resources together? At the end of the day, I mean, this isn’t some kind of self-gratification type of thing where I’m doing this to make myself feel good. This really is about becoming who God created us to be.
SPEAKER 01 :
Absolutely. The very last chapter is called the ministry of the open door, because we have to realize that there is an opportunity that many of us have to continuously evolve with God. You know, when we look at the people of faith that we held up as heroes, David didn’t stay a shepherd. He had a journey that he went with God that led him to do so many other things. And I think too often a lot of us, we check the box off. I have a career. I am in this position. I’ve always done this thing. I want people to stop searching for places where they fit in and calling that belonging and actually allow themselves to be available to move into spaces where maybe they don’t necessarily feel like they fit in, but they uniquely complement the room.
SPEAKER 02 :
Hmm.
SPEAKER 01 :
They are bringing in something that is missing in that room. And that is the deepest level of belonging.
SPEAKER 04 :
Boy, you just said a mouthful there, Dr. Sondra Dalton-Smith. In terms of, I think about the younger generation, young people who want to be their own person. And yet, as long as I can find 5,000 other five-star reviews online, then I can join in with this crowd. They want to fit in desperately. And I think a lot of people always have that kind of keeping up with the Joneses, as we used to call it for my generation. But now moving forward, you’re saying, wait, maybe you are the piece in the puzzle that was missing. And just because you don’t fit with everybody else doesn’t mean you don’t fit in God’s larger plan. That’s a huge statement to make. And it must be really gratifying for you when people come to that realization. Oh, that’s why I’m made the way I am.
SPEAKER 01 :
It is, and when people walk in that, there’s a rest that comes with it because you’re not battling with the part of yourself that doesn’t fit into the room, but that complements and completes God’s picture in that space.
SPEAKER 04 :
Wow, this is incredible. What are some of the misconceptions people have? I know one of the first ones I thought when I read both resources was, OK, well, rest. Well, I do that when I’m tired, you know, or as you get older, I’ll rest when I’m retired or, you know, I’ll rest in heaven, you know, so I don’t have to do it now. But what are the some of the common misconceptions that people have had that you’re kind of helping to answer with these resources? Yeah.
SPEAKER 01 :
I think the number one for the first book, Sacred Rest, was that rest and sleep are the same thing. Sleep is a type of rest. It’s a physical rest, but it doesn’t include the other types, which include mental, spiritual, social, sensory, emotional, creative. And unfortunately, so many people get bogged down with just trying to get better sleep, not realizing that rest is a bridge to better sleep. And then the other thing is that rest is simply about cessation, just about stopping. And Rest At Its Very Core is about restoration, pouring into places of deficit to get them back to a healthy state, back to a place where they can be used at its greatest capacity.
SPEAKER 04 :
I’m taking a look at restquiz.com right now, just, and I’m going to do this assessment while you’re answering some of the questions here, because I’ll be curious to find out.
SPEAKER 01 :
It’s a long assessment.
SPEAKER 04 :
Well, okay, I’ll work quickly if I can, but maybe we’ll have to have you back on the program when we can talk about this in the future. You’ve got this beholding, becoming, belonging framework here. And you mentioned that those are, you know, the three main aspects of where people really find themselves either deficient or longing for it. Can you help us kind of give us a 90 second overview of this process? Yeah.
SPEAKER 01 :
Absolutely. The beholding is beholding God in all things, having specific times where we are going to focus on God and how He is showing up in our lives. I like to call them abiding moments, moments where we stop and abide and make sure that we are still connected rightly. The becoming is not becoming more of anything, but actually becoming more aware of how we are seeing God inside of us. Mm-hmm. I feel like each of us carries a portion of heaven, a unique expression of his character that we get to share with the world. And sometimes we don’t recognize some of his characters in us because we have actually taken the time to cultivate or even explore that particular gift or talent. So that’s the becoming. And then the belonging is just as we mentioned, not finding places where you fit in, but where you uniquely fit.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah. And that unique piece, it’s not square peg round hole. I mean, my pastor and his wife are kind of consumed with puzzles. They’re from the Midwest. They spent a lot of time on snowy days. We had nothing else to do and not a lot of money to put together puzzles. And every time I find puzzle pieces around, there’s nothing more interesting to me than seeing a thousand piece puzzle that’s missing too. Oh, wow. Right? And you see these two gaps and you’re thinking, okay, it’s mostly done. They got the border done, but there are two pieces somewhere here that will complete this picture. And I wonder how many of us during the course of the day, instead of being frustrated, gosh, my job’s not working out right or this relationship isn’t whatever. And I just feel like there’s something missing. If they took the attitude that you’re encouraging us to take to say, well, wait a minute, the reason is not because you don’t look like everybody else, but you’re that missing piece for somebody else’s picture. And that’s where you find your true worth. Yeah.
SPEAKER 01 :
Exactly. And that’s why I brought up the example with David. I think what I’m finding as I work with people is oftentimes people stay within seasons long past God’s grace being in that season. And so they’re battling with this. Something doesn’t feel right. I have a disconnection. I have an unrest about where I’m currently at. But then there’s also a fear about stepping into the unknown. Right. Change and challenge oftentimes has to do with unknown situations. And so it requires our faith to actually go deeper into that abiding because it’s hard to trust someone into an unknown if you have a lot of fear and anxiety attached to that, which is the emotional rest part. So it’s really becoming more connected to the truth of God’s love for us. and his faithfulness, and then allowing that to be the strength that propels us into the becoming more aware of what he’s placed inside of us.
SPEAKER 04 :
Now, one of the things that I admire is when a researcher will say, with that old hair club for men thing, you know, not only am I the president, I’m also a satisfied customer. I mean, we’re not talking about cosmetics. But here, you personally went through a season where you’re just like, hey, wait a minute. I mean, this is It’s tough for me. And I’ve got to figure out how to get the reset going. That’s where a lot of this came from. Talk about what that experience was like for you.
SPEAKER 01 :
Yeah, I start off the book Sacred Rest with me on the floor, basically laying on the floor asking God, how did we get here? And I was burned out. You know, medical school taught me a whole lot of stuff, but they didn’t tell me how to be sustainable within a career with all the pressures.
SPEAKER 04 :
Why? Is that so common? I mean, the whole 36-hour rotations and residencies and stuff like that. It seems like medical school, where you’re teaching people how to care for other people, physically anyway, is really grueling and just hard on the doctors who are coming into this. It seems kind of almost like a paradox.
SPEAKER 01 :
It is. And thankfully, there are some changes. A lot of the work we do within restoruses, we work within hospitals, we work within schools, we work within corporations. We do a lot of training related to that because I think people are now with the health care shortage that we tapped into with 2020. I think people really are starting to recognize we’re not having doctors stay till they’re 75 anymore. People are exiting super quick. And so we’re learning that we have to train people how to be sustainable in high pressure careers.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, I have a friend whose husband, he was part of the Kaiser system for many, many years. 60th birthday, he was out. And this is another guy who would have been practicing medicine or maybe gone to private practice into his 70s. But he just said, that’s enough. I mean, I just, I’ll do something else to serve in the kingdom, but I just can’t do this anymore after 30 years. It was a lot.
SPEAKER 01 :
Yeah. And I think that’s the thing, making sure that we allow people who want to continue on to have the knowledge they need to be sustainable in those situations.
SPEAKER 04 :
You had a burning bush moment from what I understand in a spin class, which I’m just fascinated with because spin classes are kind of a bane of my existence because you just sit there and you pedal and pedal faster and pedal slower and whatever. Share that story with us, if you will.
SPEAKER 01 :
Yeah, you know, it was one of those situations where I think for myself, when I go through kind of the mindset of where can God meet me in my day? There are so many ways that I don’t think God can meet me in my day. But, you know, it’s one of those situations where for myself, I recall having this thought that I’m not supposed to be doing what I’m doing always. I remember specifically saying, I believe this white coat has become my identity. It wasn’t like I was thinking that I knew my identity in Christ and I knew I was actively working within ministry, but I had wrapped up so much of who I am around that. And it took a long time, really about three years before I stepped out of some of those situations into a faith journey with God, into asking, okay, God, what does this look like? What parts of myself do I not yet know? And a big part of that was the part of me who goes and speaks now, the part of me who writes books, the part of me who does research that bridges science and spirituality. And I think for myself, that was the moment that I realized I don’t really know who I am. God knows parts of me I don’t even recognize. And even now, some of the things that I’ve gotten to do, like people always mention my TEDx talk. They’re like, what was that like? I’m like, it was terrifying. I’m an introvert. I do speaking at large conferences like Women of Joy with 10,000 women out screaming at you as you’re talking. And it’s one of those situations where in those moments, I am 100% certain that God is who’s placed me in those situations because I would back out immediately. If it was me, I’d be like, no, thank you. I’d rather not be on a stage somewhere. But I think that’s the thing. He’s constantly calling us into deeper waters where we have to depend on him.
SPEAKER 04 :
And you realize, yeah, I can swim. Maybe I don’t want to, but I mean, I can swim this deeper area. And I think if you were describing standing in front of 10,000 people and thinking, okay, well, Moses needed a little bit of encouragement to speak the words that God had for him. It’s like there’s a reason why you’re on the stage. You know, it’s and it’s not because of your personality type. It’s because God has a mission for you. And you saw that. And I love the identity. Now I’m sitting here thinking, what if Dr. Sandra Dalton Smith showed up for our conversation today wearing a white coat? Because I’ve had those interviews before, you know, where the person is, you know, this is who I am. And this is my it’s my marketing persona. It’s my this. It’s my that. And what happens when you take it off? I mean, it’s amazing that you had that revelation that I’m sure is really furthering and advancing your ministry.
SPEAKER 01 :
It really has. And I had the benefit of just a mentor that really spoken to my life at a time when I was in a lot of confusion about, I remember asking him this question. I said, what will people say when I do X, Y, Z, whatever it was? And the reply was, are you asking me what will people say when they finally see you living free? And let me tell you, it’s one of those moments, you talk about burning bush. It’s one of those moments where you’re like, God, I want that kind of freedom.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Well, and obviously you have it. Dr. Sondra Dalton-Smith is our guest today here on Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk. The book is called Being Fully Known, The Joyful Satisfaction of Beholding, Becoming, and Belonging. That be, you know, in those prefixes there, each of those words, the idea that we are human beings, not human doings. And yet a lot of times we look at our whole lives as I have to run these errands. I have to do this job. I have to do this for ministry. Do, do, do, do, do. Talk to that person who says, okay, I’m resonating with what you’re saying, but I don’t know how to be.
SPEAKER 01 :
Yeah, I opened up the book talking about Psalm 4610, be still and know that I am God, because that is the scripture that I feel like has been taunting me most of my life because I am not a person of stillness. But I feel like that is what being is all about. Being separated from the things we do and being rightly connected in a state of constant abiding. where our work is not coming out of our own strength, but it’s coming out of the flow of God through our lives, where we stay open enough. Our hands are not overly occupied, but our hearts stay open enough to receive on a continuous basis. And to me, that’s what being’s about, being available.
SPEAKER 04 :
And presenting yourself before the Lord every day. I mean, we see that in scripture. You know, we’re coming to him with our hands open, hearts open, eyes open, ears open, saying, God, what do you have for me? And I remember meeting the actor Dean Jones years ago in the final years of his life. And his motto was, I eat whatever God puts on my plate every day. That’s the way he looked at it.
SPEAKER 01 :
Oh, that’s beautiful.
SPEAKER 04 :
I love that image because he knew what it was like to be back in the 60s and 70s. He was a number one box office movie star. And then all of a sudden the scripts came and they weren’t quite as family friendly. And he turned them down. He didn’t work for three years. But he said, look, this is who I am. And God led me here and he led me here. And I’m just going to keep on doing it. And on that note, we have to hit the pause button for the discussion for today’s edition of Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk. But there’s so much more ground to cover on this topic. So please make plans to join us again next time. We’ll be hearing the conclusion of an eye-opening conversation I had with Dr. Sandra Dalton-Smith about finding true rest beyond mere sleep. Now, if you missed any part of today’s program, remember you can listen on the Family Talk app, or you can go online to drjamesdobson.org forward slash Family Talk. And while you’re there, you’ll also find a link for Dr. Dalton Smith’s book called Sacred Rest and her newest title, Being Fully Known, The Joyful Satisfaction of Beholding, Becoming, and Belonging. Again, you’ll find all that information and more when you go to drjamesdobson.org forward slash Family Talk. Today’s conversation with Dr. Sandra Dalton-Smith reminds us that biblical wisdom is needed now more than ever before in our increasingly fast-paced world. As families navigate complex challenges and cultural pressures, having a trusted voice of godly counsel makes all the difference. Now, that trusted voice of godly counsel for nearly 50 years has come from Dr. James Dobson. And here at the Dr. James Dobson Family Institute, we’ve put together a special bundle called Building a Family Legacy that features six of Dr. Dobson’s most essential books on topics like marriage, parenting, and spiritual leadership. This comprehensive collection includes beloved classics like Bringing Up Boys and Bringing Up Girls, where Dr. Dobson shares practical guidance for raising children with strong character in today’s challenging culture. You’ll also receive the classic The Strong-Willed Child, a book that offers proven strategies for loving discipline, and also Straight Talk to Men, a book about authentic masculinity. The Building a Family Legacy bundle also includes the Complete Marriage and Family Home Reference Guide, which provides answers to hundreds of common family questions. and Dr. Dobson’s epic book called Your Legacy shows how to pass your faith on to future generations. There are six books total in the Building a Family Legacy bundle, and some of those titles even include bonus DVDs with additional teaching from Dr. Dobson himself. Now, this is such a comprehensive package, you might think, oh my goodness, that might cost a lot of money. Well, the good news is, this week as we commemorate Dr. Dobson’s birthday, This bundle is our gift to you. It’s our way of thanking you for your donation of any amount in support of the Dr. James Dobson Family Institute. So call us at 877-732-6825 right now and ask about getting your copy of the Building a Family Legacy Bundle. Again, that toll-free number to call is 877-732-6825. You can also request the Building a Family Legacy Bundle online when you go to drjamesdobson.org. That’s a secure donation site, by the way, drjamesdobson.org. Or you can send your request through the U.S. Postal Service. Our ministry mailing address is Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk, P.O. Box 39000, Colorado Springs, Colorado, the zip code 80949. Once again, that’s JDFI, P.O. Box 39000, Colorado Springs, Colorado, the zip code 80949. Well, I’m Roger Marsh, and on behalf of Dr. James Dobson and all of us here at the Dr. James Dobson Family Institute, thanks so much for listening today. Be sure to join us again next time for the conclusion of our conversation with Dr. Sandra Dalton-Smith about finding true rest and embracing your unique purpose. It’s coming up right here on the next edition of Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk.
SPEAKER 03 :
This has been a presentation of the Dr. James Dobson Family Institute. You know, many young people have only a vague notion of what they want to do with their lives and almost no information about how to get themselves ready for what’s to come. With today’s Dr. Dobson Minute, here’s Dr. James Dobson. I found myself in that same situation when I was 20 years old and a junior in college. I knew I wanted to be a psychologist, but I had very little information about the profession itself or how to cope with graduate school. Then one day my aunt attended a lecture given by a well-known psychologist named Dr. Clyde Naramore. This man offered to meet with promising students who were interested in the field of mental health. I called him and the practical advice that he offered on that day guided me for the next six years of my life and may be responsible for my doing what I’m doing today. Should we not do the same for those who are coming along behind? Perhaps just an hour or two of our time could shape and guide a leader of tomorrow.
SPEAKER 04 :
For more information, visit drdobsonminute.org. Hey, everyone. Roger Marsh here. When you think about your family and where they will be when you’re no longer living, are you worried? Are you confident? Are you hopeful? What kind of legacy are you leaving for your children and their children? Here at Family Talk, we’re committed to helping you understand the legacy that you’re leaving for your family. Join us today at drjamesdobson.org for helpful insights, tips, and advice from Dr. James Dobson himself. And remember, your legacy matters.
