The conversation navigates the distinction between an emotional expression of sorrow and true repentance. Bob and Ken tackle pressing questions about the necessity of forgiveness irrespective of repentance levels, and how unresolved bitterness differs from the biblical act of forgiving. They address how forgiveness doesn’t always mean a clean slate, as consequences can persist even after forgiveness is granted, and discuss real-life applications and scenarios.
The following is a listener supported ministry from the Grace Evangelical Society. Must we forgive or should we forgive those who have offended us but are not offering a sincere apology? What does the Bible say about it? Or what if they do ask for forgiveness but never change? Thank you for joining us today, friend. This is Grace in Focus, a radio broadcast and podcast ministry of the Grace Evangelical Society. We are located in North Texas, and we want to invite you to our conference, our national annual conference, coming up in just a week or so. It will be held at Camp Copas with many teachers and presentations. Our main topic is dispensationalism and free grace. Please plan to join us. Get all the details you need at faithalone.org. Now, with today’s question and answer discussion, here are Bob Wilkin and Ken Yates.
SPEAKER 03 :
Bob, we have a question that deals with forgiving others, particularly forgiving other believers, I think.
SPEAKER 02 :
Okay, it’s from Zach, and Zach says, Hey, must we forgive those who are not sorry for what they have done? Now, that’s a good question, don’t you think?
SPEAKER 03 :
Yeah, and I think we need to have a couple, what would we say, explanations about what we mean by being sorry. I think Zach probably means he doesn’t confess it or he doesn’t repent of it. Not that he’s crying over it or he really, really feels bad about it, but he understands that he sinned against you.
SPEAKER 02 :
I think that’s right. In fact, I remember a time at church, at the Lord’s Supper meeting, when Joe asked Zane Hodges, how sorry do we have to be when we confess our sins in order for 1 John 1-9 to apply? And Zane’s answer was, the issue isn’t sorry at all. It isn’t sorrow at all. The issue is, are you being honest with God? Are you confessing your sins? What is it, Luke 17, 3 and 4? Maybe you could read that, Ken, but isn’t that the verse where the Lord is saying that we ought to forgive people who repent?
SPEAKER 03 :
Yeah, let me read verses. Now, this is the New King James in Luke 17, 3 and 4. The Lord is speaking. He says, take heed to yourself. And he’s talking to the disciples. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him. And if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day and seven times in a day returns to you saying, I repent. You shall forgive him. And so the point we’re making there that repent doesn’t mean I’m sorry. You know, I really feel bad about it. It’s, yeah, I sinned against you. And what would we say? I’m sorry for that. Or confession. I sinned against you and I shouldn’t have done that.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yeah, and actually, to repent is probably in some ways better than being sorry, because you could be sorry and yet plan on doing it again, right?
SPEAKER 03 :
Right.
SPEAKER 02 :
You could say, well, I’m sorry I did that, maybe because I got caught, maybe because I’m going to go to jail, or maybe because I’ve upset other people around me, but I’m going to go do it again. I’m going to go get drunk again. I’m going to go have an affair again, whatever it is. And so it seems to me that I think what Zach is asking is not so much an emotion, you know, how sorry are they, but the issue, I think, is repentance.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yeah, and the question here then is – I don’t want to put words in Zach’s mouth here, but I think the issue is – Do we need to forgive believers who sit against us who don’t repent, who don’t confess? You know, because there is a view among many believers, at least some believers, that says we should forgive whether they repent, whether they confess it, whether when you rebuke them, you know, we should just blanket, give blanket forgiveness.
SPEAKER 02 :
Okay, now, I think, Ken, this is where there’s a difference between forgiveness and bitterness. Yeah. We’re not to be bitter. Right. We’re not to go around with bitterness, and we’re not to go around seeking revenge, right?
SPEAKER 03 :
Yeah, I think that’s the other aspect of that, right? I’m going to get you back. You did me wrong here, so I’m going to get you back.
SPEAKER 02 :
And, you know, we’re told, vengeance is mine, I shall repay, says the Lord. So we’re to leave the vengeance up to the Lord. Right. But what we’re not to have is bitterness. If we have bitterness, that hurts us and it hurts our testimony. But that’s different than forgiveness. It seems to me if a person does not repent, then we’re not required to forgive them. Don’t you think that’s what Luke 17 3 is saying?
SPEAKER 03 :
Yes, I think that’s exactly right. Forgiveness means a restoration of fellowship, right? Harmony in the relationship. So if that person that has sinned against me does not want that relationship restored, number one, it can’t be restored. But number two, it shouldn’t be restored. And there’s reasons for this, because if someone has sinned, And I just say, forget it. It’s not important. You don’t have to, because notice the Lord says, rebuke them. But there are many people in the churches who would say, oh, no, no, you just need to be gracious. You don’t rebuke them. So we don’t obey the Lord there either, because the Lord says, if he sins against you, you go to him and rebuke him, which to me means you go to him and said, hey, you did me wrong. And we need to work this out. We need this relationship restored or this fellowship restored. If I do not do that, that’s not a loving thing. That’s not a gracious thing, because I’m allowing him to, what, continue in his sin, to not face the consequences of his sin. He sinned, and he needs to confess it to the Lord, too, to have his relationship with the Lord or harmony with the Lord restored. And so if I just overlook it, and say, oh, well, I’m just going to forgive you whether you acknowledge that sin, whether you repent of that sin, whether you confess that sin. No, I’m just going to forgive you. Well, no, you’re not loving to them, and the relationship is not restored.
SPEAKER 01 :
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SPEAKER 02 :
Okay, I’ve got a question for you, Ken. I agree with what you’re saying, but here’s my question on Luke 17, 3 and 4. It sounds to me like if the person, let’s say, is cussing at you, and they do it seven times in the same day, and seven times in the same day they say, I repent, wouldn’t you tend to doubt whether they really repented? I’m wondering if maybe what’s going on here is is we’re thinking of someone committing seven different offenses in the same day. But they’re not the same offense. It’s like in marriage. We’ve been married 49 years this June, and it seems like there’s been lots of times where I needed forgiveness multiple times in the same day, right?
SPEAKER 03 :
Oh, I don’t doubt that at all, yeah. No. Thank you, Ken. I’m sure Sharon would agree with that. She would. Yeah, I agree with you. You know, there in verse 4, and if he sins against you seven times in a day, that’s not necessarily the same sin. And the point would obviously be to me, verse 4 is saying, as often as your brother sins against you, And he repents. We need to forgive. We need to forgive one another. And this is going to be an ongoing thing because believers are going to sin against their fellow believers more than once.
SPEAKER 02 :
Right. But here’s a question, Ken. Couldn’t there be some ambiguity here? I mean, couldn’t you wonder if the person is really being honest when they say, I repent? And in that case, you might not extend forgiveness if this kept happening day after day after day and the person wasn’t changing. Sure. It would seem to me at some point you’d go, I don’t believe you have really repented. If repent means I’m turning, you know.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yes, repent means to turn. And so, yeah, if he turns and then immediately turns around and does it again and immediately turns around and does it again, I’m not sure the relationship would be that important to him. But I think the important thing for the question here is, are there times when we do not forgive? And the answer to that question is yes.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yes, absolutely. And I’ve got two other follow-ups for you, Ken. Is forgiveness the same as forgetfulness? If I forgive, does that mean I’ve forgotten what the person did?
SPEAKER 03 :
No, I don’t think so at all. Another way to word that is, are there consequences? Can I forgive somebody? and there still are consequences for what they’ve done.
SPEAKER 02 :
Okay, that’s my second question. In other words, if someone sins against me, might I decide, okay, I am not going to allow them to work for me anymore, or I’m not going to allow them to do X, Y, or Z anymore because I no longer have trust that they’re going to do a good job?
SPEAKER 03 :
Yeah, I think you’re absolutely right. And I would take it a step further, Bob. In many cases, or at least in some cases, it’s unloving if you don’t do that. For example, your example there, let’s say somebody steals from you. There’s an employee who works for you and he steals from you. And then he comes to you and says, hey, I stole from you. I’m sorry. I repent. You can forgive them and then say, listen, you can’t be working around the money. Right. That’s a temptation for him. And why place him in that temptation? Right. Or I don’t want to go down this again. So, yeah, our fellowship is restored. But, yeah, we need to we need to have some parameters around it. And an example that I hear all the time is with couples, for example, where the guy has problems with pornography on his computer and he tells his wife. And they agree together that there’s going to be what? What do they call it? I don’t even know. Filters on it or whatever it is. And the wife has control of that. Yeah. And I think the wife can certainly forgive him and say, listen, this is something you’re there’s a problem you’re dealing with. Let’s do that. And so those those are consequences for that sin. But forgiveness is still taking place. There’s a million examples like that. But so often believers say, well, when you forgive somebody, to use your word, it’s forgotten. It’s as if it never happened. That is patently false. Yeah. Yeah, we don’t operate that way.
SPEAKER 02 :
We’re not holding it against them anymore, but we do remember it, and there may be consequences.
SPEAKER 03 :
Sure. And again, all of our listeners can think of examples even in their own life where you can be forgiven. And by the way, that’s the way God deals with us, right? He forgives us, but that doesn’t mean that the consequences of our sin do not go on, even though he forgives us.
SPEAKER 02 :
Ken, you just got the Jeopardy question right. You just won $50,000. Well, send it to me then.
SPEAKER 03 :
No, no.
SPEAKER 02 :
Okay, we will send it to you in terms of our love and affection, Ken, but I don’t know about the cash money because I need to repent of saying I’m going to send you $50,000. All right, well, thanks so much. And Ken, let’s remember to keep grace in focus.
SPEAKER 01 :
That’s radio at faithalone.org. We are so thankful for our financial partners who keep us on the air. Every gift is tax deductible and very much appreciated. If you’d like to find out how you can give, go to faithalone.org. And on our next episode, what does Hebrews 3.6 mean by we are his house if we hold fast? Please join us. And until then, let’s keep grace in focus. The preceding has been a listener supported ministry from the Grace Evangelical Society.
