In this episode of Connect with Skip, we explore the profound implications of forgiveness. Pastors often highlight the simplicity of asking for forgiveness and the divine expectation to extend it to others. Through biblical anecdotes, such as Peter’s encounter with Jesus and the discussion on the Lord’s Prayer, we grasp the seriousness with which forgiveness is viewed in Christianity. Learn why holding grudges is described as hypocritical and what it means to truly reconcile with others. Forgiveness is not only an act of grace but a divine demand that reflects our spiritual state.
This is Connect with Skip Heitzig. Thanks for joining us today. Here at Connect with Skip, we love to help you know God’s Word better and apply it to your life through clear, practical Bible teaching and real encouragement. And if you’d like to keep growing in your walk with Jesus, sign up for Pastor Skip’s free weekly devotional. You’ll receive biblical insight, teaching highlights, and exclusive resource offers designed to help you stay strong in your faith, all delivered right to your inbox. Signing up is quick and easy, and you’ll be glad you did. Go to connectwithskip.com and join the list today. That’s connectwithskip.com. Now let’s dive into today’s teaching from Pastor Skip Heitzig.
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We all sin. As Solomon said, there’s not a man on earth who doesn’t sin. The deal is when we know we’ve done it, we should keep a short account of it. Keep your accounts with God short. Confess it. It’s a regular request. In 1 John 1, he writes, if we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us. You’ll recall when Jesus was with his disciples at the Last Supper, after the supper, he girded himself with a towel, poured water in a basin, and he, what did he do? Washed his disciples’ feet. And they were very nervous about it, very uncomfortable that their Lord would do this. And he starts doing it until he comes to Peter, I think you know the story. And Peter asked him a question. Lord, are you washing my feet? It was pretty obvious that he was, but this is Peter. Are you washing my feet? And Jesus says, Peter, you don’t understand what I’m doing, but you’ll figure it out later. He didn’t stop. Peter goes, you’ll never wash my feet. And Jesus said, I’m paraphrasing a little bit. Oh, really? Really? If I don’t wash your feet, you will have no part with me. And then Peter gets like, goes, pendulum swing the other direction. Okay, then wash my hands and my head and everything. Oh, Peter. And Jesus replies and says this, a person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet, for he is completely clean. See, when you come to Christ, you’re completely clean. But you get up in the morning, and you live your life, and you walk through the world, and as you do, you get dirty feet. that needs to be cleaned regularly. So if we say we have no sin, we’re a liar. The truth is in us. If we confess our sins, he’s faithful and just to forgive us our sins. And that is one of the divine prerogatives to forgive. We need to be reconciled with our Father. So two facts about forgiveness. It’s hard. It’s difficult. It’s divine. God does it, and he does it a lot. Third fact, and it flows from the second fact, forgiveness is demanded. Forgiveness is demanded. Back to verse 28. But that servant, the guy who got forgiven 60 billion bucks, that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him 100 denarii, and he laid hands on him, took him by the throat. saying, pay me what you owe. So the first thing he does is grabs him. And then second, and I’m guessing he had to be on top of him to grab his throat, says, you pay up. So his fellow servant, verse 29, fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, now listen to what he says, have patience with me and I will pay you all. Now, that should have rung a bell in the guy’s head because he had just said that to the king. And he would not, verse 30, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants… Saw what had been done. They were very grieved. Came and told their master all that had been done. And his master, after he called him, said to him, you wicked servant, I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you? And his master was angry and delivered him to the torturers. until he should pay all that was due him. Now, if that isn’t bad enough, then most people would have gone, whoa. Look at the last verse, verse 35. So, my heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you from his heart does not forgive his brother his trespasses. Okay, now first of all, this is unthinkable. This is unthinkable that the guy who was forgiven $60 billion, the first thing he does is find somebody who owed him a mere pittance in comparison. You say, well, he owed him 100 denarii. How much is 100 denarii? Well, one denarius, singular, was a single day’s wage for a laborer, an unskilled laborer. So 100 denarii is 100 days’ wage. So 100 days’ wage for an unskilled laborer, I’m just going to throw it out, 5,000 bucks, 6,000. Let’s go as high as $10,000. He is owed $10,000, but he has just been forgiven how much? $60 billion. It’s unimaginable. It’s shocking behavior that he would refuse to forgive. That’s the point of the story. It’s unimaginable that a follower of Jesus Christ would refuse to forgive anyone because he has been forgiven so much. So there’s two points that are made here, two things we have to realize. To refuse to forgive is hypocritical. And number two, to refuse to forgive invites torment. Let me explain that. First of all, it’s hypocritical. Forgiveness received should translate into forgiveness extended. I’ve been forgiven, I forgive. Doesn’t always happen that way. It looks good on paper, but when it comes to real life and by personal experience and church history, we know it doesn’t always work that way. In the church of Corinth, they were having the Lord’s Supper and the rich people would hoard the food and eat first and the poor people would have nothing. They weren’t treating each other very well. And then some of the Corinthians were taking fellow believers to pagan law courts. So they weren’t really good at forgiving and loving one another. Now, back to the Lord’s Prayer. Let’s just look at that. Turn in your Bibles back to Matthew 6. You’re in Matthew 18. Just go back a few blocks. Matthew 6, Sermon on the Mount. We’re going to pick it up at Matthew 6, verse 9. In this manner, Jesus speaks, in this manner, therefore pray, and feel free to read along with me. Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. Do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen. Of course, that’s the Lord’s prayer. But I just want you to look at that little phrase that we are considering. And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. I don’t know anybody who prays that way. Do you? Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. Do you pray that way? Lord, I want you to forgive me just like I forgive other people. How many of you want God to forgive you better than you forgive other people? So Jesus knew. He gives him this prayer. Jesus knew the hardest part of this prayer is this forgiveness thing. So at the end of the prayer, he expands. He gives what I’m calling an addendum to the prayer. Verse 14. For… If you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Now, let’s not argue here about how many times that person does it or if that person is worthy of forgiveness. Nothing is said here about… brooding over it first, punishing the other person with silence, waiting to see if they’re really sincere when they ask for forgiveness. None of that is mentioned. Just forgive. Forgive. Forgive. Now you’ve got to know something about both this passage and the one we started with. Matthew 18 and Matthew chapter 6. Jesus is not saying you get saved by forgiving people. He’s not saying that. What he is saying is those who are saved will be forgiving people. So that one of the indications that you’re truly saved is that you have been forgiven and you forgive. You ought to be the most forgiving person in your office. You ought to be the most forgiving person in your clinic. You ought to be the most forgiving purpose in your business, the people who are around you, the clients that you service. When people talk about you, it’s like, yeah, that guy didn’t hold grudges. That guy just lets things go. He’s never bitter. To refuse to forgive is hypocritical. Something else, to refuse to forgive invites torment. That’s the second little point. Look at verse 34. His master was angry, delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due him. That’s a word that means to suffer great pain. To suffer great pain. To get turned over and suffer great pain. Please notice, he does not say he’s going to turn him over to the executioners, but to the torturers. You’re not going to lose your life. You’re not going to lose your salvation over this, but you will lose your peace.
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You’re listening to Connect with Skip Heitzig. Every day, the generosity of friends like you helps make clear, practical Bible teaching available to families who are searching for hope, healing, and God’s truth. And this month, we want to thank you with a powerful resource focused on restoring God’s design for family. When you give, you’ll receive Reconnecting with Family, Pastor Skip’s new book drawn from more than 30 years of biblical teaching and pastoral wisdom. It speaks honestly to the real challenges families face—financial stress, emotional distance, discouragement, and temptation—while pointing you back to God’s timeless plan for healthy, God-honoring relationships. We’ll send Reconnecting with Family as our thanks when you give $50 or more to support the ministry of Connect with Skip Heitzig. Call 800-922-1888 or visit connectwithskip.com slash offer. Now let’s return to today’s teaching.
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You lose your peace and God will turn you over to that lack of peace, that torturing emotion. It’s called chastening whom the Lord loves He. chastens, the Bible tells us. One writer said, the Christian who harbors grudges, bitter feelings toward one another will be turned over to torturous thoughts, feelings of misery, and agonizing unrest within him. So every time you see that person, that feeling comes back. Parent, in-law, close friend. because you haven’t dealt with it right, that acid of resentment gurgles up to the surface, and you are handed over to the torturers every time. The application here is very, very clear. God is king. He’s the king in the story. All of the servants, he has lavishly forgiven their debt. If you refuse to forgive others, you are a hypocrite, and you will experience torment.” Pretty clear. Pretty clear is what it says. Ephesians 4.32, do you remember it? We used to sing that song. You remember that song, anybody? Be ye kind. That’ll ruin the whole thing. Better if I just say it. Be kind one to another. Tenderhearted. Forgiving one another, even as God, for Christ, has forgiven you. Forgiveness is demanded. Fourth and finally, here’s the last fact I want to give you. Forgiveness is doable. Don’t you agree Jesus would never tell you to do something unless he gave you the power to do it? The word, it’s impossible. I can’t forgive. It’s impossible. Can’t happen. It is possible. Verse 33, so you should forgive. Let me try that again. I’m having a tough time reading today. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant just as I had pity on you? You see, forgiveness is a choice. So how do you do it? How do you do it? Well, now I’m going to give you the tips. I’m going to give you the help. I’m going to give you three tips. I’m going to make it simple by having you kind of memorize a little thing. Start upward, move inward, reach outward. And I’m going to explain those. You start upward. That’s where you begin. You move inward to yourself. Then you reach outward. Let’s begin with the first. You start upward. You begin by praying for that person that offended you or that you were offended with. You pray for the person. You know what I’ve discovered? If you put a person like that on your prayer list and you pray for them every day, eventually you’re just not going to be holding on to stuff. You’re not going to be as bitter and angry and resentful and stewing in that because you’re praying for them. What do you pray for? You don’t pray that a car will hit them on the way to work. You don’t pray that they’ll get food poisoning at lunch. You pray for their good, right? You pray for their good. Ask God to bless that person. Ask God to bless that person. Jesus said, do unto others as you want them to do unto you. Ask God to help you love them Like he loves you. You know, he’s forgiven you more times than you can count. Psalm 103, as far as east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. So you start upward. It’s where you start praying for that person. Then you move inward. When I say move inward, this is where you are now dealing with your heart, with thoughts. This is all in your mind. And as you are moving it inward after you pray for them, here’s the thought. Imagine what it’s like being on the other side of you. What’s it like living on the other side of you? How you communicate, how you say things, how you look at people, body language you use, things you do. What’s it like being on the other side of you? Imagine that. Now, when you are moving it inward, you have to make a decision. I say forgiveness is a choice. Let me explain. Forgiveness is both a crisis and a process. It’s a crisis. It’s an event. It’s a choice. It’s a decision. You choose to let it go. You make a choice to forgive. You refuse to play the old tapes over and over again in your head. That’s backward motion. You want to move forward. So when you have a crisis of forgiveness, a moment, an event of forgiveness, you release the other person from obligation. You just choose to do that. A lot of people don’t choose that. That’s not their crisis. A lot of people have a crisis of unforgiveness. A crisis of unforgiveness sounds like this. You owe me. I’m going to make you pay. You’re going to regret that you ever said or did that. And I’m going to recruit others to my cause against you. That’s a crisis of unforgiveness. A crisis of forgiveness sounds like this. You don’t owe me. I don’t want payback. I’m writing this off. I’m letting this go. I’m making the choice to forgive you. That’s the crisis. But I said it’s not only a crisis, it’s a process. So it’s Sunday. You have the crisis of, okay, I’m going to do it. I’m in church. I can picture that person when I close my eyes. They’re on my eyelids. Every time I close, I can see that person. So my crisis today is I choose to let it go and forgive. That’s fine. But it’s Sunday. On Tuesday, when you see that person again, All of that resentment comes to the surface, boiling and bubbling and troubling. You got to deal with it. And you might not deal with it very well. In fact, you might say something to the other person that just hurts them. So you failed at the process. What I want to say to you is this. When you fail at the process, go back to the crisis. And you’ll probably have to do that time and time again. So you fail at the process. Go back to the crisis. I’m letting it go. Go through the process. You fail. Go back to the crisis. Make the decision. Keep doing that. Keep doing that as an ongoing practice and behavior of your life. When you fail at the process, you have to return to the crisis. So you start upward, you move inward. Three, you reach outward. You reach outward. This is the hardest part now. This is the part we don’t like. See, we’d rather just say, no, I’m going to go home and just pray about it. Amen. All done. Well, sorry, it’s not all done. At some point, sooner than later, You need to go to the person and try to resolve it. You don’t want to cop out on this part of the process. This is what Jesus said. If you bring your gift to the altar, and there you remember your brother has something against you, leave your gift at the altar, go first be reconciled with your brother, then come and offer your gift. That is the only time in Scripture I’m aware of where Jesus said, interrupt your worship to get that right. How do you do it? Well, it’s best if you do it personally. If you can’t do it personally, do it by phone. I guess you could text or write an email. I don’t like that. So much can be read into that. Well, you say, what if they refuse to communicate? What if they refuse to meet? What if they won’t resolve it? First of all, with some people, it’ll take time. Just keep knocking on that door, but it’ll take time. But even if they never allow you in to resolve it, you are only responsible for you, not for them. You’ve done your part. You can leave it before God because you have done what the Scripture commanded. So you start upward, you move inward, you try to reach outward. But I want you to remember this. When it comes to forgiveness, debtors should never become collectors. How many of you are debtors this morning? Raise your hand. if you believe you’re debtors before God. Again, I’m just surprised and shocked by the amount of people not raising their hand who admit, I’m not a debtor before God. We are all debtors. Debtors should never become collectors. Jesus was so quick to forgive on the cross. Amy Carmichael wrote this. If I say, yes, I forgive you, but I could never forget. As though the God who twice a day washes all the sands on all the shores of all the world could not wash such memories from my mind, then I know nothing of Calvary love. Be healed of this. It’s a choice you can make. You can make it right now to let it go. Be healed. Be a healer. I like going to cemeteries and seeing gravestones. I know it sounds really weird and macabre. This guy’s really, really off the wall. He would want to do that. But whenever I travel to England, I love going in old cemeteries. Guys who have been dead like 400 years, I want to just read a little bit about their life. I mean, they write books on these tombstones. And date of birth, date of death, a little bit about them, who he married, children, what he liked to do. All of that is sometimes on one tombstone. There’s a tombstone in upstate New York that has one single word on it, forgiven. No birth date, no death date, no relationship, no final little accolade, just forgiven. Not bad. What could be better? Only one word could be better. Not just forgiven, but forgiving. Forgiving. If you’ve been forgiven, then you want to be forgiving. You’re a Christian. You and I have no right to refuse to forgive. And if you are an unbeliever, your first prayer should be, forgive me, God. Cleanse me of my sins.
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Thanks for joining us today on Connect with Skip Heitzig. Before we go, remember your generosity helps share God’s word with families around the world, offering truth, hope, and encouragement where it’s needed most. And this month, we’d love to thank you for your gift of $50 or more by sending you Reconnecting with Family, Pastor Skip’s new book focused on restoring God’s design for family and relationships. It’s filled with biblical insight and practical encouragement to help families grow stronger, even in challenging seasons. Give today at connectwithskip.com slash offer or call 800-922-1888. See you next time on Connect with Skip. Make a connection.
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Make a connection at the foot of the crossing.
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