Join Dr. Dobson and guest Nancy Blake as they delve into the challenging topic of pornography addiction and its profound impact on family life. Nancy opens up about her husband’s double life that led to the dissolution of their marriage, yet she recounts how, through faith and prayer, she found a new path. This episode offers hope to those grappling with similar issues, emphasizing that even the deepest wounds can lead to renewed hope and brighter beginnings under God’s guidance.
Welcome everyone to Family Talk. It’s a ministry of the James Dobson Family Institute supported by listeners just like you. I’m Dr. James Dobson and I’m thrilled that you’ve joined us.
SPEAKER 02 :
Welcome to Family Talk, the broadcast ministry of the Dr. James Dobson Family Institute. I’m Roger Marsh, and today we are once again tackling the sensitive topic of pornography. It’s a devastating addiction that is affecting countless marriages and families all across the country. If you have young listeners within an earshot, you may want to catch the program later, which you can do online on the JDFI app or by going to drjamesdobson.org forward slash family talk. On our last edition of Family Talk, our guest Nancy Blake courageously revealed how her husband of 26 years had been living a double life. He appeared to be a devoted Christian businessman in public, but he was secretly battling an addiction to pornography that led to infidelity. Nancy had no idea that beneath the surface of their affluent lifestyle and active church involvement, her husband was caught in a destructive pattern that would ultimately lead to betrayal. Her compelling testimony reminds us that pornography is never a victimless issue. It destroys trust, intimacy and the foundation of marriage itself. But fortunately, Nancy’s story does not end with heartbreak. On today’s edition of Family Talk, she’ll share with Dr. Dobson not only the painful discovery of her husband’s deception, but also the remarkable journey of healing and restoration that God brought to her life. Through her faith and perseverance, Nancy discovered that even life’s deepest wounds can become pathways to unexpected blessings and new beginnings. Nancy’s willingness to discuss this painful chapter comes from a desire to help others facing similar struggles, to remind them they’re not alone, and that hope and healing are possible through the grace of God. Here now is Dr. James Dobson as he continues his conversation with author Nancy Blake on today’s edition of Family Talk.
SPEAKER 03 :
Here we were having this great life with lots of travels and traveling all over the world, opening up these McDonald’s restaurants and celebrating with other franchisees and taking the bus around the nation with Ray Kroc. He had a custom-made bus that was so fun. And we just had a fun life, and we had a wonderful lady who would always be there with our older sons, so we knew that it was okay to leave. And then he talked me into selling the McDonald’s. I didn’t want to, and I carried on and cried and begged, but he said, I just want to take you and our younger son around the world, and you can homeschool him and whatever. Yeah.
SPEAKER 04 :
What was his real motive now that you know?
SPEAKER 03 :
I don’t know.
SPEAKER 04 :
Was he supporting another family?
SPEAKER 03 :
Not at that time, no. I really feel like there must have been an employee or employees that were going to press sexual harassment. That’s my own interpretation. And he wanted to get out while he could. That’s speculation, obviously. That is totally speculation.
SPEAKER 04 :
But you had five McDonald’s and he started selling them off one at a time.
SPEAKER 03 :
No, we sold them to a wonderful family, all of them. And I sat at a long boardroom table, and my dream died that day, one of my dreams, because I always wanted to pass it on to our kids. But I was married, and you listen to what your husband says, I mean, even though I put up a big stink. And so it was several months later, I don’t remember the exact timing, that he said, I have something to tell you. And you’re going to leave me. And I thought, why would I leave you? We’re about ready to travel around the world. It’s going to be so fun. Anyway, I remember sitting there thinking, what’s he going to tell me? He said, I’ve never been faithful. I’m addicted to pornography. And he was so kind and loving. You knew him. He never hurt me physically, but it’s as though he kicked me in the stomach. And what did he tell you? He told me the story when he was 12. He had found, as I just told the story, a magazine and it had escalated. And he was involved with different women and prostitutes everywhere. before our marriage and after our marriage, and would I forgive him? And I just thought I was going to pass out. And I got my breath. I don’t even think I was crying because I was like in shock. And I said, yes, I don’t feel like it.
SPEAKER 04 :
This was a complete surprise to you.
SPEAKER 03 :
Oh, total. Like I said, I was very naive.
SPEAKER 04 :
It’s usually out in the open because it’s hard to hide.
SPEAKER 03 :
He was good at hiding it. He had one locked drawer in his desk, and I didn’t think anything of it. But when he left, I picked that open, and it was full of pornography. So anyway, so he told me this, and he said, will you forgive me? And I said, yes, I will forgive you because God tells us to, but I don’t feel like it. And hopefully he’ll bring me the feelings. And he said, will you stay married? And I said, yes, if you get help. And so then we went to counseling three times a week. And he said he was going to sexual addiction classes once a week. And he’d come home with these sad stories about what happened. I don’t know if he made them up or if he really went or what.
SPEAKER 04 :
It calls into question everything, doesn’t it?
SPEAKER 03 :
Yes, because I don’t know what was real. See how dumb I was?
SPEAKER 04 :
You weren’t dumb. You were a woman who loved her husband, tried to follow biblical principles. You didn’t want to hurt your children. You have all kinds of reasons for what you did. But I wrote a book called Love Must Be Tough, which would have given you different advice.
SPEAKER 03 :
And I read it. I guess I didn’t pick up on that. I should have. But anyway—
SPEAKER 04 :
Classic victim. You were an easy victim. I was easy. Out of love, you were an easy victim. You were easy to abuse and to fool and to lie to. And you did it for the best of reasons.
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, and getting flowers all the time and these beautiful poems. Oh, my gosh. And taking me to these wonderful places.
SPEAKER 04 :
He was good at it.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yeah. Anyway, so I said, we’re going to go to therapy. We went to therapy for a year and a half. And I woke up one morning and he was all dressed and he had a suitcase. And I said, where are you going? And he said, he was throwing down money and he was throwing down credit cards. And he said, I’ve never been faithful this last year and a half. He said, I’m leaving you. I never loved you. And I’m out of here. And he walked out the door. Then it was 26 years of marriage. And I— You fell apart, didn’t you? I did. I thought, what am I going to say to our son? He’s only five in the other room. The other two were off at college. What am I going to do?
SPEAKER 04 :
What was your answer?
SPEAKER 03 :
I prayed. He tells us that he helps us in our weakness, that the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness.
SPEAKER 04 :
That’s what I admire so much about you. It’s been very encouraging for Shirley and me, once we knew of the details, to see the way you have depended on the Lord and the way he has responded to you. He really put his arm around you, didn’t he? He did. He got you through that era.
SPEAKER 03 :
I claimed a verse in Joshua 1.9, Have I not commanded you? It’s not like if you feel like it. Be strong and of good courage, and be not dismayed, for I am the Lord your God. And then he promises, I am with you always. And he was with me. One of the times when we went through the divorce, it’s almost funny now when I look back on it, because I tried to find humor in it, which it wasn’t funny. But I sat at this long boardroom table, and we had lots of assets there. And there were all these court reporters, and I was alone with my attorney. And I walked in the door. I opened up the door, and I said, Lord, you need to go in before me. I can’t do this on my own. And so I pictured a chair where he was sitting. And so by the end of the three or four hours in these divorce proceedings, because I kept looking at that chair for strength, you probably wondered why I was looking at that empty chair, but I never told him.
SPEAKER 04 :
You did not file for the divorce. No. Your husband did, Bob.
SPEAKER 03 :
No.
SPEAKER 04 :
And did that come as a surprise or he had already told you where he was going with it, hadn’t he?
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, he had done his research. He had the best divorce attorney in – where we lived. And I didn’t know – a divorce attorney, so I had to start from scratch. I didn’t know where to go or who to talk to. I had wonderful friends that came alongside of me, and I didn’t want my kids to know what their dad had done. The older boys knew by this time, not the extent of it, but they knew.
SPEAKER 04 :
How did they respond to it?
SPEAKER 03 :
Honestly? Yeah. I’m not trying to take credit because credit goes to the Lord. But I learned in my Bible studies when I became a Christian that you count on him and you listen to his word and he always… taught me that you love the sinner and not the sin. And that’s what I taught my boys. I used to do a Bible study with about 20 surfers when my kids wouldn’t go to a Bible study. So I said, okay, I’m giving it. So there were about 20 surfers, 15 to 20. We started out with pizza and chocolate chip cookies, like for maybe 45 minutes and 10 or 15 minutes of study. And then by the end of the time, it was reversed because the word of the Lord caught on. So I taught my boys to, you love your father. He was a good dad when he was around. Lots of fun vacations and tickling.
SPEAKER 04 :
You deliberately shielded them from hatred, didn’t you? I tried really hard. You did not want them to hate their father.
SPEAKER 03 :
No.
SPEAKER 04 :
And you preserved their relationship with him. And they have a good relationship surprisingly today.
SPEAKER 03 :
They do.
SPEAKER 04 :
And they love the Lord.
SPEAKER 03 :
Oh, well, that was it. It was really the Lord that did that for him because they knew how devastated I was.
SPEAKER 04 :
Nancy, do you realize what a great job you did in an impossible situation? Thank you. Somebody needs to tell you that the Lord saw that and honored it. And those of us who know about it honor you today. Because you were the victim. You didn’t know it. You had no part in it. And Bob took advantage of you and hid things from you and hurt you in many ways and walked out on you. And yet you didn’t allow yourself to hate either, did you?
SPEAKER 03 :
No, but I hated what he had done, and I made the mistake of telling other people, anybody who would listen, that what had happened, that I wasn’t divorcing him. I’m a Christian. He was divorcing me, and so that wasn’t right of me to do probably. Well, you’re human.
SPEAKER 04 :
What’s the next chapter? Did the Lord begin to heal your troubled mind?
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, there’s one point that I want to bring up that he also had one of our employees. He had her pregnant at the same time he had me pregnant, our younger son. And he asked me to give her a baby shower and my maternity clothes. And I said, my goodness. I said, she’s our employee.
SPEAKER 04 :
Let me get this straight now. You were pregnant.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yeah.
SPEAKER 04 :
And he had gotten another woman pregnant.
SPEAKER 03 :
Which I didn’t know.
SPEAKER 04 :
And he asked you to give her a baby shower?
SPEAKER 03 :
Uh-huh. Are you kidding me? No. And I look back on it and I think, you’ve got to be kidding.
SPEAKER 04 :
Did you say that at the time?
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, I said, why would I do that? But I hardly knew her. And when you do something so intimate like that, it’s usually for a dear friend. And then my maternity clothes were – we were going to these really special things. So a lot of them were specially made and they were beautiful. So my husband said that her boyfriend had gone to another state and he felt sorry for her.
SPEAKER 04 :
He didn’t admit that he was the father.
SPEAKER 03 :
Oh, no. I didn’t know any of that. So my three boys have a half-sister. So I called this gal in the book. Her name is Sandra. And I called her and I said, Sandra – I was crying. Sandra, how could you have done this? How could you do this? And she never, to my recollection, said she was sorry. And she said, how can you call me? And I said, well, I’m calling to tell you that I forgive you, but I don’t feel like it. But God tells us to forgive. So I’m telling you I’m going to forgive you, and he’ll bring the feelings. And so she said in so many ways, she says, I want to know that, God. So I had an opportunity to share how she could know the Lord. Yeah.
SPEAKER 04 :
You’re one of a kind. Do you know that? I have not known very many women like you who have gone through something like this. with such compassion and love and tolerance and hurt, deep, deep hurt. Hurt usually brings anger and anger brings hate. You didn’t go down that road.
SPEAKER 03 :
No, I was angry and I hated what he had done and I hated what she had done. Thank you for saying that, though that’s nice of you.
SPEAKER 04 :
Well, let’s go to the happy part of your journey.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yeah.
SPEAKER 04 :
The Lord had another plan.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yes, he did.
SPEAKER 04 :
Tell us about it.
SPEAKER 03 :
Okay. So I always wanted to be happily married. And so I went on a dating site, and I was on for two or three years. And it was awful because when I was dating when I was younger— The men pursued me, but that’s not the way it is now. So I was the initiator and I had to say, oh, I like your profile or whatever. So I just kept trying and I tried to make it a game. Sometimes it was fun, sometimes it was awful. But I didn’t give up until the last month and I just went before the Lord and I said, I guess this isn’t what you have for me and I’m going to give it one more month and then I’m done.
SPEAKER 04 :
And you did?
SPEAKER 03 :
And I did, and then I met Joe, and this is what happened. Again, I was the initiator, and I said, I like what it said on your profile. And I sent it off. Weeks went by, and a few months went by, and I didn’t hear from him. And I thought, well, that takes care of him. So I deleted him, and I went on to my next conquest. Meanwhile, he has two daughters and a son, and one of his daughters met with him and said, Dad, well, there’s somebody here who’s deleted you. And he said, she did what?
SPEAKER 04 :
That doesn’t happen very often, does it?
SPEAKER 03 :
So he opened it up and he said, will you give me another chance? You won’t regret it. I got together with him and I found out that he was married 49 years and took care of his wife for 10 years with Parkinson’s. And he lifted her in every position and then took her to Europe twice in a wheelchair and took good care of her. I knew he had integrity, somebody that would do this for somebody he loved. When I mentioned to him, that must have been so hard for you, he said it was a privilege. And I’m so thankful he’s the most wonderful man. And when his wife and he were married, she wouldn’t allow him in the kitchen because that was her domain. And so as she was getting really ill and couldn’t cook anymore, he put the wheelchair up to the center island and she taught him how to cook. And consequently, he just loves to cook.
SPEAKER 04 :
He’s made a wonderful husband for you, hasn’t he?
SPEAKER 03 :
Oh, he’s like a wife. Is that right? I mean, she taught him how to sew. I lost a button the other day. I said, I take it to the cleaners. And he said, no, he said, I’ll sew it back on. I’m going, what? You know, because she taught him all that before she passed away.
SPEAKER 04 :
Well, Nancy, that’s an absolutely wonderful story. I appreciate so much you coming and sharing it. Like I said at the beginning last time, there are ladies out there whose husbands are secretly into this stuff. Most of them know it, and they don’t know what to do about it. And you started with prayer. There’s also a need at a point like this to get proper counseling to know what to do, it usually does not help to just threaten and warn and yell and push the guy out and so on. But there is a need to turn loose and let him go. And I talk about that in my book, Love Must Be Tough. And I do hope our listeners will get a copy of that book. I’ve written 72 books, and that’s the one that had the most unique understanding of human nature in it. And I’ve had thousands of letters literally from people who have read this and understood I’ve been trying to hold this guy against his will or this woman. It’s the same thing on the other side. And the mistakes that are being made will determine largely whether or not the marriage survives it doesn’t always survive nothing works with everybody but if it has a chance you have to let it breathe and you suffocate a relationship and then you will probably see the further destruction of the family you didn’t do that because you didn’t know to do that you didn’t even know what you were up against there was a unseen force out here you knew something was wrong and In the bedroom, you knew it was wrong, and yet you couldn’t get a handle on it. Is that correct?
SPEAKER 03 :
I really wasn’t worldly, so I didn’t know I thought something was wrong with me.
SPEAKER 04 :
That’s typical. You took the blame for it.
SPEAKER 03 :
I did. It was so freeing to know that there’s nothing wrong with me.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, if you’d have been a better wife, if you’d been better in the bedroom, if you had been more loving, more caring. It’s never one-sided. Any relationship that falls apart has two sides. But there’s usually one who wants out and is doing all kinds of wrong things and another one who is desperate to hold it together.
SPEAKER 03 :
One of the most painful things for me is we had that Bible study that I started in our home when we moved to a new area and we’d been meeting for like 15 years every week. And so the men, when they found out that he was leaving and divorcing me, met with him for the purposes of restoring him. Well, their hearts were in the right place, but it caused their wives to be unsafe because we were going through a divorce and there was a lot involved. And so one of the men told me and left the group is Bob put his head in his hands and cried and said, what would you do if you live with such a cold woman?
SPEAKER 04 :
They blamed you, too.
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, I don’t know if they did, but I felt like they all knew. And I was full of so much shame.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, shame is killer.
SPEAKER 03 :
When you say speak to that lady out there, and I just want to say that I do want to talk to you out there who’s listening that it’s not about you. It’s about what they see, and we can never compare to that, whether it’s guilt or whatever. But we couldn’t begin to compare about that. And so to tell you mothers, tell your sons and maybe your daughters, too, Don’t even look at it. Don’t even allow that to come into their life because you never get rid of it. And in my situation, this is what happened.
SPEAKER 04 :
Well, let me say again to the woman that’s listening to us today, don’t yield to that guilt trip if your husband is involved in something of this nature. It is more than likely not your fault. Yes, you can look inside and see something less than perfection. That’s human nature. There’s not a husband or wife out there at all who can ever be above that. You give that to the Lord. But don’t yield to that temptation to turn those guns on yourself. If anything at this point, you need love. You need somebody to put an arm around you, somebody to care for you, and you need to care for yourself.
SPEAKER 03 :
God tells us in his word to expose the deeds of darkness. And so that’s what I wanted to do today. And the enemy isn’t going to like that. And so I wrote the book. And over the years, I threw it away twice because it wasn’t that it was painful to write. It’s just a stinky subject to write about. You know, my friends say, oh, you’re writing a book. What are you writing about? And I go… All of a sudden, the subject’s changed.
SPEAKER 04 :
You’re right about one thing. Satan is going to harass you for being here today. You’re going to go home and you’re going to say, what did I do that for? I’ve exposed myself to the world on the most dark, painful aspect of my life. What did I do that for? I’m telling you the Lord brought you here.
SPEAKER 03 :
I do know that.
SPEAKER 04 :
And he brought you here on behalf of so many people who are suffering at the point that you did. And the beautiful part of your story is you landed on your feet. You have a husband who loves you, who cares for you. You have children whose lives have not been destroyed by this. Amazingly, that’s prayer that they grew up normally and they even love their father.
SPEAKER 03 :
Oh, of course. And they held on to the rock. They knew the Lord. They didn’t wait till the storm came. And we have to know the Lord, not just know him or about him, but we need to know him first.
SPEAKER 04 :
You know, Shirley and I are reading the book of Exodus. It says that the people were crying out under the oppression of slavery in Egypt. And it says the Lord heard their cry and was concerned.
SPEAKER 03 :
He cares about us. He loves us. And he cares about anybody who’s out there listening and thinking, you know, you’re all alone. Well, you’re not alone. Sometimes you might not feel like it, but he never leaves you. And he’s always with you.
SPEAKER 04 :
Let me talk to the men out there who saw themselves in this discussion. Maybe they heard it and they said, oh, no, they’re going to talk about something too close to home. Let me say that I don’t care how old you are or what you’ve done wrong. God is a forgiving, loving God. And you get on your face before him. And you cry out to him and you repent and you ask for forgiveness and you ask him what to do next. You talk to those you have wounded and hurt, whether your children or your spouse or your mother or father, whoever it is that you’ve hurt and done wrong to. You get forgiveness. It is not too late to straighten up your life. As for how you deal with the relationships you’ve got in your new world, I certainly can’t offer generalities about that. But I can tell you there’s a path to forgiveness. And I’m asking our listeners to pray for the Bobs of the world. Not only for the Nancys of the world, to pray for the Bobs of the world. Because there is freedom there. and joy at the end of the line. And you have found it. I thank you for being here. Get a copy of this book, read it, and blessings, Nancy. On behalf of Shirley, we put an arm around you and thank you for the woman you are.
SPEAKER 03 :
Thank you very much.
SPEAKER 04 :
Okay.
SPEAKER 02 :
Well, you’ve been listening to a special edition of Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk and a powerful dialogue featuring Dr. Dobson and his guest, Nancy Blake. They’ve been discussing the tragic fallout of pornography addiction. Nancy’s story shows us that even when pornography shatters a marriage, God’s grace offers restoration beyond what we could ever ask or even imagine. Now, if you missed any portion of today’s broadcast, or perhaps you know someone who would benefit from hearing this encouraging message of healing, go to drjamesdobson.org forward slash family talk. We’ve already uploaded the audio for both parts one and two of this conversation, along with a link for Nancy’s book called Betrayed. And remember, you can always listen through the free James Dobson Family Institute mobile app as well. It’s available in both Apple and Android app stores. Here at the Dr. James Dobson Family Institute, we are committed to preserving and promoting the institution of the family and the biblical principles on which it’s based. These broadcasts reach millions of listeners each and every month, bringing hope and practical guidance to families facing their own storms. And your financial partnership makes this all possible. When you support Family Talk with a you help us continue broadcasting messages that strengthen marriages, equip parents, and point people to the gospel of Jesus Christ. To make a secure donation online, go to drjamesdobson.org. That’s drjamesdobson.org. Or if you’d like to give a gift over the phone, you can call 877-732-6825. That’s 877-732-6825. And if you’re led to send your tax-deductible donation through the U.S. Postal Service, Our ministry mailing address is Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk, P.O. Box 39000, Colorado Springs, Colorado, the zip code 80949. Well, I’m Roger Marsh, and on behalf of all of us here at the JDFI, thanks so much for listening today. Be sure to join us again next time right here for another edition of Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk, the voice you trust for the family you love.
SPEAKER 01 :
This has been a presentation of the Dr. James Dobson Family Institute.
SPEAKER 04 :
Hello everyone, do you need help dealing with the everyday tasks of raising a family? I’m James Dobson here, and if you do, I hope you’ll tune in to our next edition of Family Talk. Our main purpose in this ministry is to put tools into your hands that will strengthen your marriage and help you raise your kids. Hope to see you right here next time for another edition of Family Talk.
