Ep. 1679 – The Good News with Angie Austin – RACHEL KERR SCHNEIDER, THE WIDOW WORE RED MY JOURNEY WITH JESUS JOHN AND ALS

SPEAKER 01 : 0:00

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SPEAKER 02 : 0:30

Welcome to The Good News with Angie Austin. Now, with The Good News, here’s Angie.

SPEAKER 04 : 0:39

Hey there, friend. Angie Austin here with The Good News. Really excited to have back Rachel Kerr Schneider. She is here to talk about her book, The Widow Chose Red, My Journey with Jesus, John, and ALS. Thanks so much for joining us again, Rachel. Oh, Angie, thank you for having me. Now, I know we had something exciting happen right after we spoke last week, that Patty Aubrey, who is the New York Times bestselling author of Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul, came to a big book party you were having. So tell me how all this went, the launch and having Patty there, et cetera. How was the last week?

SPEAKER 03 : 1:15

Oh, Angie, thank you so much for asking. Actually, it was a week ago today that we held the launch party here outside of Dallas, Texas. And, yes, Patty did. She was kind enough to work me into her busy, busy schedule. And we had a wonderful crowd attend, a lot of people who have known John and then, of course, a lot of people who know me and did not know John. But the wonderful thing about it is that Patty was able to lend her support. We’ve known each other for over 13 years. I had met her on a retreat once. And, of course, she works with Jack Canfield. And they developed the Chicken Soup for the Soul series along with Mark Victor Hansen, which was a very, very popular series of books, inspirational books. And so I had met Patty at a retreat, a workshop with Jack. And interestingly enough, Angie, I still have my workbook from that retreat, which was 13 years ago. Oh, wow. took me through an exercise on how to write a book and diagrammed the whole thing out. And I have that framed with a picture of Jack holding the diagram, which is, you know, it’s so interesting how when God puts a calling or a dream in our heart, how it will stay there. And we may think that it’s not going to happen or it may not happen on the timeline that we have. have prepared for ourselves, but I’m a testimony to the fact that when God does give us a story and when He does give us a calling and He does put something in our heart, He will make a way for it to happen. So here I am, you know, 13 years later, I would have never imagined that Patty would write the foreword, that Patty would be here in person. He just goes above and beyond our expectations in such an amazing way. And so, yes, and I also had a representative from the Live Like Lou Foundation because proceeds from the book are going to benefit this foundation, which was started by a man who was diagnosed with ALS, an attorney. And he was determined to leave ALS better than he found it. So this foundation operates in three platforms. It provides scholarships to young children who lose a parent to ALS. It also partners with the fraternity that Lou Gehrig was a part of, which is Phi Delta Theta. And these young men go and do service projects for families who have ALS. And then, of course, it provides money for the research, which is so important because what they believe is that if they can figure out what will unlock the secrets of this mysterious and deadly disease, it will also help with other neurodegenerative diseases such as Parkinson’s and Huntington’s and Alzheimer’s.

SPEAKER 04 : 4:27

Oh, my goodness. Okay, so that was exciting. And to have all these friends that you, you know, live near, you know, from the Dallas area, and that you’ve been friends with for many, many years, exciting to have them there. And then, like you mentioned, John’s friends as well. And we’re going to recap your story of The Widow Chose Red, My Journey with Jesus, John and ALS. If you’re just hearing Rachel for the first time, she lost her husband to ALS, and she had two boys when he was diagnosed who were 10 and 14, and she had to raise them after he passed. So how long were you considering this book? How long ago was he diagnosed?

SPEAKER 03 : 5:08

So John was diagnosed 17 years ago. And he was a straight line decline. And it was three years. He was diagnosed in September of 08. And he passed in September of 11. So it was pretty much right at three years. The timeline for most patients is two to five. That hasn’t changed. And since his diagnosis 17 years ago, they are still no closer. They don’t have anything to help treat this. It’s basically a death sentence, and you just manage the progression and the decline of your body.

SPEAKER 04 : 5:50

Unbelievable that after 17 years we’re no closer to, you know, a cure or even better treatment. And I was going to tell you yesterday I did an interview about – the devotion called Beyond Imagination. My girlfriend’s written 14 books, and she wrote this devotional called Fresh Hope for Today, Devotions for Joy on the Journey, Grace Fox. And I just thought it was kind of coincidental when you were talking about your prayers coming true and 13 years ago, wanting to write this book, feeling called to write this book. And Here, 13 years later, you’re with, you know, after you took the photo with Jack Canfield, you’re also with Patty Aubrey, who wrote, who is the author of Christians, pardon me, Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul. Okay, so my point is, what we talked about yesterday is her devotion called Beyond Imagination. And then her prayer says, God, please answer my prayers in a way beyond imagination and bringing glory to your name. And her story was very different from yours. They were in Heathrow Airport. There’d been a lot of fog. She had to find some of the people who were working for her missions nonprofit. And they were going to a conference in Slovakia. So she had to find her niece and her cousin’s kid or whatever. And she’s like, I’m never going to find him in here. You know, we’re in Heathrow. It’s overwhelmed with the fog. And how is this going to work? And I’ve got to help these younger people. And she said somebody turned in line in front of her in a giant like Disney World line when you’re trying to get through customs. And it was her niece. And she was like, you know, I prayed and God answered my prayers beyond my imagination. She says there were hundreds of thousands of people that day. She goes, I don’t know if you’ve been in Heathrow, but it’s enormous. And so anyway, I just love the idea of praying for things that are beyond your imagination that the Lord can answer. And that’s what you were saying about your book.

SPEAKER 03 : 7:37

Yes. And I love the title of her book because You’re absolutely right. God answers in ways that are absolutely beyond our imagination and beyond our comprehension. And, you know, even when we are suffering and we don’t see a way out and we don’t even know what to pray for anymore, you know, that’s when that Holy Spirit that lives inside of us, that’s when we can activate this supernatural superpower that we all have. to say, okay, Lord, I don’t understand this. I don’t know what even to pray for. I’m so overwhelmed with what’s going on in my life. So Holy Spirit, please intercede for me and make my heart, make my requests known to my Heavenly Father. And He does. And so it is, I love that analogy. And thank you for sharing that, Angie, because Beyond imagination, that’s what our Heavenly Father is all about. He will take care of us beyond our wildest expectations.

SPEAKER 04 : 8:37

Now, Rachel, for the people who didn’t hear you last week, let’s give a recap of your story, having the two boys and your husband was traveling all over the country for his work. And how many times did you move and how many years before he was diagnosed? Yes.

SPEAKER 03 : 8:54

We were together, John and I met and got married in Dallas. We were together for 24 years. We had two sons who, as you mentioned earlier, they were 10 and 14 when their dad died. I was known as the trailing spouse. John was climbing the corporate ladder, which I’m sure a lot of your listeners can relate to, and we relocated together. Actually, it was seven times in 15 years. So I was less than two years at most places that we were at. We started in Dallas, went to Philadelphia, then to Seattle, then to San Francisco, then back to Dallas, then up to Chicago, then back to Dallas, and then to Minnesota. Wow. And, you know, each time… You know, as the mom, as the wife, you’re creating that home, and it’s a lot of work, and it can be a little isolating, too, because you’re in these new areas. You’re trying to find a new community. You’re trying to find a new church. Oh, you’re trying to find somebody to do your hair. I mean, it’s just, you know. Yes, a doctor.

SPEAKER 04 : 9:56

Yes, doctors and hair and nails and churches. Yeah. And just a friend, maybe, you know. At our age, it’s more difficult to make friends. I mean, you’re from the South, and it’s easier, I think, for Southerners to make friends, to be honest with you. But at our age, it is more difficult to make friends. A lot of my good friends are from my 20s. Yes.

SPEAKER 03 : 10:14

Yes. And, you know, I am thankful because my boys, I will tell you this because it would have been very easy for me to just curl up in a fetal position after going through three years of this illness with my husband and watching him literally wither away. But I had these two young boys that I needed to, I needed to be present for every single day. And, you know, their grief expressed itself in different ways as well. My oldest son, John, went down a path of drugs, and we then entered a journey in rehab, which is what my second book will be about. My youngest son, Jake, coped very differently. He threw himself into sports. If it had a ball, he was there. Baseball, softball, football, you name it, lacrosse, he just sank himself right into that, and that was… how he coped. And so, you know, these boys, growing up without that father figure, you know, we’re not designed, Angie. I wasn’t designed to step into that role. I’m a mom. I was created to be the mom, right? So it was a difficult journey. I’m pleased and so grateful because today they are young men who are, you know, working, taking care of themselves. One of them, John, even has two little ones. So it’s just a testimony to how our God works and how he sees us through. But I will tell you that the whole addiction thing was something I had no experience with. And once again, I was finding myself in a place after having taken care of my husband and been told there’s nothing we can do, absolutely nothing. And then, you know, my son, who as a mother, we’re called to nurture, protect, and care for, you know, I was trying everything on the other end of the spectrum, you name it, whether it was, you know, outward bound intervention, all in-house counseling, outpatient counseling, you know, relocation, you name it. I sent him to Australia to be with my parents and my brother thinking that even, you know, a male influence might be helpful. But Those adolescent years are difficult for both girls and boys, and there’s a lot going on there that sometimes we can figure out and then a lot of times we can’t, and they can be challenging for all of us.

SPEAKER 04 : 12:44

Now, in terms of – I have so many questions I want to ask you, so I’m going to keep you around for another segment so we can take the whole show. In terms of the book coming to fruition, The Widow Chose Red – How long you had to raise your boys, you had to get through the grief, you had to, you know, your deal with the changing relationship with your husband and then him passing away and like restarting without him because you’d trailed him all those years. So when did you start working on the book?

SPEAKER 03 : 13:15

Well, I have notes and entries from my journals that go back to the time. I don’t even know, Angie, how I was doing that. But I was keeping a journal that I, you know, it was haphazard at best. I’d go for weeks and not write. And then I’d come back and go, okay, let me catch you up with this is what’s going on and so on and so forth. So that was helpful. I also kept a lot of notes from when the caretakers, when we had home care for John and I would be exchanging notes with them about how John was doing and what care he was getting. And, you know, it was just, I just, and I had taken some writing courses. I had been to some seminars. I had been keeping up with the story in my mind.

SPEAKER 04 : 14:07

And I do remember, we have to take a break, but I do remember you saying that you took a lot of notes. So obviously that helped you. We’re going to be right back with Rachel Kirschneider, The Widow Chose Red, My Journey with Jesus, John, and ALS. We’ll be right back.

SPEAKER 05 : 14:24

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SPEAKER 04 : 15:26

Welcome back to The Good News with Angie Austin, joined by Rachel Kirschneider. We’re talking about her book, The Widow Chose Red, My Journey with Jesus, John, and ALS. Talking about her husband being diagnosed with ALS 17 years ago. Her boys were 10 and 14 then. He passed away three years later. And she’d gone to a really neat Jack Canfield chicken soup for the soul. And she met also the author of of Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul, Patty Aubrey, 13 years ago. And here she is 13 years later having her book launch and Patty came out and you had the picture with Jack Canfield because you were taught how to write a book way back when. And so now it’s out 17 years after your husband died. was diagnosed at 14 years right after he passed away. Yes. And the boys are raised, and you’re going to have the next book on how your older son dealt with the grief and how he went down the addiction path, and your younger son went down the sports path, just staying busy with the teammates, et cetera. So we were talking about how you took all these notes while your husband was sick, and that ended up turning into the book. How long did it take you to write the book?

SPEAKER 03 : 16:34

Well, once I got serious about it, Angie, it took me about eight months. No, it’s not. And, and here’s the important thing. If anyone out there is thinking about writing their story or wanting to do that, we now have so much technology available to us that allows this process to go much easier. You know, you can, you can speak it into a transcription, you can record it, have it transcribed for you. There’s so much that’s available now. It’s that makes it so much easier to deal with. Um, And so for me, I know that doing the second book, which is going to be The Boys, The Bible, and The Battles, I know that that will probably be easier, although the topic is still going to be very difficult to go back to those days. And I think that was probably one of the things I wasn’t really ready for as I wrote this book, even though John’s been gone for 14 years, ALS is still just as brutal as it ever was. So putting myself back in that place and also partnering again with another foundation and being aware of what’s been going on and people that are still to this day and seeing young people who are diagnosed at the ages of 23 and 27 and watching them. You know, social media makes it so that we can connect with others in the community. And I think that’s why I felt so moved to get this book out, because I know that there are so many out there who feel alone, who feel isolated, who are still grieving, and who are still trying to process the trauma of this brutal disease. And so that was the way that I felt that I could that I could share and support and inspire, whether it’s ALS or any other kind of diagnosis or challenge that you might have in your life. I wanted to be able to lend some support and some confidence and remind you of that special supernatural power that you hold inside of you with the Holy Spirit.

SPEAKER 04 : 18:44

Now, we talked before about how you were living in Minnesota at the time, and you were thinking about moving back to Dallas because you had such a community there. But you stayed in Minnesota, and it ended up being really wonderful, the support that your boys received, et cetera. During that time, how did all of the relationships and the family change there? And I know that you were already a woman of faith, a strong faith. How did your relationship with your husband, but how did all the relationships in the family change during that three-year journey as you were saying that your husband took that straight line deterioration with the ALS?

SPEAKER 03 : 19:21

Well, it did change very much so in that I think it’s difficult when you’re watching someone with an illness. Of course, everyone wants to weigh in on what they think is the best way to handle a situation. And a lot of times you can get run over with the wrong kind of help. And it’s so important to really determine what kind of help you need and how to get it. It’s also important to realize, too, that you need to be able to accept help, but accepting the right kind of help is important too. I found that John and I really had to be in agreement more so than ever on how he wanted to make this journey. And those were conversations that the two of us had to have and keep having. And I found that a lot of times I just really had to help the family honor his wishes and That is what was so important. And, you know, as I said earlier, when you’re a mom or a dad, you feel like I don’t care how old your child gets to be, you really want to go in and protect them and tell them what they should do or how they should do it. And yet I think all of us at some point reached this point where we said, okay, John, we have to honor what John wants and how he wants to do this because ending well for all of us needs to be something that we get to choose. And how we choose to end it can give us a great sense of peace and allow us to exit this world in a way that that leave the legacy and how we want to be remembered. So that was really important. John wanted to be at home. We did access hospice six months before he died because we knew. that they would provide services that would help me in giving care. And I think that’s one of the things, too, Angie, that I want people to recognize is hospice doesn’t have to be bad. Those individuals are trained and there to help and support the whole family in a lot of different ways. And a lot of times I think we make the mistake of waiting way too long to utilize what hospice can provide.

SPEAKER 04 : 21:56

Now, an interesting twist of fate, I understand, is that your husband, John, who had ALS, that his brother also died of a terminal illness, and that was ahead of John’s passing. And so were there any lessons learned there? Did it help prepare you? I mean, it seems like it would just be even more sorrow just heaped onto your husband’s family and your family with losing his brother of a terminal illness as well.

SPEAKER 03 : 22:23

Yes, and Ronald had died at the age of 40, just shy of his 40th birthday. And, you know, my mother-in-law, Elaine, is just a study in resilience. Wow. You know, and Ronald was a real go-getter as well, both John and Ronald, although very different. were very successful in their respective careers. Ronald was in real estate, both a broker and a realtor. We actually were at SMU at the same time together, although we didn’t know each other. Oh, wow.

SPEAKER 04 : 22:59

Oh, you were at SMU. Oh, my best friend’s daughter is just leaving a few months to go there. Just a little sidebar there, yes.

SPEAKER 03 : 23:06

Okay, so you were… Yes, she’ll love it. She will absolutely love it. But yes, I think Ronald… What we learned from Ronald’s passing, once again, I was in charge of doing the celebration of life services for Ronald and then for John, and I thought that both of these guys would have left some set of instructions because they were so much in control of so many other things in their work life and so forth, and yet I was operating… more so than John because, of course, I’ve been married to John and been with him. But Ronald’s service was kind of like, okay, how do you figure this out for somebody who’s not necessarily attending church? You know, all of those things that a lot of people are probably finding themselves dealing with, too, because we’re in such a mobile society and a lot of people don’t have the church communities, you know, that we used to 20 or 30 years ago because we’re all over the place. But Losing Ronald, I never dreamed that we’d suffer another loss with his brother. It never entered my mind. I’m sure it didn’t. No, no. But the similarities in how they handled their illnesses and how they reached out to try experimental programs, it’s really a testimony to both of them and their courage.

SPEAKER 04 : 24:34

I am. I have a girlfriend. She’s a pastor. And I met her because she was on my show when I first started it. So probably like 13 years ago. And Dawn Wanzer, she came in with her sons who were severely handicapped. They’ve been fine till about the age of five and a really rare progression where they ended up unable to speak. you know, still mentally there, but unable to speak, unable to feed themselves, you know, unable to go to the bathroom. They’ve lost their ability to walk. So they were both in wheelchairs. And when the older one passed away, maybe early twenties, then the, the, the little one, he, he was so, Jake was so sad that, and, you know, he couldn’t, he couldn’t say anything about how sad he was. He just, you know, He just withered away after he lost his brother. So I’m like, oh, my goodness. I cannot believe that Kevin and Dawn have lost both their boys within a short time of each other. And I interviewed her on the show a few years ago about what happened after that, because I have never in my life see someone that the Lord made more perfect. perfectly to be a caregiver. It was mind blowing to me. I mean, I just could not even, I’ve never seen anything like the way she’d look in their eyes and she’d put them on the ground and they lift them out and she’d gaze into their eyes and like tickle their little noses. And Jake’s eyes were just sparkle. And so that was her life caring for them. Okay. Yes. I’m going to start to cry. Yeah, I know. I realized that Dawn was sick. And I thought, well, she can’t possibly die. Kevin and Dawn have been together for 34 years and their relationship did not suffer. They’re soulmates. Like they’re so in love with each other. It’s crazy. And he came over to do some electrical work for me and she came to the door with him and I’m like, oh my gosh, extra bonus. Like I got you too. And she goes, well, not everybody gets me too when it comes to do electrical jobs. And we sat in the living room, we talked for three hours about the boys and the whole journey. And shortly after that, I found out she was sick. Well, she died about a month ago, and I could not wrap my head around how he could lose his entire family, both of his boys, like approximately like teenager and early 20s, the boys, and then his wife, who was like mid-50s maybe. And I just and I, you know, I’ve been in touch with him and just the sorrow and all of his posts. And I just don’t even know how you survive any of these things without the Lord. Like, how do you get through it? And that’s really what your book is about, isn’t it? That you knew the Lord was real because you felt him alongside you during this journey.

SPEAKER 03 : 27:10

Yes. And and he became more more real to me than ever than ever before. And I do believe Angie. And you’ve got me in tears. because I do believe that it’s through our suffering, and we don’t know why, right? There’s no rational explanation that we could give to Kevin, that we could give to my boys. And that’s the hardest thing, right? Why? Why? And yet, you know, we know, Angie, look how Jesus suffered on our behalf. So who are we to think that we would get through this life unscathed? You know, there is always a reason, although we may not be able to figure it out. But, you know, Kevin is still here. Your friend Kevin is still here. There’s a reason that he’s still here. And his life is still a testimony to all that God has brought him through. And we have no idea what’s still in store for him, right? Just like I had no idea what was still in store for me, but it is. And you are right. It is only through having that belief. I don’t know how people do it if they don’t know Jesus, if they don’t know the power of the Trinity, you know, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. So thank you for sharing that because all of us, all of us have our crosses to bear. and all of us will experience some pain and suffering. You’re just not going to get through life without it.

SPEAKER 04 : 28:44

And what I appreciate, we’re almost out of time, is that you were able to step through your pain again to help others in writing The Widow Chose Red, My Journey with Jesus, John, and ALS. Rachel Kirschneider, give us your website before we run out of time.

SPEAKER 03 : 29:00

Yes, it’s spiritedprosperity.com.

SPEAKER 04 : 29:04

spiritedprosperity.com. Thank you, friends. I already feel like we’re friends. Thanks so much for joining me on The Good News.

SPEAKER 02 : 29:10

Angie, thank you. Godspeed. Thank you for listening to The Good News with Angie Austin on AM670 KLTT.