Family Stories and the Power of Reunion

SPEAKER 04 : 0:00

welcome to the good news with angie austin now with the good news here’s angie hello there friend angie austin here with the good news you know recently i uh well i just came back from a family reunion and one of my author friends said to me you know that’s a really great topic you know these because these have been happening since i was an infant before even i was you know, born. These were started by the generation before me. Rachel Kirschneider is joining us, and her book we’ve talked about on multiple occasions, and she pretty much has experience in dealing with, oh, let’s see, the Christian faith, the loss of her husband to ALS, raising her boys alone, then after her husband passed, and on and on and on. So we’ve just decided we’re going to continue our discussions talking about life. Rachel Kerr Schneider, author of The Widow Wore Red. Welcome back.

SPEAKER 03 : 0:58

Angie, it’s so good to be back. And I got to tell you, girlfriend, I’m just a little jealous because I My family didn’t do this family reunion thing that has been going on in your life for years. So I am really curious to hear more about how that started, your photos. You took me through time with that. But I think it’s an amazing tradition, and like I said, I’m a little bit jealous, so I want to know more.

SPEAKER 04 : 1:27

Well, you know, it’s interesting because my dad, he was kind of the black sheep of the family, which is interesting because he has his Ph.D. and he did go to law school. But he had an issue with adult beverages, so he could not handle his liquor. So of the six kids. he kind of fell out of the family reunions when I was about 12, because my parents got a divorce then. But prior to that, I, I had been going to all of them, but, uh, prior to that, they’d gotten together, um, a fair amount, even before they started having, um, you know, I, I’m one of the younger kids in that generation or whatever. So they’d had some family reunions prior to that. So my first picture I think you may have seen was I was in a, like a little baby carrier on the ground, um, um, with, with some of my older cousins, but, um, My dad has – there’s six kids, and it’s interesting because during that whole depression era situation they went through, their father was also an alcoholic, and their mom had strokes while having the kids. So some of the kids were raised by siblings. So the family really could have fallen apart, but these six kids – are all highly educated. One became head engineer of the Hoover Dam. My dad got his PhD, became a professor. A couple of my aunts were teachers. One was a nurse that ran VA hospitals. So out of that could have been a disaster. They all became highly educated, and I think that’s how I educated myself out of poverty, that I saw this other opportunity. And my mom got married at 17 and worked in factories. So I said to her, my aunt once, the one that ran the VA hospitals, because she and I were very close, Aunt Eileen, I said, how did I get my drive? I was living in low-income housing with my mom. Two of my brothers were using drugs and alcohol, and they weren’t striving for better. My brother probably dropped out of school in maybe eighth grade. My other brother had an emotional breakdown in his senior year and went into the Marines and was discharged because of mental illness or who knows what else, drug use, et cetera. So I’m like, well, how did I get out? And she said, it’s in your genes because these six brothers and sisters had such grit. And I felt like, wow, I wonder if she’s right, if I’m like her, if I’m like my aunt. and some of my dad’s other siblings. So they started these reunions. And that aunt, Aunt Eileen, the last time I saw her, Rachel, she was in her lazy void. I knew it was going to be the last time I saw her. She was very ill, and she was in a wheelchair at that point in time. And I’d flown out just to really see her for the weekend by myself. And I was getting ready to leave. She kind of stopped me as I kind of leaned my head back into the room to kind of wave at her. And she said, don’t stop getting the family together. keep getting the family together. We have such a wonderful family and I promised her that. So that made me feel so good when we got together because it was so important to her, you know, Rachel?

SPEAKER 03 : 4:20

Yes, absolutely. So you guys, so you, you had, do you go to the same spot every year, Angie? Is it the same? Who is somebody in charge of it every year? What does, How do you get, and how many people are we talking about here?

SPEAKER 04 : 4:34

Okay, so this time it was probably more in the range of like, I would say like about 40 of us. But then one of my cousins got married. She attacked a wedding, a surprise wedding. I mean, not surprise, surprise, but like we’d already planned the reunion like a year and a half ago. And she and her aunt had planned it this time. And and then she sent out these wedding invitations. So I don’t know if that was the plan initially or if she was just like, well, I don’t want to make everybody come out again. You know, so I’ll I’ll have it with the reunion. So I think there are about 40 to 50 of us and then his side of the family. And he’s wonderful. His side of the family was great. So. I think they might have had like 150 people maybe at the wedding. It was a lot of people. And so every morning we’d have breakfast at her house. She has this giant garage, like kind of a, like a frat dad. My kids, my kids said, this is like a frat dad garage because it’s like, karaoke a fog machine special lights and you know beer coolers or refrigerator a place to cook breakfast and it’s just this giant garage probably like 1500 square feet it was huge so anyway we hung out in the garage a lot but it was super hot so we had like misters and then we’d go down to the river and we’d swim and we went on like a mining tour we went to town for a day and went shopping so we kind of the way that it’s kind of a loose thing when we do these because we have relatives on the east coast up in maine and then we have some a family that like winters in florida and then we’ve got family in I’m Oregon and California and I’m based in Colorado. We’ve got some in Michigan. So we kind of figure sometimes we meet in the middle and we go to the YMCA, the Rockies up in Estes Park. We used to meet in Estes Park when I was a kid because we had cabins up near there. So that was kind of like a mainstay when we were little. And then this one was in California. And then we’ve done Maine. But we’re kind of mulling around maybe doing it in Colorado again because it’s kind of, you know, the middle of the country. It makes it a little easier for some people to get to.

SPEAKER 03 : 6:40

Oh, my gosh, Angie. I can’t even imagine. So have you already started planning for next year? I mean, because when you’re getting that many people together with calendars and schedules and everything,

SPEAKER 04 : 6:54

kids i can imagine what kind of logistics have to happen in order to make this all come together you know we were kind of mulling it over because um one of our cousins passed away at 52 and he has his he had said to me he came to colorado we were visiting we were up in the mountains we took these beautiful pictures and he said i want my family to get together and i want to have a family reunion this summer he said this was several years back this summer in colorado and i said all right let’s do it let’s make it happen let’s make it happen and so then little did i know he’s going to pass away a few months later so then we had that reunion as a celebration of life for him because he was the favorite cousin like the one everybody loved and he was funny and just the favorite right so we came here and then but now i feel like we should do it again in honor of him again because We’re getting up towards 10 years now, and it would be really nice to, you know, have it at this location again since this was kind of his dream location in the Rocky Mountains by the Rocky Mountain National Park.

SPEAKER 03 : 7:56

Oh, that’s what a story. And what a legacy. I mean, how are you – how did it – when you tell your kids and your husband and everybody’s like, okay, it’s time, we’re going to do this again – what’s usually the reaction? Is everybody like really excited to see their cousins? Are they kind of like, oh my gosh, are there some years when it’s harder to get everybody excited or is everybody always looking forward to this?

SPEAKER 04 : 8:22

Well, you know, there’s always, we’ve done a cruise get together too, but that was with the older cousins that could afford it. So that was super fun. Yeah, that one. Okay. So you have to keep finances in mind. So generally we have to have, generally we have to have some, like a location where some can stay for free, like camp or sleep on couches or on beds, like younger cousins have a free place to stay. And so because they’ll camp or drive, we kind of just like, you know, throw it together so that there are options. And then I usually rent a big house where we can maybe have dinners and things like that. You know, just a nice place to kind of, you know, gather or whatever. And I might get a house with a pool and share that with a couple of, as we call it, the older cousins. Okay. Yeah. And it was funny because you’d laugh. The younger cousins have now bonded. They’re now between 16 and 34. And they had they had a younger cousin night and they did karaoke and, you know, all kinds of stuff. And I got included because I had to drive my kids because I’ve got some teenagers. And so they said, well, you are the youngest of the old cousins. So I guess it would be OK.

SPEAKER 03 : 9:36

Oh, that makes you very special, Auntie, very special. Oh, my goodness. And how have you seen – so when you talk about the fact that you – this grit that you’ve had, are you seeing that translated into some of your other cousins and their kids? How are you seeing the characteristics of these original six passed on through the family?

SPEAKER 04 : 10:03

You know, it’s interesting you mentioned that because at the wedding, some of the cousins, the young cousins we’re talking about, because actually now that I think about it, one of the young cousins, the one that got married, she’s in her 40s. And so there are two young cousins in their 40s. I’m closest to them in age. So like we almost, you know, we’re the closest, you know, a bump there where we almost can almost touch hands on the age range. I’m reaching out for them, but I can’t reach their fingers quite anyway. They were talking – so Becky got married, Becky and Brian, and her sister Kat has two PhDs and is like a genius, right? And so somebody other – and then Rebecca has her master’s in legal accounting law. I mean like it’s crazy how educated they are. So they were talking about how – They’ve made it cool to be like a smart, strong woman because that’s what really ran in the family. We had a grandma, Angel, that like ran businesses and her husband’s Drake. So she went through three husbands until she just decided she’d run the businesses on her own, I think. So she was kind of a tough cookie. So I think that really has – I’m named after her because my name is Angel with an A, Angela. And so we, I think that really, that grit really has come down through the generations and the girls at the wedding, we’re talking about how it’s been made like cool to be like a tough, well-educated, strong woman. And I see that in my cousins. I think that’s why we get along so well because we don’t like suffer fools. We’re very, we get things done. You know, we have a purpose. We, you know, aren’t afraid of hard work. And I would say grit would be like a good description of us. And when you say the planning, I think, um, A few of the older – I guess we’ve now taken the baton. We’ve taken it from our aunts because there’s just one of the six left, and she’s in her 90s. So now we’ve taken it over, and we’re between 50s to 70s now, that group of kids. So we – We plan it, and I’d say about five of the girls kind of take it over, and then we might plan food and cooking. But to be honest with you, there’s one, Lori. She calls herself the favorite, even though I have a sneaking suspicion I’m the favorite. But she’s the –

SPEAKER 03 : 12:22

I love it. I love it. Okay.

SPEAKER 04 : 12:25

She introduces herself to anyone new as the favorite cousin just to get at me. It’s so funny, but she does. She works so hard. Like she really takes over like cooking and organizing and shopping. Listen, it’s kind of mind blowing how good she is. Like she could be a professional family reunion planner. She’s that good.

SPEAKER 03 : 12:44

Wow. Oh my gosh. Yeah. And do you guys, Angie, do you do special shirts? Do you have a slogan? I’m just curious if you blow all of that up, too. Because I’ve seen, I have some friends that have done this, and every year it’s a different shirt, it’s a different theme. They compete against each other in games and all that kind of stuff. Is that part of your celebration as well?

SPEAKER 04 : 13:08

Oh, my gosh. It’s so funny. I should almost add Lori into our call because she did do a shirt this one year. It was so funny. And she’ll do little photo books. I mean, really, she should do this like as a job. It’s ridiculous how good she is. All right. If you’re just joining us, we’re not even talking about Rachel’s book today. Rachel Kirschneider, author of The Widow Wore Red. She’s become like one of my favorite phone radio friends now. And I knew the second I saw the title of her book, she talked about Jesus. I’m like, oh, we’re going to be friends. So Rachel, let’s take a break and we’ll be right back. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER 06 : 13:48

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SPEAKER 04 : 14:47

All right, welcome back to the good news. All right. Rachel Kerr Schneider, author of The Widow Wore Red, I told you that I was going to try to get Cousin Lori to join us to talk about the family reunion. Cousin Lori, are you there?

SPEAKER 02 : 15:00

I am. I’m so excited to be here with both of you. Yay!

SPEAKER 04 : 15:08

So, Rachel, tell me what you just asked about, like, who plans, who cooks, t-shirts. Tell Lori what you were just asking me.

SPEAKER 03 : 15:16

Yes. So, Lori, I have to tell you, I told Angie earlier, I’m a little jealous because my family never did this. And so, when Angie mentioned this a couple of weeks ago, I’m like, oh, my goodness. So… My question to her was, you know, who is in charge of the logistics? Because this is a lot to cover with a lot of different people, a lot of moving parts. And then do you guys have logos or special slogans or special shirts or outfits? Or Facebook groups?

SPEAKER 02 : 15:48

So adorable. Well, I’ve kind of taken over for my Aunt Eileen. Aunt Eileen was our organizer and got everybody together, and she’s now passed on. And so we, Angie, and the cousins that are all my age said we must keep going. And so we have our West Coasties, our East Coasties, no logos, no special outfits. We did have T-shirts when we went to Colorado one time when a great aunt came had a birthday, I think, right? 95 or something.

SPEAKER 1 : 16:24

95.

SPEAKER 02 : 16:24

Yeah. So we did get a Wilkinson clan and we, we had all our little bodies on it around her. So that was really fun, but you know what? You put a little seed in my brain. I am going to look for a logo and make sure next time. I think now I am, I may be an organizer, but I’m more of a helper. So no matter where we go, my first question is, where do you need me? And I think everyone in our family does the same thing. Do you need me to wash dishes? Do you need me to set up? Do you need me to whatever? But we’ve got a great family, great group of workers. We’ve always been like that.

SPEAKER 04 : 17:08

I was telling Rachel like how smart the women in our family are, you know, well-educated and kind of go-getters and really, you know, kind of take command of like, okay, this needs to be done. In fact, didn’t you and I have shirts that said, I’m in charge, and then yours said, no, I’m in charge?

SPEAKER 01 : 17:22

I still have it. I was going to bring it. I know it said, I’m the boss. No, I’m the boss. That’s what it said, yeah.

SPEAKER 04 : 17:33

No, we need new ones. It says, I’m the favorite cousin. And then mine will say, no, I’m the favorite.

SPEAKER 02 : 17:38

Oh, I love that. We should get it for everybody. And then maybe at the bottom, who’s Paul?

SPEAKER 04 : 17:44

Paul, that’s a cousin, Rachel, that he doesn’t come to the reunions. And so during the wedding ceremony, when Paul was brought up, my daughter, Hope, turned to Paul’s twin sister and said, who’s Paul? And she goes, oh, it’s my twin brother you never see.

SPEAKER 03 : 17:59

Okay. And is there, I have to ask, is there a special reason why Paul, is he boycotting? Is this on purpose? Or he’s not like you?

SPEAKER 04 : 18:12

He’s a musician, so he has to take gigs when they come. And so as a musician, you don’t say, oh, I can’t do that gig because that’s how you survive, you know, on your gig. So, yeah, that is kind of it is kind of funny, though. But all right. So I wanted to address some of the things that she just mentioned and Eileen. And that was my surrogate mom, because you kind of know, Rachel, my background. I did bounce around in like foster care. I lived in low income housing. I lived on my own when I was 16. I worked seven days a week all through high school and college. I like somebody said I got a head in life with a toilet brush because I started off cleaning like the emergency room and I cleaned the morgue. And then I worked up to like the instruments for the operating room where I would sterilize all the instruments for surgery. And so I didn’t have any school debt. I lived in low income housing or on my own. I left foster care when I was about 15, I’d say. And then, but because my father was the black sheep of the family, Lori and all my cousins and the aunts, they didn’t really know what was going on with me then. So other cousins said like, oh my gosh, if aunt Pam would have known that you would have been living in her basement. Like we lost touch during that time because I was just trying to survive, you know? And so and Eileen and I, when I started working for NBC in L.A., that was my first job after college. I went to the number basically one market was number two, New York’s number one. And I had this job and I got a great, you know, home on the oceanfront. And I just like my whole life turned around and Eileen lived there. And so she and I became so close. And she’s the one I told him when she was passing away. She said, you’ve got to keep getting them together. And you’re right, Lori, you’re right. You have you are the big organizer. Like she had the apron on. She made breakfast every morning at this event. She’ll go shopping. She’ll come up with lists. She’ll send out notes. And we do a Facebook group usually. And we’re kind of mulling over. I want to do another, you know, honor Carl, the boy favorite cousin. and do another Colorado reunion, but we usually don’t do them every year, but if we can make it economical, we would get together more. But I think the most important thing for me has been Rachel, when you said your family doesn’t do it and you’re Southern, like you people know how to have a party. People know how to entertain. Right. Right.

SPEAKER 03 : 20:26

Yes, that’s true. That’s true.

SPEAKER 04 : 20:29

Yeah. I think what I’ve gotten out of it is I didn’t have the direct family love, but I have this foundation of these people who are like me, So since I don’t have a sister and two of my brothers, one was murdered and the other has been in and out of institutions. And I hear from him maybe once a year. He kind of like he doesn’t have a phone. So he’s like missing in action kind of thing, you know, and not in the military, but like missing in action in life. So I these these cousins have become Lori’s my person. Like I think I told you I’m her plug puller. So like at the end of her life, I will make her final decision. Right. I’m the plug puller. But then her dad says to me when he’s on his deathbed, oh, you won’t have to do that because she’s going to outlive you. And I’m like, how dare you? I’m so much younger than she is.

SPEAKER 01 : 21:14

I love that.

SPEAKER 03 : 21:16

Oh, my goodness. So, Lori, where are you geographically? If Angie’s in Colorado, are you physically close to her or no?

SPEAKER 02 : 21:24

I wish. Oh, I wish I was. I’m a West Coastie. I’m in Oregon and California. We’ve got one home that’s off-grid in California, and I have a home with electricity, which I’m so excited about in Brookings, Oregon. I know. Angie laughs. When we had the family reunion at my house, it was at the off-grid property, and, oh, that was an eye-opener for a lot of my city cousins. They were just like, whoa. Rachel, can you say outhouse, Rachel? Yeah.

SPEAKER 03 : 21:57

Is that what she said? She went out on me for a minute. Yeah, can you say outhouse?

SPEAKER 04 : 22:03

I mean, they have, they suck water up from a river with some kind of a hose system and heat it with like a fire in the outhouse room. And you’re in some kind of like a tube that you use underneath roads like this. It’s pretty ingenious. It’s like covert. Yeah, you take a shower in a culvert and then there is an outhouse out there, but there’s a technique which she uses that you wouldn’t even know it’s an outhouse. It smells like daisies. And then they have like all these outbuildings, like 10, 12 different buildings you can stay in. I call it a compound, but she won’t let me call it that because she said it sounds like she’s in a cult.

SPEAKER 03 : 22:39

Yeah, that can’t have a negative connotation. I get that, Lori. It really can. Thank you. Yeah. So is this something that you’ve always aspired to, is to live this way? I don’t know. This sounds a little dangerous to me, actually.

SPEAKER 02 : 22:57

Oh, gosh, no. When Tim and I were younger, no, no, no. We grew up in the Tucson, southern Arizona area as educators and administrators. And when you were around people 12 to 14 hours a day every day, you know, with kids, All the sports, you know, kids, everything, taking care of things. We would get away every summer up to the mountains in Northern California, way north. I’m not talking San Francisco. I’m talking about the Oregon border north, Northern California, up by Mount Shasta. And we would go gold mining. And doing that gold mining every summer, Tim and I both said, you know, when we retire, let’s move up here away from people. And we did. And we lived off grid and we have a real tight group of people that are family to us. There’s about 30 residents that live in that area.

SPEAKER 04 : 23:56

30 people. And they have solar. So they have internet and they have a phone at their house. Like they have all those things. They actually have you know, a bathroom in their home. But when you have, you know, 30, 40 people up there, they can’t all use the one bathroom in the home. So, but they like, it’s like a regular house with all these outbuildings and they work so hard to like take down brush and get it prepared for the fire season. And, It’s amazing how hard they work on this off-grid property. And then there’s dead miners living in the backyard because he’s like, I mean, they’re not living. They’re not living. It’s true. It’s true.

SPEAKER 02 : 24:32

There’s a cemetery.

SPEAKER 04 : 24:34

Yeah, there’s a cemetery in their backyard from the dead gold miners from the gold rush. And one time my kids are like, why are all their guests coming to the picnic and going to the backyard? And then Lori goes, oh, they’re visiting their kin buried in our backyard.

SPEAKER 02 : 24:49

But it is lovely. Rachel, you know, I promise you, you talk to a few of your cousins and you tell them to reach out to a few of their cousins. Have your first family reunion. It will take your breath away how you just, family just comes together and you are friends immediately. We can go from seeing some of our main cousins for a couple, three or four years or more And when they get in front of us, it’s just like we’ve never been apart.

SPEAKER 04 : 25:21

So consider a family reunion. Yes. And the other thing, because I know how much you love people, Rachel, and how you love to gather people and entertain. The other cool thing is watching like the younger generation. Like I told you, Kat’s got the two PhDs. Rebecca’s also brilliant. And then Megan, I’ve seen her grow up and like to see how she stayed so kind and sweet. And like she works in nonprofits and she’s always there. doing good things for others. And then Clark, who’s lost his dad, Carl, our favorite cousin, to see him grow up and get married. And then my kids now are old enough that they’re in, you know, meshing with them. And Levi and Garrett are my nephews that are like my own sons. They’re like extra sons to me. And so to like, be able to spend that time with them, because I text them like, you know, weekly, daily, like I talk to them all the time, but Then to have one come from Rhode Island and one come from L.A. and we get to spend that time together. And my kids have grown up with them. So we take these pictures where like one cousin was holding one as an infant, but now my son is six foot four. And so we did a joke picture where the smaller cousin is trying to hold him like you always carried him around like a monkey at all the reunions. You know, like just to see how these kids are like cat’s husband kids. Jeff, he did the ceremony. I’ve been reading his blog posts and his entries. He’s in Germany. They’re in Germany. For years, telling him what a good writer he is. Little did I know that that’s what he does by profession. And he’s hysterical. So to finally put some of the people who are marrying into the family, to get to meet them and put those little Legos or those little pieces into the puzzle, it’s so much fun. But to have that love continue through the generations… And then to have like my cousins, Lori and, you know, since I didn’t have the sisters, Lori, Mary and Rebecca, Pammy, Val, Bonnie, they’ve become, you know, their sisters to me. Lori, other than my direct family that I live with every day, she is my person. So to be able to spend that time with her and to be the love is like thick, like you can feel it, you know.

SPEAKER 03 : 27:23

Oh, I think it’s so special.

SPEAKER 02 : 27:26

It really is, Rachel. The one thing that just made my heart sing was pictures at Becky’s wedding, at Becky and Brian’s wedding. We got all the cousins together with Becky and Brian, all of us first cousins together, took a picture. And then we had the first cousins once removed, generationally, our kids with Becky and Brian. And it was almost a bigger group.

SPEAKER 04 : 27:53

It was, it was.

SPEAKER 02 : 27:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER 04 : 27:56

And it like, we’re going to pass the baton to them at some point, just like it was passed to us. And I don’t know. I’m just so grateful. I just love you so much, Lori and Rachel, uh, Kurt Snyder. She’s going to continue to join me on the show. The widow wore red. You’ve got to read her book, Lori. It’s amazing. Thank you both so much.

SPEAKER 03 : 28:13

Thank you. Thank you. Lori, pleasure to meet you. And I tell you what, if I do decide to do a reunion, you are the person I’m going to call.

SPEAKER 01 : 28:24

You got it, Rachel. You got it.

SPEAKER 05 : 28:28

Thank you for listening to The Good News with Angie Austin on AM670 KLTT.