Finding Strength in Adversity: Phil Zilke’s Journey

SPEAKER 02 : 0:01

Welcome to The Good News with Angie Austin. Now, with The Good News, here’s Angie.

SPEAKER 05 : 0:09

Hey there, friend. Angie Austin here with the good news. We are interviewing Phil Zilke, and Phil Zilke is the author of Seeing the Good in It. Welcome, Phil.

SPEAKER 03 : 0:20

Thank you. It’s great to be on here, Angie. Appreciate the time.

SPEAKER 05 : 0:23

You bet. And the good news, I love it that now we’re talking about seeing the good in it. And this isn’t necessarily what we would typically think of a good news story. Is that right?

SPEAKER 03 : 0:33

That’s correct. Yeah, I wouldn’t have thought of that before I went through it. But looking back, I can definitely see there’s a lot of good news that’s come out of it.

SPEAKER 05 : 0:39

Well, let’s talk about that. What happened in your own life that, you know, really took you maybe off course initially, but then maybe put you on a better course?

SPEAKER 03 : 0:50

Yes, absolutely. I did get on a better course and it took some difficult times to get there, but I was diagnosed with stage four cancer at the age of 22. Yeah, all the symptoms of that for nine months before it was found. And I was on my way to become a fourth grade teacher and Instead, I left student teaching, went and told my class the next day, this is my last day here, and checked into my new home in Chicago at University of Chicago Hospital and did chemo for the next six months, got better, and then went back to teaching. And it was great to be with the 9- and 10-year-olds. And a few months later, actually about a year after my first diagnosis, I was re-diagnosed again with stage 4.

SPEAKER 05 : 1:27

Stage four again. I mean, at 22 to even get cancer, then to be stage four twice, that is just like, I mean, that’s a statistic you don’t hear very often.

SPEAKER 03 : 1:39

No, it’s true. It’s not. And I was a college athlete and I’d run and play soccer in the midfield. And the last person that they thought would have cancer would be me. And last person I thought that would have cancer would be me as well. But when I found out the news, you know, my dad did something really important with me. He got on my bedside and he prayed with me and he said, Lord, I know Phil’s your child. I just ask that if he’s supposed to live another six months, another year, another 40 years, whatever it may be, that he can bring glory to you and what you’ve done for us. And looking back now, being a dad of two boys that are 11 and 9, I think that’s a really hard prayer to pray to surrender your son to whatever those circumstances may be.

SPEAKER 05 : 2:17

You know, one of the quotes that you have is I was drowning in my own worry and anguish. Fear has tendencies to exaggerate reality. And I knew that negative thinking about what the future could hold had the potential to bring on unnecessary anxiety, which would kind of compound your misery. And I want to talk about how you were able you talked about the prayer from your father. So obviously, you know, people of faith, I want to talk about how you were able to harness your faith and prayer in order to get through that sea of anxiety.

SPEAKER 03 : 2:48

Yeah. So for me, when I was going through my cancer treatments, you know, I was often alone in my hospital room.

SPEAKER 05 : 2:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER 03 : 2:55

And I had people that did incredible things for me. So it was other people’s support. I had a group of people who put a care package together for me. They all signed their names to it. So they were thinking and praying for me. I got that about a week after I was diagnosed from a lot of people I didn’t even know. It caused me to break down and cry and just to realize that was okay to accept other people’s help. Yes. And so when I had that, that was a big encouragement to me. And then when I was well enough to be at home, I had these individuals who sent me cards in the mail that came every week for two years. And so when I was well enough, I’d be at home upstairs on the couch, and I’d look forward to when it was one o’clock. Why one o’clock? Because that’s when the mailman came. And so I’d work my energy to the edge of the couch, make my way down the stairs out to the front door to see if someone remembered me. And every week, I pulled a card out with my name on it. And even though that journey from upstairs to downstairs could wear me out for that day, once I had that card of encouragement in my hand, it gave me the strength to go back up those stairs again. And it was always the right message at exactly the right time If I was weak, it would have been a Bible verse such as Philippians 4.13, I can do it, who gives me strength. And then in my hospital room, my grandfather had driven 300 miles to see me one day. I woke up, he was sitting in the corner of my room, and he had a highlighter and a pen, which was not abnormal for him. He was a lifelong learner. And he said, Phil, I went to your house and I grabbed your Bible, which is on your shelf. And I just highlighted all the verses with hope and strength and peace. And then he walked over to my bedside. He got down about eye level and he said, Phil, I got to tell you something. You know, your grandma and I, we love you. But most importantly, our Heavenly Father does. And so he put my Bible on my nightstand, walked out. And again, when I couldn’t have visitors or didn’t want visitors, opening up God’s word is where I got my strength from. And so The battle is real. You know, obviously, when you’re going through something like stage four cancer, you’re facing your own mortality. But the beauty in it is once you actually surrender yourself to God fully, you can actually have peace and joy when you’re going through that storm. And, you know, the image that I always got was like, you know, when I was able to get out of bed, it was like, you know, Jesus was taking me by the hand and was walking with me. And other times I was just crying out to him in my room. whether I’d kept a journal or, you know, going through something difficult. And I realized when I reached my hand up to him, as it says in James 4.8, he’ll put his hand in ours and he’ll send me a drawing to him. So that’s really where my strength came from. And obviously cancer is a horrible disease. There’s over 2 million people that will be diagnosed with cancer just this year. And if we don’t know somebody today, we will know someone eventually. And so what we’d love to do is just be able to file and point people towards the Lord, which is where I believe everyone can gain strength.

SPEAKER 05 : 5:27

Well, how wonderful that you have a family that is so strong in their faith as well to bring you along when you were diagnosed at such a young age of only 22. So if you, you know, I’m sure someone listening, either there’s someone with cancer or has a loved one with cancer, uh, what kind of advice do you give people? Because I’m sure that, you know, you run into a lot of other people that say, well, what kind of advice would you give to me when I’m facing this uncertainty and all this anxiety and this whole battle?

SPEAKER 03 : 6:00

Yeah. And if you’re going through, you know, cancer personally or something difficult in your life, I think sometimes when you don’t have answers, you know, that fear of the unknown can be the worst. And I think it’s good to acknowledge, acknowledge that and realize where you are. But secondly, um, know that God has a plan for you. Even when you walk through, we were never promised that this life would be easy or free from worry or anything. But we do know that when we surrender ourselves to God, again, he will put people into our life the same way that he did for me and have a strong team to be able to surround you. And then I’d say if there’s someone that’s listening today that has a friend or family member that’s going through cancer, I started an organization called Phil’s Friends about 20 years ago. And you can go to our website, philsfriends.org, which is P-H-I-L-S-F-R-I-E-N-D-S dot O-R-G, and request a care package for your friend, your loved one, co-worker, family member. And they go out in decorated boxes, and there’s a drawstring bag in there. Everybody signs their name to that package that put that together, those volunteers. And then there’s a blanket, you know, to keep you warm, and journal, and crossword puzzle, about $50 worth of items that go inside there. And you can request that anonymously for your loved one. And it shows up on their doorstep. We ship them out every week from our Hope Centers, which is where volunteers come in and participate, whether it’s churches, schools, businesses, organizations. And then we also show up on site and do events like that, too, to help encourage people that are in the fight and then get these resources out to people where they’re needed. And once that care package goes out, then we’ll send cards consistently the same way that I got them, which is Cards of Hope. We send about 7,000 of those a month. This year we’re ready to support anywhere from 10,000 to 12,000 cancer patients. And, you know, we just keep walking in faith the same way that when I went through my journey with cancer and realizing there’s a lot of people out there that have a lot of great needs. And if we can do simple things for people while they go through that, a phone call, a card, you know, a text, a care package, it really goes a long way.

SPEAKER 05 : 7:54

I checked out philsfriends.org. It’s really cool because you can, you know, order one of these boxes for someone you care about and you can donate there as well. But then I looked at the volunteer. So you also have volunteers who help put these care packages together and sign them and write cards and things like that. Do they have to be in certain areas or can they be all over the country?

SPEAKER 03 : 8:18

You can really be all over the country. Right now we have Hope Center’s physical facilities that groups come to all the time in Illinois and in Indiana. I’m in Florida right now during this interview getting ready to get one started. But you can be anywhere. We can actually come to your corporation, your church, your school. There’s an approved care package item list so you can have a collection together and we can work with you. And so the easiest way to do that is to call our office or send us an email. Our office number is 224- 653-8315, 224-653-8315. Or you can email us at info at philsfriends.org. And then there’s a lot of things on our website at philsfriends.org of instructions of how you can make a blanket in your home or work on a card or have a drive or support people in your area.

SPEAKER 05 : 9:03

Yeah, I see you’ve got like the Make Fleece Blankets instructional video, 100 of the Cards of Hope. You have a link on the care package items, sending someone a care package, making donations. So you’ve really got everything there. That’d be a fun thing, I think, too, for like a team to do. You know, like my kids are on teams right now where they do things, you know, maybe for others. So I really… that’s super helpful that you give such a nice recipe, I guess, or instructions for people to get involved. Oh, that’s really cool. So you’ve really taken this somewhere since your recovery in the book, Seeing the Good in It. Phil, what is the good in it that you’ve seen through your two times battling stage four cancer, with the first one being as a healthy athlete at the age of 22? Yeah.

SPEAKER 03 : 9:56

Yeah, so the good that I see in it is really just seeing God in your circumstance. And I think if your eyes and your perspective can be focused on Him, you’re going to see the positive in things. And really seeing the good in how people surround themselves. There’s a team of supporters that come along your side when you’re going through something difficult. And one thing that you can do is if you wanted to pick up the book, Seeing the Good in It, it’s available anywhere online, also at our website. If people want to make a $50 tax-deductible donation online, to Phil’s friends. It helps us get more care packages out. We’ll send a signed book out to you and also goes through some ways that you can help to talk with cancer patients. as well to encourage you whether going through cancer or anything difficult in your life. And I think life is much better, you know, when you see the good in all circumstances, the good and the bad.

SPEAKER 05 : 10:41

So what do you feel that God spoke to you while you were, you know, so worn out and stressed out and going through all this trauma? What did you feel that God spoke to you?

SPEAKER 03 : 10:52

Well, one of the biggest thing is when I was going through my stem cell transplant after I’d been rediagnosed, you know, I had to tell my girlfriend or not my girlfriend, my fiancee, Carrie, that I’m not sure if we’re going to get married. But when I got to that place of full surrender, that’s when I reached out to the Lord and said, I believe that Jesus died for me, and if it’s not time for me to go to heaven, I am ready to go to heaven. But if it’s not my time, you can have the rest of my life. And so through that promise, I was able to see that beyond myself, to realize there’s a lot of people that are going through difficult diseases, and life is so much better when we focus on others. We can actually have joy, whether we’re going through something difficult or we’re supporting people that are going through difficult times.

SPEAKER 05 : 11:32

So many of us are confused too when we come into contact with people who are sick. One of my daughter’s moms, she’s pretty young. She’s got five kids and she’s battling glioblastoma right now. And we’ve done meal trains and then there’s donations to help them with their bills and things like that. And one of her teenage daughters stays over at our house whenever she wants if she’s stressed or whatever. But I think we don’t know what to say sometimes. We know how to donate money and food, but sometimes comments, I know flippant comments can be hurtful to people who are sick and also specific ways. So two things, I guess. What should we not say and what can we do to help encourage people who are in the midst of their illness?

SPEAKER 03 : 12:18

Sure. I’ll start with what we should not say. I just remember from personal experience, someone would come visit me and I’m fighting for my life. And I’d hear someone might have had a rough day in the classroom or, you know, not in the classroom, but in their normal day-to-day life. And they might say something like, man, I feel like I’m dying. And I just like, that’s not something you want to hear. Those types of comments when you’re actually facing your own mortality, you know, looking that into the face. So I think for us to be able, things that you can do, examples of that is just to show up and to be there. Sometimes when you go visit someone who’s sick, it’s, it’s just showing up is enough. It’s your presence. You know, there’s a lot of power in that. And then it’s the little things, you know, that you can do to, and whatever’s normal for you in that relationship with that person who’s diagnosed with cancer or going through a difficult time, it’s very normal to reach out to them in the same way that you normally would. And so just be aware of their circumstances. A lot of people might think, this is how I should support this person. When in reality, you need to empty yourself and try to look at them and ask them, you know, is this helpful for you? I’d like to bring a meal and You know, I’d like to, you know, and then you can just send a card and, you know, you can show up and you can encourage people. And so I think just be aware of where you’re around and your surroundings and meet that person where they are, because that’s what God does for us.

SPEAKER 05 : 13:36

I love it. If people want to get in touch with you, philsfriends.org. You can volunteer there. You can order one of these boxes to encourage someone who you know is sick. You can donate there. You can donate and get a signed copy of Phil’s book, Seeing the Good in It. Thank you, Phil.

SPEAKER 03 : 13:53

Thank you. It was great to be on today. Thank you.

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SPEAKER 05 : 14:57

Paxton is listening to the Mighty 670 KLT Denver. Hey there, friend. Welcome to The Good News with Angie Austin. You know, my mentor is Jim Stovall, and he is on the show at least once a week and has been for, oh, about 10 years. And he said to me, you have to meet Abigail Herringer. And she wrote a book called The Deaf Girl. It’s a memoir of hearing loss, hope, and fighting against the odds. And Abigail is also a television personality, which we will learn more about in just a moment. So I’m thrilled to welcome Abigail Herringer. Welcome, Abigail. Hello. Thanks for having me. Anybody that Jim thinks this highly of, he really wanted to connect us. And I was really flattered that he chose me to interview you. And I’ve read a little bit about you, and I can see why he finds you so inspirational. And I think he’s a pretty good judge of character. I’m sure you’d agree.

SPEAKER 04 : 15:56

Oh, my gosh. Yes. No, I appreciate the kind words on your behalf. And Jim is the absolute best. He’s been kind of a mentor to me as well. So I’m really glad we get the chance to connect as well.

SPEAKER 05 : 16:06

Oh, I love that. Well, I see that your book is a top new release. I looked it up earlier on Amazon and on the Internet, et cetera. But just kind of give us some background because people are thinking, well, in the title of Abigail’s book is The Deaf Girl. So how are they having this conversation? So explain your journey.

SPEAKER 04 : 16:25

Right. So, yeah, so I was born with a profound hearing loss. Both my sister and I were. And so it just means we’ve had no hearing since birth. And then when we were two years old, we went through the surgery to get a cochlear implant. And that’s what I wear right now. And that’s why I’m able to have the conversation with you on the phone, how I was able to have conversations on the show as well. And so really the book is kind of just going through that entire process, kind of through my mom’s eyes as well as my own. Really kind of just with the goal to provide comfort no matter which position you might be in at the end of the day. And I know the book is titled The Deaf Girl, but it really does, I think, apply to much bigger than just hearing loss as a disability. I think it just covers a lot more of kind of the personal side of having a disability or something different about you. That was kind of just a goal just to make others feel seen.

SPEAKER 05 : 17:21

I love it. One of my friends does something with invisible disabilities, and so you might be differently abled, but no one can see it, or you’re suffering from something, or you have extra effort put into doing something that people might not know. Obviously, in your case, people aren’t going to know you have a cochlear implant or your background. And I think that’s fascinating. I can’t believe the advancements that are available now. And you said your sister as well went through the same journey.

SPEAKER 04 : 17:54

Yes, she did. She’s definitely a year and a half older than me. So she kind of was the trailblazer when it came to that whole journey. And so the book kind of just covers that as well. You know, even though we have the exact same disability race in the same house, how her and I kind of approach our disability could not be more different. And it really just kind of highlights, you know, when you have a disability, you can’t be put in a box. We don’t require the same accommodation, so forth. And so hopefully that kind of perspective can kind of just teach others, you know, just because someone’s deaf, blind, so forth, each person is just so unique with their disability and just how you approach that as well.

SPEAKER 05 : 18:36

Well, you are also young and beautiful. And there was a door opened for you or you worked hard enough to get a door open to get involved with television. Can you tell us about that journey? And then we’ll get more into the book. So people may recognize you from from TV.

SPEAKER 04 : 18:52

Yes. So I it was during COVID. I had gone furloughed from my job. And so just with no job, no prospects, I decided to apply for The Bachelor. And it was a very kind of last minute application. And so I have mentioned in the application, you know, I’m deaf, I struggle to find love. And I think they found something appealing about that. So they invited me to come on the show back in 2020. And at the time, I was kind of thinking, oh, I’ll you know, tell the bachelor I’m deaf and that’s it. Um, just because my disability just was never something I had ever really felt comfortable talking about past that level. Um, but went on the show, had that conversation with him the first night and kind of just seeing the response after that, uh, you know, thank you. Thank you so much for the representation so forth. I just had never seen someone like that on TV before. And I think it really kind of just opened a completely new door that I was not expecting to open, you know, going on a show to find love, but really kind of becoming an advocate in the hearing loss community. So it’s been a whirlwind for sure, but I definitely have been enjoying every step of it.

SPEAKER 05 : 20:07

And how cool that, you know, here you are, like you mentioned, it’s a show for love, but that it does open a door for you to become an advocate for the hearing loss community. And you’ve really taken advantage of that. And I mean that in a really good way, like you really have taken this platform seriously.

SPEAKER 04 : 20:23

Yeah, I mean, it’s definitely something I always want to be very considerate with my platform, just making sure that I’m trying to do something good with it. But I also think just kind of having the mindset of, I never want to just because there are some controversies around cochlear implants and the deaf community. And I was aware of that. I’ve had some instances of those situations growing up. And so really the biggest goal with my platform is really just not pushing people one way over another, one choice over another. And so really just trying to share my experience and my experience only just because it is going to be so different for everybody. And just making people feel less alone and making them feel like they have a voice at the table. That’s kind of the goal.

SPEAKER 05 : 21:11

I like that. You know, when you got, so 25th season of The Bachelor, you got out of the limousine and you were looking at The Bachelor’s lips because you read lips as well as listening. And I find this all fascinating because two of my, I’ve got three teenagers right now, and two of my girls are in, they’re in ASL classes. And so this is their second year in And they’re really good at it. And they can speak with each other and tell stories. And their first teacher, and it’s interesting you talk about the cochlear implant being controversial. He did have one. And I don’t know what the story is. He was a really amazing athlete. And I saw interviews with him where he was speaking with the news person. And then he decided not to speak anymore. Well, obviously, he’s teaching sign language, too. So he’s trying to get the kids to do that. But he totally changed his path of how he was using his implant and speaking. And my girls, I don’t know, I just think it’s really interesting that They chose that as their language because you can learn a language in school and they both started in Spanish. But one of them wants to be a firefighter paramedic. And she thought, well, I think that could be very beneficial because there probably aren’t many firefighters that know sign language. And so I don’t know. I think that’s super cool. Now, when you were reading his lips, is it like a combination of things that you do when you are meeting someone and having a conversation? Because you obviously can’t read my lips right now.

SPEAKER 04 : 22:45

No, I mean, it definitely is a couple of things kind of compiled into one. It’s kind of reading lips. So it’s kind of the thing with the cochlear implant is I can still have a conversation, but it’s kind of filling in the blanks. So in a sentence, I might not hear 10% of the words. And so kind of using the lips when someone’s talking is, oh, I didn’t really hear exactly what that word was, but here was their mouth pattern saying this. And so it’s trying to do all of that in my head and piece it together. And then it’s also just reading kind of emotions to, you know, across someone’s face, um, which is kind of funny because on the show there was one scene where this girl had made a really snarky remark, but she was laughing when she said it and I didn’t hear what she said, but her emotion across her face was, you know, she’s happy, she’s laughing and I didn’t want to feel like the arm went out. So I laughed along as well, just going off of her emotion. Um, and so kind of that mixing with the lip reading, that’s kind of how my brain fills in the blanks. If I miss certain words, um, which is another reason why you’ll hear a lot of deaf people say they need a listening break. We are just so exhausted at the end of the day, just filling in all those blanks, doing all the extra work to just hear, I guess, what comes really natural to other people. Kind of going off of what you said, it is an invisible disability, but it is still a lot of work every single day that I think a lot of people aren’t aware of.

SPEAKER 05 : 24:15

That’s fascinating because I was just thinking as you were explaining, you know, the process, how your observational skills have to be on all the time when you aren’t on a listening break. And so you are watching so many different things. And I think about how it’s not the same, but how I would get so tired if I would do a big speaking event or like all I do, you know, for a living. I did news, TV news for many years and now radio is talk. Right. And then when I’m done, my mom wants to like. my mom wants to read me a recipe out of a magazine or something. Right. Cause grandma lives with us. And I’m like, mom, I’m, I can’t listen to you read a recipe right now. Like I need to give my brain a rest. Like I can’t just listen to someone. Cause she just loves to talk. Like she could talk for hours. So it’s different, but it takes a lot of energy, too, when I do like a public speaking engagement, as I’m sure you do. And then people kind of crowd around you and want to talk or chit chat or whatever. And I’m so tired when I leave. So I guess that’s the closest I could come to relating to the way you feel every single day trying to get out in the world and use all those skills and all that energy to kind of navigate the conversations, etc.

SPEAKER 04 : 25:26

Oh, I think you hit the nail on the head with that one. I’m just really utilizing overusing some senses to kind of make up what I lack, which is obviously my hearing. So it is just like full capacity with those senses. So at the end of the day, Noah, my fiance, he knows once my processor comes off at the end of the day, he’s like, okay, she’s done. She’s not going to talk anymore. She’s tired. So yeah, no, I think you hit the nail on the head with that one.

SPEAKER 05 : 25:52

I love that he understands that about you too. And let’s jump into Noah because you didn’t find love on The Bachelor, but you did find love and it involved television again. So how did that all come about?

SPEAKER 04 : 26:06

Yeah, so we actually met on the spinoff show, Bachelor in Paradise. So for those that don’t know, The Bachelor and The Bachelorette are kind of the main show. So I went on The Bachelor with the one guy and he went on The Bachelorette with the one girl. For Alert, we didn’t end up with either of them. So then Bathroom Paradise is kind of where the redress, if you will, go and kind of get a second chance. And Noah and I met on the first day, really hit it off. And he had known about my disability going into it just because he had saw my story on the original show. And I was just blown away at how he approached it, asked questions, but wasn’t interested. giving off, I guess, kind of caretaker vibes. I think sometimes people get too nervous to ask questions or they kind of over care for you, if that makes sense. And he just handled the whole situation amazing. And we went through the show. We actually broke up on the show, but we connected after the show. And we’ve been together for three years. Yeah, over three years now. And we’re engaged and getting married this year. So we had a good run through the show.

SPEAKER 05 : 27:20

What a neat whirlwind. And I know that Jim Stovall, who introduced us, I know he’s gone to dinner with his wife and the two of you. And his wife has been such a great companion for him over the years, helping Jim get through college. And I think she was first in her class and he was second, which I think is hilarious that she… She made sure she was just a smidgen in front of him, which I think is so, so funny. Well, I want to have you back because I want to talk more in depth about the book. And I think you’re so interesting. And I’m just so happy for the doors that have opened for you. by taking that risk, which I’m sure was scary to go on a television show and to represent the deaf community like for the first time on The Bachelor. And, you know, it takes some guts to go out there and really open yourself up to the world and take the chances with, you know, if you put snarky comments, you just never know what how people are going to receive you or treat you and you’re beautiful. So there might be a little bit of, you know, jealousy, you know, wrapped up in there, but I’m just so, I don’t even know you and I’m so proud of you. So tell everyone where they can find your book and where they can find you. Do you have a website where we can follow you?

SPEAKER 04 : 28:31

Uh, yeah. So I’m on Instagram. It’s Abigail underscore Herringer and you can buy the deaf girls. Um, it’s just pre-order right now, but it comes out next Tuesday. You can buy it on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and Target. Okay.

SPEAKER 05 : 28:44

Well, I can’t wait to have you come back after the book comes out. And just what a blessing to have you on the program. Thank you so much, Abigail.

SPEAKER 04 : 28:50

Thank you so much for having me.

SPEAKER 02 : 28:52

Thank you for listening to The Good News with Angie Austin on AM670 KLTT.