Join Angie Austin on The Good News as she welcomes Kenza Haddock, a therapist and author, who opens up about her profound transformation journey from an Islamic household to embracing Christianity. Kenza shares the emotional and spiritual challenges she faced, including the difficult decision to part ways with her family. Her story is one of resilience, faith, and the passion she found in integrating God’s word with mental health. Discover practical insights on processing emotions and the significance of acknowledging different methods that cater to individual needs.
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SPEAKER 02 :
Welcome to The Good News with Angie Austin. Now, with The Good News, here’s Angie.
SPEAKER 06 :
Hey there, friend. Angie Austin here with The Good News. The Good News is Kenza Haddock is back. She’s a therapist and she is also an author. We’ve had her on the show numerous times. Hello, Kenza.
SPEAKER 05 :
Hello. Thank you so much for having me.
SPEAKER 06 :
Okay, so we talked about your book quite a few times because tell everybody just a little bit about your background if they haven’t heard you because you have a very, very interesting background.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yeah, I grew up in an Islamic household, and so that sort of shaped the way I viewed life and my perspective on just even my relationship with God. And so that took me down a path. negative thought processing and and i dealt with so much anxiety so much depression and after the lord called me um into just to faith um he called me into the field of counseling and so it’s been it’s been a great journey and so now i feel like my passion has been i say the word of god and mental health both combined together oh i love it and you know it’s
SPEAKER 06 :
You know, a lot of us have been called by the Lord, but when you had never picked up a Bible, you never didn’t know about Jesus and to be called by the Lord. I mean, that was wow. I mean, that is talk about a transformation. And to this day, Ken’s family still, of course, wants her to come back to her faith. But she has her own family now and she’s a Christian and sad that, you know, you can’t have normal contact with them. But that’s just how their religion works. Right. Right.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yes, absolutely. Yes. Because their perspective on it is, I am walking in the wrong path, and they need to bring me back to Islam. And so we just had to, unfortunately, part ways. And sometimes that’s part of our walk with the Lord, whether it’s parting ways with someone who You know, in my case, from an Islamic background, and they’ve come after me over and over. Or in other ways, I’ve seen it where, you know, when you’re dealing with a toxic friendship or relationship, then you have to guard your heart and you have to guard your peace.
SPEAKER 06 :
And when you say come after you over and over, like you mean really have come after you.
SPEAKER 05 :
Oh, yes, absolutely. Yeah, we’ve had to get the police involved. And every time the Lord has protected us, protected my husband and my children. And sometimes the Lord may not keep something from happening. You know, for example, He may not stop them from coming, but they can come and He still protects us in the midst of it. So, yeah.
SPEAKER 06 :
You’re always looking behind your back just to make sure that your family’s safe because Ken’s has got young children as well. All right, what should we tackle today? We’ve kind of started to veer into your counseling world in addition to your author world.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yes, absolutely. Yeah. And so many of us, one thing that I keep getting asked about is how do I process my emotions? That’s something that we’re not taught in school. That’s something that really we just have to live life and learn. And I know scripture talks about pour out your heart to God. He is our refuge. And it talks about, you know, confessing, to one another and how healing that is. And so I think sometimes we just forget to walk it out practically or maybe we don’t even know how to do that. And so I’d say so many of us come to the topic of processing our emotions, wanting help, but we end up feeling discouraged because or even dismissed because we’re told like, One way of processing, like, for example, if if you’re not into journaling and I said just journal your emotions and while journaling works for some, it’s not going to work for everyone. And just like going out for a walk helps some people feel better emotionally, while others only experience like the physical benefits, not the emotional release. And so I would say, Angie, like before we dive into how to process, maybe talk about why it matters so much. Okay.
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah, why does it matter so much? I mean, of course it does, but why?
SPEAKER 05 :
Yeah, like knowing how you personally process your emotions is so essential because unprocessed emotions, they don’t just disappear. We all know like how they can build up over time. And they can turn into chronic stress, anxiety, panic attacks, and even depression. And when you get to know your healthiest processing routes, which I’ll walk through some, you’re more likely to address what’s going on before it spirals. And, I mean, it gives you tools instead of just relying on avoidance. And what I’m running to is some people, because we don’t know how to process emotions, will either suppress them by burying them deep, which leads to depression, or… a lot of times we’ll just overthink them. And Angie, think of like a clogged sink, you know? Like your thoughts and emotions have nowhere to go and the pressure just builds up and it fuels anxiety. Sometimes we alternate between the two.
SPEAKER 06 :
Mm-hmm. Yeah, and I clogged up sink is a really good way to put it and over processing emotions. I do have a few friends who do that. It’s very exhausting. And one in particular, I kind of had to cut back on our friendship many years ago, and we still keep in touch. I live in a different state. But she was a very high maintenance friend. And when something was bothering her emotionally, I would almost call hers maybe an obsessive thought process where she She’d call multiple times to reanalyze some kind of social interaction or like a guy she liked. And she would call and want me to guess what he thought, what she should have done, what he said, what did it mean, what could she have done, what could someone else have said with someone else interfering. And I’m like, oh, my gosh, my brain is going to explode. Like I’ve never put that kind of energy and thought into something. And I have another girlfriend that does that a lot with work. And with work, I tell her that she’s got a hamster spinning on a wheel on her head. And the only time that the hamster gets off is for it to go over to that little water bottle and get some water because everything she does is just frantic.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yes. Yes. Yeah. And so it sounds like they’re. At least those two friends, their type of or their process and roots are different than yours, too. Yes. And that can feel overwhelming. It can. So it sounds like we have different ways of processing. So, for example, there’s verbal processing and it may look like talking to a trusted friend or even a counselor or a pastor or even praying out loud. Like I mentioned earlier, Scripture says to pour out your heart to God, and God will show, like with that friend, for example, or if someone else is overanalyzing, it can lead to a root that needs to be uprooted. It’s probably a root of people pleasing something that has not been healed. And there’s also like the written processing where you feel better by journaling or writing out your prayers. Yes. Clarify your emotions and spot even patterns over time.
SPEAKER 06 :
Yes, yes. Journaling, what a great way to be able to relieve some of that pressure in that pressure cooker of emotion so it doesn’t, just to let a little bit of steam out so it doesn’t blow per se.
SPEAKER 05 :
Oh, yeah, absolutely. There’s physical processing for some going out for a walk or even running, reflecting, praying in movement, like while they’re moving. Because I think we talked about this maybe two times. two interviews ago, where when we’re moving, we are causing both sides of our brain to talk to each other. It’s called bilateral stimulation. And so it causes the left hemisphere and the right hemisphere to talk to each other. And that can be a powerful way to release any emotional buildup. There’s also reflective processing, and that involves more so pausing to examine your thoughts in light of Scripture, in light of God’s Word. Because we all know sometimes we can go down this spiral and forget to examine, okay, what does God say about this situation? And, you know, that brings us back and grounds us back. And let me give you a personal example. I recently had to take a day trip where I felt strongly. I felt the Holy Spirit was prompting me to go minister to someone. I had clarity about the assignment. Yeah, I had clarity about it. And the night before, though. Before I left, these intrusive thoughts started hitting me like, you’re a bad mom. You’re not even going to see your kids in the morning because I had to leave early in the morning to do this. Because I’m a verbal processor, I brought these thoughts out in the open. I talked with my husband. I reached out. to a trusted friend and said, Hey, this is what I feel the Lord is calling me to do. But these are the thoughts that I’m battling. And just saying it out loud helps me get clarity. Like it gave me a clear picture of what was going on internally and helped me separate. Like it helps you separate emotion from truth. And that’s how I recognized, Hey, this isn’t God speaking. It was the enemy trying to derail me with guilt.
SPEAKER 01 :
Yeah.
SPEAKER 05 :
And the Lord tells us in 2 Corinthians 10.5 to take our thoughts captive and line them up with the truth of what God has already asked us to think. And so, yeah, that’s what healthy processing does.
SPEAKER 06 :
So what are some of your favorite processing that you find processing your emotions positively, some of yours that work well for you and that you find for your clients work well?
SPEAKER 05 :
I would say like the verbal processing. Well, in counseling, I deal with a lot of verbal processing. And that is more so like talking through our emotions, especially if you grew up in an environment where you weren’t allowed to process your emotions. You were just shut down. Or it doesn’t even have to be you grew up in it. Maybe you spent a couple of years in a toxic relationship where your emotions were dismissed. or you’re just more of an introvert, verbal processing may be more difficult because you may feel like you’re burdening somebody by talking to them. That is a thing. And so I would say verbal processing usually works with extroverts, but it’s really good – to make sure that as you verbally process, you’re not just going around. I call it the spiral, the same spiral over and over.
SPEAKER 01 :
Yes.
SPEAKER 05 :
When like that friend says, Hey, this is what I think is going on to take hold of that truth and, and help it separate emotion from the actual truth. And so verbal is good. Written processing is great too. Especially when you don’t want to, process your emotions with someone else. You can do that with the Lord. You can just write down your thoughts just to help you gain clarity and spot patterns. Physical processing, I mean, that There’s science behind it too, like as you walk through or even go out for a run. You don’t even have to go out for a run. I mean, you can just go out for a walk and talk to the Lord during that walk, listen to worship music as you’re thinking about the situation, and that helps connect. Because when we are stuck, we are stuck in the right hemisphere. And so we want to combine logic and emotion. And as we walk, both sides of our brain talk.
SPEAKER 06 :
OK, we have about a minute left with kids. Yours are younger than mine. Mine are college and high school age. Yours more elementary school age. Am I right?
SPEAKER 05 :
Yes.
SPEAKER 06 :
So my daughter recently, someone said something hurtful. She said, oh, I’ve got a really bad bruise. And the girl said, girl, that’s not a bruise. Those are stretch marks. And then she sent some other comments to her that weren’t very nice. And Hope told me how she handled it. In the past, she might have been one to just kind of be a little more like, wow, the things you say to me. And then she might say it in a more like not my choice of words to explain to her what type of person the person is, kind of witchy, shall we say. And I’m like, I hope you cannot be that blunt to someone. So she said, I told her mom, sometimes the things you say to me, the way you say it, it really hurts my feelings. And she said, the girl said, oh, I’m sorry. Maybe she thought she was trying to be funny. How do you get like your kids to express their emotions? Oh, you only have 30 seconds.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yeah. So I ask them because they’re elementary school age, I’m trying to get them in a pattern or and ask them, hey, how are you feeling about X, Y, and Z? Now, they understand that their emotions are not what leads, they’re not led by them, but of course, They’re getting in the habit of understanding that if they don’t express their emotions and they don’t get them out, they’re going to be led by them. And that’s how we become led by our emotions. So, like, for example, my son would come home. Let’s do this.
SPEAKER 06 :
Let’s save that topic for next time because we’re out of time. And we’ll talk about how to help our kids process emotions, especially with school starting and bullying, et cetera. Give us your website, Kenza.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yeah, it’s www.kenzahaddict.com.
SPEAKER 06 :
Thank you, friend.
SPEAKER 05 :
Absolutely.
SPEAKER 03 :
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SPEAKER 06 :
Westminster is listening to the mighty 670 KLT Denver. Hey, it’s the good news with Angie Austin and Scott Montgomery is back. He is an author. He is a speaker. He is a business owner. And today we’ve chosen a topic because we’ve worked through your book and your workbook. Today, we’re going to actually talk about college kids graduating and how many of them think that just to have a college degree is enough to have and start a career. Welcome back, Scott Montgomery.
SPEAKER 04 :
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It’s always a pleasure. I love our conversation. And I think today is a hot topic. Wait till you hear where I’ve been.
SPEAKER 06 :
Oh, I can’t wait to hear. But first, just tell everybody who hasn’t heard you about your book, how I get here, how I got there, and about your company, et cetera.
SPEAKER 04 :
Oh, sure, sure, sure. And it’s all, I try to do a little bit of a clicky title. So my book is called How Did You Get Here? Lessons of Unconventional Success. And that book I wrote about how I found myself in the position I’m in through unconventional ways that I ran my business, which is a consulting services firm that supports school districts. But how I ran my business without a college degree and through relationships and then making myself better through a growth mindset. And so I felt it was important to write a book about that to share the experience to those who are looking at alternative ways or even improving ways in which they’re going to expand their career. I took it a step further. And this past year and actually this past month, I released How You Go There, which is a companion guide.
SPEAKER 06 :
How You Go There, How I Got There.
SPEAKER 04 :
Exactly. How did I get here? How did you get here? And then how do you go there is where it lands.
SPEAKER 06 :
Oh, you cracked me up. So for college kids, they want to figure out how they get there. And so our kids are pretty much the same age. We have three teenagers who started college this year and graduation and all these things going on. But a lot of these kids do think they can barely schedule a haircut or don’t even pick up their own prescriptions or have to have mom, you know, order their groceries from Walmart for delivery at their, you know, apartment, their college apartment. They’re just not ready for the work world in a lot of cases, but they think the degree automatically gets them a job.
SPEAKER 04 :
Totally. Well, and you know, it’s funny because I was looking online with social media, some of the most successful people are talking about this, which sparked my interest in that. Um, The kids that come out of college and they go into their interviews think because they have a piece of paper they know what they’re talking about, and they don’t. The street part of this is so important. So those kids that are young adults, I should say, graduating college should consider the internship opportunity. They have to build a relationship, and they certainly don’t come out of that college expecting that they’re going to get this high-powered job. high-paying management job right out of the gate. And I was telling you where I’ve been. I was at my kid’s college campus last week, surprise visit from dad. And two of his fraternity brothers literally engaged with me in this conversation. And they were really impressive to think, oh, how do I do this? Because I’m realizing without a piece of paper, I’m not going to just a piece of paper rather is going to not get me that job. I’ve got to do those extra things. So we got into pretty good dialogue about it.
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah, I love your internship idea. A lot of kids are like, oh, I don’t get paid or I don’t get paid much. But you get college credit and it’s invaluable. And especially if you want to go into a field and you want to continue your education and maybe you’re thinking about. Thank you so much. They see the glamour side of being an attorney in a lot of movies, but a lot of it is really tedious, detailed, sometimes quite boring work. And then if you get into family law, it can be very stressful, and there can be a lot of animosity, a lot of anger involved in negotiating between the two parties in a divorce, for instance. So… I think that’s a prime example of where an internship or job shadowing would really be beneficial. And I’m sure that would apply to most careers for people to get a better idea of what they’re getting themselves into.
SPEAKER 04 :
A hundred percent. And one of the things I really appreciate about the opportunity you provide me on your show is for your guests and for those and the naming convention of my work, the how you go there piece of this is to share with them and the children and the young adults and those folks that it’s not just about this piece of paper, and it’s not just about this textbook education, but like you just said, the experience of immersion and the value of relationships in that immersion. So have they worked in a law office? Or can they go into the interview, sleeves rolled up, and try and find where their best niche is in the industry in which they studied? But going out and thinking you’re an expert because you have a piece of paper is going to shut doors before it opens them. So just sharing that. How you go there is to be in relationship, be vulnerable, get in front of the people that you think you’re interested in, and immerse yourself in all of the work related to that. You can’t just go in and say, well, I had a math class, so now I’m ready to be an accountant. I know Excel, so I’m ready to be an accountant. The whole process of accounting has many facets, and closing the door to those or expecting because you’ve got a piece of paper, everyone’s going to open the door to that for you, you’re going to get that job right away, are falsehoods. You need to do the internship. You need to build the relationships. You need to get to know people and then talk about where you find yourself in that and look for those mentors that can help you go there. Help you go there.
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah, help you go there. That will be a great book for college graduates. Help you go there. I think that even – my husband kind of did this. Even if there isn’t an internship, offering to come in, applying somewhere and saying – Look, you may not have something now, but would it be possible for me to shadow one of your accountants or one of your whatever other job as you want to do so that I can learn more about what your company’s about and what you do here and see if I’d be a good fit for you and vice versa? My husband actually was the director of the morning news at the last TV station where I worked. And he wanted to get into sales, probably because it paid about four times as much as the director job, which was shocking. But he would just go up every day after the morning and noon news ended and he would work up in sales. And he worked up there a long time every day after work until they finally hired him because he had no experience. experience and it’s like a top 20 market and he made significantly more money but they only did that um hired him because he came up there and did so much for them for free before he ever got offered a job and he was 32. wow wow well you know the segue and i love what you’re talking about because the segue for those listeners in your audience that are not just college grads or out in the new market looking for new opportunities are those business leaders
SPEAKER 04 :
that are interested or, as I said to you earlier, incumbent on their responsibility to engage those folks and be available and make themselves available to those mentorships and to those opportunities for the next generation. It’s a really interesting dovetail, and how you’ve moved this conversation along is beautiful because I’m in the spirit of how do we all just be human in business and help these people facilitate their growth and their change for the benefit of all of our careers and all of our opportunities? and our relationships, our hearts, you know, how you get to know people.
SPEAKER 06 :
You know, I saw a speaker, and he was talking about the soft skills. He’s like, you know, there’s a lot of things I can teach you, and we can use accounting as an example, you know, how to do the spreadsheets, how to work with this particular client. But he’s like, the skills I can’t teach you, these soft skills, are the ones that really are invaluable and that will lead to you, you know, moving up in the company. And that’s like arriving on time, going the extra mile, always doing the best job, being respectful, not starting arguments with colleagues, working well with people. And then one that I think people really overlook, and I just saw this recently in an article, it’s one thing that you can do that will lead to you being promoted and doing and making more money in your career. And it’s so simple. it’s being a good conversationalist. A lot of people have no interest whatsoever in like chit-chatting with their colleagues or, you know, making small talk or getting to know them. But that ability to converse with people and show interest in their lives and ask them questions, it really leads to a sense of camaraderie. And then people genuinely like you if you show an interest in them and ask them questions and have conversations and that may seem like brown nosing or, you know, oh, that’s fakery. No, I don’t think having relationships with your colleagues and getting along with them, being interesting and showing interest in them is fakery. I think it’s, you know, I think when people like you, you’re more likely to be promoted.
SPEAKER 04 :
Exactly. And the authenticity of the inquiries that you make of people are only in the intention in which you make them. So if you’re going to sit and be, you know, judgy and feel like you’re being an ass kisser, then that’s really what your intention is. If you’re trying to engage with people, watch the magic of opportunity surface. Watch the opportunities come to you or the collective you, even the people you’re working with. Even you may bring them an opportunity for knowing what they’re about.
SPEAKER 06 :
You know, I think I think about the colleagues that I still have good relationships with. And one, she’ll hear this probably today. Rachel Mains, she actually runs KLZ. And that’s one of the stations that I’m sorry. Three, two, one. One, Rachel Mains is runs KLTT. uh the main station that i’m on and she and i became friends uh gosh i mean 20 some odd years ago when she was my floor manager on the morning news show and she was just so wonderful to work with and we stayed friends over the years and now we’re working together again and and she’s over me really in the position that you know i’m in now contributing as a host And every day she helps with my podcast and with my radio show and all the other hosts on that program. But anyway, people used to ask me, like, if you had a company, who would you hire? And I said, well, there’d be like a top five people I’d hire and Rachel would be in there like. She just cares so much. She’s so conscientious. She’s so engaging. She’s so friendly. She always puts an effort into our friendship, even when we aren’t colleagues. You know, we’ve had years when we didn’t work together. And just that kind of person, it’s somebody you really want to work with. But she hits every, every, like… everything that you would want in an employee you know being on time going the extra mile taking on additional responsibilities fixing problems being friendly caring about others like every single one she hits so those are the people that you want like you told me you work with a whole bunch of people in fact you’re the best example that you work with years past and you hire them in your company and so now you’re surrounded by people you liked before oh my training and development director
SPEAKER 04 :
Amy Delone Eady was one of my first bosses in 1989 when I started my first job. She has since retired the place we work together. And when we got talking, she wants to help develop the training and the recognition programs that we have at Worldgate, my consulting services firm. And she does that for us. And it’s a perfect match because we know each other so well. And it’s a really beautiful swan song for her because she gets to pay forward and incentivize. And it’s not quite the grind it was when she was working. Right. So everybody wins. And the trust is really the bottom line on that. I know exactly that I can rely on her and she can rely on me for the effectiveness of that work. It’s fantastic. And you’re right. I love it. Yeah.
SPEAKER 06 :
Well, again, you know, one of the things you mentioned when we first started the interview, if you can do an internship, you I mean, make yourself invaluable. My husband and I both did it in our internships. I did one at NBC in Denver way back when. And he did his in Chicago at WGN in Chicago. And then they ended up hiring him as an assistant director. And then he got his job as a director in Denver. And that’s when we met because he hired helped to hire me. So, you know, working for free does pay off. You may think it’s for free. And, you know, some of these are paid internships. But I want to make sure people can find you, Scott, and your books and your company. So give us the best way to reach you.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, the best way to reach me is www.HowYouGoThere.com. It also spells HowYouGotHere.com. So it’s a fun way. I get to wordsmith this one a little bit. But I’m available to your audience. I’m available to you. And I love this topic. We are happy to dive deeper into it with folks. I’m available for talks and coaching sessions as well. And our consulting services firm that implements systems at school districts, if that’s what you’re looking for, is www.worldgatellc.com. And it also has a leadership development component that we consult out on as well. Excellent. Thank you for that.
SPEAKER 06 :
Thank you, friend. Talk to you next time.
SPEAKER 02 :
Thank you for listening to The Good News with Angie Austin on AM670 KLTT.
Join Angie Austin on The Good News as she welcomes Kenza Haddock, a therapist and author, who opens up about her profound transformation journey from an Islamic household to embracing Christianity. Kenza shares the emotional and spiritual challenges she faced, including the difficult decision to part ways with her family. Her story is one of resilience, faith, and the passion she found in integrating God’s word with mental health. Discover practical insights on processing emotions and the significance of acknowledging different methods that cater to individual needs.
