In this touching episode, Angie Austin is joined by special guests, including Dr. Cheryl Lentz, to explore the beauty and complexity of relationships during the holiday season. Discover how gratitude can transform your interactions and how establishing boundaries can pave the way for harmonious and unforgettable gatherings. Angie and her guests remind us that it’s perfectly okay to redefine family connections, offering strategies to create joyful and meaningful holiday experiences despite the occasional disharmony. Listen in and find out how to turn potentially challenging conversations into opportunities for strength and connection.
welcome to the good news with Angie Austin now with the good news here’s Angie hello there friend Angie Austin and Jim Stovall here with the good news and we’re talking about this week’s winners wisdom column and this week he wrote about the empty chair at the table hey Jim hey it is great to be with you and as we move into the holiday season here
SPEAKER 04 :
It’s always good to get a little perspective because with the media and all the advertisements and all the pressure and the schedule, sometimes it’s just good to stop and really get another perspective on it. As we look forward to Thanksgiving this week and then Christmas coming up and everything, You know, we have a tendency to look at all the F-words, and before you reach for the little button that cuts me off, I’m talking about food, family, fun, football, and all of those other sorts of things. And it’s so easy to get caught up in that, and we miss, you know, the real tradition. This is a time for us to be thankful, and I believe the fastest way to get everything you want out of life is to be thankful for everything you already have. And this is just a great time to do that.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yeah, I’ve been kind of going over like, you know, options for Thanksgiving Day and, you know, and options for, you know, how to handle a relative that maybe enjoys starting an argument. You know, most of us really dread that kind of thing, but there is a certain personality I found that really enjoys a good debate slash argument slash argument. I don’t know, heated discussion. And I’m not one of those personalities having grown up around way too many, I’ll call them heated discussions, but chaos at my home. So I really shy away from those and take every opportunity to or acquiesce or not make the other person feel diminished or give in, as they’d say. But I don’t see it as giving in. I see it as winning because I’m winning a great dinner. I’m winning a pleasant environment. I’m winning my other relatives feeling comfortable. So they might see it as their win, but I see it as my win.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, and, you know, my brother and I were talking about, you know, growing up in our parents’ and grandparents’ home. And, you know, of course, this is the first year without my father at the table. So, you know, it brings, you know, a lot of memories, but a lot of things to be thankful for. But our grandmother had a thing. You know, my brother and I, we were out running in the woods and doing things. You know, we’d sit down at the table and we might talk about cleaning a fish or finding a dead skunk or anything else. And my grandmother would just simply say, that’s not appropriate table talk. And that ended the conversation. Well, recently when cousins and in-laws and outlaws and various other people, they started on the political debate, my brother will just look at them and say, that’s not appropriate table discussion. And it just, you know, save it. I mean, you’ve got all year to do that. And, you know, this is not about that. No one’s going to change their mind. Let’s talk about all the things we’re thankful for. And one of the things we do at our home at Thanksgiving is, before we say grace at the Thanksgiving, you know, we go around the table, and everybody just says one thing they’re thankful for. And it is just a powerful, powerful statement.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yeah, it’s surprising sometimes what people are thankful for. And oftentimes it has something to do with the people at the table, as you and I have discussed on many occasions, that 85-year-long Harvard happiness study that said that if you boil it all down to one thing that really contributes to happiness, it’s connections, relationships, family, friends. And so many of us are thankful for what’s there at the table. And I have to tell you, And I also provided escape room when I’m the one that’s doing the Thanksgiving, which this year we’re going out because my mom’s not here. And I don’t think I told you, but my daughter said, you know, is grand grand going to be here? And I said, no. And she said, bro, she’s the only one that can cook. Jim, I went from mommy to mama to mom to bro or bra.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, it’s probably a good transition.
SPEAKER 05 :
So, yeah, but my escape room is like I might have a craft in there. The TV football can be an escape room or the parade. But then usually it’s like something to do with the kids or you can create your own and go out in the backyard and play with the dogs or bring the kids out there for a walk. You can. always create your own escape room type environment. And I’m not saying to escape the whole family, just if things get contentious or a little stressful.
SPEAKER 04 :
You know, yeah, I was doing an interview the other day and, you know, saying, well, you know, everybody lists one thing they’re thankful for. And the interviewer said, well, you know, if two or three people go first, what can you think of? You know, I told him, hey, I was I was just at the Stovall Center at the university and And we have kids from 143 different nations. And, you know, to that interviewer and to you and all your listeners here in the good old United States of America, man, we won the birthright lottery when we were born here in America. You know, you don’t need to go any farther than that to just be thankful that we’re here. And, you know, and that’s how Thanksgiving got started. A group of people that, hey, we’re just thankful we’re here.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yeah, exactly. And you know what, Jim? What if you said you were thankful for my wife and I said I was thankful for my husband? Like, you can repeat gratitudes. They don’t have to all be different.
SPEAKER 04 :
Oh, yeah. And as you know, Angie, I do my golden list every day, which is a tradition for my grandmother, which is 10 things I’m thankful for every morning. And, you know, Crystal is always on the list virtually every day. Yeah. You know, and then other things are on the list. And you just… You know, you just, you know, things are brought to your attention and you’re thankful for it.
SPEAKER 05 :
So this Crystal we speak of oftentimes, you know, I would say several times a month we bring up Crystal, your wife. And I actually called her today because for some reason I thought you were at home because, you know, of the week and all. And I thought it might be a vacation week for you. Anyway, I got her and, you know, I said, oh, is this Crystal? And you said yes. And I said… Hey, it’s Angie. And she goes, oh, I know about you, Angie. And I said, you know, I know you already know this, but every single week that when I talk to Jim, anytime, you know, you’re brought up, he just speaks of you so glowingly and with such love. She was, oh, yes, yes, I know. And then she told me that you speak so highly of me. But how nice for a wife of how many years have you been married?
SPEAKER 04 :
We are married 42 years. My goodness.
SPEAKER 05 :
Okay, so I’m at 20. So how nice for a wife of 42 years to be, oh, yes, I know he’s crazy about me. I mean, talk about something to be thankful for that she knows and you know, and you’re both so thankful for each other that she goes on your gratitude list every day.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, she does, and as I’ve told you, I have this poster my staff bought me in my office at home, and it starts at the top. It says, Success is, and then it lists 36 things, three dozen things that success is, but number one is marry the right person because you don’t get that right, and it’s hard to enjoy much of that other stuff because, you know, if you think of the greatest trip or adventure you ever went on, It has a lot more to do with who you went with than where you went. I would rather go to a fast food restaurant with Crystal than fly to Paris with someone I didn’t like. Being around her is just a holiday. We sat down the other day and thought about what are the 10 best times in our life together. you know, we were teenagers together. I mean, it, you know, we grew up together and, uh, you know, we went through poverty together and now we are enjoying prosperity together. And so we listed all these things were the best times. You remember the time we went here and did that? And out of those 10 things, I would say at least half of them where we didn’t have anything, Angie, we would, we, we had nothing. And it was just, you know, the two of us together and we had a lot of big dreams and, uh, And it makes a great life. And a guy asked me not long ago, well, how often do you think you should tell your wife you love her? And I said, well, you probably ought to tell her before some other guy does. You really should kind of get out in front of that thing. I don’t think you can say it too often.
SPEAKER 05 :
Oh, my goodness. I’ve got to find that list of 33 things. Is there an author on it?
SPEAKER 04 :
I don’t know. I’ll see if I can find it for you and get it for you.
SPEAKER 05 :
Okay. Okay. I love that. Or just even have one of your people take a picture of it. I’d love to see the 33 things. I think that I’m always sending my kids stuff. It’s funny. Today I sent my daughter who plays basketball, I sent her this thing as a coach and she said, let me tell you something. Steph Curry is a good shooter, and he didn’t get that way on the couch. You don’t get better at shooting by taking a nap. You don’t get better at shooting while you’re napping. So anyway, she gets up with her dad at 6 a.m. on weekends and goes to the gym before the big guys that muscle around and knock her down arrive to play. They try to take over, do full court on both sides, which they’re not supposed to, but We just know what’s going to happen, so why not just get her in there real early and let her do a few hundred shots before they all get there so she’s not napping on the weekends, that’s for sure. All right, so go ahead, Jim.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, you don’t learn anything napping except how to nap. Yeah.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yeah. So we’re talking about, you know, all the F words coming up. And as Jim says, that’s the food, the football, family, friends and fun. So and I know you do your gratitude list every day that your grandma taught you of the 10 things you’re grateful for. Go around the table at Thanksgiving and say what you’re thankful for. What else do you want to get out of this week’s empty chair at the table? Because this is the first year you’ll have your dad’s empty chair at the table.
SPEAKER 04 :
You know, I think we’ll all share a memory of my father, and then a couple other things we like to observe, and just things for you and your audience to consider. Number one, guys, I know we live in the 21st century, but you can go an afternoon and a sit-down meal for Thanksgiving without a device in your hand. So we go with a no-technology table and try to keep the conversation positive. And, you know, and then, you know, hey, no football on in the background. You know, if you don’t have your device there, you can DVR the game and you’re not going to get a spoiler alert. And you can watch the game an hour later or two hours later. You don’t have to worry about it.
SPEAKER 05 :
Oh, I know don’t leave the TV on when I was like maybe 15, 16. I think it was the Flintstones that was on in the background and my grandmother was doing the prayer and I just let out a little giggle. Maybe I was 13, but I just let out a little giggle. And oh, my grandma’s not the nicest lady. Oh, did I get in trouble? And So I got sent to my room, and then she kicked me off the table and then came in to talk to me. And I said, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t laughing at your prayer. It was Fred Flintstone, and it was so not fitting for the topic of the prayer. So now I definitely know to not have Fred Flintstone on the TV while you’re doing the Thanksgiving prayer.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, I’m drawing a note here. No Flintstones during the prayer. I think that’s universal wisdom that shares with everybody.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yeah. I think he was the grand poobah in that one. So, you know, yeah, that’s probably why I was just giggling a little. All right. So I can’t believe you’ve been married for that many years and you’re still so happy. I mean, that right there is, I think that should be your gratitude at the Thanksgiving Day table. Anything coming up for you, Jim? Like, what do you have planned? I mean, I know you’ve got Thanksgiving and Christmas, but any fun, neat things, books, trips, speaking engagements?
SPEAKER 04 :
You know, now that the Hollywood people have gotten past the strike, we’re Kind of getting a little back into movie mode on our Will to Win project based on my novel. And I’ve got a couple new books coming out next year. And, you know, just enjoying and keep doing what we do.
SPEAKER 05 :
Have you found your leading man yet or is that still in the works?
SPEAKER 04 :
Still in the works. We’re looking at an absolute unique technology thing. And for those of you who have seen the recent Indiana Jones movie, where they took the technology and made him 40 years younger, I’m not supposed to talk about it, but you can imagine what happens when you’ve got movies of Will Rogers from 1935 and new technology. And, you know, we’re playing with the idea that maybe Will Rogers could be Will Rogers.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yes, maybe. I love that idea. That is so crazy. Yeah, I mean, what they can do these days, it’s just unbelievable. Well, I’ll tell you, and I told Crystal today when I spoke with your lovely wife that I am thankful that I get to speak with you every week. I told her how much I look forward to it and how you’ve even spoken to my son a few times about, you know, the future and business and college and all and success and all those things. So really appreciate you, Jim, your website.
SPEAKER 04 :
Jim Stovall, S-T-O-V-A-L-L, jimstovall.com.
SPEAKER 05 :
jimstovall.com. Thank you, friend.
SPEAKER 03 :
Arc Thrift needs your large furniture donations. You can either drop off your large furniture at one of Arc Thrift’s 36 locations or schedule a pickup online. Arc Thrift is looking for your gently used couches, chairs, tables, recliners, dressers, entertainment centers, armoires, and desks. Give your furniture a second chance of life. As long as the furniture is in good condition, you can schedule for a large furniture pickup on Arc Thrift’s website. Also, make sure to include at least five bags or boxes of gently used items when your furniture gets picked up. And if you have more stuff to donate, they can take up to 20 boxes or bags at a time, free of charge. And with the holidays approaching, find all of your ugly Christmas sweaters, white elephant gifts, holiday decorations, and gifts for a fraction of the retail store price. Find your nearest Arc Thrift by going to arcthrift.com today. So much more than a thrift store.
SPEAKER 05 :
Trinidad is listening to the Mighty 670 KLT. Hey, it’s Angie Austin with the good news and also Dr. Cheryl Lentz, the academic entrepreneur. Hello there, friend.
SPEAKER 02 :
Well, hi there, friend. It’s been a while. Good to see you and happy almost holidays.
SPEAKER 05 :
Oh, my goodness. I looked and it’s been three months since we chatted and that’s like I think about the longest we’ve gone in the last decade or so.
SPEAKER 02 :
Has it really been that? Wow, time does fly. Well, it is so good to hear you back and get a chance to catch up a little bit and everything’s good. But I have had a lot of books to read since then we can talk about.
SPEAKER 05 :
Well, I know that you read a lot and we oftentimes discuss the books that you’re working on. And this one, the author is Jim Britt. And the book is Rings of Truth. So tell us about Rings of Truth.
SPEAKER 02 :
Well, this is amazing and how the book found me, which I think is more of an interesting story. You and I both believe in divine intervention and fate and God and divine intervention when needed. And so as I’m cleaning my closet, this book falls off a shelf as I’ve had it for three years. Oh, wow. I have not been able to put it down. And what it is, it’s really an interesting self-intervention, if you will, with trying to be able to make sense of when you’re at a crossroads in your life. And to be able to look at the people and the angels that surround us and the things that happen to us that we need to pay close attention to. And I think the latter is really about it. But he meets somebody from his past as an angel. And it’s along the lines of Clarence and the Christmas movie when Clarence is earning his wings. But it’s somebody helping be a mirror from the other side just to help direct him. And every time he makes this milestone… That’s what those rings in the title are about. He gets these rings from his angel with very specific and I won’t I won’t do the spoiler alert, but very specific attributes, attributes and characteristics and lessons learned. And it is just so exciting. And it’s the way the book is set up is also a little unusual, too, is you’ll have the chapters in the book. And at the end of each chapter, they have like chapter one and a half. And the half part is kind of a. The author’s character narrating the book with trying to process some of the lessons learned from the chapter. It’s a very interesting organization. It is beautifully done. And it’s very religiously orientated. And it has the good news that it’s just right up your alley with all of the things that we’d like to be about what it means to be a good human. It’s fantastic. I can’t say enough about it.
SPEAKER 05 :
I love what it means to be a good human. You know, I think as a Christian, it kind of reminds me of what I call God winks that, you know, I ran into this. a Christian girl at Hopes College where she’s going to attend in Tennessee. And as we were walking outside with the volleyball coach and she hadn’t given my daughter an offer yet, but we were going to like look at the fair and all the stuff right outside the door. It’s a small town in Tennessee. So we walk out the door and the coach said, you know, I’m going to talk to I know I know someone that could help Hope with the firefighting, you know, in town and that, you know, we can find someone that can help her, you know, make some connections in the fire department. And there’s like a volunteer, you know, she wants to be a volunteer firefighter, blah, blah, blah. So we walked down the stairs and the first table that we walked to is the volunteer fire department and the regular fire department. And so this girl that’s the head of recruiting just graduated from the same college that Hope’s going to attend. She was an intern for them where you live at the firehouse and take care of one of the trucks, and then it’s free room and board for you, and she did that for several years. So she just graduated, and she was all through college a volunteer firefighter, and now right out of school she is a firefighter. She was hired, and she does recruiting. And so we just thought that that was like a total God wink. And then the next day, about 20 miles outside of town, we were attending a church where one of the professors that graduated from the same university is the pastor. And so we get there and then I meet this woman. She comes up. She goes, oh, yes, I handle admissions at a university. And I’m like, wow. Oh, my gosh. And I looked at my text. I go, is this you who sent me a text yesterday? And she said, yes. And then another girl walks up to us and she looked different. It was the firefighter, but she was in a dress. And so she starts talking to Hope. I’m like, oh, my goodness. I cannot believe 20 miles away. Now we’re talking to this firefighter again who is telling Hope how she can be a volunteer firefighter. So I get home and I text her and I said, I just want to tell you that I do believe that this was a God wink. and so you know whether people you know say that’s an angel experience or whatever i call it a god wink and so um she said oh i love it you call it that i totally think so too just that we she was the first table we went to she went to the same university she just graduated she can get hope onto the you know firefighting volunteer team and then she’s at the church that we attended on the day that we flew out so i just that was a like a double god wink
SPEAKER 02 :
have to fall into place, right? And there’s no way that anything could be more perfectly orchestrated than a God wink or this divine. And that’s what this book is all about. But it’s still about the self-discovery. I mean, you can take a horse to water, you can’t make them drink, but you can have those divine introductions, those pathways for people along the way that are going to help you move in that direction. And if we are open to them and open to possibilities, magic happens. It’s amazing.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yeah, I do believe that the Lord puts people in our lives that really can you know, be such a blessing. And I think about, you know, what you went through with Gracie, your dog of so many years, that was just, you know, being by yourself and, you know, not having children and having, you know, Gracie, your Husky all those years, you know, that was, she’s family. And so you told me that you were really touched by how many people reached out to you. Those of us with pets, especially knowing how important, um, you know, she is to you, you know, was to you will still is, you know, that she’s just was like the light of your life. And so you said so many people, you know, reached out to you.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yeah, it’s amazing when you have someone and even now because I run an Airbnb. And it’s very cool because many of them’s like, Oh, we so wanted to see her because I still can’t take her picture down. and they still have, so when they come here, you know, I was like, listen, I’m just sorry, but, you know, I still can’t vacuum under the piano either, and I’m pulling up the Christmas ornaments, and I have to stop myself because of all the things of how I direct, you know, how I decorated when I have a husky in the house, that you couldn’t leave things here, you couldn’t leave things there, and now I’m having to be a little bit less than that, and it’s just so weird, the habits in there, but she’s here, I put all my dogs on the tree, I’ll send you a picture, and I’ve got a husky tree with a husky topper and everything, and all five of my angels now are on that tree, and it’s just very special, but melancholy you know I mean she touched my heart in ways that all of them did but I’ve not yet decided to get another and I don’t know if I will because I want to travel and I felt too guilty that I put my life on hold while she had seizures until she passed because I just didn’t feel comfortable not having mommy here when she went through that time of need for her yes yes yes no I I know I uh I have five pets and I’ve traveled I think four or five times last month and it’s so hard
SPEAKER 05 :
To leave them, even though there are other family members here, they just don’t take care of them the way that I do. Exactly.
SPEAKER 02 :
And there’s nothing like mom. There’s magic with mom. You know, four legs to two, it doesn’t matter. Mom is mom.
SPEAKER 05 :
It’s funny. My husband was saying, these pets hit the jackpot with you because… Somehow, all five of them get around me in the bed. Thank goodness we have a big bed because my husband’s 6’6″, and he’s on one side, and then I’m on the other side with five pets. They’re not big, but there’s one by my knees, there’s one by my foot, there’s one next to my head. It’s just a crazy time.
SPEAKER 02 :
We had to— My gosh, if I could get a story for you. My very first three Huskies. I had an Alaskan Malamute Husky Cross, which was more than 125 pounds, and the other two, which were a good size. I remember when I was married, we had a king-size bed, and they all jumped on the bed all at the same time and dropped it. Because of all that weight and that force, we had to put our bed on cinder blocks to make sure, because of all that dog. Yeah, we only got a corner of it, so yeah, I remember it.
SPEAKER 05 :
Oh, my goodness. That is so funny. Well, you know, you’re also a professor. You know, the holidays are coming up. We’ve been talking on the show recently, you know, about forgiveness because so many people, you know, get together with family and it can be real difficult. And I know with your family, you now go to see friends or extended family members because of the strife that, you know, you have with your immediate family, per se. Correct. I think boundaries are so important and realizing when you can no longer sit at the same table and it’s best for your mental health to be somewhere else because there might be a kinder location for you to celebrate the holidays.
SPEAKER 02 :
Oh, that’s a beautiful way to put it because it’s, I had a few friends of mine said, Cheryl, your immediate family is not capable of behaving in the way that takes care of you and serves your needs with how they behave. And we don’t want to support you anymore if you choose to keep going back because you’re expecting different results and they behave the same way that they always have and they’re just not capable. And it took many years for me to finally decide to not put myself in that line of fire because, like you said, there were other kinder places where I was celebrated, where I was wanted, where I was loved. and the immediate family was nothing but stress and heartache. And I know that’s tough because of the, even the commandments, honor thy father and thy mother. Well, what happens if it doesn’t work out the beautiful end of the happily ever after story, then you have to make a choice because I’m not believing that family is genetics. Family is how you’re loved and how you’re treated. Yeah. And I have found lots of other family who, who have substituted for the family of origin, I guess, is a way to say it.
SPEAKER 05 :
And, you know, um, With that said, I was just at an event where we were honoring a woman that I’m friends with who’s the age of my mom. And like, you know, if I could choose family, you know, I would pick her to be someone that’d be very integral to my life, which she is. And people were walking out with me saying, like, you know, sometimes the family has to be the family you choose for you because they take care of you and, you know, they love you and they treat you with kindness and respect. And so I think you can still honor your mother and father and not be around them. You know what I mean? Like you still, there’s still, in my opinion, has to be forgiveness for your own, you know, benefit. But that doesn’t mean that you have to have a lot of interaction with them. Maybe that means sending a Christmas card and saying, you know, hope you’re well and thinking of you, you know, on this holiday. But that might be it, you know, and they might then reach out to you like, oh, we’re hoping then you’d come for Thanksgiving. And, you know, oh, I’ve made other plans. Thank you so much for thinking of me and including me. It doesn’t have to be a mean thing. It’s just probably better for them, too. But they don’t they probably don’t realize that, you know, they’re not going to think that it’s better for them, per se.
SPEAKER 02 :
Well, I just know it’s an interesting topic you’re bringing up is why do we tolerate such bad behavior and drama? And I’ve heard horror stories, including my own, of things that are happening. And yet we go back time and time again. I don’t believe that God wants us to be that level of strife and drama when there is a choice. And if people can’t make better choices and provide better boundaries, and if we can’t get along in that sandbox, no matter what we try, then maybe it’s best to be successful elsewhere. It’s not that you’re not grateful for the life they gave you and for the things they gave you, but things change and people change. But I don’t believe going to a family event every year for the same horrible behavior that everybody expects and dreads. Why? I just don’t see the benefit of that. So I made another choice.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yeah, and I totally, I just think it’s a good example of boundaries. But I also think that there are a lot of people that do get together with family, and especially with like what’s going on with the political climate right now and all of that, that they want to, you know, really, I’m going to lay down the law and say how I feel and why I’m right and why you’re an idiot, why your people are idiots. And, you know, I just think that there are other times for you to, I just, relationships to me are so precious.
SPEAKER 02 :
They’re not worth ruining over being right and having some belief that you want to shove down everyone else’s throat while you’re having, you know, turkey and pecan pie, you know, it’s just like, I teach a lot of my students in there and most of them will have no idea my political affiliation or even my religious affiliation or anything that could possibly do in there because I, I’m looking at that relationship and it doesn’t matter. I but we don’t have to be disagreeable to do it. And very few people have those skills because the emotions get in and I’m right and you’re wrong. I’m like, I don’t care. We can agree to disagree. I love a good debate, but I don’t want it to be catastrophic. I don’t want it to be, you know, emotionally charged and people go into their corners and everybody’s hurt feelings. There’s no reason to it, but that takes skill, Angie, that takes skill, particularly when you have emotionality of, you know, decades with, you know, uncle so-and-so who’s a pain in the, you know, what ski and you just know, and it’s like, Why do we tolerate that? We could make different behaviors. And here’s why. If we show up differently, they can show up differently. And then we shut down those boundaries. It’s like, you know, we’re not going to do this this year. I think so. We’re not going to talk politics. We’re not going to talk about that. And you just set the boundaries. And now that strife, that contention, what everybody’s it just doesn’t exist if you don’t allow it. And then it can be that. A little bit of happily ever after and lollipops and unicorns. Yes. You got to set the ground rules.
SPEAKER 05 :
We’re out of time, but I like to always go around and say what you’re thankful for. Dr. Cheryl Lentz dot com. Thank you, friend. Thank you.
SPEAKER 02 :
Bye bye. Happy holidays.
SPEAKER 01 :
Thank you for listening to the good news with Angie Austin on AM 670 KLTT.
