Listen as Angie and her guests delve deep into the challenges and triumphs of managing emotions and maintaining peace in relationships. Whether it’s dealing with difficult neighbors or navigating tense family gatherings, the conversation is filled with actionable insights on letting go of offense and embracing forgiveness. With humorous and touching anecdotes, this episode is one you won’t want to miss as you prepare for the holidays.
welcome to the good news with angie austin now with the good news here’s angie hello there it’s angie austin and also grace fox and we are uh doing the good news with angie austin and talking about her book fresh hope for today devotions for joy on the journey and today we’re focusing on let it go but i thought i’d talk a little about christmas hello there grace fox Hi, so good to be back with you. Well, great to be with you, too. I love the story, and I will just tell it one more time because I think it’s so sweet. I think this is the third time we’ve told it, but I just love the story about when your kids were little and you’d do things for people at Christmas, your neighbors and everything, which I know you do now. Part of living in, you know, Grace, as many of you know, lives on a boat, and so in the she likes to kind of bring things together and maybe host like, you know, coffee and cinnamon rolls or just have that like neighborhood feel. And in your old neighborhood when you were a kid, there was this crotchety old couple that you were all kind of afraid of. And I just love this story. So will you tell us the gingerbread man story again?
SPEAKER 02 :
Sure, yeah. That’s when my kids were smaller. I think my youngest one was probably kindergarten age, first grade, something like that. The oldest would have been about third or fourth grade then. And we decided that we were going to bake cookies for our neighbors and put them in little bags. Then we would put a tag on and deliver them. So when we delivered them, we sang We Wish You a Merry Christmas at the door. And the neighbors loved it. But at the top of the road, beginning of this little dirt road that we lived on, was a couple sitting. who he especially was not very friendly. And so people just steered clear of them. He made it clear he did not want people stopping by or trying to reach out. So we respected that. But that day we thought we’re going to break the rules and we’re going to take cookies to these people too. So we walked up their driveway, rang the doorbell, but only the missus came to the door. So we handed her the cookies and we sang a little song and And she took the cookies and said, thank you, closed the door. So we turned around, started walking away, and then suddenly she called us. So we turned around and she motioned for us to come back. And when we did, she got tears in her eyes and she said, thank you for this. You will never know how much this meant. Then she told us that her husband had died two weeks before. Nobody, nobody on the road really was aware of it because they didn’t have any friends. It wasn’t in the newspaper. There was no notification publicly. This guy had died. There’s no way that we could have known. And so here we did this just because we wanted to be kind and did not realize the impact that that little cookie gift would have on a neighbor whose heart was broken. And so that, to me, was such a lesson in These are just random acts of kindness. They might not seem like anything big, but because we don’t know where people’s hearts are, we don’t know what their circumstances behind the scenes are, we just don’t understand sometimes the positive impact that a little random act of kindness can have.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, that affected me too, just that story in that we have a guy like that in our neighborhood. And maybe I think I met him five years into living here, and I think we’ve lived here seven years now. Yeah, he just isn’t. He doesn’t really want to have friends and he doesn’t want to be friendly. But his wife is actually kind of friendly, but I think people avoid them because of him. And I always wave at her when she’s walking her dog. She has lots of dogs. And, you know, in her case and both of the wives, they may actually be friendly people, but. If your spouse is someone that keeps others at bay, you know, you’re kind of trapped in their world, you know, to some degree. And so it’s just interesting that she called you back to let you know. And I don’t know. I just love that story. And I can see how those little lessons can really have an impact, too, because, you know. when someone shows you with their tears and their voice and, you know, they’re trembling. Like I just was at an event where I had to tell a reason how I met this particular lady. And she, to me, is like the kind of mom that I would pick if I could pick a mom. And I’m not saying I don’t love my mom, but I was the mom. You know, I definitely made sure the phone bill was paid. I made the responsible decisions. I, you know, helped her buy a house. I was the mom. And so if I could have picked a mom that was more mom-ish, I would have picked this particular woman. And so we had this luncheon for Arlene and one of the ladies was like, she was so funny, she was like, she goes, what do I do for a lady who has everything? What do you give lady who has everything? I thought I give lady a party for her friends. And so she had this really nice gathering of all her best friends, which was a huge group. And believe me, she had to cut a lot of people out because she’s so beloved for her philanthropy. And she just, you know, is always giving and she’s on committees and she’s raising money and she’s donating money and she’s doing the luncheons. And then she does this funny thing where she Donates a catered dinner in her home where she pays for the caterers. And then her home is like, it’s like something Frank Sinatra would live in. Like you think the Rat Pack would live there, like white columns in the front and a giant fountain, a circular driveway. And they’ve got, you know, the valets to take your car and the pool in the pool house and the tennis courts. It’s amazing. So she has this big dinner, right? And then she’ll try to coax us into being French maids. She’s like, you know, I donated another dinner and I raised ten thousand dollars for whatever charity. And I was wondering, it’s served by French maids. I’m like, girl, I love you, but I’m not wearing a French maid costume for you. I’ll wear like a tux. But anyway, she we had to say how we met her. Right. And then I couldn’t contain like my emotion to explain like how. She’s included me because she’s my mom’s age. So she’s always included me in her very wealthy circle of friends. And so here I was at the time, maybe in my 20s when I first met her. And her friends were older, very wealthy, very fancy homes. And I can’t remember then if I’d even bought my house yet. She didn’t care what I had or who I was or whatever. I would emcee a lot of their events because I was on TV then. And so they’d be like, oh, we’ll have Angie be the emcee of the event. So I donate my time or whatever. So anyway, when I start telling them what she means to me, like I can’t contain my emotion. And I think when like that woman, when she got the tears in her eyes, when you’ve really touched someone’s heart and you hear that emotion that you don’t hear often in life that people and then they’re embarrassed, right? We’re embarrassed when we let our emotion come through. But I looked around at all the other ladies at the table, and it was like, I’d say, 25 of us at least. They’re all crying with me. And so they were touched that I had been so touched by this woman and her kindness. But that kind of emotion is infectious, or it moves people, because I don’t think we hear it that often.
SPEAKER 02 :
I think we tend to… equate that kind of emotion displayed with weakness yes and that that’s not accurate that’s not accurate at all like if our hearts are overflowing with um you know we’ve been touched for some reason like it’s really ministered to us deeply it’s okay to cry it’s okay to to show that we’ve been touched we don’t have to stifle that it’s not weakness it is not weakness it’s just our society or it’s our cultural thing to equate that with weakness. But it’s not.
SPEAKER 04 :
You know, I was talking to the coaches that were going, not at the time, going to offer, they did offer my daughter a scholarship. And it’s a very strong Christian school where they train a lot of pastors. And the assistant coach who found her, he is actually a pastor and a dad. And we were talking about faith and And then I was sharing a little bit of my testimony with them. And of course, we’re on like some kind of a Zoom call, just me and the coaches, because she had an initial call and then we had to discuss some other little finalities or this, that and the other. And then I got emotional saying that. I’m like, oh, I’m so embarrassed. But I… But the big people of faith themselves, like they didn’t judge me in that way that we normally like some men would be embarrassed or whatever. But and I’m like, oh, my gosh, my daughter would kill me if she knew that, you know, I just got teary eyed talking about my faith with them. But since it’s a Christian school and that’s they actually vet you that the players like have an initial call where they just see, like, are you saying you’re a Christian to get into the school? Because this is an important aspect of. of our school. So if you’re not in, if you, you know, can’t buy into our faith, you know, then, then it, it might not work for you or for them for that matter, you know? So anyway, that was interesting. Oh, my husband would have killed me too. Okay. So, um, we’ve got Christmas upon us and we’re talking about let it go. So what in your devotion, what are you talking about in your let it go devotion?
SPEAKER 02 :
In this little devotion, it’s about giving all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. 1 Peter 5, 7. There’s a friend of mine who was speaking at, or she was listening at this point, at a women’s conference. Usually she speaks, but this time she was in the audience. And she was saying she’s wearing this smile on the outside, but it was covering up the hurt on the inside. And she just felt like everything was spinning out of control in her life. But she listened as the speaker talked about sadness. a toddler receiving a helium balloon with a string attached. And when that toddler was told to hold the string tight so it doesn’t fly away, he did the opposite. He just let it go. So the mom said, well, why’d you do that? And he said, I didn’t let it go, mommy. I gave it to Jesus. And it’s like, it is beautiful. And I think, you know, we could tie this one into Christmas because when we get together with people for Christmas, family and friends, that’s going to happen because there’s tense relationships. Let’s just put it out there. There are tense relationships in families and groups. And so we can either hang on to that string real tight or we can let it go. When somebody says or does something that we find offensive, let it go and just give it to Jesus. We don’t have to hang on to it. And it’s our choice if we do. If we do, it just isn’t going to go well in our own self, in our own hearts, because then we start to brew on it. We know how that works, right, Angie? We start to brew on it. We stew on it. We regurgitate it over and over in our heads until it’s a big, big deal. But we don’t have to live like that. So maybe that would be the challenge. So this Christmas, when stuff happens that we don’t anticipate, whether it’s a huge disappointment because of, A storm blows in and now family can’t come home or we can’t get to where we’re supposed to be. All of our plans are shot because of weather related stuff or airline stuff or whatever. Or somebody says that thing that hurt. Let those disappointments go. Let that hurt go. Give it to Jesus and take that big breath and just rest in him.
SPEAKER 04 :
You know, I just recently interviewed Dan Lyons, and he is an agreement-like expert or art of conflict expert. And he wrote this book, which isn’t really like the title that you and I would go for, but it’s STFU, The Power of Keeping Your Mouth Shut in an Endlessly Noisy World. And what was funny about his basically shut up book was that he said, silence is powerful. You don’t always have to respond with something or. And he also said that an interesting way for you to make them not feel so challenged is, well, thank you for sharing that. I’ve never thought of it that way, like a thank you. And then he said, also, you can ask them, why do you say that? Or why do you think that? That’s interesting. How come you said that? Like, what do you why do you think that way? You know, are you just kind of being quizzical more? And he said, you might learn something. It’s not necessarily going to change your mind. But he said, being the smartest guy in the room. Well, and I reminded him being the smartest guy in the room makes you generally the most despised person in the room. Like you think, oh, I’m going to win this argument. I’m going to think I’m so smart. No, they’re going to think you’re a jerk because you’re shoving your views down someone’s throat and trying to get them to acquiesce. And that doesn’t make you strong. It makes you a bully. And so, but I loved the silence, you know, and he said you should listen two times as much as you talk, which I’ll bet you do. I could see that being one of your gifts to not be the one that has to talk the most in the room, even though you and I are both speakers per se, you know.
SPEAKER 02 :
Oh, I have to work at keeping my mouth shut too, Angie. I have to think sometimes, wait a minute, there’s this thing happening in my head in response to what I just heard. If I open my mouth and let that thing out, is it really going to be helpful to this relationship or is it going to hurt?
SPEAKER 03 :
Oh, my goodness. We’re out of time. Grace, you are so funny. I have to work on it too, Angie. The book is Fresh Hope for Today, GraceFox.com. Thank you, Grace. Thank you.
SPEAKER 06 :
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SPEAKER 03 :
Fort Collins is listening to the mighty 670 KLT Denver.
SPEAKER 04 :
Hey, welcome to the program. Angie Austin here along with Jackie Calloway. She is the author of a few books, but we’ve talked a lot about love that would not let me go, about getting a divorce after many years and then remarrying her husband and having a completely different, God-centered, wonderful marriage for many years. And Jackie’s joining us now. We’re going to talk a little bit about learning not to take offense. I like this topic, Jackie. Welcome.
SPEAKER 05 :
Thank you, Landry. It’s good to be back.
SPEAKER 04 :
You know, I used to talk to my weatherman when I was learning how to be a weatherwoman. And I was working in the weather department at NBC in Los Angeles. And sometimes the traffic would hold me up and I’d run a little bit late and I’d rush in and I would do the maps, you know, all the graphics for the weatherman at the time. And I was doing weekends soon after that, but I was kind of like, you know, helping him and in training. Anyway, to make a long story short, he was like a depressed person and often seemed like irritated, even though he’s so kind and so warm and so giving and the nicest to anyone who would call him or bump into him in the hallway because he was pretty famous in Los Angeles, still is. He just retired. Anyway, so to make a long story short, I’m like, are you upset with me? Are you irritated with me? Because he’d seem… So grumpy. And I’ll never forget. He said, it’s not always about you, Angie. You know, like he had nothing to do with me many times. He just was this kind of sad, depressed person. In fact, once he told me that’s why he got divorced, because he just is a depressed person that likes to kind of be alone and is kind of sullen. And even though he was a comedian, it just didn’t work for him to be married. But I’ll never forget that, that it had nothing to do with me. It’s not always about you, Angie. So I think we… She used to take offense at things. I know my mother is offended by everything and everyone’s out to get her and she’s the victim of everyone’s bad mood or their cruelty or their comment or whatever it may be. And the one I laugh about most, Jackie, is once the traffic guy, you know, the guy with the stop sign and he stops traffic to allow, you know, a construction to go on. She got home and she said, I know everything. He specifically targeted me and stopped me. And I said, Mom, it’s because you drive slow and there was a break in the traffic, and that’s where they like to stop the traffic. It had nothing to do with you personally that he stopped your car. That’s how much he took offense at things that people did.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yes, and I think so many of us do. And that’s such a good lesson that you learned in Los Angeles, that it’s not always about you. And usually even in different situations where you walk up on people and they’re just in a bad mood, it’s not necessarily about you. You just don’t know what people are going through.
SPEAKER 04 :
This is not the truth.
SPEAKER 05 :
During the day, a waitress could be a little short with you or whatever. And I’ve learned to ask that person, are you having a good day? How’s your day going? And that kind of helps them drop their guard. And then I can maybe say something to them to give them a compliment or something. I really like your earrings or that’s a pretty blouse or something. And it kind of lets them drop their guard and see. that everything is not about them. But the Scripture says offenses will come, but you don’t have to choose to take them.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yes.
SPEAKER 05 :
That’s one thing that I have learned. And in learning that, it has helped me so much to deflect things the different situations that we run into on a daily basis. And, you know, the word in the Greek, offend, it comes from the word skandalon. And that word originally refers to a part in which the bait is attached to the track. And a lot of times, we will, the enemy will set the trap for us. And we bite the bait. Sometimes someone can just say something that seems insensitive to you. And if you bite the bait, then you’re in the trap. I’ll give you an example. Okay. In the old marriage, I had told my husband we had eaten dinner, and I felt a little queasy. And I told him, I said, I’m going to go lie down because I just don’t feel good. So I’m going to go upstairs and lie down. And as I was just about to put my foot on the first step, he said to me, are you gonna leave all these dishes here? Oh, and I can remember the time when we would have gone around and around about that. After me saying, didn’t I just tell you I don’t feel good. I’m going up here. You’re so insensitive. But no, I didn’t say that. I just paused for a moment. And I said, Lord, I refused to take a sip. That’s really good. I said to my husband, after he had said, are you going to leave these tissues? I said, yes. And I went upstairs, and I got in the bed, and that was the end of that. And that, which could have been very offensive to me, because I refused it, It fell to the ground. It didn’t penetrate. You know, I didn’t get in my feelings.
SPEAKER 03 :
I love that you didn’t get in your feelings.
SPEAKER 05 :
I didn’t because we do so easily. But, you know, I was talking about how the Lord has me ministering, the older women ministering to the younger.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yes.
SPEAKER 05 :
And that’s a lesson that I learned at a pretty young age. that has helped me throughout my life. And as I go even into Walmart and someone is short with me or says something like, would you bring your stuff over here or whatever? And I’ll say to them, I’ll be glad to and smile because I refuse to take offense. It’s a trap. It’s a trap.
SPEAKER 04 :
I love this. I love this. I tend to have a little… I wouldn’t say I have a hot temper, but once I do get triggered, I’m super irritated. And I can’t remember what happened in the last few months where… I was irritated by something. But one of my kids was like, oh, mom, just, you know, let it go. And I thought, oh, I’ve got to be a good example to them. I can’t. Oh, I know what it was. We were in line for the school line and I normally don’t take them. And the only way that I could get onto the road because it was backed up for like six blocks, I had to get out of my neighborhood, maybe even further. Like it was just backed up so far. The only way I could get onto the road was to left turn into the outside lane. So I was in a left turn lane, but that’s the only way I could even enter because the intersection was blocked. And then I put my right blinker on to get into the middle lane so I could go to the school. And so when I did that in front of someone, there was space. She just laid on the horn thinking that I had just sped along in the left turn lane at the last minute, just snuck in in front of her when that wasn’t the case at all. I just couldn’t enter traffic. That was the only way I could get onto the road was to get into the left turn lane. It was the closest lane to me, and it was empty. So anyway, to make a long story short, it super irritated me because I put my hands up in the air like, where am I supposed to go? And then all the kids in the car, because I was taking some neighbor kids, they all turned around and stared. And you could tell that the kid with the mom was super embarrassed because we were going to be dropping off all these high school kids at the same time right by each other. And so I could tell her daughter was embarrassed that her mom had laid down the horn to me. But anyway, so my daughter’s like, oh, mom, it’s not that big of a deal. I’m like, where does she expect me to go? I don’t understand what I was supposed to do. Like, I’m not doing anything wrong, you know? And so I apologized to one of the neighbor kids later. I was like, sorry, I was so crabby this morning. And she’s like, that’s okay, I know it’s really busy getting into the school line, but it’s just that I was embarrassed that I got irritated in front of other kids that weren’t like my own kids, and that I totally let it trigger me when I should have just waved at her friendly, not thrown my hands up in the air. What do you expect me to do?
SPEAKER 05 :
You learn that, and it takes time to really do that. what you should do. And one of the things that I do when someone will cut me off or give me the finger or whatever, I’ve learned to bless them as they’re going down the road. I will say, Father, I thank you that I ask that you send the Lord of the harvest across their paths to minister to them the pure, unadulterated word of God And that they will come to know you in the pardon of their sins. And that blesses me.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yes.
SPEAKER 05 :
To be able to, that word forgiveness, it means to let it drop, leave it and let it go. And when you see somebody in a situation like that, refuse to take offense of the finger and, uh, You know, the look and bless them. Scripture says pray for those who despitefully use us. I know everybody doesn’t. All of that doesn’t come to them in the heat of the moment. But if you really want to, you can learn to have that response and be an example of who Jesus is.
SPEAKER 04 :
Well, I love that you say that it’s a trap to take offense. And it has us acting in a very non-Jesus-like manner. And to be a good example for my kids, it is a trap. And I don’t want to fall into that trap, particularly in front of them, because I want to be a good example. I don’t want them correcting me like, oh, mom, let it go. It’s not that big of a deal. And I’m like, oh, great. My kids are more well-behaved than I am. But… I think about I still giggle at this example. My brother and I laugh at it still to this day that probably 30 years ago now we were at my aunt’s house and everybody was ordering Chinese food and my brother was getting ready to leave with one of my cousins. And he’s like, OK, we’re getting this, this, this and this. You know, do we have everything for everybody? And my mom, like decades later, said to my brother and I, well, that time we were at Aunt Pam’s and you were going to get Chinese food and no one even asked me what I wanted. And I was like, oh, my gosh. She knows how to play the professional victim. She took offense at that, and she’s hung on to that. It was like 20 years after, but she told us about it. So my brother and I, whenever she takes offense at something now, I’ll be like, again with the beef and broccoli, again with the sweet and sour pork, like just to him, right? Because we think it’s so ridiculous that you would hang on to something like that. And my brother’s like, oh, did you get what you wanted? She’s like, well, yes, I did. There were plenty of things for me to choose from. He’s like, well, what’s the problem? Well, just that no one asked me. Well, how about you speak up and you, you know, but that’s becoming a victim. Taking offense was a choice. She decided to fall in the trap and not say like, oh, hey, make sure you get brown rice or anything like that. You know, she wanted to be the victim in that moment. I this was good for me, Jackie. I like this. I’m going to I’ll remember this next time and I won’t fall into the trap. What’s your website, Jackie? How can people find you?
SPEAKER 05 :
It’s recoveringfromcrisis.com and I do counseling and people can call the office at 303-307- 0707. Excellent. Yes, and we’ll continue this next week, Angie.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, I like this a lot. I’ll let you know if I was able to put this into play in my life and put faith into action. Thank you, Jackie.
SPEAKER 05 :
Sounds good. Thank you.
SPEAKER 01 :
Bye-bye. Thank you for listening to The Good News with Angie Austin on AM670 KLTT.
