Families in Crisis: The Anderson Family – II

SPEAKER 03 : 0:00

Well, hello, everyone. I’m James Dobson, and you’re listening to Family Talk, a listener-supported ministry. In fact, thank you so much for being part of that support for James Dobson Family Institute.

SPEAKER 01 : 0:19

Well, welcome to Family Talk. I’m Roger Marsh. On today’s edition of the broadcast, we will continue a conversation featuring Dr. James Dobson and his special guests, Roger and Darlene Anderson. The Andersons are parents of seven children, four of whom were born almost completely deaf. Now on the last edition of Family Talk, the Andersons shared their journey of discovering this genetic disorder and how God met their needs through countless doctor visits. They opened up about the initial diagnosis and the emotional roller coaster of learning their children would face significant challenges. Today on Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk, the Andersons will discuss the criticism they received for providing their children with cochlear implants, and they’ll share how their daughter Brittany defied medical expectations despite serious complications from spinal meningitis. You’ll even hear this remarkable four-year-old sing, Jesus Loves Me, a powerful testament to modern medicine and answered prayers. So let’s join Dr. James Dobson now and his guests, Roger and Darlene Andersons, for the conclusion of today’s edition of Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk.

SPEAKER 03 : 1:29

Darlene, did you feel abandoned by God at any point along the way?

SPEAKER 05 : 1:33

I think that I was a little frustrated at the fact that it would happen again. Those times weren’t as bad as the struggle I went through that I did with Brittany. All of our children have suffered additional problems because of this.

SPEAKER 03 : 1:51

In fact, she had spinal meningitis, didn’t she? Yes.

SPEAKER 05 : 1:53

And it’s all related to their ear deformity, and hers was the most severe. It was just like a normal day. I put her down for a nap, and she got up and vomited, and I just thought, oh, she must have a little bug. And the next morning, she was very lethargic and slept a lot. And by late afternoon, Saturday afternoon, this was just one week before her birthday, I picked her up and noticed that she was quite warm. I took her temperature, and it was almost 103. So I gave her something for it and waited for it to take effect and took her temperature again. It was almost 104, and we decided we better take her into emergency. And when we got there, they said her soft spot was bulging and they suspected spinal meningitis. So they put her on an antibiotic right away and said they have to do a spinal tap.

SPEAKER 02 : 2:45

We were at the medicine and they told us go right to the hospital.

SPEAKER 03 : 2:48

There are two or three medical conditions you don’t wait on. One is appendicitis, another one is spinal meningitis.

SPEAKER 02 : 2:54

Especially, this was not viral. This was bacterial pneumococcal.

SPEAKER 05 : 2:58

They didn’t know at the time, but they started her on that anyway. And they said it was a very painful procedure, so we couldn’t stay there with her. They put us in another little room, and we had to wait while they did that. And that was another very difficult time for us. I remember praying and thinking of the other children at the school that had meningitis. They lost all their hearing. And I thought, she has so little now. Will you take what little she has? And then I thought, maybe it’s even more serious than that. And then when they came to get us, they said that, as they had said, it was a painful procedure, but Brittany did not even whimper when they did it. And that was their first indication. It was quite serious. They said that the spinal fluid should look similar to sugar water, and hers came out in a creamy sludge. And an attending pediatrician told me much later that then they suspect the brain is dissolving. But at the time, they didn’t tell us that. They just said, Brittany may not live through the night. But she made it through the night. And Sunday morning, we called all the people we knew at churches and asked them to take Brittany to their church in prayer and She just laid there very still all that day. And that night, a nurse came in to check her, and she had suckers in her pocket. And Roger begged to suck her. And he was standing by the crib, waving the sucker and talking. And she opened an eye. And it was like she focused on that sucker, and all of a sudden she moved her hand toward it. And I said, she’s hungry. But they said, she can’t have anything. And that was like a turning point for her. And then the next several days, and we were at the hospital a long time.

SPEAKER 02 : 4:44

She moved into the hospital for a lot of days. She lived right there with her.

SPEAKER 05 : 4:48

But we had numerous people come in, and I thought, oh, they just want to see this little deaf baby. I didn’t realize why we had so much attention until— The last day we were there, one of the doctors came in. He was an infectious disease specialist, and he said, I’m about to move out of state. They’re having a farewell party after I leave here, but I wanted to come to your room and share two things with you before I left. He said, one, I have seen hundreds of meningitis cases, and I have never in my life seen a child come in so far gone as your daughter and walk out of this hospital untouched by it.

SPEAKER 03 : 5:24

And you know why, don’t you?

SPEAKER 05 : 5:25

And I told him why. I said, we believe in prayer. And there have been many, many people praying for her. And the other thing he told me was that somewhere he had read that this pneumococcal meningitis was associated with the Mondini dysplasia syndrome. And he said, I don’t know how you’re going to find out, but you better find out because it can reoccur again. And you better get some help for her. So I had to start doing some more research, and eventually she had surgery to try and stop this from happening again.

SPEAKER 03 : 6:01

But she’s doing fine now.

SPEAKER 05 : 6:03

Well, this was before we got to the real part where I began to go through the struggle. Sometime after that, we don’t know exactly whether it was surgery that caused it, the meningitis herself. She lost what little hearing she had. And my audiologist, who was not even big on cochlear implants, said… Her only hope is if she can get a cochlear implant. So I contacted University of Michigan where they did them, and they said, we’ve only done three on Mondini children. We don’t even know if they’re going to be successful, but you can bring her in, and we will test and see. She had to be a few months older, and so we started that. And after many trips there across the state, they decided Brittany’s situation was her deformity was too severe to do surgery. And that was the blow that really sent me down.

SPEAKER 03 : 6:56

Have they not been able to do an implant on one of your children?

SPEAKER 05 : 6:59

Yes, they have done it, and they did eventually get to Brittany, but that was the part that I had to go through a long struggle. And I really believe that the Lord again worked really miraculously in that way. And I knew that I had to be willing to accept whatever the outcome was for Brittany. I knew that God wanted to be glorified in her life, and He was going to do it His way. But I wanted Him to do it my way.

SPEAKER 03 : 7:36

Boy, that’s difficult to come to a moment like that.

SPEAKER 05 : 7:40

And I can remember becoming so frustrated. I told Roger one day, I’m not even going to pray anymore because God’s going to do what He wants to do anyway. And I don’t know if I can change His mind. But I couldn’t. I had to keep praying. Okay. I couldn’t stop because I knew that God really did care for Brittany and for me. But it was still a big struggle in my life. And I knew in my mind I had to give her over, but my heart wasn’t willing to give her over. And finally one day I got down and said, Okay, Lord, she’s yours. And it was like God said to me, okay, now that you have surrendered this, what are you going to do? Are you going to sit here and let things happen? And I thought, I’m going to find someone who can do this surgery on her, even if they won’t, meaning U of M. So I started calling institutions. I started in California and worked my way east to find someone who would do the surgery on her. And I talked to one person who happened to know someone at U of M. And she said, we will look at Darren and Brittany, but I want you to give U of M one more chance. And oddly enough, they contacted me and said, we want to re-evaluate Brittany. And one of the doctors called me one day and he said, we will be willing to do this surgery if you will consent to the fact that it may not be successful like a normal cochlear implant, and she may not receive all the benefit. And so I said, we feel like she has nothing, so we have nothing to lose, and we will take whatever we can.

SPEAKER 03 : 9:29

Did you agree with that, Roger?

SPEAKER 02 : 9:31

I’m a… gambler sometimes you know to us we had nothing to lose and i and i believe that if we were given the opportunity we could at least take whatever we were given and even if it didn’t give us what most cochlear implants would we take what we had and go with it because any improvement is dramatic when you have i think part of it’s just being thankful for whatever you can get and you know praise the lord for even if he gives you a little thing so the procedure was done

SPEAKER 05 : 9:59

Right, but they told us a couple things before the surgery. They said, one, they told us they were going to bring in extra people because this would be the most difficult case they had ever done. And the other thing was, they said if they couldn’t do it the normal way, they make like a sickle shape cut behind the ear. If they couldn’t do that, they would close it up and try and go right through the ear, but they would try to get it in.

SPEAKER 02 : 10:23

Well, before they do surgery, they do what they call a promontory test where they actually stick a needle right in through the eardrum and try and stimulate the auditory nerve, which goes between the cochlea and the brain. They try to see if they can get some kind of response out of it so that they know if they’re having anything to do. And she did have some in one ear they felt. So that’s why they went for the one ear over the other.

SPEAKER 05 : 10:47

Normally, they do the worst deer and save the best deer. But in her case, they did her best deer. So the day of the surgery, everything was going as normal. And he went to check to see how they were coming.

SPEAKER 02 : 10:59

It’s about a three- to four-hour operation.

SPEAKER 05 : 11:01

And he checked, and there was a surgeon standing there. The surgeon was out in the waiting room, and he said, we’re done. And the surgeon said, I want to tell you, we have many disappointed people back there because they were expecting some really unusual surgery, and everything went smoothly. And also, one other thing they had told us before was that they may not be able to get all 22 electrodes. They put in 22 electrodes. They said they would put in as many as they could get in. And so our first question was, how many electrodes did you get in? And he said, 22. So we, again, knew the Lord had really worked a miracle in her life, but not the miracle that all the educational people, all the medical people in Michigan that work with her have no answer for why she’s doing what she’s doing today. They gave her such little hope. She outpaces everybody. She’s doing better than any of the ones they’ve ever done. Is that right?

SPEAKER 03 : 12:06

Is she really? Now, what’s her age now?

SPEAKER 05 : 12:09

Four.

SPEAKER 03 : 12:09

Four years of age. I understand she sings.

SPEAKER 05 : 12:12

Yes, she is singing.

SPEAKER 03 : 12:13

She sings Jesus Loves Me. Somebody told me she sings Jesus Loves Me louder than anybody in your class. Is that right?

SPEAKER 05 : 12:22

Well, she could get kind of loud sometimes.

SPEAKER 03 : 12:25

And you have that on tape.

SPEAKER 05 : 12:27

Yes, we have that on tape, and they brought her in there, too.

SPEAKER 03 : 12:31

I wonder if she would sing for us. We can try. Let’s try. What have we got to lose, right? Bring Brittany in, will you? We’ve got a chair for you, right?

SPEAKER 05 : 12:41

I want to say this. Come here, Brittany. They told us after the surgery not to get our hopes up until they activate it. It takes a month for it to heal, and then they activate them.

SPEAKER 03 : 12:53

How much hearing does she have right now?

SPEAKER 05 : 12:55

With her implant, she’s hearing about 25 decibels, which is pretty good. She can hear whispers. But it took a month after she was activated before she even started turning to sound. On July 29th of 1994 was the first time she turned to a voice when I called her name.

SPEAKER 03 : 13:13

Was that a happy day in your life?

SPEAKER 05 : 13:16

It was. I charted every new sound she heard every day. She’d tell me she heard something new every day.

SPEAKER 03 : 13:22

Okay, she’s on her daddy’s lap, and she’s hearing you now, right? Yes. Brittany? Brittany? Look at that smile. Isn’t she beautiful?

SPEAKER 05 : 13:32

Brittany, can you sing Jesus Loves Me for us? Would you do that? Okay. Let’s sing Jesus Loves Me, okay? Want to get it started, Daddy?

SPEAKER 02 : 13:41

Jesus loves me.

SPEAKER 04 : 13:42

Sing out loud. This is me. The Bible tells me so. There’s a mountain and be there. They don’t want you to be numb. They’re not that weak. You’re strong. You just have to be. You just have to be. Yeah, Jesus loved me. Yeah, Jesus loved me. Now my Bible helps me, Joe.

SPEAKER 03 : 14:26

Oh, Brittany. That is great. All those people are clapping for you. You have done the whole thing right. Oh, thank you, Brittany. You sing pretty.

SPEAKER 05 : 14:39

Brittany, he said thank you. Thank you.

SPEAKER 03 : 14:42

Okay, bless your heart. She can stay or whatever she wants to do.

SPEAKER 02 : 14:47

You want to go over there and sit down? Sure, come on over. You mentioned earlier that there’s some controversy about some of these things. There are people that feel that a cochlear implant is child abuse.

SPEAKER 04 : 15:00

No more. No more. That’s enough singing.

SPEAKER 02 : 15:04

We got the message, Brittany. We were reading an article not long ago that there’s a community of deaf. They have their own college. And so sign language.

SPEAKER 03 : 15:14

This is what I was saying before. Every aspect of deafness and the treatment thereof is controversial.

SPEAKER 02 : 15:19

Oh, yeah, because they have their own culture. Ouch! A blind person can still communicate. But a deaf person is very limited in his communication. He’s only limited to those people that he can sign with. So they, in some ways, have formed their own culture. And they try to put a hedge around that and protect this culture because with some of the medical advances they’ve had, they’re getting threatened. Almost everybody that is deaf has some residual hearing problem. that can be used and amplified with hearing aids. There’s two schools of thought, there’s audio-verbal, and then there’s, auditory verbal, excuse me, and then there’s total communication, which means we try every total avenue we can to bring in communication to the child. The problem is, if you go with total communication or sign language, It is so easy for a deaf child, because they don’t have good hearing, to pick up on the sign that they will head that direction and won’t use the hearing that they have. So we kind of read the riot act over not going into silence. But you feel what you did was right. We know what we do is right.

SPEAKER 05 : 16:26

When you see Brittany and you see what she’s doing, we know we’ve made the right decision. And now three of our children have cochlear implants.

SPEAKER 03 : 16:34

Now give us a very quick summary of how the four children are doing. We’re almost out of time. How are they making it?

SPEAKER 05 : 16:40

Well, Darren is going into second grade, and in the program that he is in, they still work with him on learning the language and speech, but he’s also given a regular academic curriculum, and so he is reading and doing math on level, And Brittany is in preschool still. And Bethany started last year also. That was one of the things that was difficult for me, especially when I homeschool my children to have to send my toddlers off to a school. We’ve been very blessed with the people that work with them. They’ve become almost like part of the family. And so Bethany was implanted just last November.

SPEAKER 03 : 17:22

Do you yet know how that’s going to take?

SPEAKER 05 : 17:24

Well. She completed her activation. And they say it usually takes about a year, just like a normal child takes a year. They’re taking in things, learning things, and then before they start coming back. And that’s how it was with Brittany. And Bethany completed her activation in the middle of January. And I have marked in my book that the first week of February, she said, that’s too loud. And now she’s already saying many of the expressions and things we’ve taught her. And she’s just been activated a little over half a year.

SPEAKER 03 : 17:55

We have to be thankful for the medical expertise that’s available and out there today. Now, do you have any indication, darling, about the baby you’re carrying?

SPEAKER 05 : 18:04

No, there are tasks that can be done, but we feel that— We prefer not to know. Yeah.

SPEAKER 02 : 18:10

This is something— It doesn’t matter. Yeah. It really doesn’t matter because what God’s given us, He’s forming this one in the womb just like He did me and my wife and the rest of our children. You really mean that, Roger? It’s really up to Him? Well, it is. The only reason we wouldn’t mean it is if we had no faith and we had no anchor to set our philosophy in. And like I say, I think our philosophy determines how we respond to things. Even though we vary some, I think our anchor, if it’s in the right place, you always come back to that point. Darling, mothers are a little more vulnerable than fathers sometimes.

SPEAKER 03 : 18:46

Are you okay with that?

SPEAKER 05 : 18:47

Actually, I claimed a verse, and I found one day as I was struggling in Psalm 86, and I really believed that the Lord would be good to me and give me a hearing child. I think I took that verse out of context. So when I started having those doubts that eighth month, well… Did this baby respond to that sound? Did this baby respond? I kept thinking, no, I think the Lord is going to be good to me and give me a hearing child. And I was in the hospital room all by myself when I got the call finally about the test results. And I opened my Bible to Psalm 86 and I said, Lord, what did I miss here? You know, why didn’t I understand this before? And it was very clear to me then that the Lord’s goodness to me was to give me the strength that I would need. And he has done that.

SPEAKER 03 : 19:43

And he was good to you. He gave you a precious child. And he did.

SPEAKER 05 : 19:47

And in fact, that was what Roger, when I had shared that thought with Roger just before the baby was born, I thought God would be good to us. and give us a hearing baby, he said, God may choose to be good to us and give us another deaf child. I had to work through that.

SPEAKER 03 : 20:01

You know, something I tried to write about in my book, When God Doesn’t Make Sense, is that every person I know, every person I’ve ever talked to, has something in their life that represents an if-only for them. If only we weren’t infertile. If only we hadn’t had the car accident. If only I didn’t have heart disease. If only my job was better. I can’t seem to find the right job. Everybody has something like that. And there are circumstances in life where the Lord says, this is what I want you to carry. Accept it. Don’t fight it. Go with it. My grace is sufficient unto you. The Apostle Paul had an if only. He had something that he went to the Lord three times for and asked him to remove it. And the Lord said, no, my grace is sufficient. You carry it. And in some cases, what you carry is a lot more painful and a lot harder than it is for other things. But we all have if-onlys. And eventually, we face the end of life and all that that means. And we go through some really tough if-onlys. But if there is a central theme or a message in what you’ve all said is that this is difficult, but you can make it with God’s grace. And he’s been there for you.

SPEAKER 05 : 21:20

Yes, he has.

SPEAKER 03 : 21:20

There’s a real temptation in a situation like this where we’re talking to the Christian community out there and a lot of other people to paint a picture that’s a little rosier than reality. And life gets difficult. It gets tough for all of us.

SPEAKER 02 : 21:35

It’s very difficult for my wife because not only does she have – The emotional struggle of deafness, the physical struggle of her pregnancies. And even after that, there’s doctor after doctor visit running them here for this thing. I mean, they get ear infections and then we got to have tubes. I mean, two of our kids have had to have tubes. We’re back and forth, back and forth. And I have to work for a living. So she has to carry most of that load. And it is difficult for her. And I don’t have a good answer for it, to be honest with you, how to make things any easier. Darling, I ask you if you’re okay.

SPEAKER 03 : 22:10

Now I ask you again in light of that comment. How can we pray for you?

SPEAKER 05 : 22:14

There are days when I probably don’t have the emotional strength to think about the future and all the work. We have to go through teenage years yet with these children. But I can look back and know that there are days when friends or someone in my family must have been praying for me because I made it through the day. And God gives me the strength.

SPEAKER 03 : 22:42

He brought you to this point, didn’t he? He was there in all the low moments, the scary moments, and he’ll be there for the future too.

SPEAKER 02 : 22:50

And when she says God gives her the strength, that means she just made it barely through the day and was able to drag herself in the bed. She didn’t come through it riding on a horse at the end of the day. Yeah, I understand that.

SPEAKER 03 : 23:01

Well, I’m going to ask our listeners, darling, especially to pray for you and for those beautiful children. That little Brittany, what a precious child. And they all are. They were in my office earlier. And to just kind of put you on their prayer list. We have a lot of people out there who just live in the presence of the Lord. And they write. Many of them tell me they pray for me every day. And I tell you, that’s what gets me through the day as well. And we’re out going to ask them to pray for you. You’re doing a magnificent job. You’re doing a job that’s more important than anything else in the universe. Taking those little children, those little lives in a very difficult circumstance and raising them to love God and serve Him. Little Brittany talking about Jesus loves me. This I know for the Bible tells me so. It’s worth it. And our prayers and our love are with you all. And I deeply appreciate you sharing your story with us today.

SPEAKER 01 : 24:04

Amen. Those sweet notes from little Brittany of Jesus loves me reminds us that God’s faithfulness shines brightest in our deepest challenges. You’ve been listening to a special edition of Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk, featuring the inspiring testimony of Roger and Darlene Anderson. Their journey with their deaf children reveals what’s possible when faith meets determination. Now, if you missed part one of this conversation, or you’d like to share both parts one and two of this remarkable story with another friend or relative who would benefit from this inspirational message, go to drjamesdobson.org forward slash family talk. Here at the Dr. James Dobson Family Institute, we’re committed to preserving and promoting biblical principles that support marriage, family, and child development. And when you partner with us through your prayers and financial support, you help us to continue bringing stories of hope like the Andersons to millions of listeners nationwide. To donate securely online, go to drjamesdobson.org, or to make a tax-deductible contribution over the phone, call 877-732-6825. That’s 877-732-6825. Well, I’m Roger Marsh. And before we leave the air for today, I’d like to wish my parents, Warren and Kathy Marsh, a happy anniversary. It was 70 years ago today, August the 5th, 1955, that mom and dad tied the knot. And as I thank them every year on their anniversary, thanks for getting married and thanks for having me. And now on behalf of Dr. James Dobson and all of us here at the JDFI, thanks so much for listening today. Be sure to join us again next time right here for another edition of Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk. The voice you trust for the family you love. This has been a presentation of the Dr. James Dobson Family Institute.