In this insightful episode of Hope for Today, Bible teacher and author David Hawking addresses some of the most challenging questions surrounding marriage and relationships. From dealing with a spouse’s drinking habits to coping with jealousy in the workplace, David provides biblical advice grounded in scripture. Listeners will find solace and guidance through the complexities of marital strife, whether facing issues of infidelity, alcoholism, or the temptation of divorce.
00:23:37 Final Encouragement and Contact Information
SPEAKER 02 :
Is it okay to stop at the local pub after work for a couple of drinks before heading home to your family? What do you do when your spouse tells you they don’t love you anymore and they want a divorce? What happens when one partner in a marriage is struggling with online adult content? After a divorce, is it possible for a couple that is willing to reconcile or should they just let it go? This is Hope for Today with Bible teacher and author David Hawking. And today we’re digging deep into our archive of question and answer programs. We put together David’s response to questions on the subject of marriage, family, and relationships. Text a friend and invite them to listen along with you. Just before we get started, you can find several books and resources on the topics we’ll explore today at our website, davidhawking.org. It’s a great place for additional teaching on the questions you’ll hear answered today. Again, that’s davidhawking.org, our website. All right, let’s get started.
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, friends, here we are again with our special question and answer program. And, Jim, we’ve got some heavy-duty stuff. There are just a lot of heart-rendering questions here, and let’s just tackle them the best we can.
SPEAKER 02 :
Dave, this first one, a wife listening writes in, A few months ago, my husband started coming home from work a bit late. After some difficult confrontations, he admitted that he enjoys going to a local bar and having a few drinks after a long day at work before coming home. Now the problem is his attitudes have changed toward me. and now our children. I want to be a godly wife, but this drinking problem is causing a great deal of emotional upheaval in our family. Can you help?
SPEAKER 03 :
You know, Jim, I wish this was just an isolated case, but it’s not. And there’s a lot of people playing around with social drinking that do not realize that some people cannot hack it like they are and control it. And as you know, Jim, we… We here at Hope for Today have taken a strong stand against alcohol, and I know people think they know all about the usage of the word wine in the Bible, but a little knowledge on that one is a dangerous thing. And God does tell us not to drink wine when it’s mixed or a strong drink. And what she’s experiencing, the Bible tells her she will. In Proverbs 23, it says, “‘Who hath woe? Who hath sorrow? Who hath contention or arguments? Who hath babbling?’ Who hath wounds without cause? Who hath redness of eyes? They that tarry long at the wine, they that go to seek mixed wine, look not thou upon the wine when it is red, when it giveth its color in the cup, when it moveth itself aright. At the last it biteth like a serpent, and stingeth like an adder. Thine eyes shall behold strange women, thine heart shall utter perverse things. Yea, thou shalt be as he that lieth down in the midst of the sea, or as he that lieth upon the top of a mast. They have stricken me, shalt thou say, and I was not sick. They have beaten me, and I felt it not. When shall I awake? I’ll seek it yet again. God’s describing the danger of alcoholism, and he tells us that the arguments and the emotional conflicts that this lady is having because her husband stops by a bar from coming home from work and drinks and scares the daylights out of his wife and children as he gets home. This is a terrible—you know, Jim, it’s so sick they call it happy hour, right? It’s not happy hour. It’s the place where families are destroyed. When you say, can you help? Well, there are some good Bible teaching churches that she should get in contact with, and hopefully a pastor or some layman in that church can confront her husband. There’s a lot of guys who’ve been through that alcohol thing and been delivered, and there’s a lot of organizations working with it. They’re a lot stronger than AA. Alcoholics Anonymous leaves out the Lord, and the control of the Holy Spirit is vital to it. Just remember that drunkenness is always listed as a sin in the Bible. There’s no exceptions. So may God give you wisdom and comfort and courage and ability to handle what is a very difficult problem.
SPEAKER 02 :
David, you said we’ve seen a number of questions like this, and here indeed is one that’s very close. My husband is an alcoholic. He loves the Lord and is faithful in attending church with me and the children. However, when he talks to others about his problem, he always says, I’m a recovering alcoholic. This gains him approval and acceptance, and people usually compliment him and encourage him to keep trusting the Lord. I’m concerned about his cover-up of the problem. He is drinking more and more and often drinks a six-pack daily. of cans of beer in one night while watching television, and I am really struggling with this. Do you have any suggestions?
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, yes, I do. Certainly, this man needs to be confronted. Now, you said that he’s faithful in attending church. He loves the Lord. I’m assuming you believe he is a believer. But interestingly, if a man continues drinking and is drunk on regular occasions and won’t give it up, The Bible describes him as an unbeliever, no matter what he says. That is scary, Jim. And there are a lot of people messing around with this. We need to stay away from alcoholic beverages and, of course, drugs as well that are not medicinal. This is a very serious problem. And he learned that at the alcoholic meetings of Alcoholic Anonymous to say, I’m a recovering alcoholic. Excuse me? In the Bible, in 1 Corinthians, it tells us flat out, that in chapter 6, verse 9 to 11, such were some of you, but you are washed, you are justified, you are sanctified in the name of the Lord Jesus. Now, to say you’re a recovering alcoholic is putting in there a little reason for you to go drink again. After all, you’re only recovering. Look, you either stopped it or you didn’t. And if this man is who she says he is, then he needs to really be strong in the Lord and the power of his might and say no completely to alcoholic beverages. You know, it’s funny, Jim. She mentioned about drinking a six-pack of cans of beer. And it’s amazing to me how many Christian men say there’s nothing wrong with that. Well, listen, there’s more drunkenness caused by beer drinking than anything else, certainly a lot more than wine even. So we need to confront, not compromise with this terrible problem that’s just destroying families and scaring kids and wives, and sometimes it’s reversed. But we need to confront it, not compromise with it.
SPEAKER 02 :
David, our next question comes from a gentleman listening, and he says, My wife is very attractive and works at a large company with many male employees who flirt with her and give her a great deal of attention and approval. I’ve become very jealous of this, and she often has to stay late when they have important business meetings that she says she has to attend. We’re both Christians, but the devil has caused us to be irritable and argumentative of late, and I can see that this is hurting our marriage. Can you help?
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, first of all, you’re blaming the devil for that which you’re guilty of. Don’t wear a T-shirt saying the devil made me do it. Every man is led away of his own lust and entice. So jealousy and anger, bitterness, there is a godly jealousy. God has it. And it’s certainly right to be jealous if other men are not doing appropriate words or actions toward your wife. Now you emphasized in your letter that your wife was very attractive. You mentioned in your letter, which I didn’t read, about she’s very sensual. I felt when I read it that you are compromising here, that somehow your wife is dressing in order to please the men at the office instead of you. Now, I don’t know what’s going on, and I don’t want to make a rash judgment here, but I think all husbands need to be careful. You need to be in control of that. and to honor your wife and to protect your wife. It’s like putting a protective umbrella over her wherever she is. And hopefully you two can talk about when there is a business meeting at night and she has to stay there, well, maybe you ought to go over there and stay with her waiting. I mean, there’s a lot of things you can do. I’d also suggest that a lot of times this happens and a wife gets the approval and acceptance of those at work because she doesn’t get it at home. Every day of your life, you should tell her how much you love her. You should compliment her on her beauty and attractiveness and make her understand that no one could possibly compliment her more than you do. The husband is responsible. in a marriage, to constantly love his wife, to speak well of her to others. I know you’ve got a problem here. And these arguments, arguments according to Proverbs are like the bars of a castle. I would recommend here to this gentleman, Jim, our book on Proverbs for Today. It was a man’s Bible study to begin with, and it deals with 16 problems in a man’s life. And this is there in detail. And there’s a lot of information in God’s Word about it. So I would encourage him to get a hold of it. Yeah, what’s the name of that study again? Proverbs for Today. And you can order it, either call 1-800-75-BIBLE in the U.S. or 1-888-75-BIBLE in Canada. Of course, you can find information online as well.
SPEAKER 02 :
David, the next question here says, I want to divorce my husband. We are living a nightmare, and I just can’t take it anymore. He says that he does not love me as much as he used to when we were first married, and Although he denies it, I feel that he has already found someone else. We put on such an act in front of our Christian friends at church, but I am ready to explode. Please give me some spiritual counsel. I am desperate.
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, to say the least, this is a heart-rendering situation. And we certainly identify with you and understand that you want to get out of this marriage quickly. But I don’t believe you’re telling the truth there. Otherwise, you wouldn’t write as you did. I think you really want to save your marriage. I think you’re aware, as a lot of wives are, Not all, but sometimes wives are aware emotionally that something’s wrong, and they feel their husband has drifted toward somebody else. There may or may not be somebody else, but if there is, you’ve got a very dangerous situation here. I believe that divorce is like the absolute last resort, and there are reasons for that, one of which is immorality on the part of your marital spouse. We hope that’s not true here. But I do think that when you start talking this way or talking to people who encourage you this way, you’re feeding the flesh and not the Spirit of God. God wants you to stay with your husband, even when a husband does not obey the Word and is an unbeliever, which your husband is not, according to you. But when he’s an unbeliever, God teaches a meek and quiet spirit. God teaches that the believing wife should stay with a husband if he wants to dwell with her. And I know some people think, well, that just sounds like grin and bear it. Well, in some cases it is. We endure for the possibility. And probability, according to the promises of God’s Word, that this desire for divorce can be healed and this marriage can be put back together. You also need to get your emotions under control. And the Spirit of God is a key to that in the Word of God. And once again, there’s a lot in the book of Proverbs about this. And I encourage you to take your time. Read it. Ask God for His strength and His wisdom. And I pray that you’ll be able to love your husband no matter what, even when he is indicating to you, as he has, and this must be an awful hurt, that he doesn’t love you like he used to. There’s no doubt about it that when husbands say that, it’s like a killer of the marriage. And I pray God will give you strength to endure it and that he’ll come under the conviction of the Holy Spirit. You said he’s a believer and that you also will be under the control of the Holy Spirit in terms of the anger you’re feeling and the bitterness and wanting to explode. Don’t do that. Get under control and pray like crazy and ask God to make you what he wants you to be in that marriage. God help you.
SPEAKER 02 :
David, our next question says this. My husband and I have been married for 30 years and have three married children and five wonderful grandchildren. You have a wonderful grandchildren yourself, David. Yep, more than that. And the letter continues. A few months ago, I walked into the house earlier than my husband expected. And this is a tragic part of this letter. I saw him watching a pornographic movie. I was devastated when I challenged him about it. He said that I should watch it with him if I really loved him and that it would help our sex life. Now, I feel it is wrong. Now, he loves your teaching, and could you please answer this one on one of your question and answer programs?
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, that’s what we’re going to try to do. Listen, people, pornography is destroying marriages and families all over the world. And it isn’t something that we ought to watch in order to have a better sex life. No, what we need to do is read the Song of Solomon, the most erotic material ever given, but done so in the beauty of romance and the holiness of the Lord. Everything in the Song of Solomon tells you what to do. It tells you about foreplay, fondling. A lot of it is not clear in the English text, but if you know what the Hebrew is saying—and once again, the book by Carol and I called Romantic Lovers. It’s on the Song of Solomon, and it will really help you. Get rid of the pornography. That’s not helping you. What happens is it develops the ideal mate syndrome. So the guy’s looking at women who, in fact, are usually big busted and have beautiful bodies and all of that. And so now he looks at his wife and she doesn’t look like that. And so now his heart towards her has been undermined by what he’s been watching. And by the way, for those couples who think watching pornographic movies will somehow make your sex life better, you better think again. You see, when you deviate from God’s plan, there’s a craving by the old sin nature to have something more. And before long, you are totally dissatisfied with each other. But in Proverbs 5, 18-20 says, It clearly teaches that a man is to be satisfied at all times with his wife’s physical and sexual parts of her body, especially the breasts. It also says to be intoxicated with her lovemaking. It also speaks— about his left hand is under her head and his right hand, he embraces her. Well, I’m sure the old King James guys were shocked when they saw what was actually said there. But he’s fondling her. The Bible describes in detail how a sexual relationship between a husband and wife should take place. So I really urge you, Get in the Word of God. Get your husband to read it with you and say, you know, I really want to have a wonderful sex life, but I know we need the blessing of the Lord, and I don’t believe we should be involved with pornography. Let’s find out what God has to say. We’re told in the law of God to don’t uncover the nakedness. of others that don’t belong to us. We need to understand this. And it’s not going to help you. It’s going to tear you down.
SPEAKER 02 :
I think about the example that is to his kids and his grandkids. Oh, absolutely. That’s terrible. David, this next question says, My wife and I divorced a couple of years ago, and neither one of us has remarried. The Lord has been convicting me about this divorce and that I should try to reconcile with my wife. A Christian friend at church told me that after an official divorce, we should not remarry. And he quoted me the passage in Deuteronomy chapter 24. Is his take on this correct? Absolutely not.
SPEAKER 03 :
What you have here are two people who have not remarried. If there was a remarriage, then the bond was broken. But in Deuteronomy 24, it says, when a man has taken a wife and married her and it come to pass, she find no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her. The word some uncleanness, eroth dabar in Hebrew, we don’t really know what that’s talking about. Some rabbis said if she burns a toast, that’s what it means. Some said it meant immorality, but that can’t be true. Why? Because you applied the death penalty to those who committed sexual immorality. He gives her a bill of divorce and sends her out of her house, and then she becomes another man’s wife. And then the same thing happens. She cannot return to the former husband. That’s clear in that passage. Is this your case? No, it is not your case. Your case is that both of you who were married to each other got a divorce, and you have not remarried. And 1 Corinthians 7 is the answer for you, where we read in verse 10 and 11 what you should do. It says flat out, Verse 10, “…under the married I command, yet not I but the Lord, let not the wife depart from her husband. But, and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.” Well, there it is. You understand, I don’t know what your church has examined, but that verse alone completely contradicts the recommendation that you have. I encourage you. Hey, get remarried. That’s a wonderful thing. By the way, one of the joys that I’ve had in life is remarrying a lot of people who have been divorced from each other and getting them back together is one of the joys. And I’ve seen how God can take that marriage now and make it more beautiful than they ever dreamed possible. With the right foundation. Yeah, you bet. Jim, we could go on and on, but this gets us a little running start on some very heavy problems.
SPEAKER 02 :
Many resources we have for you in the marriage situation, including our special offer this month. We appreciate your prayers and your support of Hope for Today. Amen and amen. That’s Bible teacher and author David Hawking. And you’re listening to our special monthly question and answer broadcast, where we reach into our archive of listener questions and hear David’s answer to some of the most challenging questions we’ve received over the years. And we pray you’ve been blessed by his straight from the Bible answers. That’s what Hope for Today is all about. The Bible, the whole Bible, and nothing but the Bible. And just before we go, Matt’s joining me, and we’ve got something very special for you.
SPEAKER 01 :
This month, Jim, we’re featuring our book, Hope in Difficult Times. And let me just read a few quick lines from it. Yeah, this is good. Go ahead. Hope is attractive. Its very mention can motivate us to take another step, to try again. It helps us to cope with the pain of the moment, always looking to the future. and a better time. It is optimistic in a very pessimistic world. It looks for ways to help, to resolve conflict, and to heal. It suggests that things do not need to remain as they are. It is a word that anticipates change for the better.
SPEAKER 02 :
Matt, I think of Romans 8, 28 as you read that. Again, that’s from your dad’s book. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose. And for those times when we were just struggling to hang on to this truth, when life presses in and cast clouds of doubt in our hearts.
SPEAKER 01 :
My dad drafted the book, Hope in Difficult Times. For that purpose. Yeah, yeah. And he named this ministry Hope for Today. That’s it. Because God’s word provides the hope we must have for today and every day. Certainly in these days when evil seems to run rampant and when you open this book, wow.
SPEAKER 02 :
Hope in Difficult Times, yeah. You see and experience godly hope and biblical hope. Amen. Hope that certain – because it counts on the absolute trustworthiness of our God to deliver every time on His promises.
SPEAKER 01 :
Yes, hope that is an earnest expectation that God has us securely held in His plan and purpose for our lives.
SPEAKER 02 :
And we’ll discover the wonders of the Bible’s teaching on hope inside Hope in Difficult Times. Our featured offer for just $20. Your purchase will bless you, your family, and friends. And it will help the Ministry of Hope for today. To order your copy of Hope in Difficult Times, a great book, you can call 800-75-BIBLE, that’s in the U.S., or 888-75-BIBLE in Canada. And Bible is 24253. You can also get these resources along with many study materials on the topics we’ve explored today online at davidhonking.org. And oh, by the way, David just mentioned a book called Proverbs for Today. You’ll also find that on our website. davidhawking.org. And it’s just $15. And before we go, I’d like to thank those of you who’ve sent in financial support this month to keep these broadcasts on the air. It means so much to us to have you partnering with us in ministry. Funds are used to continue free online teaching. It helps put solid Bible resources into the hands of people who are hungry for truth. And if you haven’t had a chance yet to show your support for this ministry, well, it’s easy. You can send a gift by mail to Hope for Today, Box 3927, Tustin, California, 92781. In Canada, write to Hope for Today, Box 15011. RPO Seven Oaks, Abbotsford, BC, V2S 8P1. And remember, you can always donate by phone, 1-800-75-BIBLE in the US, 888-75-BIBLE in Canada. And as I said, Bible by the numbers is 24253, or you can give securely on our website, davidhawking.org. And one more quick note here, we’d love to hear from you. You can share a prayer request or tell us where you hear the program. When you take a moment, tell us the city or station where you hear the program or if you listen online, because this helps us to be better stewards of the resources God provides. Every dollar given to this ministry is used carefully and prayerfully to keep God’s Word on the air where it’s making the greatest impact. And your feedback, well, it helps us to know where we’re making the most impact and how we can use every gift, every minute of airtime for maximum kingdom effectiveness. So do drop us a note. Let us know where you listen. Well, next time we’re going back to the book of Revelation. In fact, we’re going to be at Revelation chapter 16, verses 12 to 21. And be sure to invite a friend to listen along with you right here on Hope for Today.
