The Importance of Friendship – Ecclesiastes 4:9-16

SPEAKER 01 : 0:00

What do you do when you fall? So many people bomb out on their Christian experience. You don’t see them anymore simply because they never learned the concept of friends. They try to walk it alone. Then when some pressure or temptation comes and they fall, there’s no one there. And they’re isolated. They’re trying to do it alone. And God says, woe to the man who tries to do it alone. You can’t do it alone. Two are better than one in terms of support, enabling a person who falls to get up and start over again. That’s friendship.

SPEAKER 1 : 0:48

Thank you.

SPEAKER 02 : 0:56

We’ve been taught that real strength means standing alone, that needing people is a liability, that independence is the goal. But Ecclesiastes 4 cuts through that myth and calls it dangerous. Isolation makes us weaker, not stronger. Success without relationship leaves us exposed. A life built without real companionship comes at a cost. On this edition of Hope for Today, Bible teacher David Hawking begins a message called The Importance of Friendship from Ecclesiastes 4, 9 through 16, as God’s Word reminds us that we’re never designed to do life alone. We’ll get into the Word in just a moment. First… Matt, our listener letter today comes from Lakewood, Colorado. This is Eileen. What does she have to say? She says, thank you for making it possible for us to continue to hear these messages on the radio. They are such a blessing. Sincerely. That’s all she has to say. And it’s like, yes, that’s our whole mission here. The word of God, the Bible, the whole Bible, and nothing but the Bible out to the world. The Word of God is quick, powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword piercing into our hearts and souls. And profitable. For teaching, reproof, correction, and instruction in righteousness.

SPEAKER 01 : 2:15

Amen.

SPEAKER 02 : 2:15

Thank you, David Hawking’s son, for making sure I get the whole verse in there. To Eileen, thank you for getting in touch with us. And we’d love to hear from everyone listening. We’ll tell you just a bit later in the program how to get in touch with Hope for Today. Now here’s David with day one of The Importance of Friendship.

SPEAKER 01 : 2:36

Take your Bibles and turn to Ecclesiastes chapter 4. Ecclesiastes chapter 4. There are two paragraphs in chapter 4 that really are continuing the thought earlier of that chapter about the tragedy of not having a friend. The tragedy of having your whole life looked at of being alone. Look back at verse 8 just before we read verse 9. There is one alone man. Without companion, he has neither son nor brother, yet there’s no end to all his labors, nor is his eye satisfied with riches, but he never asks, for whom do I toil and deprive myself of good? This also is vanity and a grave misfortune. It is an emptiness, a certain meaninglessness to life when we look about us and realize there’s no friends. The older you get, the more it becomes a prominent feature to you. you begin to understand that in your hour of need, who is going to be there? How tragic is the person who builds his whole life around himself and one day wakes up to find no one there to minister to him when he has a need? It’s important that we understand that Jesus is that friend. But I believe if you really understand his relationship to you, you’re also going to understand your relationship to other people. Let’s begin at verse 9 as we have some application here now concerning the importance of friendship. Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him, and a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Better is a poor and wise youth than an old and foolish king who will be admonished no more. For he comes out of prison to be king, although he was born poor in his kingdom. I saw all the living who walk under the sun. They were with the second youth who stands in his place. There was no end of all the people over whom he was made king, yet those who come afterward will not rejoice in him. Surely this also is vanity and grasping for the wind. Now there’s really two thoughts in those paragraphs, two thoughts that we can immediately identify with. One is that friendship is much better than selfish pursuits. Two are better than one. Friendship is much better than selfish pursuits. And then in the second paragraph… The simple point is that friendship is better than mere popularity. And when you grow up, especially as a young person, you begin to think that just to be popular and, quote, have friends, that that somehow is it. But you soon learn in life as you get older that real friendship is something more than mere popularity, which he illustrates by those who often face popularity, those in leadership, political leadership. Now let’s come back to verses 9 to 12 and take a look at that paragraph. What he’s saying is that friendship is better than selfish pursuits or going it alone, of building your life around yourself, of saying, hey, it’s me, man, I’ve got to look out for number one. And there are several areas that he brings to our attention there, really three of them. One deals with success. Look at verse 9. Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. You put two people together and start working and you’re going to be more productive. That’s even true, obviously, in Christian spiritual ministries. Two are better than one for many reasons. But one sure reason is that they have a greater reward for their efforts. I think of how true that is in relationship to a story of a friend of mine, what he experienced. God’s gifted him in evangelism. He just loves to win people to Christ. But he’s had a certain problem along the way in evangelism, and that is that he doesn’t really disciple the people that he wins to Christ. And as a result, his ministry is kind of confused as he looks at it over the years. One day we were talking about this and I said, you know what you really need is somebody who disciples. You love to win them to Christ. But if you could just ever get a team together of a guy who could work with you and take your converts. Well, the Lord led him to share that with a friend, and the two of them put together a team that now has about five guys in it. This guy’s very effective in talking to people about Christ, and he learned that the results of his ministry were far greater when he had help in the discipleship process. And now the productivity is much greater than it ever was when he was walking alone. D.L. Moody always said, I would rather have ten men doing the work than having one man doing the work of ten. I think it’s important to understand our need of friendship simply from the standpoint of success. They have a good reward for their labor. And a lot of us want to go it alone. You know we do. We’re kind of self-confident. We’re centered in our own interests. And we don’t want anybody to come in and mess it up. And if you’re a perfectionist, inevitably you will not want somebody to help you. You will want to do it yourself. But God’s principle stands. Two are always better than one. because they will have a good reward for their labor so even in terms of success it’s a good principle but i think something that means a lot to us personally is the matter of support in in verses 10 and 11 he deals with that issue as to why friendship is so important well it’s important in terms of support especially in a time of need now look at those two verses again it says for if they fall One will lift up his companion, but woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Again, on the same point, if two lie down together, they will keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? He gives two thoughts related to support there. One deals with enabling a person who falls to start over again. If there’s someone to pick you up, great, but woe to the one who is alone. And I think we need to understand that. We need friends. When that time comes in our life that we fall, there’s someone there to pick us up and we can start all over again. I want you to turn, please, in your Bibles to Proverbs. Back to Proverbs chapter 25. Solomon gave frequent advice about this, even in the book of Proverbs. The need of friendship in terms of support to enable one who falls for whatever reason to start over again. Now, there’s more to it than simply tripping physically and falling down and having somebody pick you up. But that in itself is very important, and I have a classic illustration of that. You know, it’s wonderful how God gives you illustrations of your messages during the week. We have an irrigation ditch in back of our house. And we have a basketball backboard right in front of that irrigation ditch. We have some trees behind it. But sometimes our shots are not that accurate. They not only miss the basket, they miss the entire backboard. And the ball goes over into the irrigation ditch. Now, my youngest son is alone. There’s no one there. He’s shooting baskets. He knows there are people in the house, but he decides that it’s okay to go out into the irrigation ditch and get it himself. There’s just one problem. He didn’t figure out how to get back up. So he spent kind of a frightening little experience down there trying to get back up. He finally comes in. I mean, there are scratches and bruises all over. He has really gone through it just to get out of that irrigation ditch. And so in discussing what he learned, he learned that he needed a friend. There should have been somebody he should have told where he was going, what he was doing, and he could have been helped out of there. What a classic illustration. What a simple fact. Look, if one falls, no one’s going to pick him up unless there’s a friend there. That’s something a lot of us don’t want to think about. You say, I don’t want to think that that’s going to happen to me. But it may happen to you. It isn’t just physical problems, people. The Bible is filled with this concept in terms of spiritual problems. In Proverbs 25, look at verse, not 25, chapter 27. I thought there was something wrong. Chapter 27, look at verse 9. Chapter 27, verse 9 says, ointment and perfume delight the heart. Everybody likes a sweet smell. And the sweetness of a man’s friend does so, now look at this next phrase, by hearty counsel. You know, there’s a certain kind of counsel when you try to lift up a fallen friend that really doesn’t minister to the heart. It’s not counsel of the heart. It’s not the kind of advice that you need to encourage you and to build you up. God says the sweetness of a man’s friend is by the counsel of the heart, the hearty counsel. Look back at verse 5 and 6. It says, open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of the enemy are deceitful. Look down at verse 17. As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. I wonder how often we see that principle. Sometimes friends cause friction with each other. They cause friction. But that friction also is causing that friend to become more effective. It kind of rounds off the rough edges. It’s like the oyster that becomes a pearl through much irritation. That’s the way often our friends are. Now, we shouldn’t be dedicated to irritating our friend. Like coming up to them and saying, guess what? I am God’s sandpaper to you. Hey, later I’ll take some smoother stuff. But sometimes when you are ministering to your friends, there is the time of friction. There’s the time of iron sharpening iron as a man friend does his countenance. And I look at this and I say, I wonder how many of us understand our responsibility to help each other in time of need when somebody falls. I’d like you to turn to the New Testament, to Galatians chapter 6. This has been on my mind lately because of dealing with several people who’ve experienced this problem and to know the loneliness and ache and heartache of people who maybe have fallen and there’s no one there to help. Now once you have seen that, you’ll never forget it. Friendship means that you are there no matter what. And friendship is one who, when he sees his friend fall, is always anxious to pick him up and to help him start over again. By the way, in that text in Ecclesiastes where it says, if they fall, it sounds like both of them are falling. But in that Hebrew text, the they, the plural, can be translated, if either of them falls. And there’s a point to be said there that I think is very important in ministering that’s going to lead us into Galatians here. Sometimes I find that a friend who’s trying to help a friend who has fallen is not aware that the whole situation could be reversed soon. If your attitude when you try to help somebody who has fallen and giving them support is not really centered in a proper concept of your need of the Lord’s help and your own need of grace and forgiveness, you will give advice, you will try to help, but it won’t really minister to the heart because there’s a certain arrogance in you, a certain pharisaical attitude that that won’t happen to me, but I am here to help. And God has some very strong words about that. When the Hebrew text says if either of them falls, it’s assuming that both of them at some time will. So there’s certain humility must characterize us even when we help a friend. We help them because we know that at some point in the future something could happen to us also. That there go I but for the grace of God. Now what if that really characterizes us? An example is Galatians 6.1. Speaking about lifting up somebody who has fallen. It says, brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, notice the broad aspect of this, in any trespass, a man’s fallen, he’s overtaken. You who are spiritual, you say you walk with the Lord, that you’re spirit filled. It says restore. That’s like putting bones back into place. That’s equipping a person. Restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself, lest you also be tempted, bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ, which obviously is the law of love. If we really love each other, then the point at which that love is really seen is in the area of burden. If a person cannot share his burden with another person, the chances is he’s not real confident of the love of that friend for him. When you fall, you need somebody who comes to you with gentleness, with meekness, not a desire to get his pound of flesh or to really let you have it. That is not what the Bible is teaching. There has to be a resistance to that kind of attitude of laying more on you, of making it a heavy burden, of showing how guilty you are. No, according to the Bible, if the brother has fallen, then we are to restore them with a proper spirit of gentleness and meekness. flavored by a careful calculation in my brain that I can also fall into the exact same problem that he has. It’s when we believe it can’t happen to us, that kind of spirit will not minister to the brother who has fallen and to lift up his spirits. I’d like you to turn over to Hebrews 5, just to follow this a step further. Hebrews chapter 5. When God chose high priests to serve him, He had a very interesting qualification. Hebrews chapter 5, verse 1. And for a very definite reason. In Hebrews 5, 1, it says, “…for every high priest taken from among men…” He’s human to start with. “…is appointed for men in pertaining to God that he may offer both gifts and sacrifices for sins.” He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray, since he himself is also beset by weakness. What causes a person to have compassion? What causes a person to lift up a brother who has fallen? What causes a person to care about brothers and sisters in Christ who are going through hard times? It’s interesting that God says he can have compassion since he himself is beset by weakness. Paul experienced that from God. He experienced physical, terrible suffering, affliction about which he spoke several times, and which became a very serious thorn in the flesh, and he asked God to take it away from him. Three times he begged God, literally, to take it away. God did not take it away. We do not know all that that thorn in the flesh means. We are told it was a messenger of Satan to buffet him. It does seem that it was some sort of physical problem. We don’t know, but God never took it away from him. Instead, God said to him, when you are weak, then you are strong. He said, my grace is sufficient for you, and my strength is made perfect in your weakness. As I evaluated this in thinking of that whole principle of Solomon, that two are better than one, and if either of them falls, one can lift up his companion, but woe to him who’s alone when he falls. I begin to understand that the problem often centers in the one who has not fallen, not in the one who has fallen. The one who has not fallen, if he is spiritual, if he has right attitudes, he is the one that will go to the brother who has fallen and try to build him up. But you know what I see happening? What I see happening in the Christian world is the opposite. The fallen one usually has to beg somebody to give him a little bit of help. Instead, we ought to see spirit-filled believers who the moment learning of anybody in a difficulty or trial, we ought to be Johnny on the spot. If we’re true friends wanting to lift that person up. I say that a lot of needs could be met in the body of Christ if God’s people would have that kind of heart. But you’ve got to go with a sensitivity, a tenderness, a gentleness, a compassion, understanding your own weakness and the possibility of you being tempted. You don’t go with a critical spirit. You don’t go with a pride in your heart that you would never do that. You go with a sensitivity, with a compassion that’s rooted in the fact that, hey, Were it not for God’s grace, that would be me.

SPEAKER 02 : 20:53

That’s Bible teacher David Hawking, and this is Hope for Today. David will be back to bring our study to a close for today, so do stay with us. Just before that, Matt and I want to share this month’s study resource, featured study resource with you. Matt? Ecclesiastes is one of the most profound and needed messages for our culture today. It’s written by the wisest man who ever lived, King Solomon. Solomon had it all. But as you know, Matt, he grew to be utterly unsatisfied. Yeah, because the accumulation of it all did not bring him happiness or peace. He learned the hard way. What Jesus taught in Matthew chapter 6, 24. No man can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will hold to the one and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon money. In our Ecclesiastes radio series and in his book, Is Life Worth Living?, David Hawking will show you Solomon’s divinely inspired reflections on these matters. Solomon Discovered and this book and radio series will help you discover all of life as God intends. And if your life is rightly related to God. it will be abundantly worth living. Amen, Matt. And right now, we have an excellent value package for you that combines my dad’s book on Ecclesiastes titled Is Life Worth Living? Plus, the complete collection of David’s messages in our current Ecclesiastes radio series. And with this package, you’ll have the book, which is a powerful study guide, and the complete series saved and secured on audio for years to come. Order the Is Life Worth Living package for just $40 by phone or online at Get your copy of the Is Life Worth Living Ecclesiastes package by calling 800-75-BIBLE. That’s in the U.S. or 888-75-BIBLE in Canada. Bible is 24253. You can also get it on our website, davidhawking.org. That’s davidhawking.org. And if it’s been a while since you’ve given a gift, we invite you to prayerfully consider stepping back in and standing with this ministry. Listen, your support helps cover the real cost of keeping Hope for Today on the air and keeping God’s word going out clearly to those who are looking for truth. You can give online at davidhawking.org or mail your donation to Hope for Today, Box 3927. Tustin, that’s T-U-S-T-I-N, California, 92781. In Canada, write to Hope for Today, Box 15011, RPO, Seven Oaks, Abbotsford. Abbotsford is spelled A-B-B-O-T-S-F-O-R-D. That’s in B.C., V2S 8P1, or donate online at davidhawking.org. And thank you for your prayers and for helping make this teaching possible. And here’s David to bring our study to a close.

SPEAKER 01 : 23:50

I really enjoy this particular section, Ecclesiastes 4. Well, I enjoy it all, but this one on friendship. It’s powerful, and we need to understand the value of good, godly friendship. Proverbs 18 in the Old King James says there’s a friend that sticks closer than a brother. A lot of people apply, of course, the Lord’s friendship to us. Abraham was a friend to God also. There are a lot of principles of friendship. If you take the word neighbor in the old King James edition of Proverbs and understand it’s a Hebrew word for a friend as well, you learn a lot of principles about friendship. In our commentary on Proverbs, called Proverbs for Today, there’s a whole section on friendship, putting it all together. And my, what a powerful thing that is to read and to study and to understand. And that’s what we got here in Ecclesiastes 4, verses 9 to 16. the importance of friendship. Don’t try to do things alone. And if you know the Lord, we’re supposed to not forsake the assembling of ourselves together. We’re brothers and sisters in the Lord. We’re in the same family of God. We’re one in Him. It’s a terrible thing when I run into folks who are so lonely and so isolated, and they don’t see the importance of friends, and then they live to regret it. Don’t be like that. Find out, first of all, the joy and the blessing of your friendship with the Lord. And then seek to be a friend, much more than to have one. God bless you.

SPEAKER 02 : 25:23

Well, thank you, David. And that book David mentioned, Proverbs for Today, David wrote this because the wisdom of Proverbs is meant to be understood and applied, not just read. Proverbs for Today, just $15, and you can get a copy for you or a friend by calling 800-75-BIBLE in the U.S., 888-75-BIBLE in Canada. Or if you’d rather order online, just go to davidhawking.org and search for Proverbs for Today in the book resource section. Well, next time on Hope for Today, Ecclesiastes goes deeper into why going it alone costs more than we think. why success without relationship falls flat, and why God wired us for friendship, not isolation. Don’t miss day two of The Importance of Friendship from Ecclesiastes 4, 9-16 tomorrow on Hope for Today.