Discover practical pathways to mental health as Kenza Haddock talks about her book ‘The Three Enemies of Your Mental Health.’ With Dr. James Dobson, Kenza explains how doubt, temptation, and shame can disrupt our emotional well-being and how faith in Christ offers solutions for overcoming these challenges. Tune in to learn about biblical truths and effective strategies for achieving lasting spiritual and mental healing.
Welcome everyone to Family Talk. It’s a ministry of the James Dobson Family Institute supported by listeners just like you. I’m Dr. James Dobson and I’m thrilled that you’ve joined us. Well, welcome back to day two of a powerful conversation here on Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk. I’m Roger Marsh, sitting in the co-host chair for the day and joined again by our guest, author Kenza Haddock, to talk about her brand new book called The Three Enemies of Your Mental Health. gain lasting victory over the devil, the flesh, and the world. Now, in our last Family Talk broadcast, Kenza shared her remarkable journey from Islam to Christianity, describing how God pursued her through dreams and ultimately led her to faith in Jesus Christ. We also discussed how many Christians are struggling with similar unhealthy views of God that she once held as a Muslim, seeing him as distant, angry, or even harsh. Kenza Kenza explained how the devil uses doubt, temptation, and shame to create spiritual oppression, even through seemingly innocent practices like reading a horoscope or practicing yoga or even crystal healing. These practices can open doors to mental health struggles, including anxiety, depression, and mood swings. Well, on today’s edition of Family Talk, we’ll continue exploring the three enemies of our mental health, the devil, the flesh, and the world. And we’ll also discover biblical pathways to healing. So Ken Zahadek, welcome back to the broadcast today. We’re glad to have you here on Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk.
SPEAKER 02 :
I’m so excited to be here. Thank you.
SPEAKER 01 :
It’s powerful to think about the fact that, first of all, I think a lot of people, I’m sure, when they come to see you or they’ll read one of your books, they’re kind of surprised maybe to realize that we’re in spiritual warfare. Kind of walk us through that process that the enemy does and then give us some suggestions as to how we can kind of stand up. You know, we’re in good company because you’re not the only Christian who’s ever felt like this before.
SPEAKER 02 :
Absolutely. And I go through those steps myself as well. He has exploited me in those steps myself as well. Those steps started in Genesis. I mean, they date back to Genesis. He doesn’t have any new tricks. It starts with doubt. So, I mean, I like to ask my patients, think about a promise that you’re holding onto for God to come through on. As long as you’re holding onto that promise, the enemy’s going to come at you and say, did God really give you that promise? Did God really say? How about the time when you thought God was going to—anything that’s going to make you doubt God, He will instill doubt. Why? Because once doubt takes root, then He’s going to have you— go into step two, and that is temptation. He’s going to tempt you to act on something outside of God’s will. So let’s just say whether that’s a relationship that you’re not supposed to go into, whether that’s, I don’t want to give too many examples.
SPEAKER 01 :
Well, can I throw one out and see if I’m tracking with you here? Someone who’s really wrestling over financial situations. I know as a young, newly married dad and little kids back in the day, any day that ended in Y, we were concerned about money. And if you doubt that God isn’t going to provide, then maybe you’re tempted to go online and gamble a little bit or something like that. And then the pattern really starts to go into full tilt because you took that one step and it began with you doubting God. It could be that simple for a mom or a dad.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yes, absolutely. And one that I have seen with teenagers or even young adults, I wasn’t going to share, but I really feel it needs to come out. And that is because I see it a lot. That is when they’re battling singleness. And they feel like, you know what, God has forgotten me. He’s not remembering me. And then the enemy will tempt them to just, you know what, go for this guy, go for this girl who’s paying attention to you, even though they’re not a believer. Oh, maybe you can make them into a believer.
SPEAKER 01 :
Right, missionary dating, sure. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yeah, you can influence them for good. And you know, the Bible says the heart is deceitful above all things, right? In Jeremiah 17. And so we can literally convince ourselves into something that is outside of God’s will. Now when you start dating that person who’s not a believer, they’re going to trick you outside of God’s will. And you’re going to be tempted to do things that are outside of God’s will. Once you’re tempted and fall into that temptation, you’re going to feel shame for doing that. And a lot of times, I’d say 90% of the times, once we feel shame, instead of running toward God like it says we need to do in Hebrews 4, 6, to run to the throne of grace boldly, we run away from God and hide from him, just like Adam and Eve did. And so we continue to repeat that pattern over and over. And that’s the pattern that the devil wants us to be in.
SPEAKER 01 :
Isn’t that one of the first questions, if not the first question recorded in Scripture, that God asks of man, which is, why are you hiding? He knew to say it. If there’s a situation where you’ve got young children and maybe there’s a playgroup situation or, you know, soccer team or whatever it is, and you see one family that’s kind of leaning in a direction that’s not really good for your kids or for you, it’s not fun to say, no, you can’t do the sleepover there. But you have to say, no, we’re not going to do the sleepover there.
SPEAKER 02 :
When I was looking at horoscopes myself, and I give that example in the book, I had a hard time just saying no to myself because I would get tempted to do it. And finally, I just cried out to God. I said, Lord, I can’t do it in my own power. I need you to help me. I need you to remove that desire from me. I don’t want to look at my horoscope. I want to trust in you. I want to know that you are my father and that you are going to come through in your promise that you are watching over me and that you are guiding me. And so he removed that desire from me. And so there is something to that, to go before God and just fall flat on your face and just humble yourself and just be real with him and tell him, I need you to help me do it.
SPEAKER 01 :
We’re talking with therapist Kenza Haddock, and her book is called The Three Enemies of Your Mental Health, Gain Lasting Victory Over the Devil, the Flesh, and the World. We’ve been giving the devil a lot of his due. Let’s talk about the flesh. Let’s talk about what it means to really bring those thoughts captive, keep those actions that we get into, where it can be kind of somewhat nebulous, isn’t it? I wonder how many people who grew up in homes—I’ll use an example of somebody maybe who where alcoholism is kind of a family tradition— And they don’t even realize that there’s a proclivity for it, that they’re prone to it, that it could be, you know, well, everybody in my family does this, so it’s not that big a deal. I remember hearing from a guy who was a marriage and parenting expert. His stepfather was physically abusive to him. And so when he became a dad himself, his son acted up. He pulled out a belt and literally started beating this kid. And his wife said, what are you doing? And he goes, I’m disciplining him. She said, no, you’re beating him up. I mean, but to him, that was, and here’s that word, normal. Talk about why normal and common and things like that aren’t necessarily biblical.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yes, absolutely. First of all, we have to be spending time with the Lord in order for us to know what the standard of truth is, because God’s Word is the truth. And in order for us to be able to differentiate between falsehood and truth, we have to be aware of what the truth says. We have to understand what God’s Word says. And so going back to just those negative generational patterns, It was, for me personally, it was very beneficial for me to spend time with God to get to know God and His character and get to know also what He says about me because here’s what happens to us in our mind. This is where we go. I’ll look in the mirror and say, I’m ugly. I’m fat. And this is where a lot of people live. I am so far behind where I need to be. I am not good enough. There are so many ways in which the devil will just scream these accusatory, these self-deprecating thoughts in our mind. And we don’t realize that we are fighting a war day in and day out. And so what did Jesus do when the devil tempted him? He said he battled with the sword of the Spirit, and that is the Word of God. And so rather than taking these quote-unquote words of affirmation, which is what secular psychology does, it gives you just words of affirmation that says, no, instead of saying you’re ugly, say I’m beautiful. No, we have to appropriate the Word of God because words of affirmation are only going to put a band-aid on our flesh. But appropriating the Word of God, according to Hebrews 4.12, God’s Word has the power to pierce through the division of soul and spirit and bone and marrow. It has the power to transform and uproot any negative and lies that the enemy has implanted within us that cause us to fall into the pattern of the flesh, and that is insecurity and falling into that inner turmoil. And so we have to spend time with God’s Word. And so when I hear things like, you’re ugly, If you look in the mirror and say that to yourself, then you can say, I was made in the image of God, according to Genesis 1, 26. It may feel cheesy in the beginning, but trust me, say it over and over. God’s Word does not turn void.
SPEAKER 01 :
Amen. It’s interesting, Kenza, when you were sharing earlier about your conversion experience from Islam to faith in Christ and how God was speaking to you and Jesus was appearing to you in these dreams. And I found it so interesting because you kind of had that Samuel moment, right? You know, where he hears the Lord speaking and he kind of sits up. And one of the things you talk about in your chapter on warring with our sinful nature, you talk about the Saul and Samuel issue and how And I want to quote you here. If the enemy can’t convince you to put your confidence in him, he will tempt you to put too much confidence in yourself. Talk about why a lot of the things that we as Christians deal with is because we can’t really discern the voice of God from the voice of the enemy. So we just start trusting ourselves instead because we think that we’re always true.
SPEAKER 02 :
Oh, absolutely. And that’s because we have the wrong perspective of God. We were made in our mind, in our nervous system, we have something called the fight or flight in our nervous system. And so if I don’t trust that God has my best interest at heart, I am not going to open up to him. I’m not going to allow myself to be transparent with him and be vulnerable with him. And so instead, I’m going to live in a state of insecurity, mask it with defense mechanisms. I talk a little bit about defense mechanisms in the book, like denial. I’ll deny that I have any problems. I mean, and I see that a lot in the church. People will come in and act like everything is great, everything is perfect. But in reality, their lives are in shambles, right? Or just look at Social media, everyone just posts all the great things.
SPEAKER 01 :
And we all look like that, right? You know, our life is just one big adventure. And don’t you feel bad for not having it? Oh, my goodness. Yeah.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yes. And so we have all of these defense mechanisms that we deploy when in reality, God is knocking on the door of our hearts saying, hey, let me heal you. Let’s drop the defense mechanisms and let’s look inside the wound that’s creating that insecurity and let me heal you so you can get off of that hamster wheel where we’re trying to just overcorrect on our own. And so what keeps us stuck in that, however, is we don’t trust God enough. We see him as a dictator. We see him as harsh or we live in a state of disobedience to God.
SPEAKER 01 :
And that’s a big theme in your book. You talk about how obedience is how you slam the door, basically, on the devil. Yeah. Talk about why a lot of people don’t want to do that. Because, I mean, that’s that dichotomy. The self-made man is kind of the hallmark of the American mystique. And in the church, we’ve kind of bought into that. There’s a lot of shame and vulnerability, tears, and brokenness. Either that or there’s a lot of money, if you can put that into a talk and make it into a book series. But real healing, though, brings that peace that you experience. I’m going to keep that image with me, I think, forever, is you saying, I wanted the peace that I felt in that dream.
SPEAKER 02 :
Absolutely, because He is the Prince of Peace and He is the Great Physician, right? And He wants to heal us, but we have to be willing to just submit ourselves under the mighty hand of God. We have to be willing to humble ourselves before Him and ask for it. There are three types of forgiveness that I bring up in the book that will close the door to the flesh. The first one is the most common one, that is forgiving people for their past transgressions. And when I say that, I don’t mean reconciliation. There’s a huge difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. That’s what keeps people from wanting to forgive. They say, well, I don’t want anything to do with that person. That’s fine. That doesn’t mean you don’t have to forgive them. Forgiveness is a command by God that we have to do.
SPEAKER 01 :
Amen.
SPEAKER 02 :
This doesn’t mean God doesn’t care about our feelings either. God wants to hear about what’s going on with us. Even Psalm 62, 8 says, pour out your heart to him for God is our refuge. I mean, it’s like half of Psalms, David is pouring his heart out to God. So God wants us to go to him and say, Lord, and there have been so many times when I’ve gone to God and said, Lord, this is what this person did to me. This is what they did, and I didn’t like that. And I’ve cried out to Him, and I’ve poured my heart out to Him. You just share with Him because that’s how you develop a healthy relationship with God. You’re transparent with Him. And then that’s when you say, I don’t know what to do with all of this pain. I need you to heal it. And that’s when he comes in. And whether he gives you an insight on the situation, whether he just does a miraculous healing, something good is going to come out of that. Something good will come out of you going to God and pouring your heart out to him and in obedience, wanting to forgive the perpetrator.
SPEAKER 01 :
I was remembering one time, Kenza, and I’m smirking at myself as you’re describing this, because if you talk about the unprocessed forgiveness, and you have a four-step, you know, unforgiveness is a hurtful event, unprocessed hurt, unforgiveness, and then depression or internal torment, because you don’t know what to do with it. And you’ve got this, the heart of God that says, wait, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. I was going to pick up my son and I had a pickup truck and I pulled into the driveway and I was in a hurry and I tried to close the door and not lock it at the same time. And so I reached back as it was closing and it slammed on my thumb. And I was in pain and I came in the door and I was thinking all sorts of the wrong words to say in front of your 13 year old son because I was in pain. And I came in and I just went, I didn’t say anything. I just kind of whatever. And he said, dad, it’s okay. You’re in pain. And I thought, how many times do we get hurt by someone? And then we try to act like it didn’t happen, you know, or we don’t want to deal with it instead of saying, ow, that hurt. And then getting into the forgiveness thing. But I realized in that moment, this is what unforgiveness looks like. Me running around with a wound on my thumb. I felt like a cartoon, all blah, blah, you know, swollen like that. And I didn’t know what to say. And I didn’t want to curse. I didn’t want, I mean, because that’s everything in my flesh was just during pain. And yet, so I just went, I didn’t say anything. And I thought you probably run into a lot of people who come in and say, Kenza, I just need help because whatever. And you’re like, well, let’s look at the places where you got hurt. Let’s look at the people you need to forgive. I mean, God’s forgiven you of your sin.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yes, that is a huge one for people. And it was a huge one for me because I was commanded by God to forgive my family because they have persecuted me after I left multiple times.
SPEAKER 01 :
The ones who would have been justified, pardon me for interrupting, by finding where you were and if you didn’t come back to Islam… They call it a quote-unquote honor killing, which is just such a hideous thing. But they would have felt justified in their faith tradition by doing that. So you had to find a way to forgive them for thinking that of you.
SPEAKER 02 :
Does that mean I’m reconciling with them? No. No, because they’re not safe. And that’s the difference. See, we can forgive people who have hurt us. Reconciliation happens when someone has truly repented of what they did, and they have turned their life around, and it’s over a period of time. And so they’re two totally different situations. And I like that you brought up the unforgiveness towards—well, some people call it unforgiveness towards self. Some people call it holding on transgressions towards self or not even receiving God’s mercy or forgiveness. And that is number two. It’s not being willing to receive the mercy and grace that God has extended to us. There is something about this, Roger, and I’ve fallen into this too. It’s like we think in our mind that if I hold on to my past mistakes, then I’m going to hold myself accountable forever. for any future mistakes to make sure I don’t make them. But the problem is, I’m literally, by doing so, I’m putting myself back into a cycle of depression because this is what a formula of depression is, holding on to unforgiveness towards self or really not being willing to receive God’s mercy and God’s grace that He has extended to us. That is leads to unprocessed anger towards self, and that opens the door to self-deprecating thoughts. That’s when I start calling myself all types of names, and that’s what leads to depression.
SPEAKER 01 :
Wow. There are a lot of moms who are dealing with depression right now. It seems like—I mean, I hear this from millennial and Gen Z parents, but especially from moms— just having a hard time. They don’t feel like they’re measuring up. They’re trying to maintain that Instagram, TikTok presence. Like you said earlier, my life is perfect. It’s wonderful. My kids are amazing. And they don’t feel like they’re measuring up. How do you let the love of God and the forgiveness that comes and brings the peace of Christ Into your parenting, into your marriage, into your friendships. I mean, how do you do that on a practical level when you’ve got that little nagging voice in the background that says, you use filters on your picture, don’t you? You know that’s not real. I mean, that’s just one of the little taunts that the enemy will use.
SPEAKER 02 :
The first thing I would say is remember that God, by His sovereign will, is the one who chose you out of everyone else to be the mom for that child or those children. And because He chose you, He’s going to equip you for that job, for that mission. And so you have to understand that. That’s number one. Number two— You have to fight against that desire to be perfect. Your kids don’t need you to be perfect. If anything, perfect parenting leads to negative outcomes in children. Your kids need to see you make… Just make little mistakes and say, I’m sorry. I was raised with parents who didn’t say they’re sorry. And I’ve treated many patients who were raised in generations with parents who don’t say they’re sorry. It’s okay. Practice saying I’m sorry to your children because you want them to have a healthy frame of reference of what it looks like to mess up. and repent and say, I’m sorry, and to reconnect and to reconcile that relationship. Those are healthy efforts. You’re going to mess up. That’s just what it is. You’re doing your best. You’re going to mess up. And maybe your children will call you out on it. And when they do, just say, I am so sorry. I will learn from this and I won’t repeat it next time. He knows them more than you do. And just continue to pray for them.
SPEAKER 01 :
I love that. The three enemies of your mental health gain lasting victory over the devil, the flesh, and the world. Written by our guest today, Kenza Haddock, and we’ve got it linked up on our website. Kenza, talk to us, just kind of give us that parting takeaway. as to one of the best ways we could start seeing our mental health improve, understanding that you’re not necessarily prescribing medication or some click your heels three times and all your problems will go away, but rather for the person who’s wrestling with a little anxiety or depression or frustration, or maybe a lot of it. And then they’re saying, I’m a Christian, but I still feel this way, Kenzo. What’s one or two things that that person can do to start improving their situation right away?
SPEAKER 02 :
Here’s something that would be really beneficial. Look up God’s names. Look up His attributes. I know this may sound cheesy, but it would really be beneficial to you because there are two ways the enemy attacks. The first is he attacks God’s character to you. The second is he attacks your identity. So you have to be familiar with with who God is. So when the enemy attacks God’s character, you’re able to logically understand, no, this is not who he is and just refute it. And second of all, get to know who you are in Jesus and remind yourself of those. And even if you hold on to two things, like telling yourself, I was made in the image of God, according to Genesis 1, 26. And if you feel like, for example, you’re too far behind where you’re supposed to be in life, remind yourself of Philippians 1, 6, that he who began a good work in me is faithful to complete it until the coming. And so just remind yourself of those things. Appropriate God’s word.
SPEAKER 01 :
Yeah, God’s doing his work and he is never late.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yes.
SPEAKER 01 :
He’s always on time. What a remarkable story and the time has just flown by. We’ll have to have this conversation again and just kind of pick up where we left off. But Kenza Haddock, the book is called The Three Enemies of Your Mental Health, Gaining Lasting Victory Over the Devil, the Flesh and the World. Kenza, thanks so much for being with us today here on Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk.
SPEAKER 02 :
Thank you so much.
SPEAKER 01 :
We’ll be right back. If today’s edition of Family Talk spoke to your heart, or if you know someone who’s struggling with mental health challenges right now, I encourage you to visit drjamesdobson.org forward slash family talk to hear this conversation again, or perhaps to share it with a friend who needs this encouragement. Once you’re there, you’ll also find a link for Kenza’s book called The Three Enemies of Your Mental Health, which dives deeper into these important topics. Her book offers practical wisdom for anyone wrestling with anxiety, depression, or mood swings. Again, you’ll find the information about the audio and the book, The Three Enemies of Your Mental Health by Kenza Haddock, when you go to drjamesdobson.org forward slash family talk. Before we leave the air for the day, I wanna take a moment to thank you, those of you who have made these daily broadcasts possible through your prayers and your faithful financial support. You enable us to address crucial topics like mental health from a biblical perspective, bringing hope and practical guidance to families all across the nation. Every day we hear from listeners whose lives have been transformed through this broadcast ministry. So if today’s program has been a blessing to you, please consider partnering with us to reach even more families with God’s truth. Your tax-deductible donation of any amount makes a significant impact. And you can make that secure donation online when you go to drjamesdobson.org. Now, when you go online to drjamesdobson.org, you’ll notice a link for a very special resource written by Dr. James Dobson and his wife, Shirley. It’s the devotional called Nightlight for Parents. Whether you’re raising toddlers or teenagers, married or single, this daily devotional offers heartwarming stories, biblical truth, and practical parenting wisdom that has guided the Dobsons through nearly, are you ready for this, 65 years of marriage. Let Nightlight for Parents brighten your family life with encouragement and spiritual insights that help you raise healthy, happy children in today’s challenging world. Now, you’ll find a link to request the book, when you go online to drjamesdobson.org, and we’ll be happy to send you a copy as our way of thanking you for your gift of any amount in support of Family Talk today. So go to drjamesdobson.org and click on the link for the book Nightlight for Parents by Dr. James Dobson and his wife Shirley. You can also make your request over the phone when you call 877-732-6825. That’s 877- 732-6825. Or if it’s easier, you can send your donation through the U.S. Postal Service. Our ministry mailing address is Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk, Post Office Box 39000, Colorado Springs, Colorado, the zip code 80949. Well, I’m Roger Marsh on behalf of Dr. James Dobson and all of us here at the JDFI. Thanks for listening today. Be sure to join us again next time right here for another edition of Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk, the voice you trust for the family you love. This has been a presentation of the Dr. James Dobson Family Institute.
