The episode also delves into more challenging topics like infidelity and the healing process in marriage. Listeners struggling with forgiveness and moving past affairs can find guidance rooted in biblical counsel. David explores the scriptural stance on marital roles, pre-marital sex, and whether Christians should pursue parenthood, providing encouragement for living a life of integrity and fidelity.
Should children in a blended family call the new spouse dad or mom? What does the Bible say about Christians and sex before marriage? Who is responsible for disciplining the children in a marriage? And is it okay for Christians to divorce if they’ve fallen out of love? This is Hope for Today with Bible teacher and author David Hawking. Today as we dig deep into our archive of listener questions, we put together David’s response to those questions on the subject of marriage, family, and relationships. You might want to text a friend and invite them to listen along with you. Just before we get started, Matt, we are so thankful for the partnership we have in ministry with a number of stations across the U.S. and Canada. And one of those partners is station KBRT, K-Bright, in Southern California. And our listener letter today comes from… Right here.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yeah, it says, Thank you for your faithfulness in preaching God’s Word. I listen to you on KBRT, K-Bright. Jim, it’s amazing how many times we hear this of people giving their hearts to the Lord or lives changed. It’s just amazing.
SPEAKER 02 :
The Word of God changes lives. You hear a lot of claims in the media, this will change your life. Well, let me tell you something that really does change lives. God’s Word. Amen. We don’t do it. He does it. And KBRT, what a great station. The folks down there, we sure appreciate you. And if you have a note for Hope for Today, get in touch with us. Hang on. I’ll tell you just a bit later how to do that. All right, let’s get to those questions and answers. David, this first listener question says, the new series on how to build your marriage, new as in the time they wrote this, has really been helpful to us. One question we have, we are a blended marriage, a second time. Together we have five children. Now, should the children of the spouse call the new parent dad or mom?
SPEAKER 01 :
As you know, our ministry is committed to the Bible, the whole Bible, nothing but the Bible. We have no not one reference where a child would call its parents by anything other than father and mother. So let’s try to be as careful as we can and not as dogmatic as we might be if we had a clear-cut verse in the Bible. I personally think, having dealt with this so many times as a pastor, that it would be better that the new spouse does not demand the stepchildren to call them father and mother unless they willingly do it. Now, if they’re younger, that probably is easier. But if they’re in school age or teenage years, I think what you do is often drive in a wedge because if you’re not the biological parent, you’re not really that father or that mother to that child. And I would just pray about it. Love those children. I know you do. And it’s not easy to raise a child that’s not your own. We need the help of the Holy Spirit and His Word. But be careful about demanding from these stepchildren more than what you should.
SPEAKER 02 :
David, next question here says, my husband had an affair a few years ago, and we separated from one another. No divorce. He now wants to get things straightened out and wants us to be together again. I’m struggling with this. Do you have any suggestions?
SPEAKER 01 :
In the book that Carol and I wrote called Good Marriages Take Time, Bad Marriages Take More Time, there is specific instruction regarding this, and I would turn your attention toward it. I hope you have that book. One of the chapters says, what causes people to have affairs? And it discusses how to handle this. If your partner is guilty of sexual immorality, it is our belief that the Bible gives you the righteous cause of divorce because of it. But we all know it doesn’t always work out that way. The fact of the matter is sometimes the spouse who didn’t have the affair did enough or did not do enough to create a loving relationship and marriage and actually presented an environment in which an affair could easily occur. I think we need to be careful not to blame what we call the innocent spouse—that is, the person who has not committed adultery—yet at the same time understand that God’s forgiveness is a fabulous healer. And if you drop into another marriage without getting that resolved in your heart, you’re going to have similar problems, believe me. We see this over and over again. It’s very important. that your husband gets some biblical counseling regarding this affair and that he’d become accountable. Hopefully, you didn’t say how long it was. You said he had an affair a few years ago. Well, it apparently went on long enough to cause you to separate from him. Most people don’t blow their stack and separate over a one-night stand. It doesn’t justify it. It’s still wrong. But what really hurts is when an affair continued for several months and even years. Now, that’s very difficult to resolve. But again, God’s wonderful forgiveness can bring healing to the marriage. And we encourage you in the book, Good Marriages Take Time, Bad Marriages Take More Time, you We give suggestions to each spouse, the one who was hurt, the one who caused it. And then there’s a section at the end of every major section of the book on what you can do to get started together to try to put this thing back together. So I really urge you, get the book and spend some time looking at what you can do to resolve this problem and heal this terrible thing that happened years ago.
SPEAKER 02 :
Who is responsible in the home for teaching the children? This next listener question starts, is it the mother or the father? The listener apologizes, says, sorry to bring up such a question, but we’ve been arguing about this for some time.
SPEAKER 01 :
Well, they weren’t the only one to communicate that, and we realize this is tough. The world is teaching our children they don’t have to respond to the parents. You may not see that, but it comes out in music and videos and Internet. It’s all over, and it’s very dangerous. In the Bible, the primary responsibility for teaching the children lies with the husband, not the wife. Even grandfathers are encouraged to tell their grandchildren all the things that God has done I think we need to go to Deuteronomy 6 on this one. The Bible teaches us that first the Word of God must be in that man’s heart, and then he teaches diligently his children. And it’s interesting that God describes, almost because He knows what we’re like, we think of a class or something where our kids go to learn. No, no, no. God said when he wakes up in the morning, when he goes to bed at night, when you’re walking by the way, In other words, we never stop teaching in one sense. We’re constantly teaching our children. So I think the mother, of course, and the wife who often, if she’s a stay-at-home mom, has more time with them. And I think under the leadership of the husband who might say to her, honey, could you handle these matters of teaching for me? And I’ll just pick it up at night the best I can. They need to work on that because sometimes the mom is better prepared to do so. But in the Bible, because that’s what we’re doing here at Hope for Today, trying to answer questions from the Bible, in the Bible it’s the dad that is a teacher. You say, well, does the mom ever teach? Yes. In Titus chapter 2, older women—no woman wants to be known as older, Jim, but anyway—older women— You’re not naming anybody. No. That means your children are grown and gone. Right. So you could be in your 40s for that matter. But anyway, older women are to teach younger women about their marriages and their homes. And I think we ought to stick more to that than we do. But anyway, I hope that’s helpful for you. Primary responsibility of the father and the mother should certainly support that.
SPEAKER 02 :
Steve, this next question, we receive this type of question quite often. The listener says, I’m 36 years old, single, and I’ve been dating during the past couple of years. And even though these are so-called Christian men that I’m dating, they have all wanted to have sex and say that it is okay as long as both people agree. Is that true? The pressure is great. And if I don’t want to do that, they usually stop calling.
SPEAKER 01 :
Yeah, Jim, it’s sad to read this, but as you know, we get it all the time. The moral values of this culture have radically changed.
SPEAKER 02 :
Even amongst people so-called as Christians.
SPEAKER 01 :
Oh, Christians, absolutely. And we hear this a lot, and usually it’s the gals that write, although I have a tremendous letter from a gentleman who’s in his 30s, and he said the same thing, that the gals he takes out who call themselves Christians are expecting to have sex. And it’s astonishing how many say that this is happening like on the first date. They have all kinds of excuses. In this particular question, they said, is it okay as long as both people agree? No, it isn’t because you agree. It’s what God says. Sex outside of marriage is condemned in the Bible. Marriage is honorable in all, and the coitus is undefiled. The bed is undefiled. But whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. So, no, you’re doing the right thing. And I’ll tell you something. There’s a God in heaven who sees it all and knows your heart and your desire to remain in abstinence until you find that man who really loves the Lord and you get married, and then you have sex, not before. And I know a lot of people are breaking this and doing what they want to do and saying, well, we both love each other. No, you don’t. If you really love that person, you wouldn’t harm them in any way. And sex outside of marriage does produce emotional decline, sometimes all the way to impotence, depending on how involved you are. And the presence of sexual disease is very high. So I think we better wake up, folks. We need abstinence. If you’re not married, stay away from it.
SPEAKER 02 :
I’d have to tell you as a dad, any guy who’s going to say that to you, I don’t believe he really loves you, and he certainly does not understand God’s love or what the Scripture teaches about this matter. Yes. David, this next question here says,
SPEAKER 01 :
Yes, for all of you who are listening and you have this situation and you think it’s your case I’m talking about, well, let me tell you, it was more than one by far. And I feel bad about that, but we have, oh, I’ve seen different figures, anywhere from 60 to 70 million cases. Adult males are subscribers to pornographic literature. Well, now we got it on the Internet all over the place and easy access and so forth. Now they divide up pornography into soft core and hard core. It’s all rotten to the core. That’s exactly right. So the answer that you’re looking for is absolutely not. Pornography will not help your marriage. What it will do is it will stimulate sexual desire apart from the normal process that should be there in a marriage. If your wife is not stimulating you, by just your love and kindness for her and the special blessing she is to you, but instead you have to have pornography to get yourself up for it, hey, do you realize what’s happening to you? You are losing the vitality that God promised. And by the way, when he talks about sex with your wife, he says rejoice with the wife of your youth, Proverbs 5, and let her breast satisfy you at all times, and to be intoxicated with her lovemaking. Yes, that’s what the Hebrew says. And I think a lot of us are ignoring it. The word rejoice is used of galloping horses, people dancing and swirling around, almost losing their brain. In other words, going bonkers, we might say, really flipping out over the joy of sex with your wife. And there’s where the root of the problem lies. So instead of that, you’re using artificial stimulation and you’re getting yourself into trouble because it’s going to, if you continue it, it’s going to wear down your sexual desire. You have to have something more stimulating. And every time you take another step towards worse stuff, you’re destroying yourself because 1 Peter 2.11 says, fleshly lusts war against your soul.
SPEAKER 02 :
How true that is. David, I’ve heard pornography compared to almost like an addiction, like a drug addiction. Is it a similar dynamic?
SPEAKER 01 :
Well, certainly anything, whether drugs, alcohol, sex, it can become an addiction. But that isn’t the problem. People are acting like, oh, I have a problem. I have a disease. I have addiction. No, no, no. It becomes addictive when you keep violating God’s Word. But this is a learned behavior pattern, and we can stop it through godly, biblical repentance. Amen.
SPEAKER 02 :
David, this next listener asks, are we being disobedient to the Lord by not wanting to have any children? My husband insists on this, but I’ve been feeling lately that we are not doing what God wants us to do. Please help.
SPEAKER 01 :
This is a young couple who was married for just a few years. They both have excellent jobs, so they’re gone from the home every day and come together again at night. They apparently have a nice marriage, but There’s been something wrong, eaten away at both of them. And I’ll answer your question point blank from the Bible. You may not agree, but we’re not here to have human agreement and opinion. We’re here to say what God says. And according to the Bible, it is a command that God said, be fruitful—that would be at least one child—and multiply. There’s even a question whether two would handle that command. Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth. God wants you to have kids. We learn in Psalm 127 that children are like arrows in a man’s quiver, and blessed is the man that has his quiver full of them. I had a friend who studied that and did a little dissertation in graduate school, and he found out the ancient quiver on an average holds 10 arrows. So that’s a pretty big family. But in chapter 128 of Psalms, it discusses that the one who fears the Lord, his children are like olive plants around his table. And because his wife has had that children, she’s like a fruitful vine growing. And God pronounces a great blessing upon that. Folks, we do have in society an attitude that children can be a problem and not a blessing. Well, of course, they’re a strain on all of us, our emotions. But you know what? I look back over many years now with not only three married children who are now getting old, but I have also six grandchildren and also one in heaven. Hmm. And I can tell you the blessing of children and grandchildren far outweighs any kind of resistance you may have to having them. Now, if there are medical problems, then go out and adopt them. My goodness, they’re everywhere. We’re a testimony of that. Yeah, you sure are, Jim. And we praise the Lord for your example. But please stop this attitude that maybe God doesn’t want us to have children. Well, we can settle that right now. He wants you to have children. Either adopt them or, if you can, have them yourself. And you better get with it because, you know, if you wait too long, then it becomes very difficult medically. So get those kids and enjoy them and bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
SPEAKER 02 :
David, next question here. I’ve just been told by my, quote, Christian, unquote, husband, he doesn’t love me anymore and he wants a divorce. He says that a person must love the other person in order for the marriage to be what God wants it to be. He claims there are no other women involved, but we don’t have sex anymore. And the question is signed, desperate.
SPEAKER 01 :
Jim, I wish this was a real isolated incident. But somewhere along the line, we’ve been listening to television serials and pundits pouring out of so-called professional counselors who teach that the basis of a good marriage is loving somebody. Well, that’s not true. You might love several people in life, and you don’t marry them all. God tells us to love one another in the body of Christ. It commands it 16 times. He’s not telling you to have sex or to marry these people. So that’s just a stupid argument, but people are still using it, that therefore I should get a divorce because I don’t love them. No. You can learn to love anybody on the face of the earth. Mm-hmm. I had a group of men who had this problem several years ago, and we took 1 Corinthians 13 and spent 13 weeks on 13 verses. And each week they had to show up and tell me how they put that verse into practice in their marriage.
SPEAKER 02 :
Wow, you give tough homework.
SPEAKER 01 :
Good for you. So it was threatening, but these guys all had faith. A restoration of love in their hearts for their wife through the Word of God. All 13 of them. Look, well, there wasn’t 13 men, but 13 weeks. The point I’m making here is that this argument that I don’t love them anymore, well, I’m going to tell you, and I feel bad about this for this sweet gal who says, my name is desperate. Mm-hmm. But I need to tell you that when a man says this, it usually means he’s got somebody else he’s interested in. Now, maybe he is not involved with them, but he’s already interested. And one of the first clues is he doesn’t have sex anymore with you. So I don’t want to mess around with you. This needs counseling, and I recommend that two godly men go and confront him. Something is deeply wrong. And may God give you the strength, because it’s not going to be easy. Jim, I just want the people who are listening to know that our hearts go out to you. It’s very tough for us to read all of this and listen to all this. We want to help, but we got to go to God’s Word. It’s the Bible, the whole Bible, and nothing but the Bible.
SPEAKER 02 :
Amen and amen. That’s Bible teacher and author David Hawking, and you’ve been listening to our special monthly question and answer program, where we reach into our archive of listener questions and David’s answers, some of the most challenging questions he’s received over the years, and we pray you’ve been blessed by his straight from the Bible answers. And just before we go, Matt, it’s that time of the month where we’d like to do a quick ministry update to inform our listening family of things that are happening here at the ministry. One of the things I want to mention real quick is the Hope for Today monthly letter. It’s full color now. And Matt, the team here is doing an excellent job on that. And if you don’t receive the Hope for Today monthly letter, give us a call or go online and sign up to receive that and get updates on prayer requests, news and information about the ministry. The latest is all in there. One of the latest things that’s happening here at Hope for Today, we are sending out and making available to stations A Minute in the Word with David Hawking. A Minute in the Word with David Hawking. Tell us about why we’re doing that now, why we’re making that available, and why that’s going to social media as well.
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, because when you realize how many people are online watching, listening online, It’s mind numbing. It’s over 70 billion views a day if you count the social media. And Jim, we’ve got the largest digital mission field ever.
SPEAKER 02 :
We want to take the teaching of David Hawking in God’s word, the sharing of the gospel. We want to take it to that audience and not wait for them to come to us.
SPEAKER 03 :
And my dad makes no holds barred, though, because all we’re doing is preaching the Bible, the whole Bible, nothing but the Bible. So you get a minute of my dad. hitting you right between the eyes, and that’s what we need.
SPEAKER 02 :
That’s what Hope for Today’s ministry is all about. Preaching the gospel. Preaching the gospel. The undeniable word of God. The Bible, the whole Bible, and nothing but. The Bible, the undeniable word of the Lord, right? It’s like your dad said, that Bible you’re holding is a wonderful commentary for the books on your shelf. Folks, that’s our update for this month on Hope for Today. If you’d like to be a part of this ministry, first of all, Matt, what do we want people to do? Pray. Pray for Hope for Today. Pray for Hope for Today. Put a reminder on your phone, on your refrigerator. wherever you need to remember to pray for Hope for Today. Power and prayer. Amen. And then we could use your financial support as well. Your gift makes you a part of this ministry. If Hope for Today has helped you grow in your understanding of God’s Word, well, would you help us finish the month of August strong? You can call 800-75-BIBLE in the U.S. or 888-75-BIBLE in Canada right now and make a donation. You can also give safely and securely online at davidhawking.org. You know, your support keeps these broadcasts on the air and online. It provides funds for our free online teaching resources and helps put solid Bible resources into the hands of people who are hungry for truth. And if you prefer to mail a gift, send it to Hope for Today, Box 3927, Tustin, California, 92781. In Canada, write to Hope for Today, Box 15011, RPO7OAKS, Abbotsford, B.C., V2S 8P1. And of course, you can always call us the phone number in the U.S., 875-BIBLE, or in Canada, 888-75-BIBLE. Bible is 24253, or you can give online at davidhawking.org. By the way, while you’re on the website, take a few minutes and explore all of the helpful resources waiting for you there, including David’s Revelation Series study notes for the entire series that we currently have here on radio. That’s just $10. And the complete Revelation Series on MP3, that’s just $30 on MP3 audio or on DVD, $50. We also have many other Bible teaching materials available for you designed to help you dig deeper into God’s Word. See them all at davidhawking.org. And before we go, we want to hear from you. Tell us where you listen to the program. Maybe you catch Hope for Today each morning or evening on your local radio station. You might listen on the go through a podcast or stream it from our website while you drive to work. Some tune in from across the country, others from halfway around the world. However, and wherever you listen, your feedback helps us understand how God is using this ministry in your life. And it also helps us to be good stewards of the resources God’s given us so we can plan wisely, focusing our efforts where they make the most impact and reach even more people with the truth of God’s word. Amen. Well, next time, we’re back in the book of Revelation, so be sure to invite a friend to listen along with you right here on Hope for Today.
The episode also delves into more challenging topics like infidelity and the healing process in marriage. Listeners struggling with forgiveness and moving past affairs can find guidance rooted in biblical counsel. David explores the scriptural stance on marital roles, pre-marital sex, and whether Christians should pursue parenthood, providing encouragement for living a life of integrity and fidelity.
