In this episode of The Good News, Angie Austin is joined by Dr. Cheryl Lentz to delve into the intricacies of following directions and how this simple practice speaks volumes about respect and communication. They explore how ignoring guidance can be perceived as disregarding the value of other people’s time and effort. The conversation transitions to examining popular social habits that can drain the life out of relationships, including the detrimental effects of ghosting and the silent treatment. Using personal anecdotes, Angie and Cheryl highlight the importance of clear communication and the impact of unresolved emotions in personal and
00:00:09 Following Directions and Personal Anecdotes
00:27:44 Handling Gossip and Maintaining Integrity
SPEAKER 06 :
Welcome to The Good News with Angie Austin. Now, with The Good News, here’s Angie.
SPEAKER 03 :
Hey there, friend, Angie Austin with the good news, along with Dr. Cheryl Lentz, the academic entrepreneur. We just caught up about her summer and we know what’s going on. She wants to talk a little bit about following direction. And then I’ve got an article about popular social habits that drain the life out of our relationships. And I think you’ll be shocked at how many of these that maybe you do or, you know, people around you that do them and they’re not really uplifting habits. Welcome back, Cheryl.
SPEAKER 02 :
Very nice to be here, Angie. Thank you so much. Oh, I want to know about these things. So I will be quick because I have seen a pattern. I really see this often in summer times around Easter and around Christmas. We all get so busy, busy, busy in our work that most of the time my students in particular… are lacking the ability to slow down and read directions. I don’t care if you’re reading a contract, if you’re reading an assignment, if you’re reading directions I gave you or your boss gave you or anyone gave you. The fact that most people, it’s very disrespectful, and this is the key, and I’m sure you’re going to tell us about the social stuff you’re about to tell us about relationships. It’s not that you didn’t follow directions that’s the problem. It’s the disrespect of somebody giving you information that that you did not read, then you go back and talk to them as if your time is more important than their time because you couldn’t take the time to read an email. That’s shocking and a little disturbing.
SPEAKER 03 :
You know, speaking of not following directions, my husband’s so good at fixing things and putting things together. So we had a faucet that, well, first of all, we’re building the brick walkway and we’re quite a ways on that. He is, I should say. And he learned how to do it on YouTube and that’s going really well. Then, secondly, he’ll take something out of a box like the new faucet we bought or the ceiling fan and light for my son’s room, and he’ll start putting it together. And he knows so much that he doesn’t think he needs the directions, so they’re all miffed at me because – Apparently the ceiling is sloped and most ceiling fans are for a straight ceiling and you have to do something to modify them in order to do like a cathedral ceiling or a slope ceiling. And so they’re irritated with me saying like, you should have gotten a fan that was for a slope ceiling. So then I Google it and they don’t really sell specific fans for slope ceiling ceilings. You get this kit. that modifies it for the cathedral or the slope ceiling. And so then I realized I really didn’t do anything wrong, that they just were putting it up and they were already like, you know, on ladders and wiring things when they realized that, oh, wait, this won’t work. So I thought to myself, maybe it was them that they didn’t follow the directions and look and see that, oh, we would have to modify this thing. I don’t know much about ceiling fans. I just bought the one that I thought would look the coolest with a light, you know.
SPEAKER 02 :
No, I get it. I have the same problem because I have three of the same fans in this house and I have three different versions, blade size and guys, I do have that cathedral ceiling and that sloped and that down pole that is needed and how they do. So I’ve gone through all of that in there and with three different handyman trying to get the wiring and stuff correct. Because it didn’t work for three years until I found the right guy who understood all of that. Oh, yes. So I am your girl with that because I can just hear me going, oh. And I’m amazed every time I look at that fan and I’m looking at it now. It’s working. And it’s worked for the last year. And it’s fabulous.
SPEAKER 03 :
And my son’s room is so hot that he definitely needs a fan up there. And he has very high ceilings in his bedroom. And he’s on the top floor, so of course heat rises. So it’s been pretty hot up there. So we figured that out. We’ve gotten a device to fix it. And then with the faucet, I had to order two faucets. Because the first one didn’t work, and then the second one didn’t work, but the compilation, combining parts from each one, it worked. And we’re talking like, this wasn’t a cheap faucet. It was like $400. So it’s like, wait, wouldn’t this high-end brand of faucet, you would think that we wouldn’t have to be… piecing together two different you know boxes of pieces you know parts to put it anyway so uh i don’t know if that was a direction thing or not but that’s done and that’s not dripping anymore but i want to talk to you as well besides following directions about i love this um website it’s called mark and angel and they just have a lot of common sense uh information and advice on life and this is um regarding, I don’t know if I’ll get through all nine, but nine popular social habits that drain the life out of our relationships. And as I looked at them, I thought, oh my goodness, the silent treatment. Don’t worry, my mother-in-law doesn’t live anywhere near here. She lives by you in Chicago, actually. She… uses the silent treatment as punishment. I call it emotional blackmail. Like if you don’t do as she wants you to do, if you don’t behave in the way she wants you to behave or, you know, like a kid doesn’t want to go to the store with her or a kid didn’t, you know, want to stay overnight with her at the hotel when they were little, she’d punish them the next day. And then that would manipulate them into, you know, behaving the way she wanted them to in order to get her love back per se. Does that make sense?
SPEAKER 02 :
Of course. And we call that ghosting in the text world with dating. So same kind of thing. It’s somebody that instead of having an adult conversation, now sometimes they’re not easy, but instead of just disappearing and giving the silent treatment because you’ll have the infamous, well, you know why I’m mad at you. It’s like, no, I don’t. Can we have an adult conversation and clear the air and move on as opposed to both sides sticking in? And doing nothing or in the texting world and dating, they just disappear and you have no idea why. And that’s right.
SPEAKER 03 :
And that’s happened to you a couple of times and it perplexes me. So it ends up removing the person emotionally from the relationship you have with them. So it ends up just being like kind of this void, this nothingness. And then it leaves the person who’s been ghosted, as you call it, feeling pretty empty and confused. So I don’t like that one. And then this one. seeking attention by complaining. My mom is the queen of this. And I would say like, how do you find that one little sliver of in the perfect day, like the best day ever, as they say in the Barbie movie, the best day ever. How do you find that sliver of complaint? But I think she gets attention by complaining. And I do have a couple of friends like that, that just, that’s how they get attention. And it’s to me, one of the worst ways to get attention.
SPEAKER 02 :
Well, nobody wants to be around a whiner. And unfortunately with their family, we seem to have this preconceived notion that we’re stuck with them and we have to put up with their bad behavior. And the answer is no, we can choose not to want to be around them at all or we limit our time around there. Because when you’ve got someone that sucks the energy out of you, and like you said, they can find 99 out of 100 things are perfect. What are they complaining about the one thing? It’s like, oh, come on.
SPEAKER 03 :
Right.
SPEAKER 02 :
You know, they just got to lighten up, Francis, is what they’re being like.
SPEAKER 03 :
Come on. All right, here’s another one. Using subtle, and this is, okay, we right now have three teenagers in the house, and I was watching this sketch the other day, and the woman was saying that she thinks that teenage girls become kind of hateful because they… Um, God is trying to get you to let them go that, you know, God knows that you’re going to grieve them going off to college or leaving the home. So if he can make them kind of hateful, then you, you miss them less. And that made me laugh. And she said, but I don’t blame my daughter. You know, during that phase, she had a lot on her, like, like, you know, she had to like unload the dishwasher.
SPEAKER 02 :
Oh, tragic. So anyway, you had to take out the garbage to horror.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yeah. I mean, that was that was part of her joke. You know, the whole shit a lot on or should unload the dishwasher. That’s why these teens are so. So anyway, here it says frequent. OK, these hateful gestures, frequent name calling. Eye rolling, my youngest daughter gives the side eye to her dad a lot. Belittling, mockery, childish threats, rude teasing. In whatever form, gestures like these are poisonous to a relationship because they convey hate. Or I would say they would convey disdain or dislike. And it’s really difficult to resolve a relationship issue when you use those types of communication.
SPEAKER 02 :
I would agree. And matter of fact, this is the one thing that I have enjoyed about not having Zoom calls in some of my faculty meetings that we can only be there to watch because they cannot see the eye rolling in my face when something is said and I’m trying to be professional and I’m eye rolling. Even though we say nothing in the meetings, no one ever sees us and we can have those facial expressions that, oh, I’ve done that. That’s a big one for me I got to be careful about. But I will like, oh, dear God, you know.
SPEAKER 1 :
Yeah.
SPEAKER 03 :
You know, I have a feeling you and I might both be multitaskers and multitasking while engaging with people is super rude and really makes them feel diminished and not important. And my son was dating this girl or hanging out with her, I guess I would say. And she was on her phone all the time. And he’s like, why can’t she put her phone down? I mean, it’s really offensive. I don’t know why. Oh, she broke up with him via text message, too. So, you know, that she was she’s very into the phone.
SPEAKER 02 :
You normal. And I think that’s the coward way of dealing with emotions, by the way. Yeah, I received a my services are no longer needed. Pink slip is what we call it via text as opposed to somebody calling me on the phone for a long term employee going. I knew the outcome. It wasn’t going to change it, but they don’t want to have that ability of having emotionally laden conversations. And having to do it face to face because the text is easier. That’s why ghosting is so easy. I don’t have to bother with you. I’m not going to get involved with having to deal with the drama. I just don’t talk to you. And then problem over. But what they don’t realize is that the problem may be over in that moment. But that problem continues because you bring yourself to all the other future relationships. So you’re going to keep pissing people off unless you change your behavior.
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, and I think, too, that, right, it’s that ripple effect. You treat someone like that, and those ripples go out into the world, and they end up coming back at you. And then you also will, because of your poor communication skills, will reap the not benefit of someone treating you the same or in a poor manner because you’re not a good communicator.
SPEAKER 02 :
We bring ourselves to work, don’t we? That’s horrible when they realize going, well, it may not have been them. It may have been you. And if you’re doing the same techniques and wondering, well, you know, people just don’t like me really well. It’s like, huh, I wonder why that is. We might want to think about this.
SPEAKER 03 :
This is another one, Cheryl, that I get with the teenage girls. De-emphasizing compliments, you know, if you compliment them or fishing for more. And I don’t think they’re fishing per se anymore. with self-effacing remarks like teenage girls have this habit of saying so they don’t seem like they’re bragging or that they’re full of themselves that they’re like oh I’m not good at that or always mess up at that or oh I don’t like this or my hair doesn’t look good or blah blah blah and I don’t think with my older daughter I don’t think she’s fishing for compliments and I’ve even told her during lessons when she’s working with a private coach on like her volleyball that she can’t be so negative and like oh I’m terrible at that or I Just can’t get that. I’m like, if you don’t believe in yourself, why would the coach believe in you? And why are you being this self-effacing of these remarks that I think that these teen girls get in the habit of doing this? Oh, I look terrible today. Or, oh, I just threw this on at the last minute. Or, oh, I didn’t even do my makeup. Or, I didn’t have time to dry my hair. No, it doesn’t look good. And it’s terrible. Like they all do it, these teenage girls. It’s kind of weird to me that I think they’re trying to prove they’re not full of themselves or they’re not conceited by putting themselves down. But with a coach, it does not work.
SPEAKER 02 :
No, and I think that’s the hard part we need to teach them is how do you be honest when you cannot sit there and have that, oh, my gosh, I just don’t look too good, other than say, you know what, I really struggled with my hair and just have an observational, not a judgmental comment. That’s really the distinguishing we’re trying to make. And it’s not easy. But we don’t want to come off as the, you know, the, oh my God, kind of a, you know, braggadocious, I guess is the word. Right. We don’t have those skills.
SPEAKER 03 :
And what’s wrong with just saying thank you?
SPEAKER 02 :
Exactly. You know, I had a friend of mine actually go through a class once and she had to learn how to take compliments. And I said, how hard is that? She goes, let me try it. I’m like, oh, point taken.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER 02 :
So it is a skill that we have to learn how to be able to do that. So I think that’s definitely something worth exploring again just another skill set let’s read the directions let’s practice the skills let’s not keep doing the same things over and over and expecting different results because it’s not just teenage girls we create those habits as teenagers but we maintain them as adults and that’s the sad part
SPEAKER 03 :
That’s so true. All right, two quick ones. We only have a minute left. Holding the past against someone that has been allegedly forgiven. I think that’s big as a Christian. If you’ve forgiven someone, you’ve got to let it go. And then number nine is what I was talking about, about my mother-in-law. Emotional blackmail happens when you apply an emotional penalty against someone if they don’t exactly do what you want them to do. We have to… We have to stop doing that because what they’re trying to do is they’re changing someone’s behavior against their will by removing their love from that person. So not good. All right, Dr. Cheryl Lentz. She helps you write books. She is a professor. She is a musician. She is an adventurer. How do people get in touch with you, Cheryl?
SPEAKER 02 :
Dr. Cheryl Lentz at gmail.com. Dr. Cheryl Lentz dot com. Easy peasy.
SPEAKER 03 :
Excellent. And you can find me at Angie Austin dot org. And that article is from that Web site that I use a lot that I really enjoy. Mark with a C. Mark and Angel dot com. Mark and Angel dot com. Thanks so much for listening to the good news. Thanks, Cheryl.
SPEAKER 02 :
You bet. Have a good one. Enjoy the eyes of summer.
SPEAKER 07 :
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SPEAKER 05 :
Aspen Park is listening to KLTT, the mighty 670.
SPEAKER 03 :
Hey there, friend. Welcome to The Good News with Angie Austin, Michelle Rahn, and Beatrice Bruno. Welcome, Beatrice.
SPEAKER 01 :
Praise the Lord. God bless y’all. It’s a great day to be alive. That’s all I can say. Hallelujah.
SPEAKER 03 :
I’ll say. Welcome, Michelle.
SPEAKER 05 :
Well, and I ditto that. Yes, I do. Thank you very much. Great to be with you.
SPEAKER 03 :
I’m going to triple ditto that. It is a great day to be alive. Wow. Thank you. And getting to see, you know, I told Beatrice when like a little maybe over a year ago and she lived in another state. I’m like, I think you need to come back. That’s the feeling I’m getting. You better ask God, like speak to him, because that’s my feeling, because you’ve got that grandbaby coming and now she’s a year and you’re just having a blast with her and you just sent some pictures. And boy, is she adorable.
SPEAKER 01 :
Yes, she has her own little personality. And by the way, I resemble that remark that you said that, well, with her grandmother, what else can her personality be?
SPEAKER 03 :
I said, Michelle, I was like, she has a big personality. I’m like, that’s very shocking. I’m like, don’t apples fall close to the tree.
SPEAKER 04 :
Right. Exactly.
SPEAKER 03 :
That’s funny. All right. So we’ll start with you, Michelle. You’ve got your word of the week that you’ve been working on for us. So surprise us.
SPEAKER 04 :
Okay. My word this week is alphabet. Alphabet. And I haven’t been able to sleep a few nights this week. And during the night, after I realized that my mind is just wandering every which way and to and fro, I generally go into the alphabet prayer. And this isn’t new. I’m sure many of you out there have done the same thing, but I just thought it’d be a fun reminder if if that situation is happening to any of the others out there. But this just means, the alphabet prayer, that I start with the letter A, I think of a person whose name begins with A, and I lift that person up to Jesus. Maybe I know a particular reason that I’m lifting them up, or maybe I’m just plain lifting that person up. And then I just keep on going through the alphabet And I usually generally fall asleep before I get quite to the Z. But yes, there are certainly hard letters, Q and Z and so forth. And when those happen, I will just interject words like, oh, maybe quick. Jesus, if it is in your will, would you clarify your will for me at this time quickly or help me to wait for your time? Or maybe you is for uncle. It doesn’t have to be for a name. Or C is for the cashier that I met today. And then many times when I do this, I need to begin in the middle of the alphabet and go to the end because then I’m lifting up other people that I haven’t for a long time. But it’s just a way of not counting sheep, but counting the people that… you have been given for perhaps that day or that week, and that you can lift them up to Jesus. And if there’s a particular reason, you can add that. But Jesus knows the heart of you, and he knows the heart of those that you’re lifting up. So perhaps you can use it.
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, I like it because I’m an A, so then I have a good shot of getting some fairly frequent prayers. So I like starting at the front of the alphabet. And last name an A. A first-hand last name an A. Oh, my gosh, you’re right.
SPEAKER 04 :
You’re right there. And I have a dear friend whose last name is Zoretic, Z-O-R-E-T-I-C. It just comes to mind. But it makes us aware to kind of look and think about it. the people that maybe we’ve overlooked for a while. I don’t know.
SPEAKER 03 :
You know, I know, Beatrice, you’re in a prayer group or have been over the years, very early in the morning. Do you get, because it is kind of your gift, I mean, you prayed with my daughters the other day and Hope jumped in the car and was telling, like, because she was praying with you on the porch when her teenage friends came to pick her up for, like, a movie. And then she jumped in. She’s like, I was telling them, like, I mean, it’s amazing. I’ve never heard anybody pray like that. And I’m assuming because you have a gift for prayer and lifting people up that you get a lot of requests from people for prayer because they assume you have a direct line to the Lord, that you have a hotline to the Lord.
SPEAKER 01 :
You know, and I say this with all sincerity and humility as well. I’m a prayer warrior. I am a prayer warrior. I’m one of those types that get before the Lord and And I will stay there until an answer or a solution or something comes. And, you know, sometimes God will have me to pray for people in a way that I’m not accustomed to. But it’s that’s that’s intercessory prayer. OK. And when the Bible tells us to intercede for people, that means that we’re going to the cross, the foot of the cross for them. You know, and sometimes I have even taken on the I don’t know, not necessarily the character, but some of their pain. For example, one day my knee just started hurting out of nowhere. And I just started praying. And later on, one of my brothers in the Lord called me and said, oh, my knee was just hurting me. He said, but then it stopped. And I said, well, praise the Lord. Because God had me to pray for his knee at that moment. I didn’t know who it was. One day I was driving in Colorado Springs. And all of a sudden, I just started coughing. And I started feeling really badly. And I said, Lord, please don’t tell me I got COVID. And he said, you don’t. And then my phone rang and it was one of my spiritual daughters that’s down in, um, she was in, um, Texas at the time. And she got on the phone. She said, mom, I’m not feeling well. I said, girl, what’s wrong with you? I got COVID. I said, I said, I was just praying for you, interceding for you, because see, when you have that spirit of intercessory prayer upon you, you’re going into the trenches for that person because that person may not necessarily know how to pray. in the way that God needs them to pray. And so God will send an intercessor. It’s about standing in the gap for people. Michelle, I love that alphabet prayer. I love the way you’re doing that. That’s just awesome. And I think I’m going to implement that as well. Because as we pray for people, see, we don’t know the things that people are actually going through. But if God wants to put the spirit of intercession upon us, that means that we’re taking on whatever they’re going through. We’re taking that on ourselves. OK, and it may sound woo woo to some folks, you know, but just read the Bible, read the Bible and see how some of the people that were praying for other people, how they would just stand in the gap. For that person, because that person could not pray for themselves when the young man that was on a stretcher on a board and his friends had to take him up to the roof and open up that roof so that he could get down into where Jesus was so that Jesus could pray for him. See, that’s intercession because the young man couldn’t get himself up there. He couldn’t get himself into the house. And sometimes we need some folk that’s going to come alongside of us and pray in ways that we’re not even accustomed to praying, Angie, because, see, the prayers that we do are sometimes surface prayers. Sometimes we need to go into the depths. of those prayers. And I guess that’s what hope felt because I was praying for my heart because she’s one of my girls, you know, that’s my niece. And so I’m going to pray in a way that I’m going to stand in the gap for her so that whatever needs to be done, it’s going to be done.
SPEAKER 03 :
I am. And I know she felt it. And I’ll never forget. There’s been one of the strongest testimonies about this particular topic of a prayer. And it really impacting someone in the moment was our mutual friend who was going through a divorce. And he’s a very successful man. He’s been successful in Hollywood and in a lot of different arenas and was going through a divorce and had been. I was I was friends with a couple. And he said, I’m at my. lowest point, I just feel like I’m ready to fall off a cliff, like just that feeling of despair and that he’d never felt lower and hopelessness and not knowing what to do and 20 years into their marriage. And so I said, you know, do you mind if we, you know, call my friend Beatrice? So I called you first and asked if you’d pray with him. So we get on this three-way call. And to this day, and it’s several years since then, he says that night was the night that he physically and emotionally felt. You were praying to have the heart ties between him and his wife, who had left him for another person, be severed. But he’d be released from that so that he could move on and not feel that pain anymore anymore. and not be tied to her anymore because she made the decision to leave him for good. And so there was no choice for him but to move on. And he still to this day says that that was a pivotal moment when he definitely felt relief and that everything changed that night. And he’s moved on to happiness now. He’s in a great relationship and he’s healthy and happy and doing extremely well. And he really couldn’t see that at that night. He couldn’t see a happy future.
SPEAKER 01 :
And, you know, sometimes when we pray, you know, when somebody says to you, will you pray for me? And you say, OK. And then the person leaves. Sometimes we forget. about what we had to pray for that person for. And see, I like to pray in the moment. I don’t mind praying in the moment when somebody said, will you pray for me? Okay, come on, baby, let’s go. Let’s pray right now. Because in that moment, you are taking on that person, the emotions, you’re taking on the stuff that’s going, their experiences, the stuff that’s going on with them. You’re taking that on yourself and you’re standing in the gap. You’re holding that person’s hands. and holding the Lord Jesus Christ’s hands at the same time, and you’re bringing them together. That’s what intercessory prayer does. It brings the person and God together so that we stand in the gap, and God will send his spirit in the midst, if you will. And that person is able to to move forward just because of the power of that prayer. And it’s not because of the person is definitely not because of me, but it’s because I’m standing in the gap to receive God’s spirit so that that person can be healed, delivered, set free or whatever that needs to take place at that time so that they can move forward into where God wants them to be.
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, I think that it’s been – you prayed with my daughter the other day, and I think it’s been life-changing in that whole incident with the coach not wanting there to be drama on the team. There have been three incidents since then where – because they don’t know who’s going to make the team, and of course – And part of that is saying, well, I don’t think so-and-so is as good as I am or as good as you are or whatever, so I don’t think they’ll make the team. And yesterday, two girls that Hope’s friends with approached her and said they didn’t think another one of Hope’s friends was going to make the team. And Hope said, well, I think there’s enough room on the team for both of those positions or for both of us to play that position. And then she said, Mom, I walked away. and then and that’s what i told her i’m like go you know bounce the ball in the corner go pepper with somebody where they hit the ball back and forth and then there were two incidents where my littlest one heard two groups of girls talking about my oldest girl who’s a pretty good player and um saying that uh they didn’t think she’d make it or that she had the skills of a freshman and i said to my little daughter i said here’s the deal i do not want you telling your sister about this because it’s irrelevant it doesn’t matter it just can upset her and so and she thinks these kids are her friends and they probably are these are just insecurities they probably really are kind of acquaintance friends teammates that you know she cheers with and likes and enjoys playing with and considers that you know she assumes that they in general like her which again they probably do but these are just insecurities coming out so i said she was absolutely i’m going to tell her i said no absolutely you’re not and my husband was there and he said If we find out that you told her about this gossip, you are going to be in so much trouble. We will take your phone away. This is not relevant to your sister. What other people think about us, I always tell them it’s none of our business. And all this is going to do is upset her. It’s not relevant to our lives. So do not repeat it.
SPEAKER 01 :
And that’s good. That’s good advice because that could ruin everything. So many different people, you know, in the process of telling that stuff, because then, you know, your other daughter will have a different perspective of this other person and all these different things. And that’s that’s how mess starts. And so you and your husband did the right thing because they don’t need to carry that mess with them. What’s that old saying? If if a dog will. Take a bone, they’ll bring a bone or something like that. I don’t know. But see, we don’t need to do stuff like that. And I’m glad you’re teaching your children stuff like that because they need to be able to stand up and to be upright in everything that they do and not carry the bones from somebody else. Right. So that other people can feel bad about themselves. Right. Thank you so much for doing that.
SPEAKER 03 :
All right, ladies. Thank you so much. We’re out of time. I loved the alphabet prayer. I hope we can all put that into our lives. Thanks, ladies. God bless y’all.
SPEAKER 06 :
Thank you for listening to The Good News with Angie Austin on AM670 KLTT.
In this episode of The Good News, Angie Austin is joined by Dr. Cheryl Lentz to delve into the intricacies of following directions and how this simple practice speaks volumes about respect and communication. They explore how ignoring guidance can be perceived as disregarding the value of other people’s time and effort. The conversation transitions to examining popular social habits that can drain the life out of relationships, including the detrimental effects of ghosting and the silent treatment. Using personal anecdotes, Angie and Cheryl highlight the importance of clear communication and the impact of unresolved emotions in personal and
