Angie Austin and mental health expert Kenza Haddock dissect the intricacies of stress and anxiety, offering listeners invaluable insights into differentiating and managing these weighty emotions. Through candid conversations, practical advice, and the wisdom of lived experiences, this episode presents tools and perspectives necessary for maintaining mental wellness and a balanced, fulfilling life. Join them and discover how focusing on the right goals can transform confidence and well-being.
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SPEAKER 01 :
Welcome to The Good News with Angie Austin. Now, with The Good News, here’s Angie.
SPEAKER 08 :
Hey, my friend, Angie Austin and Jim Stovall with the good news. And today we are talking about his winner’s wisdom column titled Focus on the Goal. Welcome, Jim.
SPEAKER 02 :
It is always good to visit with my friend, Angie.
SPEAKER 08 :
Great to talk to you as well. So tell me. Oh, I want to say one thing. So, you know, I went to St. Louis, you know, for a lot went on this weekend. We had our son come home to watch football with us. We went to St. Louis for a tournament with our daughter, Hope. And then Faith had homecoming like her first like homecoming with like a date. And it’s so funny, Jim, she thinks she’s like a secret operative because she didn’t want us to see him coming to invite her because they bring a sign and flowers. So we see her like up on chairs in front of our house, unplugging all of our security cameras outside. But little does she know that they have battery backup so we can see everything. But then we’re thinking we’re all tricky and we’re watching and he was still behind a tree. So we couldn’t see the like big, you know, you know, ask with the sign and everything, you know, they do the big show now to ask a kid to a dance.
SPEAKER 02 :
Wow. What a, yeah. I mean, it’s amazing. The production they go through now to, Hey, you want to go to the dance kind of a thing, you know?
SPEAKER 08 :
Exactly. Exactly. And I wanted to tell you that while I was gone, I went to the gateway arch in St. Louis and, And I was reading about this Mr. Lovejoy, and it just struck me. It was in the early 1800s, and he was outspoken. He really believed in freedom of speech, and he printed a paper. He was a white gentleman, and he was against slavery. And he had three printing presses, which were destroyed. And then the fourth one was coming, and he decided, you know what? This isn’t right. This time I’m going to arm myself again. And shots were fired and he was killed. So he was shot in the 1800s for believing in freedom of speech. And I thought to myself, boy, wouldn’t it be great if we could say we’ve come a long way since then?
SPEAKER 02 :
I wish we could. And unfortunately, there are always those. very few among us that just live outside of the bounds of humanity. And we saw that last week, and it’s sad. And it’s also sad that people are trying to make this… political or partisan no this is just a sad deal and it reminds me when reagan was shot and they were getting ready to operate on him and he he said to the surgeon and all the crew in the operating room wow i hope you all are republicans and they responded today mr president we’re all republicans and uh you know and that’s how i think we should feel about the current situation whether you agree you disagree it doesn’t matter this is a family he’s got a wife and kids and uh you know and it’s it’s It’s sad. It is very, very sad.
SPEAKER 08 :
I did see some pretty impressive speeches from both sides of the fence that really put things straight about us as Americans and left the politics out of it, etc., and freedom of speech. And that’s what we’re supposed to be allowed to speak in our minds, which is interesting to watch about this guy. Before printing presses, that’s how against slavery he was, a white man in his 30s.
SPEAKER 02 :
You know, and Angie, if you want to silence someone’s message, the worst thing you can do is try to eliminate them. Because, okay, here we are 200 years later, and you want the same thing about Mr. Lovejoy, and it’s the same thing. I mean, and I think the same thing will be in the current situation. You know, and candidly, I mean, you look at the New Testament. Jesus, as a human being, I mean, and the Son of God, I mean, if they hadn’t crucified him, I don’t know that you had ever heard of the guy, you know, but it fulfilled the prophecy. But, you know, if you want to solidify someone’s message, turn them into a martyr and see what happens.
SPEAKER 08 :
Wow, that’s a good point. That is a good point. That is a very good point. All right, so today we’re talking about focusing on the goal. So what is the goal, Jim Stovall, that we’re focusing on?
SPEAKER 02 :
Well, we have to do the current thing in front of us, but you always want to keep the big picture in mind. And recently, my wife and I had some friends in town, and we took them to dinner at one of our favorite places. And we get there, and the woman knows me and everything. And she said, just a moment, I’m trying to find your reservation. And she’s looking around in the book and the computer and all. She said, I can’t find the reservation. Just one more minute. She keeps looking for this reservation. I said, may I ask you a quick question? Do you got a table? Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, I have your normal table ready. I’m just trying to find your reservation. I said, well, why don’t you just put us at the table, and we’re okay whether you’ve got a reservation or not. And sometimes people forget, what is it we’re trying to get done here? And last year in America, there were thousands of quarter-inch drill bits sold, and nobody wants a quarter-inch drill bit. They want a quarter-inch hole. That’s why they bought the thing. And when you’re serving other people, you have to keep them in mind. And I often speak to corporate groups and tell them, You know, you don’t sell cars. You help families with their transportation needs. You don’t market houses. You help people find their next home. You don’t sell insurance. You help families protect themselves against risk and the bad things that can happen. And if you always keep those people in mind, you need an elevator speech tomorrow. that doesn’t necessarily have to involve you and what you do. It involves what your customer needs or what the people you serve needs. And that’s what it’s really, you know, if you, and words do matter. And if you’ll focus on the, you know, I serve readers that are looking for this kind of message or, you know, you serve an audience member, a listening public with the good news, with, with, you know, messages that have meaning. And that’s what you do. And, As long as you do that, you really keep in mind what you’re doing. I may have told you, I’ve been reading a lot of historicals recently, and when they opened the Transcontinental Railroad, they met there in Ogden, Utah. and they drove the golden spike and they brought it together. Well, this, the president of the railroad came in and he had his own car and this elite thing. And one of the workers got up and ran, ran over and hugged this guy. And it was obvious they knew each other. And one of the reporters says, how do you know the president of the railroad? He said, well, 40 years ago, we started working together. We both laid track. And now he’s president of the railroad and I’m still laying track. And, uh, And they said, what’s the difference? And he said, well, I guess 40 years ago I went to work for $2 an hour, and he went to work for the railroad. And that’s the difference. I mean, remembering why you’re here and who it is you’re serving and what you’re supposed to be doing.
SPEAKER 08 :
When you talk in the article about – you talk about the elevator speech, and I always thought that was really good when I was a speaker to have that 20, 30-second explanation of who you are. Some people say 30 seconds. Some say 20 or a minute. And what is yours?
SPEAKER 02 :
Mine is, my name is Jim Stovall, and I help 13 million blind people see movies and television, and I help millions of people around the world through my books, movies, speeches, columns, and radio appearances understand they can have a better life.
SPEAKER 08 :
I love that. That’s good. That’s quick. That’s short and sweet. I don’t think I have one anymore. I’d have to get one together. I’m sure I could come up with one, but it wouldn’t be quite as concise as that. So when you’re thinking up these columns and you get – what spurred you on to do this one?
SPEAKER 02 :
Well, I just think this woman at a restaurant that I am very familiar with, and she’s running around looking for the – we don’t need a reservation. We are here, and you have a table, and it’s available here. So forget it. I mean, it just – we don’t need that.
SPEAKER 08 :
So it was exactly that, her looking for the reservation when you’re like, my table’s open. Would you mind just seating me?
SPEAKER 02 :
Just seat us there, and then if you want to waste another hour looking for a reservation, I don’t care one way or the other. But it’s important to remember what are we doing and who do we serve here. And it’s not a matter of serving the computer or all that. It’s a matter of we’re here to help people – find a table and have a wonderful evening. And that’s what we’re here to do. And so the more you can focus on who you’re serving and what it is you serve them with, the better their life’s going to be. And therefore the better your life’s going to be.
SPEAKER 08 :
Now, um, I’m curious what this favorite restaurant is.
SPEAKER 02 :
Well, actually that one is one of the restaurants at, at our country club. And, uh, and, uh, I go there a lot because, um, It’s private, and everybody knows me. You can get a table. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get a table where they have a reservation they can find or not. But the nice thing is I can take guests there even when Crystal isn’t able to go, and they don’t bring me a bill. You know, nothing worse than, you know, I’m sitting there with a friend of mine, and they’re They have to sign the credit card thing for me. I mean, it’s horrible. So they just know I don’t get a bill, and it’s all the tip. Everything’s taken. So it’s just nice, and I have my own table. I’m at the same place every time, and I know the menus. So life is pretty simple.
SPEAKER 08 :
Oh, that makes sense. When you explain things to me that way, I see I have a better vision of your world. Yeah, yeah. So going to a restaurant, just assuming you’re with Crystal, but if you’re not near with friends, of course you want to go someplace you’re familiar because you can’t see. And then the bill comes and you want to figure out the tip and you don’t necessarily want your friend knowing how much the bill came to and et cetera. And you don’t want them to try to pay. And so it’s all taken care of. And I can see why you’d want to go there. I know there’s like a big steak restaurant in your town that It’s well known. When I was visiting not far from you, I was going to check that one out. But, yeah, I’m still going to get down there to see you. You just aren’t near the airport that I have been flying into the last couple times I’ve been there. All right, so what do you want people to take away from this? What’s the big picture?
SPEAKER 02 :
Stay focused on who you’re serving and what it is they need. And as long as you stay focused on that, and as in most things, Angie, the takeaway is it’s not about you. It’s about them.
SPEAKER 08 :
You know, staying focused on the right thing is something that I work with the teenagers a lot. And I was reading something last night, reading and listening. Sometimes I’ll keep the volume down and just read the closed captions on things. And I was it was about confidence. And, you know, sometimes my athlete children have issues with confidence when they miss a shot or they hit into the net or they have an error or whatever. And this guy was talking about that your confidence is based on the scoreboard and that you can’t have scoreboard confidence. So that’s not the way that you should base your confidence. So I guess focusing on the right thing and not focusing. on the scoreboard, which I thought that was a really good point because that seems to be what really brings them down or peer pressure. You know, like we, I was open, you didn’t pass to me and then you missed your shot. Like, I feel like with my daughter, there’s a lot of that, that that’s her group of friends. And so I feel like she has a lot of peer pressure because she, On her current varsity team, my high schooler isn’t the top kid. There’s a couple D1 players on the team. And so I think they would prefer that she give the ball to them and maybe other teammates as well if she really feels pressured to be accepted. How did you handle that when you were playing ball? I guess you were probably one of the really good athletes anyway, but when there’s pressure to give it to the very best guy, which may have been you.
SPEAKER 02 :
I played football, and I’m on the line, so I never touch the football. I block people. This guy, he makes a great run. He runs through the line, and he’s in the end zone, and he’s down there kissing the cheerleaders. I’m in the mud after knocking three guys down. Now, the coaches love you in the film session, but other than that, nobody even knows what you do. I always tell people, if you have an NFL team you love, most people know for sure who’s the quarterback. But the second highest paid guy on virtually every team in the NFL is the left tackle. And he’s the guy that blocks the blind side. He’s the big guy over there. You don’t even know his name. He’s making millions of dollars a year. And, you know, you don’t even know who he is, but he is exceedingly valuable because he keeps your quarterback alive. And he, you know, he opens those holes and it looks like, you know, and, you know, it looks like he’s doing that all by himself, but it doesn’t quite happen like that.
SPEAKER 08 :
Yeah, and here you are feeling like you got hit by a car, and like you said, they’re kissing the cheerleaders and getting all the accolades and their name in the paper and the record books. I never thought about that either. JimStoval.com. Thank you, friend. Always fun to have you on the show. Thank you, Adrienne.
SPEAKER 03 :
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SPEAKER 05 :
Holyoke is tuned to the Mighty 670 KLT.
SPEAKER 08 :
Hello there, friend. Angie Austin here with The Good News. Kenza Haddock joining us. Really excited to have her. We’re talking more on the therapy and counseling end of what she does, but she’s also written several books. We have talked about her book, The Ex-Muslim’s Guide to Christianity, which is fantastic. But she’s also written many books in her field, The Three Enemies of Your Mental Health, Your Three Inherent Needs, Unmasking Narcissism. You can find these books and more at KenzaHaddock.com. Welcome back, Kenza.
SPEAKER 06 :
Thank you so much for having me. I love Jesus and mental health.
SPEAKER 08 :
Yes, and you know, we’ve been talking about the difference between anxiety and stress. And to be honest with you, I didn’t really know there was a difference between anxiety and stress. And I know that my daughter, one of them, identifies as having anxiety, and so does my husband. But I definitely know when he started his business like 13 years ago that stress became kind of an overwhelming feeling in his life, comparatively speaking to like the first 10 years of our marriage. Those were the Disneyland years, you know, where he didn’t really get mad and he wasn’t stressed. And I definitely see a difference in how he feels and reacts to anger since he’s been under so much stress.
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah, you know, there is definitely a difference between just normal day-to-day anxiety and what we call generalized anxiety in the clinical field. Stress usually shows up as like a reaction to something outside of us. I mean, think of, you know, our kids having a big test coming up or if we’re taking care of a loved one who’s sick or dependent on us, that pressure is usually tied to a situation. And once that situation eases up, So does the stress. Okay. Now, anxiety, though, is more internal. Oh. Yes, for sure. It’s what can happen when our stress lingers. Remember last time we talked, the last episode, we talked about why processing emotions matter. Okay. How unprocessed emotions don’t vanish. They build up into stress and anxiety. And so think of stress. someone who, and really at school, we were never taught how to process. There wasn’t a class on how to process your emotions. This is how you deal with stress from a healthy perspective. And I don’t know how you grew up, but the way I grew up, you just like sweep it under the rug. And so I get older and I’m like, so what do I do with all this day-to-day stress? Like where’s the release valve, you know, the pressure release. And there isn’t until we Learn about it or else it turns into anxiety. So instead of it being linked to one event, what happens is when we’re stuck in an ongoing state of stress, our body, Angie, and mind literally get stuck in a position where there’s always a threat, even when there isn’t. And so over time, that prolonged stress shifts into generalized anxiety.
SPEAKER 08 :
Interesting. Okay, so the prolonged stress shifts into generalized anxiety. Is that what you said?
SPEAKER 06 :
Yes, because really stress is our body’s response to a threat, to something that is putting too much pressure on us. Think of like from a physical standpoint when we say like, something is putting pressure on my body. Think of like carrying a heavy book bag. And so that’s what we do. That’s, that will be stressful, but think of carrying that heavy book bag for months on end that, I mean, your body literally will be taxed because of it. And so that’s what happens to us emotionally. We’re carrying and we’re not releasing our emotions. We’re not meant to carry all of these emotions and, and, and just, unprocessed feelings for a long time were not.
SPEAKER 08 :
Yeah. OK. And then so how do we get through that? And I think and by the way, I just want to add in there, I know intermingled in that becomes then depression. So is that like the next step in it? Because I was reading once someone that I knew was getting angrier than normal. And I read that for especially for men, sometimes depression can be shown in outbursts of anger, that that’s one of the signs.
SPEAKER 06 :
Oh, absolutely. A lot of people think that depression is when someone is laying in bed all day. And that certainly can be depression, right? However, a lot of times depression is on its internalized emotions that we don’t allow out. And then we just end up taking them out on the wrong person. Think of the example, we use this in the field a lot. Think of you know, someone’s boss yelling at the boss yells at dad, dad comes home, yells at mom, mom yells at the kid and the kid kicks the dog. That’s how it happens. I mean, and that’s, that’s, what happens when we have, when we’re deflecting our emotions, when we’re not using appropriate coping mechanisms. And we can definitely touch on, I mean, literally coping mechanisms and our defense mechanisms can be a whole topic because it’s, yeah, it’s helpful to understand how we can process through something so it doesn’t turn into depression. But when it comes to um, anxiety or just helping keep everyday stress from crossing the line into anxiety. There are some, uh, preventative tools. Can we go there?
SPEAKER 08 :
Yes, please.
SPEAKER 06 :
So community support, like meeting with someone or leaning on, you know, several relationships, there’s real power in not carrying the weight alone. I mean, even scripture says bear each other’s burdens, right? Um, pray for one another. There’s so much one another in Scripture, and Scripture highlights the power of community. There’s this power in being able to say, hey, can we meet up for coffee? Let’s talk about this. I want to get something off my chest. Now, Again, and we’ve brought this up before, I’m not talking about that person who keeps calling you all the time and you get pulled into their direction because then you’re going to start carrying their stress. No, I’m talking about like healthy, mutual friendships where we carry each other’s burdens. And that’s one. Another one would be processing our emotion, like paying attention to how we’re feeling throughout the day and building like a Daily pressure releases like journaling or prayer or going out for a walk or spending just quiet time. I call those guardrails. We have to have guardrails. We can’t just go, go, go.
SPEAKER 08 :
Those are good. Now, when you say, you know, like I go for a walk, but a lot of times I listen to like a TV show. Whereas if I maybe listen to like Charles Stanley and listen to like a sermon, that might be a better way to unwind because maybe I’m not unwinding if I still have that stimuli. But sometimes I get bored just walking. So I put something else in. So obviously I know it’s better than nothing, but might not be as good as being disconnected more.
SPEAKER 06 :
Absolutely. Yes. So, for example, for me, I go out for a walk and I’ll listen. I’ll just put on worship music in my ears and I’ll go around walking. Now, sometimes my neighbors would see me and I don’t hear them saying hi. And so because I’m like, I’m in the zone. But a lot of times, you know, you get to say hi to neighbors. How are you doing? And it literally just takes your mind off of what’s going on on the inside of you. Because if you think about it, yes, it’s good to process our emotions. But sometimes we’re just stuck in this loop that we need to get out of. And by going out and having conversation and saying hi to people or checking in with someone, we’re breaking that thought pattern, that negative thought pattern. We’re creating scientific breaks in that neuro pathway. And so it breaks it so that just like, you know, have you ever like not, you were down and just, had a conversation with a friend and it got you out of your own head. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER 08 :
Or going to like, you know, a group event with them.
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah. It’s like you won’t like it in the moment, but do and it makes yourself do it and you will feel better afterwards. Yeah.
SPEAKER 08 :
And a lot of times you do have to push yourself to do it. I have that sometimes aversion to going out. you know, and like making plans and like getting ready and blah, blah, blah. But, you know, once I’m there and I keep the commitment, and I think that’s part of the problem with some people that get into addiction and other things that they don’t keep commitments. And so that’s really been something always important to me to keep those commitments, force myself to go do things that I know are good for me, even when I’d rather just stay home and make banana bread and, you know, listen, you know, and play with the cat or whatever. But I know that it’ll be a lot better for me if I get out, you know, with my friends, et cetera. So keeping those commitments is so important when it comes to a lot of these 12 step programs. I used to take my brother to those and he’d have like a coffee commitment and he was terrible about keeping commitments. So they forced these guys, gals to have like, somebody has to bring the literature. Someone has to make the coffee. Someone has to clean up because they’re trying to make them, keep commitments oh i love that yes yes because they have that responsibility to be there that’s yeah yeah i love that yeah and they’re known for like backing out of things and you know not not showing up for important things in their lives and their family’s lives
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah, and sometimes – so this is something that I’ve had – the Lord worked out in me very, very early on in my marriage. I remember someone asking my husband and I, hey, do you want to do X, Y, and Z? And my husband had no problem saying no. He just said no. He didn’t feel the need to explain or anything. He just kept walking. And I stayed back. This was at church. And I was like, I am so sorry. And I felt like I had to explain. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Yeah, had he not been there with me, I probably would have said yes and then felt awful about saying yes because I didn’t really want to do it. So sometimes we can say yes out of that whole guilt and take on so much responsibility. And that’s why I’ve learned years ago to just set guardrails because sometimes Even if you may have that time, you know, between 5 and 6 to do something, is that really something that you want to do? It’s okay to just sit back and watch TV. It’s okay to give yourself quiet time and just rest. It doesn’t mean you’re being lazy. And that sometimes is what drives us into anxiety. The back end of anxiety, Angie, is burnout. It’s when we overcommit ourselves. Oh, that’s a good point. Yeah. I mean, and so it’s two extremes. One extreme is we have to be willing to take responsibility for our commitments and, yes, show up. The other extreme is don’t overcommit to the point where you just don’t want to go there because you’re so burned out. And so there’s a sweet middle ground there.
SPEAKER 08 :
Yeah, and I remember a long time ago, Oprah, who, of course, gets asked to do a million things, she said, you know, stop saying no and then having to explain. She said, just like with your husband, you don’t have to explain. You can just say, no, I’m sorry, that’s not going to work for me. And I generally, like, explain why it won’t work for me, like what other thing I have going on or that I’ll be out of town or whatever. But especially, I guess, in somebody, you know, Oprah’s calendar, or caliber. She doesn’t feel the need that she has to explain why she can’t do it. But it definitely, especially when I used to get asked to do a lot of speaking events, you know, I’m getting up at two 30 in the morning for my job to do the morning show. I’ve got three little kids and then they want me to do a free event on the weekends. Well, then I started saying like, well, I really like to get money for a babysitter for my valet parking. Sometimes it’s like $50 when you go to some of these big hotels. It’s like I don’t want to lose money getting up my free weekend day to go do an event for you. You know, when you’re fundraising and I’m helping you fundraise for your nonprofit event or whatever it may be. And sometimes they’ll be like. Well, it’s a nonprofit. I’m like, well, I understand that. But this is my time. I’m getting you for free. And I’m losing money by getting a babysitter and paying for my parking and driving down and getting my husband to come. So I got a little bit better. And now I just say no. Like I stopped speaking like, you know, a while back. And I just say, you know, no, I don’t do that anymore. And that just makes it easier for me to do. I want to make sure that Kenza people can find you and your books. Counselor, author, mom, Christian, give us your website.
SPEAKER 07 :
Absolutely. It’s www.kenza.com.
SPEAKER 08 :
Excellent. It’s great talking to you. Thanks, Kenza. Thank you.
SPEAKER 01 :
Thank you for listening to The Good News with Angie Austin on AM670 KLTT.
Angie Austin and mental health expert Kenza Haddock dissect the intricacies of stress and anxiety, offering listeners invaluable insights into differentiating and managing these weighty emotions. Through candid conversations, practical advice, and the wisdom of lived experiences, this episode presents tools and perspectives necessary for maintaining mental wellness and a balanced, fulfilling life. Join them and discover how focusing on the right goals can transform confidence and well-being.
