Join Angie Austin as she speaks with LaFawn Jantz, continuing the impactful work of her late husband, Dr. Gregory Jantz. LaFawn shares the personal journey of healing and forgiveness influenced by Dr. Jantz’s book, “Healing After Loss.” Explore how connecting with the past can illuminate a path towards peace and comfort in life, especially during challenging moments.
SPEAKER 04 :
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SPEAKER 01 :
Welcome to the Good News with Angie Austin. Now, with the good news, here’s Angie.
SPEAKER 06 :
Hello there, friend. Angie Austin here with the good news. Well, last week we had LaFawn Jantz on the program, and I had spoken with her husband, Dr. Gregory Jantz, on many occasions. Sadly, we lost Dr. Gregory Jantz last summer, and LaFawn has continued his work. And what’s interesting, as we told you last week, that his book, Healing After Loss, Rebound from Hardship and Heartache, came out after he passed. And LaFawn, you joined me last week to talk about how his book actually helped you with your grief after losing him last summer.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yes, it actually really gave me a pathway to walk through the holidays for the first time without him and to, I think, do it with more grace, more peace, more comfort, because I was following his voice within the pages of the book he had just written. Amazing.
SPEAKER 06 :
Unbelievable. And you did work with him before, and now you’re continuing his work. He has 46 books, I believe, and two more yet to be released. So he was quite a prolific writer. And so you’re continuing all your work and continuing to spread hope. Can you talk a little bit about that? And then we’re going to talk about another one of his books, Make Peace With Your Past, Living a Life With No Regrets. So how are things going with continuing his work? What are you doing?
SPEAKER 03 :
We are continuing. continuing with the same team that he had established very well in place, many on staff for over 20 years. And some new, we’ve actually hired four new staff since his passing. And what I love is they get the benefit of Dr. Jantz’s teaching through, you know, through 40 other individuals who just are pouring into them. So to see this staff rally together and just see, know and understand that the mission is bigger than all of us. And that is the mission to help change lives for good, knowing that we can only do that with God’s help. We can’t do any of this on our own strength. And we absolutely know that as a faith-based agency. So it’s amazing to me. I’m in awe. I just think it’s a miracle of God, you know.
SPEAKER 06 :
and um just that it’s uh that it’s standing strong you know depression is such a common thing in our society and um i understand that that dr jance’s leadership was so powerful at the center a place of hope and that you you know founded alongside him but i didn’t know this that um The Center of Place of Hope was ranked among the top 10 facilities in the U.S. for treatment of depression. That’s pretty impressive. You’re helping a lot of people overcome depression and stay alive and live fulfilled lives. And you also use faith as part of that as Christians.
SPEAKER 03 :
Absolutely. We believe in treating the whole person, and that makes us unique. that we do acknowledge that body, mind, and spirit are all involved in whether we’re doing well or whether we’re not doing well. All of those parts of our being are being affected. And so that’s why we feel it’s just as important to incorporate the spiritual aspects, you know, with permission, of course, from the client and that that is who we are.
SPEAKER 06 :
You know, when we were looking at books, you sent me a huge box of books, and I think so many people get hung up on their past, and it ruins their future and their present. And so we chose for this week the discussion on Make Peace With Your Past, Living a Life With No Regrets. I don’t know why it’s so difficult for people to let go of their past, but I think the reason that I’m good at forgiveness, well, I think that’s a gift from God. But I had a very difficult past, and so did my mom, and my mom is still very hung up on telling stories. I had someone bring her soup recently, and I was out of town, and my girlfriend said, is your mom okay? I said, what do you mean? She goes, well, I came in, I was standing in the doorway, and she was almost in tears, and she was telling me stories from her childhood. I’m like, oh, that’s just my mom. She’s I said, I know she’s in her mid 80s, but she’s always told I could be at a sporting event and she’ll sit down next to somebody. And before I know it, she’s telling them about how she was held back and her twin wasn’t held back and how that made her feel so dumb and that her mom was the teacher and it was her mom’s fault for holding her back. And I’m like. Oh, goodness gracious. You know, this was almost 80 years ago. Are we talking about this at the basketball game? But she cannot get over the past. And it has just really affected her entire life. Like she has I say that she has like gray glasses on and she can’t like see the world through glasses that aren’t cloudy because she can’t let go of her past. Why is that so difficult for people to do to let it go?
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, first, she is the one who is suffering. She is causing, you know, herself much suffering as we forgive. This is from from my dear husband’s book. And, you know, I can’t bring him back, but his voice is in these books. And so this, you know, this is a way of keeping his voice alive and making it discoverable. And he says, as we forgive, we can begin to put behind us the regrets and offenses that have defined us. And so sadly, from what you’re sharing, it sounds as if this has defined your mom and she is holding on to that definition rather than doing the work of forgiving. redefining and rehearsing in a positive way. So extending forgiveness is key to the peace we’re looking for when dealing with our past. And so we’re looking for peace, for comfort. When something is at peace, what is it? It’s at rest. And that means it doesn’t really need to come up the dead anymore. It’s at rest. But when we keep resurrecting the past in a negative way, then it keeps defining not only our present, but also our future.
SPEAKER 06 :
You know, I got her a counselor who helped women who were victims of domestic violence because she’d been abused as a kid and as a wife and then by her twin sister. So pretty much her whole life. Anyway, to make a long story short, she was making my mom do the forgiveness chapter for a third time, and she came home, and she said, I cannot believe she is making me do that forgiveness chapter. I already did it twice, and now she’s asking me to do it a third time. I said, well, I think she’s on to something there. We’ve talked about this in your husband’s book. It says, move from hurting to healing. And then it says, making peace with your past. But then the second little chapter is, forgive those who have hurt you. I do think that we cannot get over our past if we can’t do that.
SPEAKER 03 :
Right. And he understood through years and years of therapy, working with thousands of patients, that this is contrary to our very nature. Forgiveness… doesn’t come naturally to us, mainly because it opposes our desire for justice. And so really, you have to think that forgiveness is delivering God’s justice to those people, to that situation, to what was done to you. You are actually delivering God’s justice to that situation, which It might sound a little bit like a threat, but it’s actually letting God do what God does best. And also, it’s, you know, He’s so merciful when we look at all that God has forgiven us for, you know, because none of us is perfect. We all fall short. We’ve all created, you know, a mess of our lives from one time to another. And so it’s not like we don’t each also need that forgiveness, but it doesn’t come naturally to us. It has to be learned. It has to be a very rock solid decision that you’re going to to forgive and then you walk it out. And, you know, he helped me walk out the one person in my life that I really needed to forgive that I just kept getting stuck over and re-triggered by, re-hurt, you know, every time there was an interaction, I was hurt again. And so as you called it, gray glasses, I think I had gray glasses on because everything they did and said would go through my own personal filter and interpretation of what was meant by those things. And it wrecked havoc in my life. It took me two full years. And many times I was very discouraged and he would just say, honey, this is not something that you just do one time and you’re done. And you can’t in your heart say, okay, I forgave them. I don’t ever have to talk to them or think about them again. That’s not true forgiveness. It has to be in your heart of hearts. And searched out and worked through your mind, your soul, your will, your emotions. And that is not an easy thing. It does not happen usually overnight. So his approach was to help people walk it out. So your mom is walking out forgiveness, which is probably why she’s on it for the third time. I had to do it almost every day for years.
SPEAKER 06 :
You know, when you said something that’s interesting there that stuck for me, LaVon, when you said you have to continually work it out and maybe re-forgive. In my dad’s case, we were estranged for about 35 years, but we had a good eight years at the end. And he called me out of the blue. And when I heard his name, he called me Angela. And no one calls me Angela. I knew it was him right away. And I knew I’d forgiven him because I could just feel like a sense of peace when I heard his voice. And when we did actually see each other, he was just sobbing. And I said, Dad, it’s okay. I mean, sobbing like I can’t even explain, like his whole body was just shaking. And he was just sobbing. His nose was running. His eyes were running. His body was shaking. I said, Dad, it’s okay. I forgave you. And he said, I know that’s why I’m crying, you know, because he could feel that I really had forgiven him. But with that said, there were many years from the time I was 12 when my parents got divorced until I was, gosh, I don’t know, 40s that I – had attempted to reach out to him and was met with rejection. And my uncle would always tell me, I was very close to my dad, the rest of my dad’s family. My uncle would say he couldn’t handle the guilt, you know, of what he’d done to his family, to his kids. He had his PhD. He was very intelligent. He was a professor and he had four kids that he basically abandoned and a wife that he abused and was an alcoholic. So he didn’t really want to face all that. So anyway, each time I was like ripping off a scab and I’d make an attempt to reach out or like my brother was going to go visit once. I’m like, oh, I want to visit too. And he’s like, oh, well, I really don’t have room. And I’m like, well, I’m going to come. And he’s like, well, maybe you could stay in a hotel. And it’s like another scab, you know, like really, you know, like after all you’ve done to me, like you don’t have room for me, but maybe I could stay in a hotel or just things that each time I’d come, he’d try to bring something up about something I’d done or I’d said when I was 10 or You know, what I’ve done to ruin it. And I’m like, oh, my gosh, do I have to re forgive this guy again? Like, how many times is he going to keep doing things? And my another one, my uncle said, you can’t make sense out of something that makes sense like this isn’t going to work. So finally, I kind of just gave up. He didn’t know I got married. My kids didn’t even know that I had a father when my son was maybe eight, he said. Do you have a dad? And I said, yes, actually, I do have a dad. And he said, you know, what’s his name? And I told him and he asked a little about him and I told him a little bit about him. I just hadn’t brought him up because I I guess I had forgiven him, but I didn’t really want to fill my kids lives and their amazing childhood that I’d broken the cycle of that abuse and drug addiction and all the stuff that I came from and had such a wonderful life for these children that I didn’t really have any great stories to tell them. So I didn’t tell him anything. So I’d never even spoken of my father for eight years of my son’s life. So anyway, they finally did get to meet him. And I have to say that it was a fairy tale ending. That’s amazing. Yeah, he really was quite an incredible man. And that’s what God can do.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yeah, exactly. That is the power, the healing power of God. Turning it over to God, which is it sounds like to me what you did at some point, you realize that it would be fruitless to try to fix it, which we can’t fix. We just can’t fix other people. We don’t have that power, you know. And so that reminds me of another book we could go over called Freedom from Shame, because shame is also a relationship barrier. And we think we’re helping ourselves by beating ourselves up, but we’re not. And so how do we deal with that shame in a way that doesn’t alienate us from each other, our families, the people we love? And so that would have been a nice thing to help your father with sooner. But thanks be to God, by his grace, God opened the door for that restoration to take place and for your family to know him. What a gift.
SPEAKER 06 :
How interesting that shame, because every time his sisters would come to visit him, because they were very close to me, he’d have to tell stories. He played a voicemail once that I’d left for him, and my aunt said, wow, he played this voicemail trying to make you look bad. And she said, all I can say is, as angry as you were, I could not believe you didn’t use a single curse word, because I was telling him how… Yeah, he’d hung up on me and I was telling him, you know, Uncle Ben is a man of honor. Uncle Dick is a man of honor. You know, and Eileen is a woman of honor. All of your sisters are people of honor. You are not a man of honor. You are not a man of honor. And like I was shaming him because he had treated us so badly and he tried to like turn the tables on me. So he plays it for all my aunts and uncles like, oh, look at what a bad kid she is. And they just, like, couldn’t believe I didn’t curse. And, of course, they’re all on my side because they knew what kind of dad, you know, he’d been. But, oh, my goodness. But you’re right. He was trying to work that – he was trying to change the narrative, shall we say. Well, LaFawn, I just love having you on the show. I’m so excited about next week. We’ll pick another book to talk about. This one is Make Peace With Your Past, Living a Life With No Regrets. Dr. Gregory Jantz, PhD. Would you please give us the website where we can find you and all of Dr. Jantz’s work at this wonderful place, the Center, A Place of Hope?
SPEAKER 03 :
Absolutely, Angie. Our website is www.aplaceofhope.com. A lot of free resources there. You can find test assessments that are free and all of his books. If you want to sign up for our weekly newsletter for health, mental health tips, that’s just scroll to the bottom and subscribe and we’ll stay in touch with you and not overdo it either. Great. Thank you, Angie. Thank you for having me back on. So appreciate it.
SPEAKER 06 :
We’ll talk to you next week.
SPEAKER 03 :
All right. Take care.
SPEAKER 02 :
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SPEAKER 05 :
Colby, Kansas is listening to the mighty 670 KLT Denver podcast.
SPEAKER 06 :
Hey there, friend. Angie Austin and also one of my all-time favorites, Michelle Rahn. She is a speaker. She is a retired teacher. She’s still out and about speaking all the time. She is a Miss Senior America and is still involved in that activity, supporting all those women. And I’m just thrilled to have you back, Michelle.
SPEAKER 05 :
Oh, Angie, my goodness, with an introduction like that, boy, you just made my day. Thank you, friend.
SPEAKER 06 :
Well, we actually text with Beatrice Bruno every single day, so we’ll exchange pictures and little stories. But I used to get to see you in person once a week, so it’s such a treat for me, such a joy. I just feel like you’ve got such a wonderful walk to share, and you have a long relationship with your husband. And I just thought, who better to talk about this article, 11 Good Old Fashioned Relationship Habits That We Should Bring Back. than you, Michelle, Ron.
SPEAKER 05 :
Well, thank you. My goodness. They were great suggestions and yeah, lots we can learn and we never stop learning no matter how long we’ve been married. That’s for sure. Isn’t that the truth?
SPEAKER 06 :
And Michelle is the one that taught me about field trips. She and her husband, Bob, go on these field trips. So I got my mom a real easy portable wheelchair. Now she can walk with a cane and she can walk with a walker. But I thought if I’m going to do some of these field trips, sometimes it’s easier for me to plop her in one of those lightweight travel wheelchairs for like the zoo and things like that. And so I purchased that and we’re getting ready to start our field trips later this week. We’re debating between heading up to Boulder for something or the other option is to go to the Denver Zoo because they have some new babies right now.
SPEAKER 05 :
Oh, how fun. Well, either one, just both. Just getting out and doing something and learning something is just so important. So no matter where you go, you’ll be just fine.
SPEAKER 06 :
I love it that since you were a teacher for so many years, you call them field trips. That makes me laugh. How long have you and Bob been married now?
SPEAKER 05 :
57 years. You are getting towards the 60.
SPEAKER 06 :
And I’ll never forget, Michelle told me many, many years ago, we’ve been friends for probably about 15 years. She said that Bob’s family, they weren’t huggers and Michelle’s family, her mom, like they’re affectionate. And so Bob wasn’t like a touchy, feely, huggy kind of hand-holding guy. And you kind of let him know that like that might be something that you would like to be hugged.
SPEAKER 05 :
i did but my gosh angie it took me seven years to to do that because i just kept thinking oh he’ll figure this out or he’ll understand or i’ll understand or whatever but no that never happened so it finally worked out that i just said you know i just need a hug and he said well why didn’t you tell me yeah you have to tell me because i don’t know i i really don’t know and i think that’s our misconception about our spouse we We just think everything’s going to be hunky-dory. The minute the minister says, and we say, I do, you know, it takes work. It takes commitment. And there’s ups and there’s downs. And to walk through those downs is tough. So this article was great. It had some wonderful ideas.
SPEAKER 06 :
Well, we’re going to start with number one, but I just wanted to joke with you about, I think you remember when I saw Bob last time, it was probably a year or so ago, I said, no, I’m going to do a hug, Bob, because I know you do those now.
SPEAKER 05 :
And he’s good with that now. He is just fine. You know, we learn every day, don’t we? Yes, he cracks me up.
SPEAKER 06 :
All right, so these 11 good old-fashioned relationship habits we bring back, the one I wanted to start with, Michelle, is number one, spend quality time together with no major agenda and no technology. Now, I’m assuming that is something that you guys probably easily do.
SPEAKER 05 :
Well, you’re right, because our generation’s technology is not our language. At least it’s not mine, nor is it Bob’s. But I must say, I do rely on my phone a lot and maybe too much. And along with the season that it is, with Easter being around the corner, I gave up I gave up Facebook on my computer because I was spending way too much time with it. And so technology has entered in. And I just find it so sad to go to a restaurant and look around and there are families around me that all four members of a family are looking at their phone and they’re not talking to each other. And that’s just a common thing that I see now. It’s so easy to pick that darn phone up and And for parents out there, I just would so say, you know, phones go away at dinner, phones go away at breakfast or whatever. We’ve had to do that in the classroom, of course, because of us. Well, it’s such an obvious reason.
SPEAKER 06 :
You know, they have phone hotels now where the kids, they actually do attendance by having the kids put their phone in the phone holder on the door or wherever in the room. And so then they just go through that, and that’s how they do attendance. But some kids have dummy phones where they’ll put an old one in there and then keep their real phone. I’ve heard about some schools now actually removing phones from the school where they’re not used at all, or maybe they get to use it on a lunch hour, which even that I don’t think they should have. But there are, I don’t know, I’m torn on the lunch hour because there are some lonely kids that, you know, want to kind of go off and read a book on the phone or, you know, do something else if they feel left out. And I think it ostracizes them even more if they have no escape whatsoever. But in the classroom, I don’t think they belong in the classroom in any way, shape or form. And We, from time to time, do take the kids’ phones. They got into an argument in the car one day. And our car has cameras in the car. And so one shoved the other, the one that’s driving. And we’re like, no, no, no, no. you lose the car and your phones. And they just couldn’t believe we took both away for a week. And they’re like, well, you have to drive us. And we’re like, well, you know what? We’re not going to always be available to drive you. So you either walk to school or find a ride with a friend or you can take an Uber, you know, because we wanted them to feel the pain of the loss. And that’s like the biggest punishment you can give them is to lock those phones in a safe. Just last night, Michelle, Faith is a really good cook. My youngest, she’s 15, 16. She just turned 16. Anyway, she she cooks a lot like she did her whole Christmas dinner, Thanksgiving dinner. I mean, homemade rolls, homemade gravy, mashed potatoes, the whole nine yards, stuffing the turkey. But she did last night these hot honey chicken tenders from, you know, raw chicken, like the real deal with buttermilk and this bad and breading and. She made the sauces and then she made homemade pickle ranch. So anyways, we’re getting ready to eat. It was pretty late. It took her a long time to get everything together. It was around 10 o’clock last night. And Hope is on the phone with her boyfriend. So she’s sitting at the table with us with him propped up. And he’s playing video games, I can see on the screen. And she’s eating with her family. I said, Hope, why don’t you call him back in five minutes? And let’s have five minutes to eat our chicken tenders without you staring at your boyfriend playing video games on the phone. It’s the weirdest thing. She does dishes or does whatever, and she’s on FaceTime with them or however they do it. And they’re just looking at each other while she conducts her life, while she’s connected to him or a friend on the phone. When she does dishes, she always has a friend. And I don’t mind that. But if we’re having a family meal, get rid of the technology and have a conversation. And again, that was the number one tip. And You and I are going to probably have to join each other again because there’s so many tips for us. So that one, number one, spend quality time together with no major agenda, no technology. And number two is this kind of relates, Michelle. It’s be fully present when you are in the presence of others.
SPEAKER 05 :
Right, right. And I do remember when my girls were young and I would be in the kitchen making dinner and I’d be stirring something on the stove and my daughter would come and she’d tug at my skirt or my pants or whatever and say, yeah. And my answer to her was, yeah, yeah, go ahead, honey. But I’m not looking at her. I’m just stirring, looking at the stove. And she just kept pulling. And finally she said to me, mom, stop, look at me. And it’s just so important that we have that eye-to-eye connection. We just cannot assume that they know that we love them, that they must know that we value them. No, we have to keep reminding them and communicating. And that quality time thing is so important. I can remember teaching in the county from where I retired. And at the end of the year one time, they had a survey, and it was done with graduating seniors. And it said, what is one thing that you would change with either the school or your family? And I don’t remember the percentage, but it was a very extremely high percentage of kids that said, more time with my parents.
SPEAKER 03 :
Ooh.
SPEAKER 05 :
That was years ago, so I can’t imagine what it is now because we need to be fully present. We need to give them time, and if we don’t have time for our kids, then that will show up in their lives, and it’s just so important.
SPEAKER 06 :
that we try we try our hardest what’s that what’s that old song from the 70s is it cats in the cradle what’s the one about the son the son that you know like he wanted time from his dad and then that then the dad then the dad comes around and wants time when he gets older and then kind of like they’ve each left each other behind at different times in their lives
SPEAKER 05 :
Yeah, cast in the cradle. Yes, that’s a perfect example. Perfect example.
SPEAKER 06 :
These are old relationship habits we should bring back. Michelle’s been married almost 60 years now. I’m over 20. And number three, this is a big one, I think. Express your sincere appreciation for loved ones every chance you get. Like when Faith made that meal, I messaged the other kids and my husband. I said, hey, be complimentary. She picked out everything. She found a recipe. She picked out every single ingredient, added it to the cart, had it delivered to the house, marinated the chicken for 24 hours, and then followed the recipes and then made homemade French fries, which I have to be honest with you, they were to die for, the homemade French fries.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yeah, it’s so great.
SPEAKER 06 :
Yes. And so, so, so I said, give her sincere, like specific appreciation. And that’s something I do for my husband. I’ll give him really specific appreciation. Like when he makes, you know, breakfast on the weekends. Oh, I love the way you make the pancakes. I was like weekend breakfast because your pancakes are delicious. you know the best like how you add eggs or whatever or like he is always fixing something and i said over the weekend wow i can’t believe that you’ve kept that swamp cooler running for the last seven years i i thought it was on its last leg and look at how cool it is today because it had been in the 80s and he got it really nice and cooled down um so quickly i’m like i can’t believe you have kept that thing running like it would have been we would have brought a crane in here to replace that thing like that’s amazing so really specific in your appreciation i think they really like that
SPEAKER 05 :
Oh, I know they do. And they may not reciprocate, but inside their heart they know. And they’ll remember that. So keep doing it.
SPEAKER 06 :
All right. Old-fashioned relationship habits that, you know, these really work. Number four, work together and help each other grow. You know, there’s a lot of things that we do as a family that have to do with some of the projects we do. And like our pets, you know, and what we do. And we do a lot together. And whether… It’d be, you know, our family vacations. We’d take big trips together. And then each outing we’d do together. Like, we just went on a big spring break trip with another family. And, like, we all went out and played, like, family horse, you know, on the basketball court. We played, you know, we all went to the Cirque du Soleil shows. Like, nobody’s kind of left out. Like, it might not be your favorite thing, but, boy, the kids really loved those shows. And then there was something called the Flyover, which was, like, Soarin’ at Disneyland and Disney World. Oh, wow. And the flyover, like everybody’s like, Miss Angie wants to do the flyover, blah, blah, blah. It ended up being the favorite of several people in our group of like 10. They were like, what was your highlight? I was like, I always say, what was your highlight from the trip? And I’m like, give me three things. And flyover was in a lot of people’s lists. So I thought that was really funny because I pushed for that one. But yeah, do these things together. And then when you do projects, like help each other out. Even if I can’t work on a car, I can hand somebody a wrench or talk to them or bring them ice water.
SPEAKER 05 :
That’s right. Or a donut.
SPEAKER 06 :
You are so funny. Or a donut. Michelle, let’s continue this. We’re only on five because there’s like still focus on inner beauty, tell the truth, communication, apologize. That’s a big one. So we’ll continue our conversation with these and we’ll pick up next time with number five. And tell people your website, you know, how to reach you if they would like you as a speaker for one of their events.
SPEAKER 05 :
Thank you. MichelleARon.com.
SPEAKER 06 :
MichelleARon.com, and that’s R-A-H-N. Thank you, honey. God bless you.
SPEAKER 05 :
Thank you. You too.
SPEAKER 01 :
Thank you for listening to The Good News with Angie Austin on AM670 KLTT.