In this gripping episode, we unravel the dramatic narrative encompassing the lives of Amnon, Tamar, and Absalom. Discover the tragic chain of events that unfolds from a fateful day within King David’s family, as we explore familial bonds corrupted by reckless actions and unmet responsibilities. Through this story, learn about the destructive nature of unsound judgment, personal vendettas, and the hope for reconciliation.
The CEM Network is pleased to present Ronald L. Dart and Born to Win.
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It’s hard to think of a family situation worse than the one created by a man named Amnon, a son of David. He raped his half-sister. The event led to bloodshed, to fratricide. But when you consider what David had done with Bathsheba, the wretched example it set, not only for the public, but for his own family, it’s just as hard to think that this event was not connected somehow to it. But there is a lesson or two to be learned here. The first is that the biblical account says that Amnon loved Tamar. Tamar was the sister of his brother Absalom, actually his half-sister, the daughter of another wife of David. But again, the relationship was there. It says he loved her. You’ll find the story in 2 Samuel 13. It came to pass after this that Absalom, the son of David, had a fair sister whose name was Tamar. And Amnon, the son of David, loved her. Now, I’m afraid the Bible here uses the word love in the broadest possible sense, because the behavior of this young lout was nothing at all like true love. He is a completely self-centered, self-indulgent, weak young man. Spoiled, rotten, no doubt, as is too often the case with royalty. And he had the presumption of royalty. perverted, corrupted, if you will, by his father’s own example. I can’t help wondering as I read this what young people might learn from this incident, what they could take away from it that might change their lives or save their lives. Amnon was so vexed that he fell sick for his sister Tamar. She was a virgin, and Amnon thought it hard for him to do anything to her. But Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab. Actually, he was a cousin. And he said to him, why are you being the king’s son so haggard from day to day? Won’t you tell me what’s going on? Now, I want you to note the presumption of royal prerogative here. You are the king’s son. You have privileges. I don’t understand why you are so downcast, so haggard from day to day. And Amnon said to him, well, I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister. Oh, well, is that all, said Jonadab. Let’s invent a pretext. You get her in here. Now, was Jonadab suggesting the rape that followed? Well, that’s hard to say. But if it was only a question of an opportunity for Amnon to tell Tamar how he felt, that could have been done almost any time. Amnon managed to get the girl alone, had her by a pretext come down, prepare food for him, fix it to him, bring it in. And whenever she started bringing it in, he told everybody except her to get out. He got her completely alone and grabbed her and said, Come lie with me, my sister. And she, no doubt shocked, answered him, No, my brother, don’t force me, for no such thing should be done in Israel. Don’t do this fondly. And I, where could I cause my shame to go? And as for you, you’ll be like one of the fools in Israel. Don’t do this. It’s a stupid thing. Now, please speak to the king. He will not withhold me from you. Now, this is really interesting because it wasn’t that she considered him repulsive. She was willing to be his wife. I guess it was possible for that to be true because she said, the king will not withhold me from you. He didn’t want her as his wife. He just wanted her. And that’s why I have to ask the question about this statement, Amnon loved her. He wouldn’t listen to her voice. But being stronger than she was, forced her and lay with her. He raped her. Then Amnon hated her exceedingly so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. And he said to her, Arise, be gone. And this is the part that is so hard for young women to understand. Is there a lesson here for a young woman? Well, it’s important, I think, to understand there is a yawning chasm between sexual desire and true love. And this is one of the things I wonder if young women in particular understand. I’m not even sure young men understand the difference between them. You know, you’re 16, 17, 18 years old, hormones are raging, and you have this incredible desire for the other person, and you think, I love her, or I love him. And the truth is, it really is a selfish thing, and not love. A lot of young men think they are in love only when they are in heat. And that in itself is nothing special. What makes it dangerous is that young women can’t tell the difference at this early stage. Poor Tamar was trapped. David sent her down there, and he was the king. What was she going to say? No, Dad, I won’t go. Amnon insisted on their being alone. He was a prince. What were his servants supposed to say? You can’t be alone in here with this girl. And Amnon didn’t even say, I love you. He said, let’s go to bed and have sex. So how does a young woman tell the difference between love and heat? Well, I’m no expert, but it seems plain enough to me. She learns it with time and distance. Love is open and honest. Love perseveres. Love does not harm or hurt. Now, how do you learn that on a short-term thing? Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is considerate. You can’t know whether this person is patient until the patience is tested. Love is well-behaved. And generally speaking, young ladies have plenty of opportunity to know what a lout is because of its behavior. Love is not self-indulgent. Love is not hot-tempered. It’s optimistic. Love does not go away. It perseveres and hangs on and hangs on. But how on earth can a young woman know these things about a man who claims to love her? Well, you can’t learn it in a week or a month or even a year. It takes time and distance. And by distance, I mean a space between you that is not violated while you get to know one another. There is a line that must not be crossed. So when all was said and done, How did this encounter turn out? Well, when he had simply used her, he told her to get out. And she said to him, there’s no cause for this. This evil in sending me away is greater than the other that you did to me. But he wouldn’t listen. He called his servant and said, get this woman out of here and bolt the door behind her. poor Tamar, she had a garment of diverse colors upon her, for with such robes were the king’s daughters who were virgins appareled. In other words, she wore the kind of veil and document and clothing that was reserved only for the king’s daughters who were virgins. She was no more. His servant brought her out, bolted the door behind her, Tamar put ashes on her head and tore her garment of diverse colors on her, laid her hand on her head where her veil had been, and went on crying. Absalom, her brother, said to her, Has Amnon, your brother, been with you? This is really interesting all by itself because it is suggestive that Absalom knew that how Amnon felt. He could tell. He knew the tension was there. He had given no such approval for it, and as far as he knew, the king hadn’t given any approval for it either. Has Amnon, your brother, been with you? She didn’t answer. She didn’t have to. He said, Hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother. Regard not this thing. So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house. Because you see, Amnon had taken away from her really the possibility of marriage by what he had done. When King David heard these things, he was furious. And Absalom spoke to his brother Amnon neither good nor bad. He wouldn’t speak to him. For Absalom hated Amnon because he had forced his sister Tamar. I can easily understand how Absalom felt. And while I can’t justify what Absalom did, I can understand fully why he could not let this lie. It was his sister. David should never have left this simmering. But angry as he was, it was hard for David to do what needed to be done because of his own sorry example. When he had let this go so far in his own life, what are you going to say to your own son’s when they go astray. At the very least, he could have sent Amnon into exile, but he didn’t, and it cost him his life. I’ll be right back after this important message. Get a pencil and a piece of paper. We want to give you an address and a phone number.
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If you need help in teaching Christian values to your children at home, write or call and give us the ages of your children and the call letters of this radio station. Born to Win will send you a free sample lesson from Youth Educational Adventures. Listen for the address at the close of this program or call toll-free 1-888-BIBLE-44 and visit us online at borntowin.net.
SPEAKER 03 :
Two full years passed, and Absalom had some men shearing his sheep up in Belhazor in the north. Now, we don’t know very much about the culture of the time and how things went, but I’m reminded of a movie called The Sundowners, I think it was. It was set in Australia, and it was about a family of people who went around, nomads, going wherever the sheep were to be sheared, and they would go in. It was a specialty of theirs. They sheared the sheep, the wool was collected, and then they went on to the next place. Well, these were a hard-working, hard-drinking, hard-partying bunch of people as well. And I suspect that there was something like this involved at the time when they were shearing the sheep. It would be spring, I think. The sheep are being sheared, and it’s an occasion for a big party. So Absalom came to the king and said, Look, your servant has sheep shearers. Let the king I beseech you and his servants, you all come with me. Go to the north with me. I think Absalom knew there was no way David was going to go. He said, oh, no, son, let us not all go now, lest we be chargeable to you. We cost you a lot of money. And he pressed him, but he wouldn’t go, but he gave him his blessing nonetheless. Then Absalom said, well, if you’re not going to come, let my brother Abnon go with us. And the king said, why should he go with you? There’s no question whatsoever that David knew that Absalom hadn’t spoken to Amnon in two years. He knew about the tension between him, knew about Tamar. He knew the whole story. In fact, nearly everybody knew it. The gossip rags would have been going around with it. David knew the animosity, but apparently he didn’t know how far Absalom was prepared to go. When Absalom pressed him, and he finally let Amnon and all the king’s sons go with him. Hey, brothers, this is a big event. Let’s go party down. Now, Absalom had commanded his servants, saying, I want you to pay attention. Mark, when Absalom, when his heart is merry with wine, when he gets a little bit drunk, When I say to you, smite Amnon, then kill him. Don’t be afraid. I have commanded you this. I’ll cover you. Be courageous, be valiant, and get it done. And the servants of Absalom did to Amnon just as he had commanded, and killed him dead. And all the king’s sons, when they saw what happened, arose. Every one of them got upon his animal, and they all fled off in every different direction, getting away from Absalom. They had no idea how far Absalom would go with this. It came to pass, while all of them were out there somewhere, the news came to David, saying, Absalom has slain all the king’s sons. There’s not one of them left. And David got up and tore his garments and lay on the ground, and all of his servants stood by with their clothes torn. And Jonadab answered and said, Don’t let my lord suppose they have slain all the young men, the king’s sons. Only Amnon is dead, for by the appointment of Absalom this has been determined from the day he forced his sister Tamar. Now, you remember Jonadab? He was that cousin of Amnon that suggested how he could get Tamar alone in the first place. He’s one of these people who slither around the palace, having influence here, bringing a little leverage there, dropping something in someone’s ear, trading information for what? Opportunity for privilege. He’s a snake. He knew what was coming down all along. Now, therefore, he said, don’t let my lord the king take this thing to his heart. Don’t take it too seriously. All the king’s sons aren’t dead. It’s only Absalom. But Absalom fled, and the young man that kept the watch lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, there were a lot of people coming by the way of the hillside behind him. And Jonadab said to the king, Oh, here, look, here come the king’s sons, just like I told you. So it is. And I expect it was. It came to pass as soon as he had made an end of speaking that, behold, all the king’s sons came. They lifted up their voice and wept. The king and all his servants wept very sore. Fratricide is a painful thing. But Absalom fled, went to Talmai, the son of Amahud, the king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son every day. Hurts. It hurts. He mourned for Amnon, I suppose, but he also mourned for Absalom. Absalom, well, he was in Geshur for three solid years. And the soul of King David longed to go forth unto Absalom. For by this time he was comforted concerning Amnon. After all, the boy was dead and gone. David is a hard man to understand in many ways. He seems to have been an indulgent father. For some reason, Absalom was special to him. He favored him in ways that would really lead you to wonder. But I think Absalom must have been an incredibly charismatic person, and there are people who are like that. But the reconciliation would be no simple thing, considering what Absalom had done. How on earth do we get from here to there? Well, the story of how we get from here to there is told in 2 Samuel 14. Joab, the captain of David’s host, the chairman of the joint chiefs of staff, the guy who was the general of his armies, realized how David felt about Absalom. And being a good servant to the king, he thought he should do something about it. He probably should have left well enough alone, for in the end, he will have to kill this young man. But Joab was a faithful servant, and when he could see that David was ready for reconciliation, he hatched a plan. He sent to Tekoa and fetched from there a wise woman. I think what he did was fetch an actress. I pray you, feign yourself to be a mourner. I want you to put on mourning apparel. Don’t anoint yourself with oil. Make yourself look like you’re mourning. Be as a woman who has for a long time mourned for the dead. Come to the king, and here is what I want you to tell him. So Joab put the words in her mouth. So the woman comes into the king and falls on her face on the ground. I guess he’s having court and hearing cases. She did obey a sentence and said, Oh, help, O king. And the king said, What’s ailing you? And she answered, I am indeed a widow woman. My husband is dead. Your handmaid had two sons, and they fought together in the field. There was nobody to separate them, and one slew the other and killed him. Behold, the whole family has risen up against me, and they said, Deliver him that smote his brother, so we can kill him for the life of his brother whom he slew, and will destroy the air also. And if they do that, they will quench my one coal that I have left, and shall not leave to my husband neither name nor remainder upon the earth. These people wanted to execute God. vengeance upon the boy who had killed his brother. It was normal. It was legal. It was proper. And she is pleading for an exception and for mercy. And the king said to the woman, Go to your house, and I will give charge concerning you. I’ll command people to take care of this for you. The woman of Tekoa said to the king, My lord, O the king, the iniquity be on me and on my father’s house, and the king and his throne be guiltless. And the king said, look, whoever says anything to you, bring him to me. He will not touch you anymore. Then said she, I pray you, let the king remember the Lord your God, that you would not suffer the revengers of blood to destroy anymore, lest they destroy my son. In other words, she presses this all the way through. I want my Lord the king to remember this, so there won’t be any more destruction anymore. And he said, As the Lord lives, ah, he swore, there shall not one hair of your son fall to the earth. Then the woman said, Let your handmaid, I pray, speak one more word to my lord the king. And he said, Say on. The woman said, Why then have you thought such a thing against the people of God? For the king does speak this thing as one which is faulty, in that the king does not fetch home again his banished. You won’t do for your son what you are willing to do for mine. For we must needs die, and we are all as water spilled on the ground which cannot be gathered up again. Neither does God respect any person, yet he does devise means for that his banished be not expelled from him. What an astonishing thing she says. She knows this about God. How she knows it, she doesn’t explain, but a person who has read the entire Bible will begin to grasp it. She says that the Lord God devises means for reconciliation. I’ve come to speak of this thing before my Lord the King because the people have made me afraid. And the handmaid said, I will speak to the king. It may be that the king will perform the request of his handmaid. For the king will hear to deliver his handmaid out of the hand of the man that would destroy me and my son together out of the inheritance of God. Then she said, The word of my lord the king shall now be comfortable. For as the angel of God, so is my Lord the King to discern good and bad. Therefore, the Lord your God will be with you. By this time, David is beginning to figure out what’s going on here. We’ll come back and discuss how this works out in the last part of the program.
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SPEAKER 03 :
David was no stranger to palace intrigue, and he smelled a rat. He said, Don’t hide from me, I pray, the thing I’m going to ask you. The woman said, Let my lord the king now speak. And the king said, Isn’t the hand of Joab with you in all this? I smell Joab here. And the woman answered, As your soul lives, my lord the king, no one can turn to the right hand or the left from aught that my lord the king has spoken. For your servant Joab, he bade me, and he put all these words in the mouth of your handmaid. And he did this to fetch about this form of speech. Joab has done this thing, and my lord is wise according to the wisdom of an angel of God to know all things that are in the earth. Well, yes, David was wise. David was smart. But at the same time, it’s almost as easy to say he wasn’t stupid. He could easily see right through this thing, and he basically knew who’d done it. So the king said to Joab, All right, I’ve done this thing. Go and bring the young man Absalom back. And Joab fell to the ground on his face and bowed himself and thanked the king. And Joab said, Today your servant knows that I have found grace in your sight, my lord the king, and that you have fulfilled the request of his servant. It’s funny, you know, that as they approached these things, Joab could have probably sat around all evening drinking wine with David, trying to talk him into bringing Absalom back, and he never would have done it. But by using this actress to come in and to play the part and to get David’s judgment on the matter, only to then apply that judgment to his own case, he was able to see it and he accepted it. And Joab really knew he was taking a chance in all of this because David could have reacted differently from what he did. So Joab arose and went to Geshur and brought Absalom back to Jerusalem. And the king said, Let him turn to his own house, and let him not see my face. So Absalom went home. He did not see David. David just simply was not willing to look at him. But in all Israel, there was no one so much praised as Absalom for his beauty. From the sole of his foot to the crown of his head, there was no blemish in him. And you know, I think right here we may be seeing some of the reason why Absalom played the role the way that he did. He was an altogether well-favored, handsome, good-looking man. Apparently, the best of the lot. It says when he pulled his head, he cut his hair. Every year at the year’s end, the hair by that time had gotten pretty heavy. He didn’t want to carry it any longer, so he cut it. He weighed the hair of his head at 200 shekels after the king’s weight. He had a major head of hair. My wife won’t let me go three weeks before she sends me to the barbershop, but Absalom could go a full year, and boy, did he have a full head of hair. What a lion’s mane, what a good-looking man he was. To Absalom there were born three sons and one daughter. He named his daughter Tamar. She was a woman of beautiful countenance. It’s touching that he named this girl after his sister, and we never hear of his sister again. Absalom lived in Jerusalem for two years without seeing the king’s face. And finally, he is fed up with this. He sent for Joab to have sent him to the king, but Joab wouldn’t come either. He sent a second time. Joab would not come. So he says, okay, how am I going to get Joab over here? So he sent his men out and says, Joab’s field is near mine. He’s got barley there. Go set it on fire. So they went and burned Joab’s field. Now we have his attention. He came to Absalom to his house and said, why on earth have your men set my field on fire? And Absalom said, I have sent to you, come here so I can send you to the king to say, what did I come back home for?
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when you won’t let me see your face. The Born to Win radio program with Ronald L. Dart is sponsored by Christian Educational Ministries and made possible by donations from listeners like you. If you can help, please send your donation to Born to Win, Post Office Box 560, White House, Texas 75791. You may call us at… Stay in touch with the new Born to Win with Ronald L. Dart app.
SPEAKER 01 :
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