In this compelling episode of Family Talk, Dr. James Dobson continues his heartfelt discussion with Dr. Dennis Swanberg about the power of sharing our personal stories. They explore the emotional ramifications of keeping secrets and the liberating effect of finding a trusted confidant. Through personal testimonies and biblical wisdom, Dr. Swanberg reveals how God’s grace covers our deepest regrets and directs us towards healing and freedom.
Hello, everyone. You’re listening to Family Talk, a radio broadcasting ministry of the James Dobson Family Institute. I’m Dr. James Dobson, and thank you for joining us for this program.
SPEAKER 01 :
Welcome to Family Talk, the broadcast division of the Dr. James Dobson Family Institute. I’m Roger Marsh, and during the next half hour, we’ll be concluding Dr. Dobson’s powerful conversation with Dennis Swanberg about his book called No More Secrets. On the last edition of Family Talk, Dennis courageously shared about his son’s battle with alcoholism and the painful journey their family walked together. He admitted how difficult it was to be vulnerable about their struggles, fearing judgment from others. On today’s Family Talk broadcast, Dr. Dobson and Dr. Swanberg will dive deeper into why keeping secrets can be so damaging to our spiritual and emotional health. They’ll also discuss why finding a trusted confidant can be life-changing, and how God’s redemptive grace covers even our deepest regrets. Dr. Dennis Swanberg is a popular Christian comedian, a motivational speaker, an ordained minister, and author who travels the country speaking to hundreds of thousands of people every year. His unique blend of humor and heartfelt wisdom has made him one of our most requested guests, by the way. So whether you’re struggling with your own secrets or perhaps supporting someone who is, today’s conversation offers practical, biblical wisdom for the journey toward freedom and healing. Here now is Dr. James Dobson and his guest, Dr. Dennis Swanberg, on today’s edition of Family Talk.
SPEAKER 02 :
You know, one Christmas some years ago, a little bit before 2012, we were all at this lake place, our whole families. And one day her mom comes up to me on a little path outside of a cottage. I get up early. I’m having my coffee. Well, there’s Kathy. And so Kathy comes up to me, and Kathy said, Dennis, I want to talk to you. I’ve never told anybody this, but I feel like I need to tell you. I was raised in Mississippi. My mother died when I was five. I was the last of thirteen children. My dad was older when I was born, and he was soon out of the question. I was desperate, and I married a man and was pregnant, and then he didn’t want me, and they didn’t want the baby. So when I went to one of my older brothers, he gave me a $50 bill and said, go find yourself a doctor and fix this thing. She said, when I was 17 years old, I had an abortion.
SPEAKER 03 :
That was illegal at that time.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yeah, and I’m just not ready for that. And here I’ve been married to her daughter for years and years and years, and I said – You know, sometimes you’ve got to stop and say, Lord, help me because the next few words I say, they will remember forever. We need to remember that with our kids and our grandkids, our loved ones, our friends. So I paused and I took a breath because I’m always such a talker. And I said, Kathy, I love you more now than I’ve ever loved you before. And we love you. You’re a good woman. You’re a good lady. You’re a good wife. You’re a good mother. It wasn’t but some days after that that she had just a mental breakdown and was never the same after that. In the book, I share that at the very end when she was just lingering there for days and days and no one knew why she was lingering there. And the family all looked at me and said, you need to go and talk to my mom. So I went inside, just me and Kathy, a very private place. And I only share this because Laurie’s entire family encouraged me to. But at that time, I was able to communicate basically. I won’t share everything, but I said, you’ve been good to us. We love you. You’re a good, godly woman. And Jesus is ready for you in heaven. And your child is waiting on you, ready to hug you. And he or she is going to tell you all that they’ve been doing in heaven, which is not a boring place. So you can go if you want to go. We love you. So I went outside. I got the family. We came in. We all held hands around her and sang Amazing Grace, and she went to be with Jesus. Never had an experience like that before. But I think Kathy wanted her story out there because I thought, man, if she had been to a place where someone could have sat down with her and said, hey, I remember when I was 17, or if she could have been part of a ministry to help some young girl say, hey, well, let me tell you my story when I was 17. But no one wanted to tell secrets. Secrets make you sick. Silence is the enemy of healing. And that’s what made her sick. And we loved her and we still love her. And, you know, her husband, George, you know, he came out of the war, World War II, and he married her and he knew. And he loved her, had two girls and two boys and a great family, a great testimony. But I’ve thought about her sometimes when she held that secret in. What about when she’s at the beauty shop and someone says the beauty shop, how could anybody kill a baby? How could anybody abort a baby? What about on church, you know, on Right to Life Sunday? She just sits there. And I thought if she had just opened up and shared it, she had a cathartic experience for sure, a cleansing. And she could say, yes, that happened, but God is good and God loves us and God forgives us and God takes care of us.
SPEAKER 03 :
I wonder if anybody ever told her that there’s no sin that Jesus can’t forgive.
SPEAKER 02 :
I’m sure she heard that from the pulpit. But I guess that’s one she didn’t want to tell. It’s like my grandpa, Eli Swanberg, when he came from Sweden, he was an orphan, he and his sister, and came over on the Lusitania in 1912. He was 14. He lived with a rancher in Texas for 10 years to sort of pay him back. He lost his arm when he was 49 in a cotton gin accident, so he farmed with one arm until he was 77. He just had a tough old life all the time. I used to say, Grandpa, what happened back in Sweden when you were a child with all this? Your parents died or whatever, and he would just say, well, I talk about something horrible. I said, well, I just sort of want to know, Grandpa. He never would tell us. Well, after he passed, my older sister, she did research, and we checked with folks in Sweden. And the church there was in the habit of placing a mark by your name, your birth certificate, if you were an illegitimate child. And he knew that and was ashamed of it. Now, Doc, I don’t know why people use that word. If you’re here, you’re legit. But he had to live with it, and he never would tell us. But here’s another thing. I’ve often thought, man, if Grandpa Eliff would have told me. I’d have just loved him more. I’d have loved on him. He wouldn’t have had to hold that in. He never did reveal it. Never did tell us. Never did reveal that. And we always wondered, something happened back there. What happened? You know, I’ve talked with friends and ministries about getting a hole in the heart when you’re fatherless, when you don’t have a dad. It’s like a hole in your heart and hard to heal. My mom, Pauline Burndine, she’s 90. She said, I’ve read the book two times, and I don’t know if I’d have told everything. I said, well, Mom, we sort of shared it all. I know, my gosh. But here’s the deal, Doc. I have to realize, and Laurie and Chad and Dusty and Brittany and all of us, little AJ and our future grandkids, is that there’s more secrets today and more secrets tomorrow. And just because I wrote a book on no more secrets doesn’t mean all secrets are gone. Things happen now. It’s so good if we have someone to go to. I’m glad we can go to our Lord Jesus at any time, night or day. You know, the Catholics have a little something on us about confession. We need to confess that our sins may be forgiven, that we may be healed. Surely we tell the Lord. But when you have a confidant, someone who can keep their mouth shut at the right time, at the right place in your life, and you wonder, when do I tell it? God will give you the time. God will reveal to you. I had a dear friend put this in the book. He asked my friend this question. What is the worst thing I could know about you? That’s pretty heavy, isn’t it? What is the worst thing I could know about you? Let me tell you something. The Lord knows all about us. And when you have a friend that you can up and confess and help and work through accountability, friend, to pray with you, work with you, to be released of all that stuff, I guarantee you, Satan wants to stink it up, and he wants us to be down, and he wants us to be useless. But we need to be liberated.
SPEAKER 03 :
I only got your book today. You brought it with you. You didn’t send me one so I could – Read it before you got here. But I wonder if you also said in this book, share your secrets, but be careful who you share them with.
SPEAKER 02 :
Exactly.
SPEAKER 03 :
You share them with someone who isn’t mature enough to keep them quiet or to condemn you for it when you’ve already confessed it to the Lord. Exactly. You have to be really careful with that, especially within a church setting.
SPEAKER 02 :
You have to watch people. It takes time before you’ll know. Like this friend of mine, when he asked that question, you know, what’s the worst thing in your life? He felt safe to tell him. And that was the changing moment. Moment of his life. Now his ministry is huge, but you have to have that confidentiality, that right word.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yeah, there it is. Because for some people, I would say it’s none of your business.
SPEAKER 02 :
You know, here’s one, Doc. Jesus had to be careful about even the inner circle of three and the disciples. But there was one guy, Lazarus. We don’t have one word in the Bible from Lazarus. Couldn’t get a word in edgewise between his two sisters. But, you know, Bible says they all knew Jesus loved him. You know why I think he loved him? He could keep his mouth shut. when he was about to raise him from the dead, he asked people to roll the stone. They had to do something. And when he came out, he asked them, you take off those stinking, dirty linens carefully, be tender. Some traditions say that Lazarus lived another 30 years. The Bible says many people came to Jesus because of Lazarus. I think Lazarus may have been his best friend. And I think there was probably a day when Lazarus looked at Martha. She was probably still alive then, sort of bossy. He said, Martha, I’m about to go get out the grave clothes. And she did. And then she probably looked at him. She said, well, here they are. I’ve washed them a hundred times, but they still stinketh. Well, that’s all right. Put them on. And he had to put them on. Because he did die. Here’s the difference, and here’s the hope for all of us. When Jesus was resurrected, he took his grave clothes and he folded them neatly, and he never, ever put them on again. He’s our hope. He’s the answer. We go boldly to his throne of grace to find help in time of need. And you’re never more like Jesus, I think, and like God than when you care and you’re loving and you’re confidential and you can listen to someone share their heart. My friend, if you can’t keep your mouth shut, I feel sorry for you. Cleanse yourself today. Ask forgiveness for today. And be a friend and be confidential. We have to be careful, Doc. You know, like you said, I don’t want to cast my pearls before swine and have them trampled over. I have trusted friends, and I have some, I’m their trusted friend. But if I ever give that up, woe is me. We have that in the Bible, no more secrets. You’ve got to be careful who you talk to.
SPEAKER 03 :
And the ultimate source is Jesus. Do you remember an old hymn that says, There is no other trusted friend or brother. Tell it to Jesus alone. Do you remember that song?
SPEAKER 02 :
That is an awesome, awesome song. And here’s one I put in the book because I loved it so much. I’m going to get it out here, so I’ll make sure I get it all right. Stuart Hamblin wrote, was a great cowboy. And he was in a Billy Graham crusade. Can you imagine what that must have been in Los Angeles? John Wayne saw him at a party and he said, listen, Stuart, heard you went to that Billy Graham meeting. And Stuart Hamblin answered John Wayne and said, well, Duke, It’s no secret what God can do. There was. And then the Duke said, sounds like a song, Stuart. So Stuart Hamblin went home. He sat down in his kitchen next to his grandfather clock, and he started writing. The chimes of time ring out the news. Another day is through. Someone slipped and fell. Was that someone you knew? You may have longed for added strength, your courage to renew. Do not be disheartened. I have good news for you. It is no secret what God can do. What he’s done for others, he’ll do for you. With arms wide open, he’ll pardon you. It is no secret what God can do. There is no night for in his light. You never walk alone. Always feel at home wherever you may go. There is no power can conquer you while God is on your side. Take him at his promise and don’t run and don’t hide. You know, when we were at the National Day of Prayer, Ms. Shirley, she headed that thing up for 25 years. And you were along her side. That’s the quietest I think Doc’s ever been for 25 years at the National Day of Prayer because Ms. Shirley, she’s president. But when we were there with y’all for that last year, my little wife is so quiet, doesn’t say much about nothing. She went up to y’all and told you some of the stuff. And she came back over to me, and I said, do you tell them anything? She said, yeah, I told them most everything. I went, you told Dr. Dobson, Ms. Shirley?
SPEAKER 03 :
She stood right face to face with me.
SPEAKER 02 :
And she said, yes, I did. And I went, okie dokie. You know, the old flesh wonders. I wonder if he’ll ever let me speak for him again. Well, you know what? The proof’s in the pudding. I’m here right now with you and Ms. Shirley. Thank you for being a confidant.
SPEAKER 03 :
She gave you the title for this book, No More Secrets.
SPEAKER 02 :
She gave the title. She said, I’m tired of it. I’m tired of it with my family, your family, our family. I wanted to quit writing it. You know, I was right in the middle of it. I said, you know, it’s getting worse. I don’t even need to write this book. She said, you’re writing it? And she said, I’m tired of it. No more secrets. And when she said that, I said, that’s what we’ll call the book, baby. No more secrets. You know, Tim Clinton is a good friend of both of ours. Tim wrote the foreword for my book, and he said, this is a little something. He said, you need this book. It’s time to get beyond the past, the pain, and the secrets. And that’s what we want for people. We want people to be liberated. I want them to laugh again. I want your loved ones to come to the reunion. I don’t want them to have to dodge Christmas or Thanksgiving. I want them to come in with their head held high. I want them to have a good time. Oh, there might be someone in the crowd going, good night, there’s their boy. They’ve had a lot of trouble with him. Or, oh, that’s her daughter. Well, don’t worry about them. You come in with your head held high because Jesus loves you.
SPEAKER 03 :
You know, a lot of those hidden secrets come out of childhood. Yeah. It’s the thing you’re embarrassed about from your childhood. And Shirley’s sitting here right now. I hope she won’t mind my saying this. But her father was an alcoholic, and she was embarrassed by that. And when somebody would bring her home, she would ask them to let her off a block away so people would not know where she lived. And when we first started going together, we’d gone together through the summer and sitting one night talking. And she told me about her childhood, and she thought I would walk away. She thought that I wouldn’t care. And I said to her a little bit later, that it is my desire in life to make up to you for what you have lost and what you missed. And I’ve been working on that ever since. Instead of rejecting her, that made me love her and want to be tender to her and to take care of her. And if you choose the right person, there is freedom in what you’re talking about. There is.
SPEAKER 02 :
But I want you all to listen to me, man. Most of the time, there’s not anyone like your wife that has your back. And my wife has my back. And there’s been times when I’ve opened up with her on my knees, tears rolling down my cheeks, and she’s been gracious to me. As gracious as she’s been to her mother and gracious she’s been to my boys. She’s a great lady. She really is. I just remind her, I said, baby, make sure you’re gracious to yourself because you’ve been gracious to all of us.
SPEAKER 03 :
I want you to describe for me in these closing minutes who you had in mind when you wrote this. Whenever I write a book, I’ve got somebody in mind. You had someone in mind here.
SPEAKER 02 :
My focus probably is that mom and dad, that grandma and grandpa. What did we do? What did we not do? For them to know and to understand that God loves them and he loves their kids. He loves their grandkids. I want them to know that it’s okay.
SPEAKER 03 :
They carried a burden all those years.
SPEAKER 02 :
And when I go and speak, I’ll have people come at churches, conferences, and they’ll come up. You know, when all of a sudden I share a little bit about this, the room changes. You know, the radio just changed. You open it up about Shirley’s dad. The room in here, we changed right there. And the room changes, and I’ll have people come up and go, my son’s in prison, or my daughter, my son’s on drugs, or he’s having alcohol. Or I’ll have a guy come up and go, 26 years. I’ve been sober 26 years. I said, thank you, buddy. Let me hug you, and I give him a big hug. I had a guy come up to me one time. He had his 25-year sober coin. He said, look here, Brother Dennis, I just got my 25-year sober coin. I went, man, that’s awesome. He said, give it to your boys for me when you get home. Really? His 25-year coin. Tell them they can do it.
SPEAKER 03 :
You know, the other side to this story that you’ve written about, The side that you have written is to share your secrets with the right person. The other side of that is the recipient who needs to give you love at a moment like that. It’s really about love. It’s a two-sided story, isn’t it?
SPEAKER 02 :
It’s two-sided. And here’s another thing. There’s times when I’ll share something like that, and I may have some folks in ministry, other pastors, start to go, well, he was gone too much. He was on the road all the time. He should have stayed home more or whatever. You think I hadn’t thought about that 10,000 times, but here’s the deal. I won’t say anything, even if they’re right in my face about something. I’ll say, well, I appreciate you sharing that. I’ve had, I can’t tell you how many times, dozens of times, I’ve had that pastor call me a year later, two years later, and say, Brother Dennis, would you mind if my wife talks to your wife, and could I talk to you? Our son’s in trouble. I don’t throw it back into his face. I go, sure, I’d be glad to help you. Because, you know, the bottom line is we’re all in this life together. It’s just a matter of time when things happen. But praise the Lord we have a Heavenly Father who’s always there. And it’s not over. My boys, I tell them all the time, you’re in the locker room. Second half. Ballgames are one of the third and fourth quarter, and sometimes overtime. Here’s the bottom line. God wants you to win. And that’s what I want everyone to know. You can win. Mom, Dad, you can win. Son, daughter, you can win. Mamaw, Papaw, Mimi, Pops, Poops, Pops, Big Mama, Gaga, you can win. Pastor, you can win. Single person, you can win. Whatever your challenge is, you can win.
SPEAKER 03 :
Let me leave our listeners with this thought. Jesus, who knows every one of your secrets, there’s not a thing he does not know about you. You’ve committed them to him, but you still drag along that chain behind you because it’s an embarrassment. But someday he’s going to look at you and say, well done, thou good and faithful servant. Unbelievable. Is that going to be a marvelous moment? I think he’s going to say that to you someday, Dennis.
SPEAKER 02 :
I hope so. And I hope folks will remember, you know, David wasn’t perfect. He messed up bad. But, you know, remember what God told Solomon? He didn’t bring up Bathsheba. He said, I want you to have the heart of your daddy. Wow. He knows the hearts of all of us. And so he killed a man. He killed a man. Took his wife. I mean, planned. God forgave that. If he forgave that, can he forgive you? Amen. I want you to have the heart of your father.
SPEAKER 03 :
Dennis, I’ve loved having you here yesterday and today. And the name of the book is No More Secrets by Dr. Dennis Swanberg. We’ve heard you speak many times. We’ve laughed with you. We’ve cried a little with you today. I love you like a brother. Thank you. I love you. Thanks for being with us.
SPEAKER 01 :
Truth is the gateway to freedom. A powerful takeaway from today’s conversation here on Family Talk featuring Dr. James Dobson and our special guest, Dr. Dennis Swanberg. Now, if you missed any portion of today’s broadcast or if you’d like to share it with a friend, go to drjamesdobson.org forward slash Family Talk. You’ll find the link for the program as well as a link for Dennis Swanberg’s book called No More Secrets. Again, that’s drjamesdobson.org forward slash Family Talk. You know, this year, the Dr. James Dobson Family Institute is celebrating its 15th anniversary. Who but Dr. James Dobson has the capacity to launch not one, but two successful mega media ministries in his lifetime? 33 years with one, 15 now with JDFI. Truly remarkable. In honor of this milestone in ministry, we are gathering stories from listeners like you, asking questions like, how has Dr. Dobson’s wisdom that he shares on Family Talk each and every day, how has it blessed your family? Or was there some advice that might have saved your marriage from one of our programs or one of his books? Guidance that helped you raise godly children. I’m thinking of the book, nightlife for parents in that instance, perhaps encouragement during life’s storms. Well, whatever your experience, it’s a part of the ministry of JDFI’s legacy. So together, let’s celebrate how God has worked through Dr. James Dobson to champion faith and family for 15 incredible years here at Family Talk. So please visit drjamesdobson.org to share your story. That’s drjamesdobson.org. You know, these life-changing broadcasts are made possible through the generous support of friends like you who share our vision. When you partner with us financially, you become part of a movement that’s bringing hope and practical wisdom to families all across America. Your gift of any amount helps us continue broadcasting messages that strengthen the family and advance the gospel of Jesus Christ. And you can make a secure donation over the phone. when you call 877-732-6825. If you’d prefer to write to us, here’s our ministry mailing address, Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk, P.O. Box 39000, Colorado Springs, Colorado, 80949. Well, I’m Roger Marsh, and from all of us here at the Dr. James Dobson Family Institute and the Family Talk broadcast, thank you for making us a part of your day. And be sure to join us again next time right here for another edition of Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk. This has been a presentation of the Dr. James Dobson Family Institute.
